Sunday, 22 October 2017

we need to talk

Hey Peepers!  Ya have a minute?

We need to talk.

No, you come in here.  You come in here, into the family room.

"EWWW...."

YES!  Score one for the cats.

MOUSES!

Hey Andy!  That was a great spot you picked for throwin' up.  Peep #1 never saw it comin'.

MOUSES!

But seriously Peepers, we do need to talk.  Come on over here and sit down next to me.  Right here.  Right next to me on this chair, and...

NO...  No I did not toss my cookies on the chair.  I'm not settin' you up for another throw-up incident.

'Least not this time.

MOUSES!

But SERIOUSLY Peepers, we NEED to talk.  And actually, it is about Andy and his throwin' up.

I know, I know...  He doesn't do it all that often these days.  But when he does...

When he does, it's 'cause he scarfed down all the treats without chewin'.  I mean, have you SEEN him go at those treats?  He's like a feline hoover!

No, not the President.  The vacuum!

I'm tellin' ya, peeps and their weird ideas.  You'd think she had been into the nip or somethin'.  MOUSES!

The thing is, Peepers, he's eatin' all the good ones.  Andy, I mean.  Andy is eatin' all the good treats.  And the other day, he started in on my freeze-dried salmon treats.  You know the ones.  The ones you keep just for me.

Yeah, yeah...  And for Mason, too.


BUT FOR NOBODY ELSE.

And ESPECIALLY not for that long-haired marmie feline vacuum freak.

Anyway, like I was sayin', the other day, Andy tore right into the package of freeze-dried salmon treats like his teeth were a pair of scissors or somethin'.  And after his recent dental, he doesn't even have all that many teeth!  I have no idea how he got into that package, at all.

And what a waste of good treats.  I'm tellin' you, Peepers, I don't think he can even taste them, he eats them so fast.  One second they're there on the floor or the table, and the next?  The next second they're all gone.  Straight from the lips to the hips, never touchin' anythin' in between.

And speakin' of hips, have you SEEN the size of Andy's hips lately?

Yeah, well that's on account of his eatin' everyone's treats.

MOUSES!

So anyway, I was thinkin'....

'Nough of that, Peepers.  'Nough of the OH-SO-YOU'RE-FINALLY-THINKIN' jokes.  There's no need to be rude.

So anyway, I WAS THINKIN', you should just start givin' Andy regular ol' dry kibble, and tell him that those bits of regular ol' kibble are treats, thereby savin' the REAL treats for me.

Yeah, yeah...  And for Mason, too.

He'll never know the difference, Peepers.  Honestly, he won't.  He'll just scarf 'em down, thinkin' they're treats.  Trust me on this one, Peepers, I'm right about this.  TRUST ME.

Have you ever known me to tell a lie, Peepers?  Have you?

DON'T ANSWER THAT.

MOUSES!