Sunday, 8 April 2018

the pawdicure

What did she THINK was gonna happen?  Did she really believe we were all gonna line up, hold out our paws, and allow her to give us all pawdicures?

Huh.  Apparently, she did.

OBVIOUSLY, the woman is nuts.

MOUSES!

What?  WHAT?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

He is?

He did?

MOUSES!

CLEARLY, Peepers, that doesn't count.

Uh....  'Cause I said so?

Yeah, I didn't think that was the answer you were wantin' to hear, even if it was - OBVIOUSLY - the correct answer for me to give.

Okay, just for you, Peepers, just because you're havin' difficulty understandin', I shall elaborate.  It's like this:  Rushy allowin' you to give him a pawdicure, doesn't count on account of the reasons behind his doin' so.

Aren't they obvious?  The reasons, I mean.  Are the reasons not obvious to you?

Oh my mouses, I have to explain EVERYTHIN' to the peep.

Lookie here, Peepers, I know, and YOU SHOULD know, the only reason Rushton allowed you to give him a pawdicure, was to make the rest of us cats look bad.

MOUSES!

It was too.

It was.

TOO!

MOUSES!

Peepers, do you think that long-haired marmie freak of a brother of mine actually wanted you to clip his claws?  OF COURSE NOT.  None of us cats want you to be messin' with our paws or our claws.  Our claws are not to be messed with, for sure.

MOUSES!

Because.

Because is too an answer.

Oh yes it is.

'Cause you asked me a question, and I answered it with BECAUSE.  That's why.

I'm tellin' ya, the woman knows less than nothin', minus a whole whack of somethings.  MOUSES!

But back to the topic at paw.  The topic of Rushton's paws, that is.

Peepers, Rushy only let you clip his claws 'cause he knew I didn't let you clip mine, and that Mason gave you a hard time with hers, and Andy threatened to smacky-paw you, even though it wasn't much of a threat to be honest, on account of his tryin' to squeeze under the chesterfield to hide, while simultaneously makin' said so-called threat.

And by the way Peepers, in case you hadn't noticed, Andy doesn't fit under the chesterfield, at all.

You knew that, did you?  Huh.  I just thought I'd mention it on account of your not knowing 'bout so many other things.

MOUSES!

How did I know, you ask?

Well...

Well I looked over at Andy hidin' - or attemptin' to hide, that is - and saw that the only part of Andy that was actually hidden was his head.  The rest of him was stickin' out all over the place.

MOUSES!

But never mind that, Peepers.  Fact is, Rushton DELIBERATELY pawed over his paws, allowin' you to clip his claws, KNOWIN' FULL WELL that none of us other cats had done the same, and that, Ol' Peepers, was nothin' more than an attempt to make the rest of us look bad.

And let me tell you somethin' else, Peepers.  Have you forgotten WHY you went on your little rabid pawdicure quest in the first place?  Huh?  HUH?  WELL HAVE YA?

Just as I thought.

MOUSES!

Might I remind you, Peepers, that this mornin', moments prior to your little rabid rampage, you were combin' Rushy's freakishly long fur, and...

AND Rushy decided he wanted to play with the comb, and...

AND he reached out a paw, with an unsheathed claw, and...

AND GOT YOU IN THE FINGER, FOR SURE.  MOUSES!

Yeah, that's what sent you off on your little EVERYONE-NEEDS-A-PAWDICURE-TODAY-WHETHER-THEY-NEED-IT-OR-NOT-AND-BY-TODAY-I-MEAN-RIGHT-NOW hysterics.

REMEMBER?


So basically, Peepers, you fell right into his trap.  BASICALLY, he played you for the fool that you are.  BASICALLY...

Well long story, short:  Long-haired marmie freak brother draws blood with one claw, gets EVERYONE ELSE into trouble, and comes out smellin' like a pair of mister goody two shoes stuffed with stinky feet scented Valerian Root and roses.

And might I remind you, Peepers, that brother of mine doesn't even WEAR shoes.

MOUSES!


36 comments:

  1. Oh Gosh Seville, you don't like getting your claws cut, We Cats at Serenity go to Mom just for that reason. We have scratching posts but boy Mom is really good at the nail trimming thing and we always get a treat even though we climbed up there in the first place.

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    1. You go to your... And allow her to... WILLINGLY? MOUSES!

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  2. Well, I like having my claws trimmed up too, I don't like getting hung up on things.

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    1. I have to admit, the ol' paws do feel better after a good trimmin', but.. But I will NEVER admit that to the peep. MOUSES!

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  3. It does sound like a plot to make the rest of you look bad. I hope you got some nip as a reward when she was done clipping claws.

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    1. You know what? There were NO NIP OFFERINGS at all. Can you believe it? MOUSES!

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  4. Nail clipping is done here at your own peril!

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  5. Darn. Rushton ruined it for all of you, Sivvers! Why do the peeps have this obsession with this pawdicure thing (ours do, too!)??? MOUSES!

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    1. I don't know. It's like they've all been infected with the need-to-clip-cats-claws virus or somethin'. MOUSES!

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  6. Man, claw-clipping time is such drama at everyone's house! Well, everyone's except mine. I got my pawdicure Saturday night for my Sunday therapy cat visit with no complaints. Okay, when it's BINGA that needs the trim, that's a different story!

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  7. Yikes, Seville, sounds like the peep has it all wrong. Has the peep not seen the clause in your contract that says NO trims, on pain of bleeding.? That bleeding clause gets me every time. Well that’s what the previous incumbent of the role said mol. Well it did until Mrs H came, now it’s all nice and if medically necessary then my go for the consultant and make a day trip if it! Maybe you should suggest that to your staff too?
    Toodle pips and purrs
    Erin

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    1. Oh, I've had Dr. Teresa do my claws. There's to be NO messin' with her. Once she starts, it's snip, snip, snip and before I even know it, my pawdicure is all done! As Andy doesn't fit in the cat carriers due to the maineness of his coon, Nurse Janice will clip HIS claws right in the waitin' room while he's up in Peep #1's arms. Again, there's to be no messin' with the nurses, either. But with the peep? Well... She's just a peep, you know? MOUSES!

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  8. Wow, that Rushton is one brave cat. I'm sure he wasn't planning on making you other cats look bad. Hahaha, actually, I'm sure that was his plan all along.

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    1. I'm thinkin' it was his plan all along, too. Long-haired marmie freaks are like that, you know? purrs

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  9. TKS has become a pawdicure struggle...she tries to use her hind claws to keep Mom L from gettin' to the front ones

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    1. Mason does that! For a cat, she sure can do a bunny kick. MOUSES!

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  10. Seville, not all cats mind pawdicures. Flynn always kept his own claws short when he went for walks and climbed trees. When he got ill and couldn't go out so much his claws got long, so at the age of 15 or so he got his claws clipped for the very first time. I was expecting a battle, but he just sat there and let me do it.

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    1. He did? MOUSES! I wonder if I'll EVER be like that... purrs

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  11. I am not a fan of pawdicures. Especially when they don't come with a free shellac and lunch.

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    1. WE WERE SUPPOSED TO BE GIVEN LUNCH? MOUSES!

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  12. The Hubby finds it funny that I jump and yeow! when Chili Bruce sinks his claws into me, but no pawdicure happens. And then, CB did the same to The Hubby...not so much fun, was it?

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    1. Toby used to climb up Peep #2's legs. Luckily for the peep, Toby was light. If I climbed up anyone's legs, there would be hollerin', for sure. MOUSES!

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  13. Severs, Mom gives me pawdicures when I'm mostly asleep and vulnerable. Isn't that kind of rude? At least your momma comes at you when you're awake so you have a chance to get away. -Valentine (& Mom) of Noir Kitty Mews

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    1. That IS rude. She should give you fair warnin'. You know, so that you can make your escape. MOUSES!

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  14. Hmmm. that Rushton is a pretty sneaky cat. We though you were the smart one Seville. :p

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    1. As did I. I'm gonna have to do something 'bout that brother of mine, for sure. MOUSES!

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  15. Do you get wrapped up like a burrito when you get a pawdicure? As soon as mom comes around with a towel, I hide as I KNOW that I will be a Tabby Burrito as I get mine!
    Purrs
    Marv

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    1. Nope. At my house, burritos are for pillin'. I, of course, do not require wrappin' for pills. When it comes to pills, I am super cooperative. Pawdicures are a TOTALLY different matter. MOUSES!

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  16. Our front claws were stolen before we came here. We don't remember a lot about that, but my woman says that she would never do that. We am very touchy about getting rear claws clipped - afraid those will disappear, too.

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    1. I can totally understand. You had a really bad experience there, losin' your claws. I guess I should be grateful I still have all of mine, huh? purrs

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  17. In total the humans have 182 claws to clip every two weeks. We mostly cooperate because we get treats after. We will do anything for treats even if it means sitting for one minute in the Big Man Cat's arms while the Lady Cat trims away.

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    1. You get treats? Huh. I NEED TO RENEGOTIATE MY CONTRACT! MOUSES!!!

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  18. Rushton a suck up?!?! We hate to give the dude credit ... but he's smart!

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    1. In a suck-up kinda way, I SUPPOSE, if you like that kinda thing. MOUSES!

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