Wednesday, 4 January 2017
Oh my mouses, Peepers. Did I hear you yell, MOUSES? Are you okay, Peepers? Are you sure? How come you were yelling 'bout the mouses?
Uh Peepers... May I ask...
What the mouses did you do to your knittin'?
I TOLD you you should teach Mason how to knit. With those thumbs of that polydactyl sister's of mine, I bet she could learn, for sure. AND I BET, she wouldn't be doin' to her knittin' what you just did to yours.
By the way, what IS it that you did?
And by the other way, how come there's a part of your knittin' needle lyin' there, down on the floor? And when I say part, I mean part. As in, just a part and not the whole needle.
QUIT YOUR GRIPING, WOMAN! Can you not see I'm tryin' to be nice to you, here? Take an interest in you and your knittin', EVEN THOUGH you're not knittin' anythin' for me?
But back to that needle. Is it supposed to be lyin' there on the floor?
Sorry. A better question would be, is it SUPPOSED to come apart like that? Break apart into two pieces, I mean.
Ah, I see. It just broke. Broke all on its own. Broke right there and then. When you were knittin'.
And it's not supposed to do that, I assume.
What did I tell you 'bout your gripin'? MOUSES!
And may I also assume that those stitches you're tryin' to hold onto, ever-so-carefully with your fingers, are not supposed to be all loose like that? That they're supposed to actually be ON the needle?
Which part of what?
Which part of the needle. MOUSES!
I shall rephrase my question. Are all those loose stitches supposed to be on the part of the needle still in your hands, or the part of the needle lyin' over there on the floor?
More griping? MOUSES!
Well Peepers, I think you're gonna have to dig out another needle and try to pick up all those stitches and...
What's that, Peepers? Why am I laughin'? Well...
Well I was just thinkin' that you pickin' up stitches could make a game. You know, like that game 'bout pickin' up sticks, 'cept this would be 'bout stitches.
But a better question would be, how come you're not? Not laughin', I mean.
MORE GRIPING? MOUSES!
Fine. Suit yourself. I'll just leave you to it while I go back into the kitchen and try to score some more snacks with the second peep.
Oh my mouses, Peepers? Are you okay? Why the mouses are you yellin' mouses again? You havin' trouble pickin' up all those sti...
MOUSES, PEEPERS! Now your needle is in three parts. Three. As in THREE!
Now it's my turn to yell MOUSES, for sure. MOUSES!
And by the way, what the mouses ARE you doin' to those knittin' needles?
Here. Let me see that needle.
Hmmm... HMMM... HMMM...
Okay Peepers, I've figured it out. This here metal part is supposed to be attached to this here plastic tube-like part, which, in turn, is supposed to be attached to the other metal part, on its other end. BUT INSTEAD, the two metal parts, and the plastic part, have all kinda fallen apart, into three separate parts.
So you already knew that, huh?
Uh, did you also know that now you have even more loose stitches that are no longer on the needle and...
Oh, you knew 'bout those too?
Well do you happen to know how all this mayhem came about?
You say you were just knittin' away on that one circular needle when it decided to make like an amoeba and divide itself into two, causing you to drop a bunch of stitches, and when you finally picked up all those dropped stitches and fixed things up, the knittin' needle decided to make like an amoeba again, and divide itself into three?
Okay, again I must ask... WHAT THE MOUSES ARE YOU DOIN' TO THOSE KNITTIN' NEEDLES?
I mean, I don't think knittin' needles are supposed to make like amoebas at all, but I'll tell you what, I'll go check on that for you and...
What's that? What? WHAT? PEEPERS, I CAN'T HEAR YOU ON ACCOUNT OF YOUR YELLIN' MOUSES SO LOUDLY.
Well I CAN hear you, but all I can hear is mouses this and mouses that and I'm pretty sure you have more to say than just mouses and...
I'll tell you what, Peepers. I'll just head back into the kitchen and let you get on with pickin' up all those dropped stitches.
And when you're done with that, you can start lookin' for all the pieces of your knittin' needle. It'll be a little like lookin' for a needle in a haystack, 'cept in three parts. THREE PARTS! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! You know, on account of your one circular knittin' needle, now bein' three separate useless pieces of knittin' needle and...
QUIT YOUR GRIPIN', WOMAN!
You had best pick up all those stitches before I start peeing my britches from laughin' so hard.
Not that I actually wear any britches, 'cause you know, I'm a cat, and cats don't wear britches. Mainly on account of our tails gettin' in the way. But that, my friends, is another topic for another day. MOUSES!