Sunday, 19 November 2017

can you hear me now?

For mousin' out loud.

I know she can hear me.  I KNOW it.

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Who would ever have thought that I, Seville the Cat, would end up with a peep who is hard of hearin'.

Although in all honesty, she's more likely to have selective hearin', for sure.  MOUSES!

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?

Hey Peepers, thought you'd like to know, I pooped on the wrong side of the litter box.

Oh sure, now THAT she can hear.

MOUSES!

It's annoyin' as all get out when Peep #1 pretends to not hear me.  And I KNOW she can, really.  Hear me, I mean.  I know she can hear me 'cause when I'm tryin' to be extra quiet on account of my gettin' into mischief and stuff, she ALWAYS hears me doin' that, for sure.

Like I said earlier, MOUSES!

And peeps claim we cats have selective hearin'.

Okay, so maybe now and then we do.

But two wrongs do not a right, make.

MOUSES!

And so what if I've already had three helpings of treats today.  So what if she heard me the first three times I asked.  Right now, at this very moment, I'm lookin' for helpin' number four.

Plus, they were very small treats.  I barely even tasted 'em goin' down.

But the peep, apparently, is no longer hearing my pleas.  No longer hearin' my cries.  No longer hearin' my polite requests for treats.

CLEARLY, my requests have been too polite for her to hear.

HEY PEEPERS!  GET ME A TREAT AND GET IT RIGHT NOW.  MOUSES!

Oh sure, now THAT she hears.

Peepsqueak, if you had answered me the first time I asked, I wouldn't have had to resort to makin' loud and rude demands.  You know Peepers, you pretty much brought this upon yourself.  Not MY fault you weren't hearin' me when I was askin' nicely.  Not MY fault you weren't respondin' to my cries.  Not MY fault you weren't...

Okay, okay...

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, WHERE ARE MY TREATS.

I want treats.  I want treats.  I WANT TREATS.  I WANT...

OKAY, OKAY...

MOUSES!

You know Peepers, you keep this up, and what you'll be hearin' will be my droppin' to the floor, rollin' around, dying of hunger, and...

What?  What?  What's that?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

You say you already gave me treats?

I know that.  But that was at least ten minutes ago, and I already ate 'em right up.  Plus, there were only three.  I need a fourth treat, and I need it right now.

What?  What?  What's that?  What's that you're babblin' on about NOW?

What do you MEAN you already gave me a fourth treat?  Peepsqueak, had you given me a fourth treat, I wouldn't be needin' to resortin' to beggin' and pleadin' and prancin' around the kitchen floor.  Had you given me a fourth treat, I wouldn't be lookin' for treats right now.  Had you given me a fourth treat, I wouldn't be...

What?  WHAT?

Oh.

That.

Hmmm...

Well...

Well CLEARLY, that wasn't the kinda treat for which I was askin'.

Or somethin' like that.

I'll tell you what, Peepers.  I'll just scarf down this teeny, tiny, minuscule fourth treat, right now.  You know, just to keep YOU happy and stuff.

*GULP*

And now that that's gone, I'll start beggin' for more.  For a fifth treat, I mean.  And make it a good kind, this time.

Hey Peepers!  CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?