Sunday, 15 April 2018

fake news!

"Rushton, keep your whirrin' to yourself, would ya?  I'm tryin' to get my early mid-mornin' nap in BEFORE it's time for my late mid-mornin' nap.  Okay?"

"But Seville, I'm hungry.  I'm starving!  I haven't eaten in days."

I looked my brother up and down, makin' note of his girth.  "Uh...  Yeah.  The peep gave you breakfast, not all that long ago.  I saw her doin' it, and everythin'."

"Breakfast?  Today?  No, that can't be true.  It has been ages and ages since I've had anything to eat.  I'm pretty sure the peeps are slowly starving us to death, Sivvers.  I'm pretty sure I heard it on the news."

"Hmmm...  I don't think you can starve to death in forty-five minutes, Rushy.  MOUSES!"

"Seville, it has been WAY LONGER than forty-five minutes since I last ate."

"Forty-SIX minutes, then?  MOUSES!"

Rushy looked down at the floor.  Liftin' one paw, he started to count his claws.  Realizin' he didn't have enough claws to count all the way up to forty-six, he gave up.  "That's FAKE NEWS, that is.  FAKE NEWS!" he cried, stampin' a paw for emphasis.

"What's fake news?  That you had brekkies only forty-six minutes ago?"

"Yeah, that.  NO!  No...  Um, wait a minute.  I know!  My havin' had brekkies today is what's fake news.  I'm telling you, Sivvers, the peep is STARVIN' US CATS TO DEATH!"

I gave my brother a good eye roll and shook my head.  "Your sayin' the peep is starvin' us, is what's fake news, brother dear.  The peep gave you brekkies less than an hour ago, and I should know, on account of her givin' me my brekkies at the very same time.  We sat there in the kitchen, eatin' our brekkies together!  MOUSES!"

My brother screwed up his face in deep thought.

"Rushy, you keep screwin' your face up like that, and it's gonna stick.  MOUSES!"

He narrowed his eyes and looked me up and down before sayin', "Is that what happened to you?"

"You take that back, Rushy.  My face is as handsome as handsome can be.  EVERYONE says so, so it must be true.  Besides, you're just deflectin'."

"Deflectin'?  Is that like when the air escapes from a balloon?"

"Oh for the love of mouses."  I let out a big sigh.  "Rushy, you're tryin' to make me forget you had your brekkies not that long ago, but you did, so therefore, you can't possibly be starvin'."

"FAKE NEWS!"

"You're goin' on about this fake news stuff again?  Mouses Rushy, you keep talkin' like that and the police are gonna come take us all away from the peeps and make us live in a household with a bunch of dogs or somethin'."

"They are?"

"Or worse," and I solemnly nodded.

Rushy's eyes grew as big as flyin' saucers.

I lowered my voice and asked, "You ever live with a family of weasels, Rushy?"

"But.."

"But nothin'.  Peep #1 fed you when she fed me, LESS THAN AN HOUR AGO, and your tellin' the world she hasn't fed you in days is gonna cause nothin' but trouble.  NOTHIN' BUT TROUBLE, I say!  It's gonna cause nothin' but trouble for all of us cats, for sure.  MOUSES!"

"It is?"

"Oh, most definitely so.  Sometimes I really wonder 'bout you, mon frere."

"You do?"

"I do," I told him.  "Hate to admit it, but yeah, I do."

"And do you worry about me, too?"

"On occasion, I suppose.  I mean, long-haired and freaky you might be, but you're still my brother, although how that ever happened I will never know."

Rushy looked thoughtful for a moment.  "Do you love me, Sivvers?" he asked.

I thought 'bout Rushy's question for a bit.  "Hmmm...  I guess so.  But don't go tellin' anyone that, okay?  Let's keep it between ourselves.  I don't need stuff like that going 'round the neighbourhood."

Rushy nodded his agreement before breaking into a wide smile, and then...  Then he started runnin' around the kitchen yellin', "Seville loves me!  SEVILLE LOVES ME!  SEVILLE LOVES ME LIKE BROTHERS DO!"

"Shh!  I told you to keep that between you and me!"

Rushy ignored me, as he usually does, and tore out of the room, continuing to yell 'bout my lovin' my brother to anyone and everyone who would listen.

"Oh for the love of mouses."  Letting out a big sigh, I ran after my brother, yellin', "That's not true, Peepers!  Don't listen to him!  He's fibbin' like no long-haired marmie freak of a brother of mine has ever fibbed before!  Rushy is spreadin' the FAKE NEWS, for sure.  MOUSES!"


40 comments:

  1. Fake or not, I'm hungry too!

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    1. You are? COME ON OVER for a snack, why don't ya? purrs

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  2. Real or fake, at least you got Rushton's mind off of eating, Sivvers!

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  3. Don't feel too bad, Rushton, my cat Jake hasn't eaten in days either. He'll tell anyone who'll listen. At least your brother Seville loves you, or what's left of you, seeing as how you're wasting away to nothing. ;)

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    1. Jake and Rushy should get together for lunch! purrs

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  4. aiiiieeee!!! NO MORE FAKE NEWS!!! Purrleeze!! We have enuff of that stuff here in the US of A...seriously

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  5. My momma are always spreadin da #FAKENEWS dat she already fed me.

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    1. Your peep does that too? We are gonna have to do something 'bout these peeps. MOUSES!

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  6. Awww Seville I thought that was really nice of you telling your brother you love him. We will keep it to ourselves of course. 😻🐾🐾🐾

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    1. Sometimes you've gotta give your brother a bone. PURRS

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  7. Hmm what they need is a special hologram image on the original news so folks can tell it’s real. Seville, you could use the fake news thing to get Ruston slim, just keep telling him the treats are being handed out in the kitchen and the news reader said exercise was now mandatory for all marmalade long fur cats! Do you think he’d buy that?
    Toodle pips and purrs
    Erin

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    1. He'll only buy it if it comes slathered in gravy. MOUSES!

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  8. You are making yourself more hungry running about shouting "Fake news" and "Mouses" everywhere. Just sit by your bowl or plate and do that sad look!

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    1. The look wasn't workin', I think. Peeps are onto Rushy, for sure. purrs

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  9. Cats have bottomless pits for stomachs!

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  10. Severs, why is there so much fake news everywhere it seems today? Do you think the sky is gonna fall? Or pigs fly? EEK! Maybe Rushy is from another planet... Tee hee hee. -Valentine (& Mom) of Noir Kitty Mews

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    1. Well THAT would explain a lot. I'm sure we've had aliens drop by for tea. MOUSES!

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  11. Definitely fake news. If I say I'm hungry, I'm hungry. Nobody speaks for my stomach but me! - Tom ^..^

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    1. That's what WE say, too. I mean, who knows our tummies better than us? MOUSES!

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  12. LOL I have to laugh as I love your writing, fake news huh ? Our poor starving animals always make us feel guilty even if they have only eaten an hour ago.

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    1. If we're makin' the peeps feel guilty, it's workin', for sure. MOUSES!

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  13. LOL Cookie is always trying to convince daddy that mommy didn't feed her today yet, or this week, or this month for that matter.

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    1. We do that too! Get the first peep to feed us, then beg for the second peep to do the same. purrs

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  14. I don't like when people use FAKE NEWS to describe real facts, but I have a feeling your brothers tummy growling is definitely the real deal. MOUSES!! He's got a bit appetite doesn't he?

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    1. Rushy says it is. He SAYS he's starvin', for sure. MOUSES!

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  15. This is just too funny and yes now I feel hungry and I guess my cats would be hungry too due to this fake news LOL

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  16. I loved reading Seville's account! I'm glad he is around to keep the record straight (most of the time.)

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    1. Most of the time? Uh... No, ALL of the time is what I think you mean. Don't you? purrs

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  17. My oh my...now I know where this peep gets her imagination...these kitties are putting ideas into her head...feed me now...lol

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    1. My peeps have ZERO imagination, I'm afraid. They're kinda borin', for sure. That's why I'M the writer in this here family. PURRS

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  18. Don't you just hate fake news? There sure seems to be a lot of it these days. I hope you get to eat soon. XO

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    1. It's everywhere! Who would have thought peeps could fall so far, huh? purrs

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  19. Too much fake news! It's the worst :P

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    1. And even my fur-sibs are gettin' into spreadin' it. MOUSES!

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I love hearin' from my pals. I really, REALLY do. PURRS.