Wednesday, 30 November 2016

jingle bells

Jingle bells, Santa smells...

Wait a minute.  I CAN'T WRITE THAT! Cats have ended up on Santa's naughty list for far less.  MOUSES!

Oh hello there, my friends.  You caught me workin' on revising another Christmas song.

But now that I think about it, perhaps I should set that aside and work on the most important...

Hold on.  I sense inspiration coming.  Wait for it...

It's the most wonderful time of the year.

Scratch that.

It's the most important letter of the year.


That's right!  It's that time again. I need to write the most important letter of the year.  I need to write my letter to Santa Claus.  MOUSES!

You all have your letters written?  If not, it's time to get crackin' on 'em, for sure.  Tomorrow is the first day of December, and it won't be long now before Santa Claus is comin' to town.

Hmmm...  But I don't live in a town!  It's more like a dot on a map.  MOUSES!

No matter, Santa has come to my house every other year and I'm sure he'll come again this...

What's that Peepers?  Have I been good?


I think.

Let me get back to you 'bout that.

YES.  Yes, I have been very, very good.  I've been...

Pardon me Peepers?  What about what time?

That doesn't count.  I WAS PROVOKED.  MOUSES!

And that other time when I did what?

Peepers, have you met my fur-sibs?  Are you aware of how they tease and torment me?  And have you looked in a mirror lately?  Are you aware of how you...

Maybe I should just plead the fifth.

Bottom line is, it should come as no surprise to anyone, that sometimes, at my house, there is mischief.  MOUSES!

But back to that letter.

Dear Santa Claus,

Hello there.  Long time no see!  I trust you are well.  Mrs. Claus takin' good care of you?  Bakin' you lots of nip cookies and the like?  Hope so.


Anyway, I've been very, very good again this year.  Yes, there were a few indiscretions, here and there, but TRUST ME, they weren't my fault.  When you live with the peeps I live with, stuff happens.  Stuff happens a lot, and it's never my fault.  Honest.  MOUSES!

Which brings me to why I am writin'.

This year, all I want for Christmas is a nip mouse or two.  Maybe three.  As you probably know, it's always good to have some back-up nip mice when you live in a multi-cat household, as sometimes, a fur-sib will steal your nip mouse and slobber all over it.  Once a nip mouse has been slobbered all over by another cat, it's really never the same.  Believe me, I know.  MOUSES!

My fur-sibs Mason, Tess, Tobias, Rushton and Anderson would also like some nip mice for Christmas.  And if you could bring a couple for Dionysia, that would be great.  He or she - peeps STILL don't know if he's a boy or a girl - might spend Christmas morning with us and he'd feel left out if there was nothing under the tree with his name on it.  And perhaps an extra for Nosey-Neighbour-Cat?  You know, in case he visits too.

As per our contractual agreement signed in December of last year, I shall have the peep leave out a plate of nip sugar cookies for you.  Unless, of course, you would prefer cheddar-nip crackers this time 'round.  They're super delicious and I highly recommend them.  If you'd rather have the crackers, please let me know a couple days in advance.  There will be a nice pot of hot nip tea waiting for you, too.  You okay to fly your sleigh while nipped?  And what would the reindeer like?  If I remember correctly, last year they weren't too keen on the red-nosed carrot granola bars the peep made.  I TOLD her they'd rather have a sweet treat than stupid ol' granola.  MOUSES!

In case I don't actually see you on Christmas Eve, I'll wish you a Merry Christmas now.  Kisses and purrs to Mrs. Claus.  Please say hi to the elves for me.  All of them.  Yes, even the naughty ones. 

Love & Purrs,

There!  That ought to do it.  I'll have the peep mail my letter first thing tomorrow morning.

Now...  Time to get busy revising some more songs.  MOUSES!