It's stuff like this that gets us cats kicked out of the living room. MOUSES!
This morning, I decided to take the scenic route through the living room, on my way from the kitchen to the front door, and what did I find? I found, a teddy bear lying on the livin' room floor. MOUSES!
So I asked my brother Rushton, who happened to be lying on the living room chesterfield, if he knew anythin' about it. "Hey Rushy, you know anythin' about this teddy bear lyin' here on the floor?"
After letting out a big yawn he answered, "What teddy bear?"
"This teddy. This teddy bear, right here. This teddy bear lyin' here on the floor just below..."
And then it dawned on me. The last time I had seen it, the teddy in question had been sittin' on the chesterfield. Sittin' ON the chesterfield, right where Rushy was now sleepin'...
I mean lying, on account of Rushton no longer bein' asleep, on account of my having woken him up to ask him 'bout the teddy bear that was now on the floor.
But I digress.
So anyway, like I said, it dawned on me that the last time I had seen the teddy bear, it had been right where Rushy was now. Right there on the chesterfield, and not on the floor.
"Rushy, you have anythin' to do with this teddy bear lyin' here on the floor?" I asked.
Again Rushton yawned. "What teddy?"
Awww... MOUSES! I had forgotten that Rushy has the attention span of a gnat on prescription tranquilizers.
"Rushton," I began, "you can't go 'round knockin' stuff off the furniture. It's stuff like that, that gets us cats kicked out of the livin' room. MOUSES!"
"Oh, THAT teddy."
"That-a-boy, Rushy. Those brain synapses startin' to fire? Yes, this teddy. Are you the cat who knocked him onto the floor?"
Rushton sighed loudly. "I think I remember... Yes. No... Yes. No... Yes..."
"Yes, no, maybe so? Spit it out, Rushton," I demanded. "Are you, or are you not, the kitty who knocked this teddy bear onto the floor?"
Rushton extended a paw and began to busy himself, studying the tufts of creamy-orange fur between his claws.
"Well?" I demanded again.
"Oh, you're still here? What did you want to know again? Something about a teddy bear? You should ask Peep #1. She's in charge of all teddies."
I rolled my eyes and stomped out of the living room, only to meet up with my sister, Mason, at the front door. "That Rushton is gonna get us all kicked out of the livin' room, for sure," I told her.
"Don't get me started about Rushton," Mason scowled. "That long-haired marmie brother of ours has decided to annex the living room chesterfield."
"He decided to what?" I asked incredulously.
"Rushton has declared that the living room chesterfield is his," Mason explained. "Yes, ALL his. It belongs to him and to no one else. He has taken it over. No other cats are allowed. Why yesterday morning, I was curled up on the far end, having a little nap, when all of a sudden, Rushton came over and plopped all twenty pounds of himself on my tail. Then, as if that weren't enough, he stretched himself out and rolled over. Before I knew it, I was down on the floor!"
"OH YES HE DID! Can you believe it? And it's no use arguing with Rushton," Mason continued, "because when you do, he just pretends not to understand you and..."
"Uh Mason," I interrupted. "I don't think he's pretending 'bout that. Least not pretendin' too hard."
"All I know is that one minute I was all comfortable on the chesterfield, and the next, I was down on the floor." And with that, Mason turned and walked away.
Hmmm... Clearly, Rushton was thinkin' he was entitled to take over the livin' room chesterfield. MOUSES!
But I knew better. If anyone was gonna be takin' over the livin' room chesterfield, it was gonna be me. MOUSES!
So I returned to the livin' room and walked over to my brother. "Hey Rushy! You thinkin' of takin' over the livin' room chesterfield?"
"This one?" Rushy asked.
"WE ONLY HAVE THE ONE." I cried. "Rushy, there's only the one chesterfield here in the livin' room. You think you're takin' it over or somethin'? Is that why you're kickin' teddy bears off it and such?"
"And if I am?" he asked, innocently.
"If you are, you only think you are, 'cause let me tell you somethin' o' brother of mine, YOU'RE NOT. MOUSES!"
"But it appears I already have," Rushton smiled.
"You don't need the whole chesterfield, all to yourself," I stated.
"But I do. I need this end of the chesterfield," Rushton said
"But what's wrong with that other end?" I asked.
"I need that, too."
"You need both? That's ridiculous," I exclaimed. "Whatever happened to sharin'?"
"Sharing is overrated," Rushton answered very matter-of-factly. "Sharing is..."
"SHARIN' IS WHAT PEEP #1 EXPECTS US CATS TO DO." I said firmly. "You can't go 'round takin' over things that aren't yours, Rushton. It's not how respectable cats behave."
"But I can."
"No you can't!"
"But I did, and so therefore I..."
"WELL YOU SHOULDN'T!" I yelled. "You shouldn't go 'round takin' stuff that doesn't belong to you, and you shouldn't go 'round kickin' teddy bears..."
"OR SISTERS!" I heard Mason cry from around the corner.
"Or sisters off the chesterfield, whether you've annexed areas of said chesterfield or not. It's not kind, nor is it polite. It's kinda obnoxious, if you ask me."
And at that very moment, Peep #1 walked into the room. "Seville, are you calling your brother obnoxious?" she asked.
"But... But... But..." I stammered.
"And who knocked this teddy bear off the chesterfield? Seville?"
"Awww... MOUSES!" and with that, I marched out of the room.