Sunday, 24 September 2017

rocket man

Hey everybody!  You all know 'bout my brother, Andy, right?

And you all know 'bout his lactose intolerance, too.

Well let me just say...

Let me just say, Rocket Man was never in it.


So the other night, I was hangin' out with the peeps in the family room, tryin' to figure out a way to get Andy to leave the room, without the peeps actually KNOWIN' I was behind his leavin' the room, 'cause APPARENTLY, my doin' things to get Andy to leave rooms is frowned upon by those peeps of mine, when...

When all of a sudden, I started regrettin' I was anywhere behind that long-haired marmie freak brother of mine's behind, at all.


Like I said, Rocket Man was never in it.

MOUSES ANDY!  What the heck did you get into?

Truth be told, we may never know.

Actually, that's not quite true.  Nope, that's not true at all.  Andy knows.  Yeah, Andy knows what he got into, for sure.  But he's not sayin'.  He has taken the fifth, or whatever it is, and...

And the Peep?  Does the peep not know, you ask?

Well...  Well Peep #1 suspects she knows.

And of course, I, bein' nosey, and...

I mean, I, bein' the naturally-ever-so-curious-and-inquisitive - not to mention dashing - sort of fellow I am...

Well truth be told, I think I know, too.  Yeah, I'm pretty sure Peep #2 had some ice cream and then carelessly left the bowl on the kitchen table.

And the rest is history, my friends.  The rest is history, for sure.

But if only the smell were history, too.


Next time Andy, eat a plate of beans with your ice cream, why don't ya.

You know...

You know, I bet if Andy ate enough ice cream and beans, he could supply the world with some sort of alternative - and renewable - fuel.


And oh my gosh, we could offer charter trips to the moon and back!  Yup, our motto could be, To the moon and back on a single fart.


Maybe two.

Two toots to the moon! BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Actually, Andy's lactose intolerance is really not a laughin' matter.

It's nothin' to sneeze at, either.

ACTUALLY, I bet a sneeze comin' from the opposite direction would act like a braking mechanism of sorts.


Hey Peepers!  Do we have any extra peepers?  I mean, peppers?  I mean, pepper?

What?  Why do I want to know 'bout the pepper you have on paw?

Uh...  Nothin'.  Nothin' at all.  Um...  Never mind.

Rats.  Caught in the act by the peep.

Well technically, the peep didn't really catch me doin' anythin'.  She just knows somethin' is up.  She just suspects I am up to some kinda mischief.  She just...

You are so right.  Peep #1 IS pretty suspicious by nature.

I have absolutely no idea why.


But back my plan.  All I need do is get my paws on a good supply of ice cream and peepers.  I mean pepper!  Yeah, all I need do is get my paws on a good supply of ice cream and pepper, and I should be all set.  With Andy's intolerance of the lactose, we'll be rakin' in the moolah, offerin' trips to the moon, and...

Why to the moon, you ask?  Why did I choose the moon?

Well...  Well where else would a lactose-fuelled rocket go?

Plus, everyone KNOWS the moon is made of cheese, and cheese contains lactose, and you know what that means.