Oh. My. Mouses.
I'm tellin' ya, I'd never heard anythin' like it. Not in any of all my nine lives. Not in a million and sixty-three years.
All I can say is, MOUSES!
So last night, there I was, lyin' on the chesterfield in the family room and watchin' a Garage Sale Mystery with the peeps, when I heard this rumblin' kinda sound, like no other rumblin' kinda sound I had ever heard before.
Was it a plane? Was it a train? Was it thunder in the not very far off distance?
Nopey-dopey-wopey, it was none of things. None of those things, but rather...
But rather, it was my sister, Mason.
Mason was purrin' up a storm like she has never purred up a storm before. She was goin' at it full-force, for sure.
Okay, so maybe this isn't the first time she has purred like a monstrous thunder storm directly overhead, but...
But like I said, I was watchin' a good show on television with the peeps, and Mason's snorin'...
I mean, purrin', was disturbin' the peace.
You know, I bet those purrs of that sister of mine were bein' heard all the way across town!
Not that we live in a town. But if we did, she'd be heard across it, for sure.
What? What's that? What are you sayin', ol' sister of mine?
IT IS SO TRUE! I'm tellin' the truth, the whole truth, and nothin' but the truth, for sure.
Actually, perhaps I left some stuff out! If I'm gonna tell the whole truth, there's a whole lot more I should be tellin'.
Like that day, not so long ago, when I overheard the first peep talkin' to the second peep, and the first peep said somethin' about even though she was in the livin' room at the time, she was able to hear you snorin'...
I mean, purrin', all the way from the other end of the house.
And another day, a little longer ago, I overheard the second peep tellin' the first peep, your snorin'...
I mean, purrin', could be heard upstairs when you were down in the kitchen!
Clearly, you are a very loud snorer...
I mean, purrer, for sure.
Of course, it could also mean our house was built with paper-thin walls.
But the bottom line is, I have never, ever, not in a million and ninety-two years, heard anyone snore as loudly as you.
I mean, purr.
Mason, you have supersonic purrin' prowess. Your purrs are like a superpower or somethin'. Like you're some kinda superhero. It's quite surprising no one has ever made a movie about you and those super-duper powerful purrs of yours.
But seriously, how on earth can a cat's purrs be so loud?
You're not on steroids or anythin', are you? Purrin' enhancin' drugs? Drugs that make you purr like no other cat has ever purred before?
Oh my mouses. I just thought of somethin'.
Mason, HAVE YOU BEEN INTO MY NIP?
'Cause let me tell you right here, and right now, no one is ever gonna make a movie featurin' a cat who steals her brother's nip. Oh sure, they might work you in as a villain, but the superhero? No way. Never in a hundred and seventy-eight years.
Never, ever, ever, ever.
You didn't really get into my nip, did you?
Please, please, PLEASE tell me you didn't.
'Cause Mason, you know how I REALLY NEED to have my nip.