Sunday, 21 May 2017

there oughta be a law

Oh for mousin' out loud.

There OUGHTA be a law.

Wait a minute.  I think there is!

FOUND IT.  It says right here, "Possession is nine tenths of the law."

Oh Peepers...  I have somethin' to show you. Take a look at this.

So Peepers, let me explain.  Your lap?  It's mine.  MOUSES!

Why?  WHY?  Well I'll tell you why.  'Cause moments before you moved me from your lap, I was possessin' it, that's why.   MOUSES!

No Peepers.  NO.  No, I wasn't possessed.  I was possessing your lap.  Stop tryin' to change the subject, talkin' about ghosts and stuff.  Stick to the topic at paw.  All this topic redirection thingy makes you look silly, is all.

Hmmm...

Makes you look sillier, I should say.  You were already lookin' silly, as you usually do, but your actions made you look even sillier.  Stuff like this is all relative, you see.

Now back to this business with your lap.

Oops!  I didn't actually mean to say your lap.  I MEANT to say, the lap in question.  Better.

No, no...  Just 'cause I accidentally said it was your lap, it doesn't mean it is yours, as in you are possessin' it, 'cause you know, you aren't.  It was nothin' more than a little mistake on my part.  A mere slip of the tongue.  A...

NO!  The part about your lap bein' mine wasn't the mistake.  The part about your lap bein' yours, was.  I mean, my usin' the word your was the actual mistake.

For mousin' out loud Peepers.  You're even makin' me confused.  MOUSES!

Now where was I?

Oh yeah, the lap in question was bein' possessed, immediately prior...

STOP TALKIN' ABOUT THINGS BEIN' POSSESSED!

Wait a minute.  I think I see the problem at paw.  Hmmm...

STOP TALKIN' ABOUT GHOSTS POSSESSIN' STUFF.  Better.

Okay, gettin' back on topic.  The lap in question....  Not your lap.  Well, it was your lap, as in it's your lap, but it's not your lap as in you own it.  It just happens to be attached to you, is all.

Anyway, the lap in question was bein' possessed.... Not possessed as in ghosts and demons and things but rather, possessed as in me bein' curled up asleep on it, for an afternoon nap.

Now where was I again?

Oh yeah.  So THE LAP IN QUESTION was in MY possession, moments before you lifted me up and unceremoniously dumped me next to you on the chesterfield.  Now, if you would be so kind as to look at exhibit A, you will see that this here law states, "Possession is nine tenths of the law."  That means, that lap you call yours, IS ACTUALLY MINE.  And I do believe, you have no rights to my lap.  Certainly no right to remove me from my very own lap.  No right whatsoever!

So what do have to say about that?

Cat got your tongue?

What?  WHAT?

I don't know.

WHO CARES ABOUT THE OTHER ONE TENTH?

MOUSES!

There's nothin' here in this book about the missin' one tenth which means...

It means it doesn't matter.  MOUSES!

Basically Peepers, as possession is nine tenths of the law, when you so rudely unpossessed me from my lap, you stole my position of lappage.

That's right, lappage.

Oh for the love of mouses.

WELL IT IS A WORD NOW.

Now that's I've invented, that is.

MOUSES!

As I was sayin' before bein' so rudely interrupted, when you SO RUDELY UNPOSSESSED me of my position of lappage on your lap, not to say said lap was actually yours, but rather, mine, as at the time, I was in possession of said lap.  Well!  Well when you did that, you actually unpossessed me of MY lap, even though said lap was kinda attached to you at the time.  You know, with it bein' made of your legs and all.

Peepers, YOU STOLE MY LAP!  AND I WASN'T DONE POSSESSIN' IT YET.

So what do you have to say for yourself now?  Huh?  HUH?  HUH?

No, Peepers!  NO!!!  NOW look what you've done.  You've ruined EVERYTHIN'.  MOUSES!

Of all the no-good, moused-up things to do.

I could almost cry.

Why?

WHY?

I'll tell you why.

'Cause Peepers, when you stood up... When you stood up right now...  Your lap...   I mean, MY lap.  I mean, the lap in question...

Well, the lap in question...

IT DISAPPEARED.

MOUSES!