Wednesday, 16 August 2017

clean up aisle three

CLEAN UP AISLE THREE.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', the peep has been makin' a mess while shopping again.  And to tell you the truth...

Well...

Well to tell you the truth, she DID go to the grocery store the other day.

MOUSES!

But thanks-be-to-goodness, there have been no phone calls bannin' her from shopping there.

Yet.

MOUSES!

But to tell you the real truth, what I'm about to write didn't happen at the grocery store.  Nope.  Not even close.  Actually, it happened right here at my house.

It did!

MOUSES!

Picture it:  Peep #1 out in the garden yesterday.

Yeah.  I know.  SERIOUSLY!  You all know my Peep #1 so well, that's all I need to write.  All I need to write is that she was out in garden.  You read that, and you're already picturing hilarious messes made by the peep.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, there she was out in the yard, coming up with some stupid idea about replantin' the little raised bed between the house and the driveway.

Well I knew it was trouble from the start.  I knew...

I knew why, you ask?

Well 'cause it was the peep!  EVERYONE KNOWS my Peep #1 can't go out in the garden without makin' a mess.

So anyway, there she was, yankin' some stuff out that wasn't performin'.

Yeah, her words, not mine.  Who knew plants were supposed to perform like circus clowns?  Did you?  MOUSES!

So there she was yankin' stuff out of the raised bed, when she came across this kinda big root.  And when I say kinda big, I actually mean really big.  Way bigger than anything she was expectin' to find.

Now findin' this aforementioned root was weird on account of it lookin' like the root of a tree.  But as we all know, usually, tree roots come attached to trees.  Oh sure, you might expect to find one in a forest, or next to a forest, or anywhere, really, where there might be trees.  But in a raised bed next to a house?  Not likely.  MOUSES!

Well the peep held one end of the root in her paw...  I mean, hand, for a bit.  I guess she was figuring out what to do next.  That's when I said, "Go for it, Peepers.  Yank that stupid ol' thing right out."

Next thing I knew?

DIRT.

EVERYWHERE.


MOUSES!

I'm serious.  A massive amount of dirt flew up into the air like a rocket headin' straight for the moon, and you know what they say...

They say, what goes up, must eventually come down.

Or somethin' like that.  Doesn't always apply to us cats, of course, on account of us usin' our claws to hold onto the ceilin' and walls and the like, but...

BUT HOLDIN' ONTO THE CEILIN' IS RIGHT WHERE I WAS.  MOUSES!

Well not quite, on account of there bein' no ceilings outside.  Instead, I jumped up onto the roof of the car.

MOUSES!

But back to that dirt.

It was rainin' dirt, my friends.  IT WAS RAININ' DIRT!  Never before had I seen anythin' like it, and I'm hopin' never to see it again.

Do you have any idea how dirty rained dirt gets?

I know...  I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', better for it to rain dirt, than mud, and on that account, you would be correct.  MOUSES!

Dirt showers...  Mud showers...  Any kind of showers...  They're all icky, to be sure.

You know, a kitty accidentally slaps a paw on a bowl of kibble, makin' it rain kibble all over the kitchen floor, and a kitty never hears the end of it.

I'm just sayin'...

MOUSES!

But back to that dirt.

Again.

Well the peep was caught by surprise as the dirt rained down upon her.  There she stood, holdin' the mysterious root in one paw...  I mean, hand, gettin' all covered in dirt.

I, of course, bein' the ever-so-helpful kitty I am, called out to her and said, "MAKE SURE YOU SHAKE THAT STUFF OFF BEFORE ENTERIN' THE HOUSE!"

Yeah, that didn't go over so well.  That would be 'bout the time she used her other paw...  I mean, hand, to make an obscene gesture in my direction.

Just kiddin'.

MOUSES!

Kiddin' about the gesture bein' obscene, I mean.

I think.

MOUSES!

Hmmm...

You know, we never did find out from where that root came.

But I, Seville the Cat, did come down from the roof of the car.

And the peep?

Well the peep, a whole day and a whole dirtless shower later, is still findin' bits of dirt in her hair.

MOUSES!