summer snow

It's hot again today, so I thought I'd write about that.

But then I thought, it was kinda chilly yesterday.  Perhaps I should write about THAT.

But THEN I thought, I can't write 'bout crazy weather in every blog post I write.

Well TECHNICALLY, I probably could.  Write 'bout crazy weather, that is.  'CAUSE IT'S NOT LIKE MOTHER NATURE ISN'T GIVIN' ME LOTS OF CRAZY WEATHER ABOUT WHICH TO WRITE.

MOUSES!

But THEN I thought...

But then I thought, my readers are probably tired of hearing about Canadian weather.

MOUSES!

'Cept, of course, when it snows.

In the summer.

Yeah, 'cept, of course, when we have snow in the summer.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', it was snowin' in summer?  Now THAT'S stereotypical Canadian weather, for sure.

MOUSES!

Except....

Except it wasn't really snowin'.

Long story short, Peepers did a little bakin' yesterday, and the bakin' involved usin' some flour, and...

Yeah, she make a right big mess all over the kitchen.

MOUSES!

But truth be told, I didn't mind.  Why would I?  It's not like I was gonna have to clean the darned mess all up.

No, Saffy didn't have to, either.

Peepers' mess; Peepers needs to start cleanin'.

MOUSES!

Plus...

Plus, when Peepers makes a right big ol' mess, it kinda takes the pressure off us kitties regardin' the times WE make messes in the house.  It kinda makes her forget all about those.

Not that I, Seville the Cat, ever make a mess.

Well, not big ones, anyway.

And not TOO messy.

Okay, there was that one time...

But how was I supposed to know that tray of craftin' stuff wasn't properly situated on the coffee table?

And how was I supposed to know that if a kitty were to step on said tray, said tray would flip right over?

And how was I supposed to know that all those little things on the tray were so little and THAT THERE WERE SO DARNED MANY and that they'd all go flyin' all over the family room?

HOW?

And to tell you the truth, Peepers is still findin' beads here and there in the family room, a couple weeks later.

But Saffy and I just wave a dismissive paw in the air and remind her it's like she's findin' lost treasure.

So far, she's not buyin' it.

But one day...

One day, she probably will.

Perhaps.

Maybe.

Actually, to tell you the truth, I'm pretty sure she will.  Buy it, I mean.  Or perhaps that should be believe.  But anyway, one day she most likely will forget all 'bout that little ol' mess with the tray of craftin' things flyin' through the air, dispersin' who knows what pretty much everywhere.

One day.

Probably sooner if I should happen to make another - perhaps bigger - mess.

Not that I ever do.

Make messes, I mean.

Well, I don't admit to making 'em, anyway.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

wanna pass me...

Hey Peepers!  Wanna pass me that ol' bottle of glue up there on that there shelf?

Why?

Uh...

No reason.

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  Wanna pass me that ol' broom over in that there corner?  The little one, please.  The one with the short handle is what I need.

Why?

'CAUSE THE BIG ONE IS WAY TOO BIG FOR ME TO USE.

What a silly peep.

MOUSES!

Oh.  I see.  So you uh...  So you weren't wonderin' why I wanted the little paw-sized broom rather than the big one with the long handle but rather, you were wonderin' why I was wantin' any kinda broom at all.

Well uh...

No reason.

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  Wanna pass me...

Well that's just rude, that is.  You didn't even let me finish my sentence.

MOUSES!

Okay.  Fine.  I'LL TELL YOU WHY I NEED...

On second thought, never mind.

'CAUSE IF I TELL YOU WHY, YOU'LL BE ASKIN' ALL SORTS OF AWKWARD QUESTIONS 'BOUT HOW THIS HAPPENED AND HOW THAT HAPPENED AND HOW...

'CAUSE I DON'T LIKE ANSWERIN' AWKWARD QUESTIONS, THAT'S WHY.

And truth be told, I'm not even sure how it happened in the first place.

What?  How what happened you say?

Well...

Well all I know is, there were some papers up on the table in your...  I mean our....   I MEAN MY office, the other day.  But this mornin', said papers were all on the floor.  I have absolutely no idea how they ended up on the floor.  Absolutely NO idea, at all.

I swear.

AND I ALSO HAVE NO IDEA how they ended up all shredded to bits.  Shredded like they went through a shredder or somethin' like that.  Like you know...  A shredder.

Shredder...  Cat's claws...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

WELL THAT'S WHY I WAS WANTIN' THE GLUE!

Well 'cause I...  'Cause I was gonna piece all those pieces of paper together and glue 'em all up, and...

'CAUSE WHEN I USE STICKY TAPE THE TAPE GETS ALL STUCK ON MY FURS!

Learned that lesson the hard way, for sure.

MOUSES!

But don't worry, Peepers.  Even though I have absolutely no idea how what happened, happened, I did check to make sure no one used the aforementioned shredded paper as uh...

Um...

Well as a bathroom, if you know what I mean.

'CAUSE I'M NOT SWEEPIN' UP SHREDDED PAPERS TO GLUE 'EM TOGETHER IF SAID PAPERS ARE COVERED IN PEE.

Or worse.

Nope, that's the kinda job one leaves for a peep.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

the accident

 

Hmmm...  What was that noise I just heard?

Tinklin', but not tinkLY.

Stuff droppin', for sure, but more thunky than tinkly, if you know what I mean.

"ARRRGGGGHHHH!!!"

Now that was a screech if I ever heard one.  Could be a screech owl, I suppose.  Could also be the peep.

Maybe Peepers is practicin' her singin'?

I, Seville the Cat, must investigate.

*looks about and perks up ears*

AH-HA!  Methinks the sounds are comin' from the other room.

*stealthily approaches the kitchen door*

PEEPERS!  WHAT THE MOUSES ARE YOU DOIN' IN HERE?  WHAT'S ALL THIS STUFF ALL OVER THE FLOOR?

*sniffs*

Food, but not edible food.  BIRD food, I do believe.

MOUSES!

Peepers, might I ask why you've scattered bird seed all over the kitchen floor?  Besides the fact that you've made an utter and complete mess, the birds are outside, AND WE DON'T WANT 'EM EATIN' INDOORS.

Cat got your tongue, there, Peepers?

BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!  That was a good one, for sure.  I know one shouldn't laugh at one's own jokes, but hey, when you're as funny I am, stuff happens.

MOUSES!

So anyway, why DID you scatter bird seed all over the floor?  You goin' nuts there, ol' peep of mine?  Bonkers?  Losin' control?

Not that I haven't already seen the signs...

PEEPERS!  YOU HARD OF HEARIN', AS WELL?

"It was an accident."

*sniffs the air*

Nope, I don't smell any accidents.  Usually when you or I have an accident, there are poopies or somethin' on the wrong side of the litter box, but I can always sniff that out in a jiff, an'...

"NOT THAT KIND OF ACCIDENT, SEVILLE.  And you know darn well I don't use your litter box."

Good thing, too.  I'm not sharin' my box with no peep.

MOUSES!

"If you must know, I went to pour the birdseed into the measuring cup I use to fill the feeders, and I accidentally poured it all on the floor."

Just as I thought, YOU ARE losin' it there, Peepers.

Losin'...  Lost...  Whatever.

MOUSES!

But don't you worry there, ol' peep of mine.  All is not lost.  Now I'm talking 'bout the bird seed bein' lost...  Or not lost...  Or whatever, and not your mind...  'Cause believe you me, that ship sailed ages and ages ago.

Sailed away and was lost at sea, I suppose.

But back to my point.  'Bout the birdseed, I mean.  Peepers, at least it wasn't MY food you poured all over the floor, 'cause that would have been a tragedy, for sure.  I mean, my food is mine, right?  My food is valuable.  My food belongs in my tummy, and not scattered all over to be stepped on and mushed all about.  Had you spilled MY food like that...  UGH....  Makes me just shiver at the thought.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

not MY mess

No way.  No how.

MOUSES!

Peepers, I am NOT takin' the blame for that mess.

MOUSES!

Because it's not my mess, that's why.

No, I'm not blaming my fur-sibs for the mess at all.

In actual fact...

Well...

WELL...

Well in actual fact, I happen to be blaming you.

MOUSES!

Because Peepers, if you look carefully, you'll see that the mess I left was...

I MEAN, the mess I MIGHT have left, on account of my not bein' the only kitty livin' here in this here house, and short of a DNA test, there's no way you can prove it was me, which is why we can only say might, and...

Hmmm...

Now where was I again?

Oh yeah, as I was saying, if you look CAREFULLY, you'll see that the mess SOME KITTY left was comparatively small to the mess that's now there.

AND FOR THE RECORD, the mess that is now there - the big one, I mean - didn't appear until you arrived with the carpet cleaner, tryin' to clean up the Teeny-Tiny mess SOME KITTY left on the carpet.

Out of interest there, Peepers, is the carpet cleaner SUPPOSED to spit dirty water out of its bottom like that?

Inquiin' minds wanna know.

MOUSES!

Bwahahahahahahahahaha!!!

What's so funny, you ask?

Well...

Well the carpet cleaner spat dirty water out of its bottom.

Its BOTTOM.

IT'S BUM!

HAHAHA...

It's like the carpet cleaner PEED itself.

And FYI, by the looks of it, there might have been a little somethin' more than just pee in there.

Just sayin'...

MOUSES!

Anyway, as I stated before, THAT mess there, the BIG one, was left by the carpet cleaner, and not by little ol' me.  Not by any of us kitties, in fact.

But YOU, Peepers, were operatin' the carpet cleaner at the time, so...

So that there big ol' mess is ALL YOURS.

MOUSES!

the struggle is real

The struggle is real, my friends.

THE STRUGGLE IS REAL!

You know those two long-haired, freaky marmie brothers of mine, right?

Well let me tell you, my friends, dealin' with 'em is a real struggle, for sure.

MOUSES!

So the other day...

So the other day, Rushy got into the sunroom.

Need I say more?

Yeah, pottin' soil...  EVERYWHERE.

MOUSES!

I don't know what that brother of mine was thinkin'.  I mean, what did that poor plant pot ever do to him?

Well I can tell you it's not likely to do anythin' now.

I'm pretty sure it's dead.

The plant pot, I mean.

Did I mention how there was pottin' soil, everywhere?

MOUSES!

Personally, I think he thought it was a litter box.

CLEARLY, the cat is delusional.

I mean, half the time he's complainin' the actual litter boxes aren't big enough for him.

And he really thought he could do his business in a wee little ol' plant pot?

But try tellin' him that.

MOUSES!

Well, the peep walked into the sunroom, took one look around, and found pottin' soil just about everywhere pottin' soil wasn't supposed to be, and...


And no pottin' soil in the plant pot, which is where it WAS supposed to be, and...

And she freaked.

MOUSES!

So there I was, havin' to deal with a long-haired, freaky marmie brother on the one paw...

And a freakin' peep, on the other.

And I said to myself:

RUN.

So I skedaddled right out of there, for sure.

I mean, what else did you expect me to do?

MOUSES!

So now...

So now, the sunroom door has been shut.

And it's stayin' that way, the peep says, until she decides otherwise.

Yup, the sunroom has been locked up tighter than Fort Knox, for sure.

But I'm not too concerned 'bout the heightened security.

I mean...

I mean, stuff like this never lasts.  The peep will have long forgotten 'bout keepin' that ol' door shut, in no time at all.

In fact, she'll probably have forgotten 'bout it by sometime tomorrow.

The peep kinda has the attention span of a fungus gnat, you see.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that?  What's that you're babblin' on about now, Peepers?

Oh.


Well...

Well for all you know, maybe fungus gnats have GOOD attention spans.  MAYBE...  Maybe when I compare your ability to pay attention and stuff to that of fungus gnats, I'm actually payin' you a compliment.

EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?

Or on the other paw, maybe not.

MOUSES!

the mysterious mess

What?  What?  What's THIS, now?

Hmmm...

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You go out and adopt a horse or somethin'?

MOUSES!

I, Seville the Cat, am gonna have to get to the bottom of this.

MOUSES!

So there I was, takin' my daily constitutional, which, by the way, has nothin' to do with either constitutions, or the law, except for the fact that I, Seville the Cat, am kinda like the law around here, when...

Uh...

Oh-oh, I appear to have lost my train of thought, which, by the way, has nothin' to do with actual trains, except for the fact that I do love trains of all sorts; especially trains that go to neat and excitin' places.  Like if a small train were to be set up to go 'round and 'round my yard, and...

Um...

Oh-oh, my mind appears to have wandered off, goin' in a direction different to what I was originally talkin' about, which, by the way, has nothin' to do with actual wanderin', except for the fact that...

OH YEAH!  Now I remember.  I was wanderin' about my garden this mornin', checkin' out this and that - as I usually do  when...

When all of a sudden, I found this big ol' mess, all over my driveway.

MOUSES!

Now it seemed to me, that the mess I found, might very well have been left by a horse, which - OF COURSE - was why I was askin' ol' Peepers if she had gone out and adopted one.  The thought of the peep havin' adopted a horse concerned me greatly, 'cause truth be told, sharin' a litter box with a horse is NOT somethin' a kitty like me is willin' to do.

MOUSES!

Bad enough I have to sometimes share with my brothers.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, there I was walkin' about my garden, when I found that there big 'ol mess.

Pardon me?  What?  What's that you're askin'?  What is it you're needin' to know?

OH NO...  No, no, no, no no...  There were no horse poopies on the driveway, although I can totally see why you might have come to that conclusion.  But no, the mess I found, was a totally different kinda mess.  It was a less mucky, less stinky, and much more untidy kinda mess.

Okay, I won't keep you in suspense any longer.

What I found was...

What I found, was hay.  Yup, hay.  There were bits and pieces of hay all over the place.  Bits of hay here, and bits of hay there.   There were bits of hay, pretty much everywhere.

Then, if you can believe it, I took a quick peek inside the car, and what did I see?

I saw, MORE HAY.

MOUSES!

That's right, my friends, the car was full of hay.  Can you believe it?  HAY!

Okay, so it was more like the remnants of hay, and not actually filled up to the roof.  But seriously, there was hay all over.  All over the back seat and the floor, THERE WAS HAY.

And THAT, my friends, is why I was askin' the peep if she had gone out and adopted a horse, 'cause you know...  Horses have been known to like hay.

But anyway...

But anyway, when I asked the peep 'bout the hay bein' all over the place, she just flung her hands up in the air and said, "Who knew four little bales of hay could make such a mess?"

MOUSES!

Now unfortunately, Peep #1's so-called answer has left me with even MORE unanswered questions, like...

Like, Why the mouses do you NEED hay?

And, Why the mouses are you bringin' HOME hay?

Not to mention, What the mouses were you thinkin', puttin' hay in the car, in the FIRST place?

And we absolutely mustn't forget the question of ALL questions:  PEEPERS, HAVE YOU GONE UTTERLY BONKERS IN YOUR OLD AGE?

Now that last question, I believe I can answer for myself.

Yes.  Yes, Peep #1 clearly has gone utterly bonkers in her old age, although truth be told, she has probably BEEN bonkers, all along.

MOUSES!

As for my other questions, to this day, they remain unanswered.

So...

So I don't know about you, but I'M keepin' an eye out for horses.

You know, just in case.

MOUSES!

hey Peepers!

Hey Peepers!  Somebody threw up in the livin' room.

Well I thought you'd like to know, that's all.

'Cause I was tryin' to be helpful, that's why. MOUSES!

Try to help out a peep and what do you get? Nothin' but grief.  Nothin' but grief and..

NO...  It wasn't me.

Well how would I know?  I live here with five other cats.  Six, at the mo, on account of Dionysus havin' slept over for a few nights.  Could have been any one of us...

I mean, THEM.

MOUSES!

Well you're just gonna have to take my word for it, Peepers.  It wasn't me and that is a fact, for sure.

Hey Peepers!  Somebody pooped on the wrong side of the litter box in the downstairs bathroom.

NO...  It wasn't me.

Did you really have to ask?  I mean, would I do somethin' like that?  For mousin' out loud...

But now that I think about it, it was probably one of those long-haired marmie brothers of mine.  You know, on account of the downstairs bathroom litter box bein' a tad on the small side for them and...

'Cause!  'Cause like I said before, I was tryin' to be helpful.  And also like before, my helpfulness was greeted with nothin' but grief.  Nothin' but grief and...

HEY...  For all I know, it could have been you.  Yeah, YOU.

Peepers, did you happen to poop on the wrong side of the litter box in the downstairs bathroom today?

Quit your griping, woman.  I was merely askin' a question.

A question, if I may add, you had no trouble askin' of me.  MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  Somebody knocked over the two big water dishes in the kitchen.

NO...  It wasn't me.

Actually...  Actually, that might have been me.

Let me see...  Did I knock over any water dishes as I was runnin' through the kitchen earlier today? Hmmm...

Nope, it wasn't me, Peepers.  I'm pretty sure the dish I knocked over was the one with the dry kibble for snackin' and...

Ummm....  Never mind 'bout that.  Pretend I said nothing at all.

Hey Peepers!  Somebody...

What's that, Peepers?  You don't wanna know?  You don't wanna hear any more of my helpful bits of information?

Really?

Really?

REALLY?

Well I'll be...

Then I don't suppose I need tell you 'bout what I did in the sunroom this morning, huh?

I mean, I don't suppose I need to point out how I did absolutely nothin' at all in the sunroom and...

And uh...  Um...

Never mind.

MOUSES!