Wednesday, 3 April 2013

wham! bam! thank you... spam?

And so, we meet again, my friend.  Once more you have chosen to cross my path in the wondrous world that is the blogosphere.  No lessons learnt from our last encounter?  Apparently not. 

My, you are a stubborn little fellow, aren't you?  Always in hiding.  Always hiding behind the name...  Anonymous.  Yes, I'm talking 'bout you, Mr Anonymous Spam.  You keep coming back.  Again and again and again.  You're kind of like a bad case of the fleas.  They make topical treatments for that, you know.  I can put you in contact with my doctor, if you like.  A dab on the back of the neck, once a month, is all it takes.

It seems that every day, you leave me comments.  I keep finding those comments you leave in my spam folder.  I'm not overly surprised about that.  After all, your last name is Spam.  You're the only one of my pals who has their very own folder on Blogger.  Imagine that.  How does a cat get one of those?  Can you buy them?  Are they for sale?  Perhaps for lease?

I only ask because I've noticed you seem to be very interested in sales.  Lately you've been interested in selling me money.  Selling me money in the form of loans.  Weird, that, you know.  The concept of selling money.  I mean...  usin' money to buy money?  Hmmm...  What's even weirder is the concept of you selling money on my blog.  And yet...  you continue to try.  Sometimes once...  sometimes twice...  once even three times in one day!  That must have been quite a busy day for you, huh?

It appears that although the selling of money is your main line of business, you've also been dabbling in the sale of toys.  Now, there's nothing wrong with toys.  I have a number of them, myself.  I particularly like ones filled with the nip - 'cause I'm sort of addicted to the stuff, you know - but I love a good wand toy.  I've never owned a wand toy with feathers.  Word around the blogosphere is that wand toys with feathers are exceptionally fun.  Do you have any of those in stock?  I might just be interested in one of those.  But no...  probably not.  I don't believe you have any cat toys.  I don't know that you have any toys at all.  For all I know, you might not even be selling toys.  You might be usin' this whole toy business as a ruse or something like that.  But if you actually are sellin' toys and you wanna sell those toys on a cat's blog, let me give you a piece of advice.  Try sellin' toys for cats!  It's only logical.

Then there was that business 'bout the collagen. I don't know if you were tryin' to sell me a skin cream or somethin' to lower my cholesterol.  And there was mention made of rubber chickens.  Hmmm...  Let me explain a little something to you.  As a cat, my skin is covered by my fur.  No need for fancy schmancy skin creams here.  And although I do eat chicken...  it always comes out of a tin and it's never rubber. 

Just yesterday, you offered to write my posts for me.  Excuse me but...  I am Nerissa and this blog is the story of my life...  not yours!

Finally, there was that other comment.  The comment totally unrelated to toys and loans and the sellin' of stuff.  You know the one.  The comment, "So, what can all this mean?  Here is my site..."  Were you askin' me to explain to you the meaning of life or somethin'?  Or did you think that you were going to explain the meaning of life to me, on your site? 

Hmmm...  that's probably not gonna happen.  For two reasons, I should think.  Reason number one is that I'm a cat and we cats already understand the meaning of life.  After all...  we're cats. 

Reason number two is that I never go to your site.  Nope...  not ever...  nadda...  not a once.  I know better than to click on some unknown link.  Some unknown link, lurking on my blog, waitin' for some poor unsuspecting peep to accidentally click it.  That would be foolish and as a cat...  I don't do foolish.  I do naps.  I do nip.  Occasionally, I indulge in a little cream.  But foolish?  NEVER!

So in closing, I'm just gonna offer you a little advice that might save you some time.  I have no intention of allowin' you to post your anonymous links on my blog.  No intention at all.  I have a delete button and I'm not afraid to use it.

39 comments:

  1. You tell them Nerissa - hopefully they get the hint this time!! **shakes head** not likely

    ReplyDelete
  2. High Paw!! You tell em Nerissa!!! They are so pesky! I had to turn on captcha code to get rid of them. grrrrr.,
    Hugs,
    Pepper

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  3. MOL! You too? Didja get the one offering to give you a free pair of GLASSES? Do they not know of the incredibly keen eyesight we kitties have? (Although we must admit, we were tempted. After all, what other reason could our dinner be late than because the humans can't see well enough to read the time?)

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  4. That is why I monitor all my comments before they are seen on my blog. Isn't it sad? Mr. Anonymous tries and tries to sell stuff but half the time it's either in a foreign language or doesn't make any sense! And why would a girl cat be interested in stuff like Viagra? First of all, I'm a cat. Second of all I'm a girl. Third of all, I'm fixed and don't really care about being a tarty cat in the first place. And naked women? SAVE ME! I get enough of that at home, and folks, it ain't pretty!
    Mr. Anonymous needs another job!
    QUINN

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  5. That's tellin' 'em sweetie!

    Oh, BTW, go to my blog today:

    http://oneeyeonthefuture.blogspot.com/2013/04/blog-award.html

    You've already commented and I responded but I meant to include YOU with that award! So look at my response to your comment - I hope you'll accept!

    LOVE!
    Selina

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  6. I love'z Spam, but not the sought in the compawter..BOL XX00XX

    Mollie and Alfie

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  7. You go girl...tell them...you did! Mollie knows the score too!!!

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  8. You are definitely way smarter than Anonymous! And gave us and our peep a good chuckle.

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  9. That's right, Nerissa. Tell them SPAM just what you think of them! We can't stand them either and we have the delete button too!

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  10. Goodonya Nissy!!! Were you not tempted to send money to that nice doctor in Nigeria? ;)

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  11. dood....we canna tell HOW frum wear we iz typin but turn on "blok annie mouz commintz" itz under actt settings sum place...we will go look bee rite bak

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  12. HA! That was good! I am mentioning spam on my post tomorrow!

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  13. OK, we iz bak N that trik did knot werk....

    hope de dam spam thatz nothin like ham...stops...

    hay, when due ewe finds out if yur blog winned de
    best blog writing contest !!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not 'til the big BlogPaws convention next month. They'll announce the winners, there. purrs

      Delete
  14. We get spam as well, every blogger must. You've got to wonder how dumb they are. "We are a community of people in your area very interested in this topic - see my site payday loans" Like, we're going to let that through?

    Or there's one Mum keeps getting on her lupus blog "it seems all the people who comment on this site are brain-dead idiots" and Mum says, no, but you certainly are.

    And then there's the email SEO offers - we can pay people to spam other sites on our behalf!

    If only they all knew.... if they really wanted their links on my site, all they'd have to do was send me a little nip, maybe some cream.....

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  15. that was hilarious but the problem is, most of those spammers don't speak a word of English :)

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  16. That Spam...he sure gets around...nobuddy likes him...you'd think he'd get the hint and leave us all alone!

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  17. We suggest you make is so no annoy-mouse comments allowed. We did, we rarely get Mr Spam leaving stuff for us. Plus we believe in the delete button too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mr. Spam never gets past my comment moderation but for some reason, he keeps leavin' comments. Weird.

      Delete
  18. Mr. Spam must not like me cause he don't never come to my blog. Maybe I should be hurt? You think? I'm not even SPAM-worthy??? Oh, Huuuuuuuuuuuuman!!!

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  19. there should be a gadgetthat when some try's to spam you they get an electric shock that would them off,xx Speedy

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  20. TY Nerissa for reminding me to go and clean out the littler tray I have just for Mr Spam ... the air is so much fresher now

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  21. Hee hee you sure told im!! I have one who sends me lovely messages telling me how amazing I am and then just when I think aww that's nice a new furiend, it hits me with the 'click my link' or rude name part and I get all upset!! *sad ears*

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  22. Way to go, Nerissa! Well done and you speak for a lot of us and you really did a great job of it. Love your humor, too.

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  23. Ah yes.....we must be ever vigilant......Mr. Anonymous Spam lurks everywhere and strikes terror in the heart of all bloggers! We just click DELETE and move on to the next REAL fan of One Spoiled Cat. It's annoying isn't it?!?!?!?!

    Kitty Hugs, Sammy
    p.s. we love that photo with the teddy bear!!

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  24. Delete away! That spam sure is frustrating. We had to buy a program to stop them from spamming us!

    Piggy kisses,
    Katie and Coccolino the mini pig

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  25. Wow! Most of spam is for HOT CHICKS! Now - even though me thinks hot chicks would be tasty, Mommy says they is not the kind of chicks that me wants. Oh yes and losing weight. Now me is naturally svelte and purrhaps a little under weight (like all good models) Mommy has excessive fluffiness and purrhaps should read those messages and visits their sites. And thene there is the SEO Spams. What the heck is a SEO and why would mes care about it?
    Kisses
    Nellie

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  26. We LOVED your post ! It's a model, well done ! Spam can be really really annoying... If necessary, we love the delete button too ;-). Loupi and Zorro on Mum's account

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  27. Hmmmm. Selling money. Now that' not a bad idea. As long as I can charge $5 for a $1 bill.
    ; ) Katie

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  28. You look awfully adorables on that Bear's lap, says the Human. *I* would not make such a comment about a Serious ManCat like yourself.

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  29. We had a lot of problems with spam a while ago. We finally had to block anon posts.

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  30. Spam is weird. I glad u told him to go away.

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  31. Or you can just outright get rid of anonymous comments. I did. It also prevents trolls from commenting on your blog.

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  32. selling money... loans... creams to a cat blog? how stoopid is that? you gave mr. spam a mouthful. good for him!

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  33. Yucky Spammers! Disgustin! They need the Delete bit time

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  34. OMC!! I use my DELETE button all the time!! I never ever read that spam bam stuff...ugh

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  35. Me too get a lot of comments from Anonymous and like you non of them consists link´s to any cool cat toy´s :(
    So me too use the delete button a lot :)

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  36. This anominous lived in a dark room and sears sweaty clothes, so mum says...

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