Wednesday 3 April 2013
wham! bam! thank you... spam?
My, you are a stubborn little fellow, aren't you? Always in hiding. Always hiding behind the name... Anonymous. Yes, I'm talking 'bout you, Mr Anonymous Spam. You keep coming back. Again and again and again. You're kind of like a bad case of the fleas. They make topical treatments for that, you know. I can put you in contact with my doctor, if you like. A dab on the back of the neck, once a month, is all it takes.
It seems that every day, you leave me comments. I keep finding those comments you leave in my spam folder. I'm not overly surprised about that. After all, your last name is Spam. You're the only one of my pals who has their very own folder on Blogger. Imagine that. How does a cat get one of those? Can you buy them? Are they for sale? Perhaps for lease?
I only ask because I've noticed you seem to be very interested in sales. Lately you've been interested in selling me money. Selling me money in the form of loans. Weird, that, you know. The concept of selling money. I mean... usin' money to buy money? Hmmm... What's even weirder is the concept of you selling money on my blog. And yet... you continue to try. Sometimes once... sometimes twice... once even three times in one day! That must have been quite a busy day for you, huh?
It appears that although the selling of money is your main line of business, you've also been dabbling in the sale of toys. Now, there's nothing wrong with toys. I have a number of them, myself. I particularly like ones filled with the nip - 'cause I'm sort of addicted to the stuff, you know - but I love a good wand toy. I've never owned a wand toy with feathers. Word around the blogosphere is that wand toys with feathers are exceptionally fun. Do you have any of those in stock? I might just be interested in one of those. But no... probably not. I don't believe you have any cat toys. I don't know that you have any toys at all. For all I know, you might not even be selling toys. You might be usin' this whole toy business as a ruse or something like that. But if you actually are sellin' toys and you wanna sell those toys on a cat's blog, let me give you a piece of advice. Try sellin' toys for cats! It's only logical.
Then there was that business 'bout the collagen. I don't know if you were tryin' to sell me a skin cream or somethin' to lower my cholesterol. And there was mention made of rubber chickens. Hmmm... Let me explain a little something to you. As a cat, my skin is covered by my fur. No need for fancy schmancy skin creams here. And although I do eat chicken... it always comes out of a tin and it's never rubber.
Just yesterday, you offered to write my posts for me. Excuse me but... I am Nerissa and this blog is the story of my life... not yours!
Finally, there was that other comment. The comment totally unrelated to toys and loans and the sellin' of stuff. You know the one. The comment, "So, what can all this mean? Here is my site..." Were you askin' me to explain to you the meaning of life or somethin'? Or did you think that you were going to explain the meaning of life to me, on your site?
Hmmm... that's probably not gonna happen. For two reasons, I should think. Reason number one is that I'm a cat and we cats already understand the meaning of life. After all... we're cats.
Reason number two is that I never go to your site. Nope... not ever... nadda... not a once. I know better than to click on some unknown link. Some unknown link, lurking on my blog, waitin' for some poor unsuspecting peep to accidentally click it. That would be foolish and as a cat... I don't do foolish. I do naps. I do nip. Occasionally, I indulge in a little cream. But foolish? NEVER!
So in closing, I'm just gonna offer you a little advice that might save you some time. I have no intention of allowin' you to post your anonymous links on my blog. No intention at all. I have a delete button and I'm not afraid to use it.