thirty-two weeks

Social distancin', people.  SOCIAL DISTANCIN'!!!

What?  What's that you're sayin' there, little birdy?

Oh.

Hmmm...

Well then...

Social distancin' birdies.  SOCIAL DISTANCIN'!!!

I'm tellin' ya, those birdies are gettin' WAY TOO CLOSE to me, for comfort.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', why would I, Seville THE CAT, mind little birdies gettin' close enough for me to reach out a paw, and...

'Cause peeps frown over my reachin' out my paws to touch birdies, that's why.

MOUSES!

If you remember, my last blog post was about those blue jays eatin' us out of house and home and if you're wonderin' if they're still doin' that, wonder no more.  They are still doin' it, for sure.

MOUSES!

But this here post isn't just 'bout blue jays.  No sirree.  This here post is 'bout blue jays and chickadees and woodpeckers, too!

Not to mention a squirrel.

MOUSES!

This mornin' I made myself comfy on the love seat out there on the veranda waitin' for the Bird TV show to begin, when all of a sudden, the veranda EXPLODED with a flurry of activity.  Next thing I knew, there were birds of all sorts flyin' about.  No fewer than six blue jays were knockin' about the cylindrical feeders and scatterin' seed all over the ground, chickadees were dartin' in and out of the globe theatre..  I mean, feeder, and a woodpecker was hangin' from the suet one and peckin' away.  Mere minutes later, a big ol' grey squirrel came along and decided to join in on the fun.

Now you'd think that I, Seville THE CAT, would appreciate such a lively show, but...

BUT THE BIRDIES WERE GETTIN' WAY TOO CLOSE TO ME, FOR SURE!

HAVE THEY NEVER HEARD OF SOCIAL DISTANCIN', THESE BIRDS?

I'm tellin' ya, peeps here in Nova Scotia have been social distancin' for the last one hundred and seventy-four million, one hundred and eighty-two thousand, four hundred cat seconds, due to this ol' pandemic thingy, but birds?

APPARENTLY BIRDS CAN'T SOCIAL DISTANCE FOR EVEN ONE HOUR.

MOUSES!

Now I don't expect them to social distance 'mongst themselves.  I did, but I don't anymore, for that was a waste of expectations, for sure.

BUT THE LEAST THEY CAN DO IS SOCIAL DISTANCE FROM ME.

Why, you ask?  Why do I want those blue jays and chickadees and woodpeckers to keep six paws away from me at all times?

Well...

Well 'cause I'm a cat.  And cats, given the opportunity of havin' a blue jay sit there starin' at 'em merely inches away, are likely to succumb to temptation, and...

DON'T GET YOUR KNICKERS IN A TWIST THERE, WOMAN!  I TOLD 'EM TO SOCIAL DISTANCE AND THEY DIDN'T, SO IT'S NOT MY FAULT IF I CATCH A BIRDIE OR TWO.  NOT MY FAULT AT ALL!  IF THEY WERE ABIDIN'  BY THE PUBLIC HEALTH DIRECTIVES, THEY'D BE OUT OF MY REACH AND YOUR KNICKERS WOULD REMAIN UNTWISTED.

MOUSES!

As I was sayin' before havin' to explain somethin' to Peepers, when birdies fail to social distance, cats are likely to succumb to temptation and get in trouble from their peeps.

That cheeky blue jay is just lucky he can fly faster than I can swat.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

dinner is served

HEY PEEPERS!  Got you somethin'.

And FYI, you don't have to go shoppin' this week.

MOUSES!

Well SQUIRREL, actually.  It's not a mouse.

SQUIRRELSIES?

Doesn't really have the same ring to it, if you know what I mean.  Methinks I'll stick to the original.

MOUSES!

What do you MEAN you don't eat squirrel?  You worried this here squirrel might be a relative or somethin'?  I know you're a bit squirrelly, but I didn't think it was...

Well...

Genetic.

MOUSES!

For mousin' out loud.  A kitty brings home a nice squirrel roast and what does a kitty get?

Nothin' but grief.

MOUSES!

Peepers, I was doin' you a favour.  I was bringin' home the bacon...  I mean, squirrel.  I THOUGHT you'd appreciate my hard work.  I THOUGHT...

Oh yeah...  You're a VEGGIEtarian.

Hmph.

Shoulda brought home some lettuce instead.

Be right back.

HEY PEEPERS!  IS STINGIN' NETTLE THE SAME AS LETTUCE?

Just kiddin'...

MOUSES!

So anyway, since you didn't appreciate the effort I made regardin' tonight's dinner, I'll take my squirrel back now.

What do you MEAN you put it away?

No, seriously, WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

You wrapped it up in a paper towel, took it outside, and said a little prayer while laying it to rest?

YOU WHAT?

Mouses, woman, I caught that squirrel with my own four paws, and you...

Stupid, good for nothin', unappreciative, dimwitted peeps...

MOUSES!

And what are you doin' now?

Who are you callin', Peepers?  WHO ARE YOU CALLIN'?

You're not callin' the squirrel police, are you?  'Cause there's no need to do anythin' so rash as that.  There's no need to...

YOU'RE WHAT?

DON'T YOU DARE CALL THE VET.  DON'T YOU DARE!

I DO NOT NEED A DEWORMIN' PILL JUST 'CAUSE I CAUGHT A SQUIRREL.  I DO NOT!  I DIDN'T EVEN EAT IT!

Oh sure, I would have eaten it had I been given the chance, but you took it away before I got to, and...

Peepers, I promise never to catch a squirrel again.  If I promise to never, ever, ever catch another squirrel, will you promise not to call the vet?  Please?  PLEASE?  PLEASE?

I have the meanest, nastiest peep in the world wide world.

FACT.

MOUSES!

Well that's the last time I ever go grocery shoppin' for Peepers again.  The last time, I tell you.  The LAST TIME!

A kitty goes grocery shoppin' for their peep and what does a kitty get?

Nothin' but grief.

Not to mention a stupid dewormin' pill.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to MASK UP, too.