Wednesday, 25 November 2015


Why?  WHY?  Why would anyone do that? WHY???

As you might imagine, there is only one word for this situation and that word is, MOUSES!

Okay, two words. Mouses and why.

I think we've all seen the latest Internet craze.  The latest Internet craze that has out-crazed every other crazy craze out there.  You know the one. The one where peeps scare cats with cucumbers.  It's a craze and it's crazy, too, because...  Well just because it is.  Crazy as...  Truth be told, I'm not sure anything else compares.  Like I kind of implied, it's the craziest craze of all time.  MOUSES!

First of all, why?  Yeah, I know, I'm having a tough time getting past the ol' why.

Why would anyone even want to scare their cats?  I mean, these are otherwise reasonable and sensible peeps who live with cats whom they supposedly love and yet, they're out there, scaring them.  On purpose.  And getting it on video, too!  MOUSES!

Let me tell you something.  If my peeps were ever to wake up one morning and say to themselves, I think I'll scare Seville today and get it on tape...  Well let's just say, that might be the last time my peeps would ever be waking up.  MOUSES!

Perhaps that's a bit of an exaggeration.  I mean, I love my peeps so I would never do them any real harm.  Never any real harm.  But they might start finding deposits of poop left in their shoes.  Just saying...

And they would deserve NOTHIN' less, I can assure you.  MOUSES!

But after asking why, we have to ask, how.  HOW?

Believe it or not, there are peeps out there, right now, as we speak, trying to figure out how these devious cucumber criminal masterminds are scaring us cats but that is not the how to which I am referring.

I don't wanna know how a cucumber might scare me.  I wanna know how someone figured that out in the first place!  I mean, HOW?

Duh, I don't know...  I found this cucumber in the fridge.  What should I do with it?  Should I put it in my salad or...  Oohhh....  I'll see if it will scare the cat!


I'm telling you, only a peep can think like that.

It...  It...  It...  It's not like the cucumbers just happened upon the cats' food dishes or their sleeping quarters or their toy boxes and lay down beside them, all by themselves.

Seriously, how many peeps out there leave spare cucumbers lying about on their kitchen floor?   Is this something some peeps do?  Is this some sort of weird tradition?

Hmmm...  I bought this case of cucumbers at the market today and have no idea what I should do with it.  Maybe I'll start flinging cucumbers all over the house.  See where the chips - I mean, cucumbers - might fall.  Yeah, that's what I'll do.  Sounds like a fun afternoon.

Again I must say, MOUSES!

Somewhere along the line, the initial cucumbers came in contact with the cats and I'm betting my whiskers that there was peep involvement in the first introductions.

No cat has ever gone lookin' to pick a fight with a cucumber, I can assure you.  MOUSES!

And why cucumbers?  How do cats feel about tomatoes and eggplants and bell peppers, too?  Do they scare us?  Does anyone know?  Does anyone care?  MOUSES!

And why are we concerning ourselves only with fruits in disguise?  Fruits that masquerade themselves as veggies?  I once saw a mean-looking potato.  That thing had twenty-nine eyes.

And then there was that mutated two-headed cabbage....



That's right, my friends, pickles.  As we all know, pickles are baby cucumbers, imprisoned in glass jars after being drowned in a brine.  And it's not we cats doing this to the baby cucumbers.  It's the peeps doing it, for sure.  So why are the cucumbers participating in the scaring of cats and not in the scaring of peeps?   MOUSES!

And as a cat, would I be scared of a jar of baby cucumbers otherwise known as pickles?

One will never know, my friends, because my peeps are good peeps. My peeps don't go around intentionally looking for things that will scare me. My peeps would never dream of doing anything like that.  And why?

Because I know where my peeps keep their shoes and like I said earlier, I'm not above leaving a little deposit in those shoes as punishment for bad behaviour, if they should ever dream of behaving so badly as to go out of their way to scare me.  MOUSES!