misplaced aggression

Hey Saffy, what's up?  You're lookin' a little olive 'round the gills.

It's an expression, my man.  It's just an expression.  I'm not sayin' your charcoal grey furs have suddenly turned green.  Just means you look like you're feelin' unwell.

Well yes, the expression usually is green around the gills, but I'm tryin' to expand my vocabulary, you see.

MOUSES!

So anyway...  What's up?

Uh-huh.  Uh-huh.  Interestin'.  Hmmm...

So you definitely heard her usin' the term misplaced aggression, huh?  You're sure that was the term?

THEN WHAT ON EARTH DID YOU DO?

MOUSES!

Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.  Uh-huh.  Again, interestin'.  Very interestin', indeed.  Hmmm....

And you're sure you did nothin' at all.  You're sure you didn't lash out at her or anythin' like that?  You're sure you weren't upset with someone else and decided to take it out on the peep?  You're absolutely positively really and truly sure?

You are sure, you say.  Well not to worry, Saffy, my man.  I know the peep and I know her very well.  Peepers never holds cases of misplaced aggression against us cats.  Never!

Believe me, I know.

MOUSES!

SHE SAID WHAT?

ARE YOU SURE?

You're sure you heard Peepers say that if it happened again, she would put a stop to it, herself?

YOU'RE REALLY SURE?

And uh...  Ummm...  Well exactly how was she gonna put a stop to this case of misplaced aggression of yours?  I mean, you've already been neutered.  There's not much else she can do.

MOUSES!

SHE SAID WHAT?

Oh.

Wait a minute, ol' brother of mine.  Methinks you've got your tail in a twist, all for nothin'.  I don't think Peepers was talking 'bout you, at all.

BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE ANY SOCIAL MEDIA ACCOUNTS, Saffy, my man.  Peepers can't unfriend you or block you or anythin' like that in an attempt to put a stop to any outlandish and outrageous comments you make, on account of your not bein' on Facebook or Twitter to say stupid stuff in the first place.

I, other the paw, have to be super careful, for sure.  What with my blog and my fan page on Facebook, and all; not to mention my account over on Twitter.  Yup, I have to be super careful of what I say all the time, which is why...

Which is why I NEVER post stuff when I'm nipped.

MOUSES!

I once knew this cat who used to get nipped all the time before takin' to the keys, postin' all kinds of naughty stuff.  It was not a pretty sight, to be sure.

What did he say, you ask?  What did he SAY?

I have no idea, to tell you the truth.  What I meant was, it wasn't a pretty sight to see.  He once posted this picture of himself all nipped up like no cat has ever been nippered before.  His tongue was hangin' out and lollin' about; and there was drool drippin' down from his dewlaps.

Dewlaps.  You know, means jowls.  Like I said, I'm tryin' to expand my vocabulary, you see.

MOUSES!

But my point is, Saffron, that cat lay there lookin' just like a dog.

Not a pretty sight, at all.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

misplaced aggression

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', why did I scratch the peep?

Well I didn't.  So there.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', why did Saffy bite the peep?

Well to tell you the truth, he didn't.  At least not today.  Not so far, anyway.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', then what the mouses is Seville rattlin' on about now?

Well...

Well let me tell you a story, my friends.  A story 'bout peeps misplacin' their aggression.  Not my aggression.  Not Saffy's.  THEIRS.

MOUSES!

No, some stranger peep didn't come over to my house and scratch or bite Peepers.

I don't think.

MOUSES!

Okay, so here's the thing about peeps: Sometimes peeps do or don't do stuff they shouldn't or should be doin' and then, instead of admittin' their mistake or poor judgement and learnin' from it, they feel guilty 'bout what they did or didn't do, and then get all hot under the collar for no good reason.

It's a fact.

MOUSES!

My peep, you ask?  What did MY peep do that she shouldn't have done, or didn't do what she should have done, and is feelin' all guilty 'bout havin' or not havin' done what she should or shouldn't have done, and is now takin' HER MISPLACED AGGRESSION FUELLED BY GUILT out on Saffy and me?

Well...

Well to tell you the truth, I'm not sure.  BUT I DO KNOW THERE WAS SOMETHIN' on account of her bein' short-tempered this mornin' when SOME KITTY - not mentionin' any names - was scratchin' the new family room chesterfield.

Okay, so it's not actually new.  The chesterfield, I mean.  But it is newER than the couch in the livin' room, by several years.

Newer than Peepers, too, but then practically everythin' is.

MOUSES!

So anyway, as you know, cats in this here house RULE so if a kitty wants to scratch furniture or whatever, said kitty should not be scolded or chastised or anythin' like that for doin' so.  Not even Saffy.  Nope, not even him.  I, Seville the Cat, decided long ago that if a cat needs to scratch somethin', a cat should not have to walk all the way across the room to an official scratchin' post to scratch.

MOUSES!

And if a peep is gonna get all uppity and cranky and goodness knows what just 'cause a kitty NEEDS to get in a good stretch and scratch and the nearest thing to scratch - other than a peep's leg - happens to be a chesterfield, then OBVIOUSLY said cranky ol' peep has a case of misplaced aggression, most likely due to feelings of guilt about somethin' she did or didn't do that she shouldn't or should have done.

Or somethin' like that.

Of course, we cats never suffer from this kind of guilt-fuelled misplaced aggression on account of our bein' cats.  As cats, we're pretty much perfect, and therefore never do anythin' wrong, and so obviously never have feelings of guilt.  There's no reason to feel guilty when you're always in the right, you see.

MOUSES! 

Peeps, on the other paw, need to learn how to stop makin' mistakes and keep their stupid ol' crankiness all to themselves.

Imagine scoldin' a cat for scratchin' a couch.

MOUSES!

***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.