Sunday, 22 October 2017

we need to talk

Hey Peepers!  Ya have a minute?

We need to talk.

No, you come in here.  You come in here, into the family room.

"EWWW...."

YES!  Score one for the cats.

MOUSES!

Hey Andy!  That was a great spot you picked for throwin' up.  Peep #1 never saw it comin'.

MOUSES!

But seriously Peepers, we do need to talk.  Come on over here and sit down next to me.  Right here.  Right next to me on this chair, and...

NO...  No I did not toss my cookies on the chair.  I'm not settin' you up for another throw-up incident.

'Least not this time.

MOUSES!

But SERIOUSLY Peepers, we NEED to talk.  And actually, it is about Andy and his throwin' up.

I know, I know...  He doesn't do it all that often these days.  But when he does...

When he does, it's 'cause he scarfed down all the treats without chewin'.  I mean, have you SEEN him go at those treats?  He's like a feline hoover!

No, not the President.  The vacuum!

I'm tellin' ya, peeps and their weird ideas.  You'd think she had been into the nip or somethin'.  MOUSES!

The thing is, Peepers, he's eatin' all the good ones.  Andy, I mean.  Andy is eatin' all the good treats.  And the other day, he started in on my freeze-dried salmon treats.  You know the ones.  The ones you keep just for me.

Yeah, yeah...  And for Mason, too.


BUT FOR NOBODY ELSE.

And ESPECIALLY not for that long-haired marmie feline vacuum freak.

Anyway, like I was sayin', the other day, Andy tore right into the package of freeze-dried salmon treats like his teeth were a pair of scissors or somethin'.  And after his recent dental, he doesn't even have all that many teeth!  I have no idea how he got into that package, at all.

And what a waste of good treats.  I'm tellin' you, Peepers, I don't think he can even taste them, he eats them so fast.  One second they're there on the floor or the table, and the next?  The next second they're all gone.  Straight from the lips to the hips, never touchin' anythin' in between.

And speakin' of hips, have you SEEN the size of Andy's hips lately?

Yeah, well that's on account of his eatin' everyone's treats.

MOUSES!

So anyway, I was thinkin'....

'Nough of that, Peepers.  'Nough of the OH-SO-YOU'RE-FINALLY-THINKIN' jokes.  There's no need to be rude.

So anyway, I WAS THINKIN', you should just start givin' Andy regular ol' dry kibble, and tell him that those bits of regular ol' kibble are treats, thereby savin' the REAL treats for me.

Yeah, yeah...  And for Mason, too.

He'll never know the difference, Peepers.  Honestly, he won't.  He'll just scarf 'em down, thinkin' they're treats.  Trust me on this one, Peepers, I'm right about this.  TRUST ME.

Have you ever known me to tell a lie, Peepers?  Have you?

DON'T ANSWER THAT.

MOUSES!

9 comments:

  1. We agree with you, Sivvers! If Andy's eating them like they're going out of style, how's he going to know the difference?

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  2. Hey, I like the kibble trick! Good one.

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  3. Sounds like an excellent plan, no point wasting good salmon on Andy to just hoick up on the carpet, and that on top of his windy disposition. In fact it may be the kindest thing for Andy in the long run.... and the peep too!
    Toodle pip and purrs
    ERin

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  4. Seville, we think you're on to something about the kibble. :)

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  5. OMC Seville, we're sure that Andy is related to Fudge, fur sure he is, as Fudges other name is DYSON as in the treat vacuum... he employs the exact same technique as Andy... just imagine if they were in the same room with a pile of treats, who'd win?
    MOL MOL
    Big hugs

    Basil and co xox

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  6. Inspired, they will think kibble is real treats. I'm going to try that with Harvey and his renal kibble........

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  7. This happens in our domicile as well, Pal. For the same reasons. Some cats whom we won't mention by name seem to think their next meal might be their last. NO WAY izzat the truth. But tell that to THEM, right? *sigh* Our servant is a frequent bringer-out of the sacred rag and bottle of NATURE'S MIRACLE: JUST FOR CATS. You'd think it was some kind of ritual or something.

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  8. We call Sammy, thee Shop Vac because he inhales his food all the time- he yacks a lot too.

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  9. The doggie in my household scarfs up her food, human food, kitty food, & kitty treats. Then when she eats to much, it comes back up all over the carpet. STINKY ICK! Maybe Andy is part D-O-G?! The horror! Or maybe Andy has tried some of the ORE-gon green stash that tends to make tummies hungry!

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