They want to do what?
And these peeps got elected? Really? ON PURPOSE?
Wow. Peeps will elect just about anyone these days and yet my brother, Nissy, never got his appointment to the Canadian Senate. MOUSES!
If you've been on-line in the last few days, you've probably heard the big news. It's all over the net. It's everywhere. There are on-line petitions about it and everything. Cats and peeps from around the world are all talking about David Cameron's government introducing the Psychoactive Substances Bill in the House of Lords on May 28th. A bill to apply across the United Kingdom. A bill that has the potential to ban catnip. That's right folks, the UK government wants to ban the nip.
WHAT ARE THEY SMOKING?
Turns out, they may have been smoking the nip. MOUSES!
Panic was raging across the Internet. What, no nip for cats who are Brits? When a moggy can't get his paws on a little nip, the world has gone to you-know-where in a hand basket. And what is a hand basket, anyway? Perhaps it's a basket in which to carry your nip.
Terror was rising across the land for fear that the country had gone all to pot. Would backyard nip growers have their nip plants confiscated? Would Scotland Yard coppers be racing around the British Isles, breaking down garden fences and ripping out home-grown nip plants with their bare paws? I mean, hands? Would British prisons be filled to the brim with little old ladies who had been caught supplying knitted nip mice to local church bazaars? Would peeps really be doing time at Her Majesty's Pleasure for doing nothing more than growing a little catnip for their feline friends? And would their feline friends ever come to visit them in prison? MOUSES!
The Psychoactive Substances Bill will prohibit the production, distribution and sale of new psychoactive substances such as... wait for it... NIP.
According to several Internet sources, it has been confirmed that the term psychoactive substance does apply to Nepeta cataria. I can't track down exactly who confirmed this but word on the street is that it was someone in a governmental position. My question is this... What was he smoking because I'm pretty sure it was a whole lot stronger than the nip.
Have they all gone off their trolly?
Or maybe it's all a ploy made by politicians to get some international late-night television coverage. I can see it now... You can't prove it was nip in that pipe. Okay, fine. I smoked a little nip, once, way back in college, but I NEVER inhaled. MOUSES!
As you can imagine, the moment I heard about this catastrophe in the making, I got right on it. I did a little digging. No, not in the litter box. I dug around on the net. The Internet, to be exact. I read a whole bunch of stuff including the entire Psychoactive Substances Bill. All forty-eight pages of it and let me tell you, it nearly put me to sleep.
But reading the Psychoactive Substances Bill confirmed my worst fears. Indeed, it will be "an offence to produce, supply, offer to supply, possess with intent to supply, import or export psychoactive substances." Breaking the law will result in stiff fines and up to seven years in prison. Seven years. Do you have any idea how long that is in cat years? MOUSES!
No production means saying goodbye to having a little patch of the nip growing up against your garden wall. And no sales means that pet stores can't stock nip on their shelves. Gosh, you won't even be able find knitted nip mice at local car boot sales.
Thankfully, simple possession of the nip is not covered by the bill. Guess they don't want to throw a bunch of nipped-up moggies in prison with hardened criminals like... you know... WEASELS.
But I couldn't get rid of this nagging feeling. The feeling that considering nip to be a psychoactive substance was as barmy as barmy can be. CRAZY. Nissy would have said it was crazier than a squirrel making nut pies kind of crazy and I have to agree. MOUSES!
Now urban legend does say that catnip can make a peep high. Not high as in up on the cupboard shelves kind of high but rather, high as in being nipped. But this, my friends, is nothing more than an urban legend. Apparently, peeps once believed that smoking banana peels would do the same thing which caused a brief shortage of bananas in Berkley, California, back in the day. Need I say it? MOUSES!
On the other paw, consuming nutmeg and poppy seeds, can make peeps high. Oh yeah, they don't want catnip on pet store shelves but will they get rid of eggnog and poppy seed bagels? Probably not. Peeps are a very hypocritical species, you see.
Catnip is never going to make a peep high but it can affect how they feel. The active ingredient in nip is nepetalactone which can act as a sedative. A very mild sedative. Like drinking a glass of warm milk. Or reading the entire forty-eight pages of the Psychoactive Substances Bill all at one go. Believe me, I know.
Are they going to outlaw warm milk and government bills, too?
According to the Psychoactive Substances Bill, a psychoactive substance is anything that when consumed by a peep, affects them "by stimulating or depressing the person's central nervous system."
Now this is interesting because if that makes nip a psychoactive substance, surely chocolate and coffee are as well. I know first paw that my first peep without coffee in the morning is a very scary peep, indeed. But pour a pot of the brew down her throat and all of a sudden, she's Little Miss Cheerful. And as for chocolate? Never seen a happier peep than a peep who just ate a chocolate bar. MOUSES!
So I dug a little deeper and I think, my British feline friends, you're going to be okay. Apparently there are exceptions. So-called legitimate things that may very well be psychoactive substances but will not be made illegal so as to allow peeps access to their coffee and chocolate, not to mention alcohol, baccy and a few dodgy things.
Currently, catnip is not listed as an exception. At least not specifically. I suggest you bombard David Cameron with phone calls and e-mails, demanding that catnip be added to this exceptional list of exceptions for if peeps can have their nutmeg-laced eggnog and poppy seed bagels, surely a moggy can have a little nip.
After all, it's not your fault that some peeps think smoking the stuff is going to make them high. I mean, some peeps still think the Earth is flat and others think that the moon is made of cheese. Cheese... Mmm.... MOUSES!
In other words, some peeps are just naturally nipped and have managed to get themselves nipped without imbibing in catnip at all.
On the other paw, perhaps they were smoking bananas. MOUSES!
Sunday, 7 June 2015
they want to do WHAT?
Posted by Seville at Nerissa's Life at 00:15
Labels: #Niss4Senate, abolition, catnip, cats, David Cameron, drugs, late-night television comedians, nip, NPS, Psychoactive Substances Bill, satire, Scotland Yard, smoking banana peels, UK Government
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Seville: I think you've nipped that one in the bud. What a hilarious rant. We all loved it. In fact, we have to share this far and wide. Too good to miss.ReplyDelete
Please do! Please share and share and SHARE. We need to get the word out, before it's too late. MOUSES! purrsDelete
Sadly this is up to the current stupid British Government's standards Seville, they don't care about people, and banning catnip will make them look even more ridiculous, and selfish than ever.ReplyDelete
(Senior Britih Kitty)
It IS pretty ridiculous, isn't it. I mean, IMAGINE wording a law in such a way that it will inadvertently ban the nip. IMAGINE! The epitome of carelessness that is, for sure. MOUSES!Delete
Most excellent blog Seville. Nissy would indeed be very proud. Cuddles and Pingu are very worried about being Nip deprived.ReplyDelete
Aw shucks, my friend. I did try to write this post just as Nissy would have done. I want to do my brother proud. purrsDelete
Thanks for the great blog Seville, fine reporting. I was too busy planting my new Nip plants (planting not inhaling I hasten to say) to hear about this in our News! ......Whats that officer? yes, all 36 are for personal use only......a lawyer?!ReplyDelete
You have thirty-six nip plants? Ever lucky. Of course, this means you probably will need that lawyer after all. MOUSES!Delete
WHAT??????????? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT????? NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!LReplyDelete
*runs off to hide new stash of best Canadian class A nip and write a very stiff letter to David Cameron*
Thank you Sivvers old chap! We Brit moggies are all over this like a rash!!
Yes. YES! First things first. HIDE YOUR NIP then get right onto that letter. Um, I've heard that cream infused with the nip will deal with that rash, pronto. purrsDelete
Oh no! What about all my nip plants growing in the garden! I'm with Austin and will be writing to David Cameron too.ReplyDelete
Did you say humans think they can get high on it too? That explains why my mum has grown so many plants. Oh yeah, and I caught her crawling next to them on her hands and knees the other day. Told me she was looking for something she had dropped. Yeah right!
Did your mum say she was weeding? My peep crawls around in the garden, claiming stuff like that, too, but I know better on account of there still being lots of weeds. Never thought she was in there sniffing my nip though. This explains a whole lot. Thank you, my friend! Thank you. purrsDelete
That is THE absolute most stupid thing they could do! STUPID!!!ReplyDelete
It sure is. Hope we can get nip onto that list of exceptions before it's too late. MOUSES! purrsDelete
MOUSES! That pretty much says it all. Surely the nip will not count, as it is "intended for cat consumption" primarily.ReplyDelete
You would think it wouldn't. It definitely shouldn't! But 'someone' out there confirmed that it will. Silly peeps. They shouldn't start writing stuff unless they know exactly what they're doing. MOUSES!Delete
Love your post!ReplyDelete
Have a super Sunday...
Noodle and crew
Aw shucks, Noodle. THANKS. purrsDelete
OMC Weez sure hope dat dusn't happen. All our bwitish kitty furiends will be climbin' da walls like mommy duz when she runs outta coffee. Weez fur sure know wha'cha' mean 'bout da peeps and their coffee. Happens wound here everyday. All day everyday as a matter of fact. Hope yous have a pawsum day.ReplyDelete
Dezi and Lexi
I know! Cats without nip? The horror. MOUSES!Delete
Great post and very informative! I hope this doesn't come to the U.S. I better start stashing my stash now!ReplyDelete
Or Canada, either. Surely our governments will learn a lesson from these mistakes of others and make sure it doesn't. purrsDelete
We are amazed. Just when we thought humans could stoop no lower,ReplyDelete
they break out shovels to go lower :o
This would be a CATastrophe!
Just what IS in the tea those Brits drink anyway?
British kitties need to storm the British Parliament in protest.
Purrs Georgia and Julie,
Treasure and JJ
Apparently, some have been drinking nip tea to calm their nerves. They're going to have to switch to warm milk and reading the entire forty-eight pages of the Psychoactive Substances Bill, for sure. Bedtime reading better than a pill. MOUSES!Delete
Humans can be so short-sighted and stupid. Talk about crazy! MOUSES!ReplyDelete
That says it in a nutshell, for sure. MOUSES!Delete
Oh my! Didn't know this, better get the nip-grow enterprise fired up.ReplyDelete
Yup, you had better. Personally, I'm thinking this might affect those nip futures that Nissy was starting up. Best double-check they're okay. MOUSES!Delete
OMC! This better not happen here in the states. We will have to go underground with our nip if it does.ReplyDelete
And growing nip underground isn't the easiest thing to do... MOUSES!Delete
We just had a similar ruling in the UK about so called "legal highs". Coffee & alcohol are exempted, since those two drugs cause so much harm, it seems ridiculous. Humans can't react to nepetalactone at all. Governments need more cats in law making positions!ReplyDelete
Time to get growing at home!
Mungo & Jet
They sure do! That's why even though Nissy never got his Senate appointment, I'm hoping that I will. purrsDelete
Nissy definitely would have been even more upset than you. This is awful.ReplyDelete
Oh yeah. He was a real nipster, for sure. purrsDelete
What about Honeysuckle and Valarian? Or Silvervine or Cat Tyme? How did wes fall from being sacred and kept in a plethora of intoxicants? Enquiringly cats wants to knows?ReplyDelete
We sure do. MOUSES! You think the ban could apply to Valerian Root, too? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! purrsDelete
Oh this is just terrible news! No nip? I think it's time for you to run for office! Heck No! The nip can't go!ReplyDelete
Yup, writing another letter to the Prime Minister, today. Need that Senate appointment and soon. MOUSES!Delete
This better not happen here in the states or I know plenty of people who are going to have to get their medical nip cards; silly humans and their silly rules.ReplyDelete
Medical Nip Cards... On it like cheese on a nip pizza. MOUSES!Delete
That is a really silly law. Have they outlawed glue, white out, and permanent markers as well? I have heard of more people getting high on those things than on catnip. I enjoy catnip tea - it is very similar to regular mint tea. It is relaxing and a great natural source of vitamin C. I would not say that there is any "high" to it. This laws sounds like there was a very bored lawmaker sitting around begging for attention.ReplyDelete
And it's true. Peep's CAN'T actually get high on nip. Not on nip or banana peels, either. MOUSES!Delete
What a silly law! Catnip? Wow. My kitty lover her nip. We're in the U.S. though. I wonder if the same will happen here? I guess I should pay more attention. On the other hand, I'd probably ignore it anyway and just do what I've always done. Picked the wild stuff that's out in the field. Not my property. Thanks for the heads up!ReplyDelete
Nip grows wild where you live? REALLY? Every lucky. purrsDelete
What crazy news. Clearly they don't have cats!ReplyDelete
And if they do, they certainly don't understand us. Kitties of the Internet... UNITE! purrsDelete
What a horrible happening! Thank mouses that you have cat tailed this issue. We couldn't hack it if our nip supply was cut off.ReplyDelete
(((Shoko and Kali)))
Let me tell you, I've enjoyed a little nip, here and there, my whole, entire (redundant, I know but worth repeating) life. I dare the MP who tries to get between me and my nip. MOUSES!Delete
It can't be true!!! How could anyone ban the nip?! PREPOSTEROUS! LUDICROUS! We are putting our paws to paper and will be writing angry mails until this situation gets rectified!!!ReplyDelete
It's barmy, I say. Barmy as barmy can be. I think they stepped off the trolly, for sure. purrsDelete
Depriving felines of nip is criminal! If Britain wants an uprising, we'll bring it!!!ReplyDelete
Yeah, peeps need to learn not to mess with our nip. MOUSES!Delete
Seville I am just gobsmacked(as they say in UK!) Banning catnip>>>tha tis the height of being ridiculous!ReplyDelete
I can tell you I DID try smoking catnip way back in the 70's & my Brother & I got wretchedly sick...it was the first & last time we did that!!!
So it is not like Humans are getting high off it & as a proper tea it is supposed to help with cramps I believe...
They have so many real problems there & they want to mess around with cats & their nip!!! Sometimes I just shake my head in disbelief!
Yours, Sherri-Ellen & Siddhartha Henry :) :)
Sometimes I have to shake my head in disbelief, too. What am I saying? SOMETIMES? Happens more often than that, I'm afraid. MOUSES!Delete