What did she THINK was gonna happen? Did she really believe we were all gonna line up, hold out our paws, and allow her to give us all pawdicures?
Huh. Apparently, she did.
OBVIOUSLY, the woman is nuts.
What? WHAT? What's that, Peepers? What's that you're babblin' on about now?
CLEARLY, Peepers, that doesn't count.
Uh.... 'Cause I said so?
Yeah, I didn't think that was the answer you were wantin' to hear, even if it was - OBVIOUSLY - the correct answer for me to give.
Okay, just for you, Peepers, just because you're havin' difficulty understandin', I shall elaborate. It's like this: Rushy allowin' you to give him a pawdicure, doesn't count on account of the reasons behind his doin' so.
Aren't they obvious? The reasons, I mean. Are the reasons not obvious to you?
Oh my mouses, I have to explain EVERYTHIN' to the peep.
Lookie here, Peepers, I know, and YOU SHOULD know, the only reason Rushton allowed you to give him a pawdicure, was to make the rest of us cats look bad.
It was too.
Peepers, do you think that long-haired marmie freak of a brother of mine actually wanted you to clip his claws? OF COURSE NOT. None of us cats want you to be messin' with our paws or our claws. Our claws are not to be messed with, for sure.
Because is too an answer.
Oh yes it is.
'Cause you asked me a question, and I answered it with BECAUSE. That's why.
I'm tellin' ya, the woman knows less than nothin', minus a whole whack of somethings. MOUSES!
But back to the topic at paw. The topic of Rushton's paws, that is.
Peepers, Rushy only let you clip his claws 'cause he knew I didn't let you clip mine, and that Mason gave you a hard time with hers, and Andy threatened to smacky-paw you, even though it wasn't much of a threat to be honest, on account of his tryin' to squeeze under the chesterfield to hide, while simultaneously makin' said so-called threat.
And by the way Peepers, in case you hadn't noticed, Andy doesn't fit under the chesterfield, at all.
You knew that, did you? Huh. I just thought I'd mention it on account of your not knowing 'bout so many other things.
How did I know, you ask?
Well I looked over at Andy hidin' - or attemptin' to hide, that is - and saw that the only part of Andy that was actually hidden was his head. The rest of him was stickin' out all over the place.
But never mind that, Peepers. Fact is, Rushton DELIBERATELY pawed over his paws, allowin' you to clip his claws, KNOWIN' FULL WELL that none of us other cats had done the same, and that, Ol' Peepers, was nothin' more than an attempt to make the rest of us look bad.
And let me tell you somethin' else, Peepers. Have you forgotten WHY you went on your little rabid pawdicure quest in the first place? Huh? HUH? WELL HAVE YA?
Just as I thought.
Might I remind you, Peepers, that this mornin', moments prior to your little rabid rampage, you were combin' Rushy's freakishly long fur, and...
AND Rushy decided he wanted to play with the comb, and...
AND he reached out a paw, with an unsheathed claw, and...
AND GOT YOU IN THE FINGER, FOR SURE. MOUSES!
Yeah, that's what sent you off on your little EVERYONE-NEEDS-A-PAWDICURE-TODAY-WHETHER-THEY-NEED-IT-OR-NOT-AND-BY-TODAY-I-MEAN-RIGHT-NOW hysterics.
So basically, Peepers, you fell right into his trap. BASICALLY, he played you for the fool that you are. BASICALLY...
Well long story, short: Long-haired marmie freak brother draws blood with one claw, gets EVERYONE ELSE into trouble, and comes out smellin' like a pair of mister goody two shoes stuffed with stinky feet scented Valerian Root and roses.
And might I remind you, Peepers, that brother of mine doesn't even WEAR shoes.