Wednesday, 25 March 2015

man overboard!

As you all know, I haven't been feelin' very well lately and Peep #1 told me that I had to rest up. Rest up...  Hmm... Usually, I rest lyin' down. MOUSES!

Anywho...  I was busy restin' - which is not easy to do you know.  Bein' busy while you're restin', I mean.  But I, Nerissa  the Cat, can do pretty much whatever I set my mind to doin' so restin' busily is exactly what I was doin' - when all of a sudden, I heard my brother Seville yellin', "MAN OVERBOARD!" from upstairs.

"Man overboard?" I questioned. Seville then explained that it wasn't so much a man overboard as it was a mancat overboard.  A marmie mancat in particular.  When I questioned the overboard bit he hesitated.  I mean, it's not like we're on a boat or a ship or even a canoe and I kinda think you need a vessel of some sort for anyone to go overboard unless, of course, you're talkin' about goin' overboard on the nip but that's a totally different situation, if you know what I mean.  Plus, goin' overboard with the nip is never reason to cry out in distress.  In fact, I'm not sure it's even possible to go overboard on the nip but I digress.

Perhaps I should go back to the beginning of this here story.  Back to before the whole mancat overboard bit.

A few hours earlier, Peep #1 had glanced out the dinin' room window and noticed tracks leadin' from the house and across the snow.  She had wondered 'bout those tracks.  Clearly they had been made by some kind of animal.  Possibly a cat but who?  Hadn't been me as I was restin' up.  She thought and she thought.  The tracks must have been made since our last snowstorm on Sunday. They were pretty recent.  Who had been out since then?  Would Rushy have gone through all that deep snow?  Tess?  The rest of us had been inside or so she thought.  Then she quickly forgot all 'bout it.  Typical peep, for sure.

A little while later, Peep #1 asked Peep #2 where Anderson was.  Hadn't seen him in a bit which was pretty unusual on account of Andy's love of the snacks.  MOUSES!

Peep #2 recalled that Anderson had gone outside earlier.  Peep #1 called and called for him 'cause really, Andy hasn't been spendin' a lot of time outdoors on account of the winter weather and his not likin' the snow 'cause it sticks to his fur.  But Andy did not appear.  The peep was beginnin' to get worried but not quite worried enough to go out lookin' for him.  The sun was shinin' and she thought that maybe he had found a big ol' sunpuddle to enjoy.

Now fast-forward to Seville's cry of man overboard, late yesterday afternoon.

Seville had been lookin' out an upstairs window when he spotted movement down below.  There was a little gap between the snow and the deck fencin' and in that gap there was a cat.  A marmie cat. A marmie cat named Anderson, to be exact.  MOUSES!

Peep #2 opened up the window and plaintive cries could be heard.  Anderson was stuck.  MOUSES times two!

Peep #1 decided a rescue operation was in order but wasn't quite sure how to go about it.  You see, the snow between the house and where Andy was stuck was several feet deep.  We've had a heck of a lot of snow this past winter and most of it is still hangin' around.  There's white stuff as far as the eye can see.

So Ol' Peepers put on her boots and a jacket and some mittens before headin' out the front door.  Now there is a shovelled path from said door but the banks of snow on either side are over five feet high. No way was she gonna get through those.  Then she went down to the end of the driveway, thinkin' that maybe she could climb over the snowbank next to the road.  Nope.  Nothin' doin'.  That snowbank was even higher and what's more, she was sure the neighbours would wonder why a grown woman was playin' around in the snow.  Also, it would mean wadin' through hip-deep snow all the way across the front yard and that would be a lot of wadin', for sure.

I immediately suggested that she call in the troops.  Perhaps an extraction by helicopter was in order.  Flippin' through the telephone directory, I found a number for the nearest airport but the peep put the kibosh on that idea.  Apparently, the troops have better things to do with their time. MOUSES!

Seville suggested that he and I could teleport in and pull Andy out.  I reminded Seville that I was supposed to be restin' and was therefore grounded from all teleportin' activities.  I also reminded him that since he and Andy don't have the best of relationships, Andy would not likely be willin' to hop into a flyin' fryin' pan with Seville doin' the flyin'.  MOUSES!

As my brother and I were discussin' the pros and cons of callin' up a helicopter crew against the peep's wishes, Peep #1 escaped out the front door, once more.

We watched the peep walk to the end of the veranda.  She stood there for a moment or two before liftin' one leg.  Lifin' a leg?  MOUSES!  Was the peep gonna pee on the railin'?

Turned out, no, and thank goodness for that!  Instead, Peep #1 proceeded to climb up and over said veranda railin'.  Once on the other side, she began to make her way through the snow and disappeared 'round the corner.

Seville and I immediately headed upstairs to see what there was to be seen from that upstairs bedroom window.

It was slow goin', for sure.  The snow was up to Peep #1's waist but she was makin' her way through it.  She was kinda plowin' through and crawlin' on top of the snow, both at the same time.  I half expected her to lose a boot at some point.  Maybe even two!  Truth be told, the thought had occurred to her as well.  She told me afterwards that it had been a worry, for sure, as each time she pulled up a foot from under all that snow, she wondered if that foot would still be wearin' its boot. MOUSES!

Inch by inch, Peep #1 approached the fencin' around the deck.  She could hear Anderson cryin'.  He was meowin' and meowin' and MEOWIN' in a voice much deeper than his usual little chirps.  Didn't sound like him at all.  I think maybe he was scared and a little desperate, too.

The last few feet were the worst on account of those stupid all forsythia bushes alongside the deck. Suffice it to say, the decision has now been finalised that the forsythia bushes along there are goin'. Peep #1 never really liked 'em and now after this, there's no way they can stay.

So the peep was haulin' on the forsythia branches, using 'em to pull her along but as much as they helped in the haulin', they were also gettin' in her way.  MOUSES!

She could see Andy now.  He was down on the ground in that clearin' between the snow and the fence.  And he was cryin' and cryin' and CRYIN'.  He was lookin' up at the peep, hopin' and prayin' that she would come to his rescue but he was still out of reach.  And he was shiverin', too. Shiverin' from the cold or from fear or perhaps from a little of both but shiverin', nonetheless.

Peep #1 lay down on the snow, stretchin' her arms out as far as they would stretch.  She kept calling to Andy, asking him to come a little closer.  Asking him to climb up and into the snow just a bit so that she could grab him and pull him out.  But he wasn't movin' and was still out of reach.

The peep tried to get a little closer but on account of those stupid forsythia bushes, she couldn't. So she just lay there, arms flailin' about in the snow.

Okay, her arms weren't really flailin' about but she was lyin' in the snow lookin' pretty much useless, gettin' colder and colder while Anderson stood down in that hole in the snow, shiverin' and cryin'.

Then Peep #1 took off her snow-covered mittens, thinkin' that Andy might come a few inches closer if he could see and smell her hands and...  and...  and it worked!  Anderson approached just a bit. He started climbin' up the wall of snow and the wall was crumblin' beneath him but he got up just enough for the peep to be able to reach in and grab him and lo and behold, Andy was hauled up and out of that horrible hole in the snow.

The peep got to her feet, holdin' Anderson in her paws and she managed to retrace her steps, plowin' through the snow.  Once at the veranda she popped Andy onto the railing from which he jumped down.  Peep #1 climbed over it herself before scoopin' Anderson back into her arms and bringing him indoors.

Seville and I raced down the stairs - although I raced in a very resting up kind of way - to find two snow-covered creatures returnin' in from the cold.  The peep was covered from chin to feet in snow and Andy had clumps of the white stuff hangin' from his fur.  The two of 'em were right messes, for sure.

Anderson couldn't even walk properly.  There was so much snow hangin' from his tummy fur that he had to kind of straddle it.  The peeps tried to get it off him but it was sticky and icky and not goin' anywhere at all.  Finally Peep #1 wrapped him in a big ol' towel, tellin' him they'd just have to wait until it melted.  MOUSES!

I called up the airport and cancelled that helicopter extraction I had eventually ordered although, truth be told, it didn't sound like they were gonna send one out after all.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

The peeps have given Anderson strict orders that there is to be no more venturing around in the yard until the snow is all gone and Andy has agreed. Seville and I, of course, are quite disappointed.  This was the best episode of Peep TV this season and a sequel would prove equally as entertainin'.  Only thing that would have improved it even more would have been a helicopter crew arrivin' on the scene.  Yeah, that would have made it better, for sure.  MOUSES!