Sunday, 23 April 2017

king of the castle

I'M THE KING OF THE CASTLE, AND YOU'RE THE DIRTY OL' RASCAL.

Hmmm...  Maybe I should rephrase that.  After all, you're not dirty as in dirty, like in a rascally kind of way.  No, you're more like dirty as in a you're-all-covered-in-the-stuff-I-just knocked-off-the-chest-of-drawers kind of way.  But still dirty, nevertheless.

Well...  Maybe I should rephrase that.  You're not really dirty.  You're more like uh...  messy.  Yeah, messy.  'Cause what I knocked off this ol' chest of drawers wasn't dirty at all.  But now that it's all over you and the floor, it's a super messy situation, to be sure.  MOUSES!

Rushton?  RUSHTON?  ARE YOU OKAY DOWN THERE?

I see movement!

He's okay, my friends.  He's okay!  A few papers and things can't keep down any brother of mine. MOUSES!

But speakin' of down...

Oh Rushton, you're way, WAY down there and I, Seville the Cat, am way, WAY up here.  Do you know what that means, oh brother of mine?

You don't have an answer, huh?  Then I'll tell you what that means.  It means...

I'M THE KING OF THE CASTLE, AND YOU'RE THE DIRTY OL' RASCAL.

RUSHTON!  I am totally taking back what I said about your not bein' dirty, 'cause let me tell you, that ol' stink eye you just gave me was a pretty DIRTY look, to be sure.  MOUSES!

Well at least I didn't break anything when I knocked the stuff down.

What?  What's that, you say?  You say that you, Rushton Tapio, have never before broken anythin' by knockin' stuff off a chest of drawers and onto the floor?

Hmmm...  Well you do have a point there, Rushton, 'cause seriously, jumpin' onto high pieces of furniture isn't exactly your strong suit, if you know what I mean.

Oh yeah?  And just when was the last time you were up here?  Huh?  HUH?  Was it like... NEVER? You know, it's pretty hard to knock stuff down from the top of a chest of drawers when you're never ON the top of a chest of drawers, to do any knockin'.  MOUSES!

But speakin' of knockin', have you looked at your tail recently?

For mousin' out loud.  I am not suggestin' you've knocked your tail down.  What the mouses are you even talkin' about?  What does that even mean?  Knockin' one's tail down...  That's the most stupid thing I've ever heard in my life and believe-you-me, livin' with those peeps of ours, I've heard some pretty stupid things, for sure.    MOUSES!

What I was talkin' about, Rushton, is your tendency to knock stuff...  Knock other stuff...  Stuff other than your tail...  down.  You know, your tendency to knock stuff down with your tail.  How you're always usin' your tail to knock stuff down.

What do I mean?  WHAT DO I MEAN?

Remember not long ago when Peep #1 stupidly left an empty glass on the coffee table in the family room?  And remember when you walked past the coffee table, flicking your tail this way and that, like your tail needed to be up in everyone's business?  And remember when that tail of yours came in contact with the glass the peep so stupidly left on the coffee table and... Yeah, REMEMBER?  THAT'S what I'm talkin' about, for sure.

But what's a little breakage 'mongst family and friends?

You're right.  You're absolutely right.  Peep #1 didn't see it that way at all.  But then, she's just a peep.  What do you expect?  MOUSES!

No Rushton, there actually isn't anythin' wrong with your tail.  It's just that you have an incredibly strong tail, and when you use that tail to thump someone, you really THUMP 'em, and when you use it to thwack 'em, you really THWACK 'em, for sure.

Seriously Rushy, you could take out a Cyclops with that thing.

Not that I've noticed any Cyclopes wanderin' about 'round here, needin' to be taken out, but if I do come across any, I'll know who to call.

NO, NOT TAKEN OUT ON A DATE.

For the love of mouses.

Hey Rushy!  You know, lookin' down at you from way, way up here, it occurs to me that you could use that super strong tail of yours to uh...  um...  push those papers and things I knocked down from the top of this ol' chest of drawers, underneath this ol' chest of drawers.  You know, so that when the peep comes in, she doesn't see 'em scattered all over the floor.

Well yeah, I know.  I know she could see 'em before, when they were on top of the chest of drawers.  But they're not up here anymore.  Now they're down there.  Down there on the floor.  And I'm thinkin'...  I'm thinkin' she doesn't need to see 'em down there, on that ol' floor.  She doesn't need to know...

Yes Rushy, I am.  I am askin' you to do me a favour.  One small little favour.  One teeny-tiny minuscule favour.  One little favour so small that you'd probably need an electron microscope or somethin' to even see it and...

WOULD YOU JUST USE THAT ABNORMALLY STRONG TAIL OF YOURS TO PUSH THE PAPERS UNDER THE CHEST OF DRAWERS?  MOUSES!

Fine.  FINE.  In return, I promise not to yell at you anymore.

That's right.  Not any more at all.

Today.

But I can still sing, right?  I can still sing, today?

Good.

Oh Rushy...  Oh Rushy...  Rushton, look up.  Look way, way up.  I've got somethin' to sing to you.

I'M THE KING OF THE CASTLE, AND YOU'RE THE DIRTY OL' RASCAL.

But don't worry, Rushton.  I'm still not sayin' you're dirty in a rascally kind of way.  It's just that messy didn't work with the music.  MOUSES!