Wednesday, 29 October 2014

the broom closet

"I'm coming!  I'M COMING!  Hold onto your horses," Nissy cried. "That is, if you have any horses to hold," he added, muttering under his breath.  "I'll be there in a minute.  Just wait one cotton mousin' pickin' minute, would you?  MOUSES!"

"You gonna answer that doorbell, Niss?" Seville questioned.  "Someone keeps ringing it."

Nissy glared at his brother, Seville, chowin' down on kibble and pursed his lips.  "You could have answered it yourself, Sivvers.  Nothin' stoppin' you from answerin' the door."

"Peep #1 says we're not allowed to open the door to strangers.  If someone's going to get in trouble, best it be you," Seville replied.  "I get myself into enough trouble as it is."

Nerissa stomped over to the front door.  Getting up on his rear legs, he pawed at the handle and pulled.  The door swayed open, revealing a woman wearing a long dress and an extremely pointy hat.  "You're two days early for Hallowe'en, kiddo," Nissy told the woman.  "Peeps don't have the candy out yet.  Come back Friday," and he began to push the door shut.

"I'm not here for candy," the woman purred.  "I'm looking for Nerissa the Cat."

Nissy stopped in his tracks.  "Ummm...  Exactly what would you be wantin' with this Nerissa the Cat fellow?  You sellin' somethin' or somethin'?"

"Do I look like a salesperson?" the woman asked, impatiently.  "I'm here to pick up my order."

"Order?  Order for what?  This isn't a take-out restaurant, lady.  This is my house."

"But this is the address on my bill," the woman explained.  "See?" and she passed Nerissa a blank piece of paper.  As if by magic, a quill pen began to write on the paper, all by itself.  The paper began to look very much like an invoice for a...

"SIVVERS!!!" Nerissa hollered.  "You know anythin' about someone sellin' flyin' brooms and usin' my name to do so?"

Seville sauntered over to door.  "You must be Tabytha Stonehenge.  Very pleased to meet you.  I'm Seville," and he extended a paw to shake the woman's hand.

"What the mouses is goin' on here, Sivvers?  What have you been up to, this time?"

"No worries, bro," Seville quipped.  "Just a little business I set up over on your blog.  I'm selling flying brooms, now.  Just a seasonal business.  Only open for the month of October.  You know, because of  Hallowe'en.  The shop is called The Broom Closet.  Pretty smart, huh?"

"You're sellin' flyin' brooms?  FLYIN'?  BROOMS?  ON MY BLOG?  MOUSES!"

"No need to get your mouses in a dither," Seville said calmly.  "I'll just finish up this little transaction with Ms. Stonehenge and explain everything later.  Did I mention you were going to get a ten percent cut of the profits?"

"You didn't mention anythin' at all," Nissy answered through gritted teeth.  He sat back on his haunches, contemplating his next move.

"Ms. Stonehenge, I have your order right here," and Seville pulled a large package out of the hall closet.  "One custom-made, paw-crafted, one-of-a-kind, five foot broom.  The sporty edition. Perfect for a lovely female witch such as yourself."

Nissy bit his lip, issuing forth a small cry.

Seville ignored his brother and continued explaining about the broom.  "The eggbeater is concealed under the straw of the broom, you see," and Seville pulled back the straw to reveal gleaming, metal beaters.  "No one will ever know the broom is being powered using eggbeater technology rather than witchy spells. And did I mention speed when we spoke last?  The broom has a maximum speed of eighty-five kilometres per hour for low flying but will exceed one hundred and fifty, at higher altitudes.  Clearly, for long-distance trips, you'll want to take a high-altitude flight path.  I would also recommend securing your hat."

Nerissa extended his tongue as if to wash a paw but rather, held it between his paws, thus preventing himself from interrupting Seville's spiel.

"This sporty edition was designed for maximum manoeuvrability," continued Seville.  "You can turn on a dime on this thing, if you so desire.  You've chosen an excellent model, Ms. Stonehenge. Your witchy friends will be mightily impressed."

Tabytha examined the broom closely.  "You said it was one of a kind?" she asked.

Seville pawed at the carpet.  "Um, yeah.  Yours was my only sale so yeah, definitely one of a kind."

Unable to restrain himself any longer, Nissy pulled at Seville's tail with a paw.  "We need to talk," he told his brother.

"Excuse us," Seville said to Tabytha.  Turning to Nerissa he hissed, "Niss, I'm in the midst of finalising a sale.  She hasn't paid for the broom, yet.  Can't this wait?"

"No, it can't.  I have some questions for you, Sivvers.  How did you access my password protected blog to set up a business?  Where did you get the brooms to sell?  And finally, does the peep know you're sellin' flyin' brooms from the hall closet?"

"Niss, I access your blog ALL the time.  Your password is nip.  Not very difficult to crack.  I ordered the brooms on-line, using the peep's credit card.  Easy.  And no, Peep #1 does not know I'm selling flying brooms from the hall closet and if my luck holds, she never will.  Don't tell on me, okay Niss?" Seville pleaded.  "I really want this business venture to work.  I'm thinking that The Broom Closet could be the next big thing."

"Fine," Nissy scowled.  "I won't tell the peep but you and I are gonna have a very long conversation about usin' my blog to promote your fly by night schemes when all this is over."

"Fly by night!  I LOVE THAT!  Niss, you're a genius.  I'm going to use that in The Broom Closet's next advertising campaign."

"Awww....  MOUSES!" Nissy cried in frustration.  Getting his brother to close up shop was going to be more difficult than he thought.

"It's perfect!" Tabytha suddenly squealed with delight.  While the boys had been deep in discussion, the witch had been quietly inspecting the new broom and had found it to be to her pleasing.  "I'll take it.  In fact, I'm going to fly it home, tonight."

Seville smirked at Nissy.  "See?" and he poked his brother in the side with a paw.  "Another happy customer.  The Broom Closet is going to do so well."

"Another?  But I thought you said Tabytha was your only customer?  Just how many schemes have you come up with, usin' my blog? Nissy asked Seville.

"Ummm...  Never mind that, Niss.  I'm workin' on this one now.  With your blog and my business acumen, we're going to do so well.  And I'll give you full credit for your Fly by Night motto thingy, there. That's brilliant, that is. Next Hallowe'en, I bet we'll double our sales!"

"You mean you'll sell two flyin' brooms, Sivvers? MOUSES!"

"Well, when you put it that way..." and Seville pawed at the floor.  "Actually, when you put it that way, I bet we'll triple our sales.  Yup, definitely triple them."

The boys watched as Tabytha Stonehenge flew off with her new acquisition from The Broom Closet. Seville purred to himself with satisfaction.  Nissy cringed, waiting for the next shoe to drop, but being thankful that neither he nor Seville actually wore shoes, thereby reducing the likelihood of any dropping.