Sunday, 2 August 2015

finding the right fit

Oomph!  Ummph!  Grrrrr! MOUSES!

Oh hello there.  Sorry about that.  You caught me trying to fit this squarish-shaped plastic thing-a-ma-gig into this triangular hole.  Long story short, it doesn't fit. MOUSES!

Remember those toys? Remember them from way back when?  The big plastic balls covered in holes of various shapes and sizes?  You were supposed to fit the plastic pieces into their correspondingly shaped holes.  Like um...  Well...  Well like you'd put the plastic triangle into the triangular hole and the plastic circle into the circular hole and so forth.  Remember those?

To be honest, I never played with those toys when I was young, being a cat and all.  I was more of a nip mouse kind of kitten, myself.  Still am.

I'm pretty sure Peep #1 had one of those shape toys, though, when she was little but do you know who clearly didn't?  The lady who was helping Peep #1 get the bags of potting soil into the car yesterday, at the store.  Or maybe she did have one of those toys but never got the knack of it. Never figured out the issues with the different shapes and sizes.  How to get them to fit and stuff. That kind of thing.  MOUSES!

Now I'm not going to bore you with the events leading up to the getting of the potting soil into the car trunk even though it did involve the peep waiting outside in the hot sun for fifteen or twenty minutes. I'll just get right to the part about stuff not fitting.

You should have seen her.  The lady from the store, I mean.  When she couldn't push the fifth bag of potting soil to the back of the car trunk, she gave it a boot.  Just kidding.  She gave it a thump. And when it still wouldn't fit, she thumped it again.  And then again.  On the fourth thump, the bag burst and with each subsequent thump of her fists, bits of potting soil spewed out into the air and all over the place.  Did that stop her?  NO.  She just kept thumping on that poor old bag of potting soil.

Finally the peep stopped her.  The peep stopped her by yelling, "Enough already!"

Clearly, this is what happens when one does not pass Toddler Identification of Shapes and Sizes 101.  MOUSES!

Peep #1 was livid.  She got that bag of potting soil to fit all by herself and then she put the sixth bag in the back seat of the car, not wanting the lady from the store to get anywhere near it.  One burst bag was one too many and she didn't need any more.  Didn't need any more burst bags, for sure.

And by the way, the peep now has a burst bag of potting soil in the garage and I have a rather grumpy peep on my paws.  MOUSES!

But enough of that.  You hear about the good news?

Remember my blog post, "they want do WHAT?" My blog post about the Psychoactive Substances Bill in the UK?  Remember how nip was inadvertently going to be made illegal? Remember that?

Well there's good news on the UK nip front.  I checked and changes have been made to the bill.  The bill now clearly states they're talking about substances made for "human consumption" so the country's nip mouse supply should be safe and sound.  Pet stores across the land will be able to stock nip mice and biff bags on their shelves and peeps will be able to sell them at church bazaars and car boot sales.

Whether or not they'll fit in those car boots without a thumping is another matter although truth be told, I think they will.  Nip mice are almost always smaller than bags of potting soil.

Oohhh...  But wouldn't it be wonderful to find a nip mouse the size of a big old bag of potting soil? MOUSES!

And for those kitties who rely upon their local health food store's array of herbal teas for their nip, their supply should be legal as well.  Although nip has not been specifically listed as an exempted substance, I'm most certain it will be exempted along with other foods, which now include, drink.

So don't worry, my feline friends.  The House of Lords has decreed that you'll be able to enjoy your nip in the comfort of your own home and not have to imbibe at the local cat house, using up all your lunch money.  Best to save your lunch money for more important things like, you know, lunch.  And maybe a few treats.  MOUSES!

Oh, did you hear?  We have an election coming up in Canada.  Yup, it was announced today. Going to be a long, hot summer if you ask me.  Longest campaign period since...  Since...  Since practically forever.  Third longest since Confederation.  Seventy-eight days.  Hasn't been a longer one since 1872 and if I'm not mistaken, that one took so long because it involved horses and buggies and staggered voting across the country and stuff.

You know, because the Canadian economy is doing so very wonderfully well, it makes sense that we'd want to have a super-duper long campaign period just to make sure that the election will rack up a monstrously huge bill.  Due to the length of this upcoming campaign, it might very well become the biggest election bill ever.  MOUSES!

I know what you're thinking.  You're wanting to ask me if I'm running in the upcoming election. Sadly, no.  In fact, I don't think there are any cats running in the next election.  Truth be told, I'm not sure cats are even allowed to run federal elections.  Specism.  MOUSES!

Actually, I'm batting about the idea of doing something a little more local.  Word on the street is that our municipal county council could do with a little poke in its side and I do believe there will be a municipal election next year.  What do you think?  Councillor Seville?  Has a nice ring to it, don't you think?

Of course, there's always that Senate appointment Nissy was after...

But for the Senate, you have to live in Ottawa for part of the year and I'm not sure if I like the sound of that.  Not sure what the nip growing conditions are in Ottawa and the peep is finally learning how to grow the stuff here.

I think what it all comes down to is finding the right fit.  Some things just fit together naturally and other things, don't.  Luckily for me, I have some time to decide.  Time to ponder the situation.  Time to speculate on my own actions. That sort of thing.

Now if you'll all excuse me, I have a squarish-shaped plastic thing-a-ma-gig to fit into this triangular-shaped hole.  I'm thinking, laser saw.  I slice that square piece of plastic in two and it's gonna fit like a charm.

You see?  THIS is why cats should rule the world.  We know how to get things done.  MOUSES!