Wednesday, 22 June 2016

I'm callin' the police

That's done it.  I've had it.  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!  Of all the mousin' moused-up nonsense.  I'm callin' the police, for sure. MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You wanna find me the number for the local police detachment or should I just call 911?

What's that, Peepers? What am I goin' on about, now?  Why am I wantin' the number for the police?

Well why do you think I want it?  I need the number in order to call 'em.

Never mind, Peepers.  I'll find it myself.  MOUSES!

What the mouses?  Why did you do that?  Why did you just hang the phone up on me?  I hadn't even finished dialin' the number.  MOUSES!

Uh-huh.  Yeah.  Yeah, I was.  And your point is?

MOUSES!

Look Peepers, let me show you this.  Now where's yesterday's paper?  Found it!  Let me find that article.  Hmmm...

See?  See that?  See that, Peepers?  Right there.  LOOK.

Apparently, some lady's cheese pizza didn't have enough cheese on it, so she called 911.  Says so right there.  Yup, some lady in Newfoundland called 911 to report that her cheese pizza didn't have enough cheese.

Actually...  MOUSES!

Now that I'm readin' this article more carefully, I'm noticin' that it doesn't specifically say the pizza in question was a cheese pizza.  Just says pizza.  Not every pizza is supposed to have cheese so that could have been the whole problem right there and...

What's that, Peepers?  You say the real problem was that she was callin' 911 about a pizza and that you're not supposed to call 911 about a lack of cheese on pizzas?

WELL I KNOW THAT!  Mouses, woman, what did you think I thought?  I know you're not supposed to call 911 'bout cheese and pizzas and stuff. You're supposed to call 911 only about important, life-threatening things. Things like emergencies.  So what's your point?

Peepers, do you see a pizza without enough cheese lyin' before me?  Do you?  DO YOU?

No, of course you don't!  What you see lyin' before me is a nip mouse.  MOUSES!

That's right, Peepers.  This here is a nip mouse however, it is a nip mouse that is nipless, for sure.

Oh my mouses, woman.  Of course I'm not callin' 911 on account of your not havin' put enough nip in my nip mouse.  That would be just like that lady from Newfoundland callin' about there not bein' enough cheese on her pizza except, of course, for the fact that we don't actually know there was even supposed to be cheese on that there pizza on account of it possibly not bein' a cheese pizza in the first place.  Now that's TOTALLY different from a nipless nip mouse because let's face it, nip mice are supposed to be stuffed with nip.  Says so right in the name.  Nip mouse.  Nip.  Mouse. Not mouse.  NIP mouse.  MOUSES!

NO I AM NOT NIPPED RIGHT NOW.  MOUSES!

Now what was my point?

Oh yeah.  My point is that my nip mouse no longer has any nip.  It had nip, once.  It had nip, yesterday.  It was once stuffed to the brim with the stuff but today, my nip mouse is nipless.  Not 'cause there wasn't enough nip in it in the first place but rather, because someone stole its nip. MOUSES!

Peepers, even you must know that when a kitty is the victim of a crime, that is exactly a reason to call 911.  And havin' one's nip stolen from one's nip mouse is definitely a crime.

Lookie here, Peepers.  See this mouse?  See this knitted mouse with it's belly torn apart like that?  See this mouse that I'm now callin' just a mouse on account of it no longer bein' a nip mouse on account of it no longer containin' any nip because somebody ripped into it and stole all of its nip?  Now if that's not a crime, I don't know what is.

But why do I need the police?  WHY DO I NEED THE POLICE?  What's wrong with you, woman?  I need the police to follow the trail of the missin' nip that was formerly inside of my nip mouse, that will lead to the culprit who tore into said nip mouse that is now just a mouse, as somebody stole all its nip. MOUSES!

I'm thinkin' the trail will lead 'em to Rushton or Anderson but you never know, it might lead 'em to Mason, too.

What's that, Peepers?  What does my nipless nip mouse have to do with pizzas and cheese? Pizzas that may or may not be cheese pizzas but definitely don't have enough of the cheese?

Well...  Hmmm...  Well...  Well now that I think about it, I have no idea.  MOUSES!