That's right folks... I couldn't believe it! I wouldn't have believed it had I not seen it with my very own eyes and heard it with my very own ears. It was the most unbelievable thing, ever. Ever, ever, EVER! And, of course, it involved the peep.
So I'm lying on the little roof outside the kitchen window that we cats treat as our sunbathing beach. The sun was shining and it was very mild for a November day in Canada. Comfortable but not too hot. And it wasn't raining for once so outside time was
I didn't pay a whole lot of attention to the peep at first. Yeah, I saw her walkin' past with that big ol' garden spade of hers but I figured I could leave her alone for at least a few minutes. I mean... how much damage can a peep do in just a few minutes? Usually I like - or rather, need - to supervise the peep's gardening endeavours but I figured that just this one time I could rest up and enjoy the sunshine. It had been raining so much as of late, I needed to get a little colour on my nose.
A little while later, I was still lying on the roof beach when I heard "Arrggghhhh!" and "Ewwwww!" and "Friggity-frack-da-frew!" noises emanating from, where I believed at the time, the far side of the deck. MOUSES! Just what had that ol' peep of mine done this time, I thought to myself. Leave a peep alone and unsupervised for just a few minutes and all you-know-what breaks out. I slowly climbed to my paws and went to investigate further. No need to rush, I figured, as whatever mischief she was doin' she would likely still be doin' when I got there.
I arrived at the far side of the deck to find nothing but grass. Hmmm... I thought. Where did the ol' peep go? Then I heard some clunking noises from under the deck. Under the deck? Who would be under the deck? Then came more clunking and scraping along with some muttering under the breath type sounds. Again, hmmm... Only we cats go under the deck along with, perhaps an occasional member of the raccoonista gang that believes our subdivision falls in their territory. But cats and raccoons don't mutter under their breath. At least they don't do it in the manner I was hearing.
I peered under the deck and, lo and behold, I was almost knocked over by surprise. Yup. All four of my knees buckled. Do cats even have knees? I couldn't believe it. I just couldn't. I took one paw and used it to wipe my eyes. Thought maybe I was hallucinating or something. Perhaps I had stayed out in the sun for too long. But no. I blinked a few times and my vision cleared and I realised that what I was seeing was real. There, under the deck, was... are you sitting down? There was my peep!
Peep #1 was on her hands and knees under the deck digging a gigantic hole. A hole way bigger than a cat. She wasn't using the spade. She was digging with her front paws! Or maybe what she was doin' was more like scooping out than digging. Of course, the spade would have been pretty useless under there as the deck is only three or four feet high. The handle on that spade alone is way longer than that. What's more... she couldn't stand up to use it.
Although she was still muttering and sputtering, I felt I had to ask the peep just what on earth she thought she was doin' under there, digging that hole. The answer came as a bit of a shock, I must admit. Apparently, the peep was digging a hole to uncover the septic tank thingy so that the man with the big ol' truck could come and clean it out. But here's the thing... the real question that must be asked... WHY WOULD SOMEONE PUT THE SEPTIC TANK UNDER THE DECK?
I kind of think that was the real reason for all the peep's moaning and groaning. The fact that someone had been so stupid and nincompoopy to do such a silly thing as put a septic tank under a deck. Something that would have to be dug out every few years. Dug out by her. Awfully difficult for a full-grown peep to work under those kind of conditions, I think. The conditions found under a deck, I mean. I'm told the previous owners of the house didn't actually put the septic tank under the deck but rather, they built the deck over the septic tank. I say... SAME DIFFERENCE! Still means I end up with a moaning, groaning, sputtering and spewing peep digging holes under decks like she was a dog burying bones or something. For mousin' sake! My ears can only handle so much. Did no one ever think 'bout that when they were hammering on that deck? Probably not. 'Cause you know peeps. Never givin' a second thought to us cats. MOUSES!