woof

Woof.

Nope.

Woof woof.

Nope, not that, either.

Woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof.

Better, I suppose.

Woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof woof, woof woof woof; then take a breath and start all over again.

Now that's more like it, for sure.

MOUSES!

You ever notice...  Have you ever noticed, my friends, how dogs really like to woof?

Woof... bark... whatever.

MOUSES!

And they don't seem to care about what or at whom they're barkin'.  They just like to bark.  And bark and bark and bark.

MOUSES!

Why just the other night, there were some doggies barkin' in my neighbourhood.  And they were barkin' a lot.  And it was loud!  Woke me right up, for sure.

Okay, so truthfully meowin', the barkin' WOULD have woken me up had I been asleep.

But I wasn't.

Asleep, that is.

I was totally wide awake.

But the barkin' was loud enough to awaken any cat who wasn't.

You know, already awake.

MOUSES!

Now I have no idea who those doggies were.  And I have no idea at whom they were barkin'.  Maybe a deer.  Maybe a skunk.  Maybe even at their own shadows!

Dogs do that, you know.  Bark at their own shadows, I mean.

At least that's what I've heard.

MOUSES!

What I DO know is that they weren't barkin' at me.

This time.

I don't think.

Nope, they definitely weren't barkin' at me.  And I can say that with absolute certainty on account of the fact that I, Seville the Cat, was inside.  As was Saffy.  And so were the peeps.  So no one in my family was makin' those doggies bark.

This time.

MOUSES!

But speakin' of doggies barkin' at cats...

So we happen to have a couple neighbourly neighbour dogs.  They're neighbours 'cause they kinda live next door.  And they're NEIGHBOURLY 'cause they like to say hello.

A lot.

Woof woof, woof woof woof!

MOUSES!

They used to woof at Peepers all the time, whenever they saw her out in the yard, but they don't do that anymore.  Peepers says it's 'cause they're used to her now.  I SAY it's 'cause they don't like the look of her and therefore want nothin' to do with her, at all.

One of us is probably right.

I'm bettin' it's me.

It usually is.

MOUSES!

But Saffy?  Oh, they sure do like the look of him.  They bark at Saffron a lot.

At least one of 'em does.

PROBABLY on account of Saffron's habit of sittin' near the edge of our property and glarin'...  I mean, starin'.  I MEAN glancin'...  Yeah, that's what I mean.  Glacin'.  Saffy sits there, right near the edge of our property and demurely glances in the direction of the doggy who happens to be tied up on a lead, and the next thing you know...

A CACOPHANY OF BARKIN' ENSUES.

And Saffy just sits there 'til the barkin' dies down.

THEN HE STRIKES ANOTHER POSE.

And the barkin' starts up all over again.

MOUSES!

Why, I've never heard a doggy bark so loudly or so much.

'Cept, of course, the day BOTH doggies were barkin' at two peeps ridin' horsies out on the road.

Of course, you can't blame the doggies for barkin' at horsies.  I mean, I'D bark at horsies, myself!

If I were inclined to bark.

IF I were a dog.

But as I'm neither of those, I'd be more likely to run like the dickens to find a good spot to hide.

HAVE YOU ANY IDEA JUST HOW BIG HORSIES CAN BE?

MOUSES!

Which brings me to some questions I was gonna ask the peep but forgot, so I'll ask you all, instead.

Where do horsies poop?  Do they have litter boxes?  Or do they poop right out on the road?  And if it's the latter, who scoops up and baggies their poop?

'CAUSE I'M TELLIN' YOU RIGHT NOW, IT'S NEVER GONNA BE ME.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

the mysterious mess

What?  What?  What's THIS, now?

Hmmm...

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You go out and adopt a horse or somethin'?

MOUSES!

I, Seville the Cat, am gonna have to get to the bottom of this.

MOUSES!

So there I was, takin' my daily constitutional, which, by the way, has nothin' to do with either constitutions, or the law, except for the fact that I, Seville the Cat, am kinda like the law around here, when...

Uh...

Oh-oh, I appear to have lost my train of thought, which, by the way, has nothin' to do with actual trains, except for the fact that I do love trains of all sorts; especially trains that go to neat and excitin' places.  Like if a small train were to be set up to go 'round and 'round my yard, and...

Um...

Oh-oh, my mind appears to have wandered off, goin' in a direction different to what I was originally talkin' about, which, by the way, has nothin' to do with actual wanderin', except for the fact that...

OH YEAH!  Now I remember.  I was wanderin' about my garden this mornin', checkin' out this and that - as I usually do  when...

When all of a sudden, I found this big ol' mess, all over my driveway.

MOUSES!

Now it seemed to me, that the mess I found, might very well have been left by a horse, which - OF COURSE - was why I was askin' ol' Peepers if she had gone out and adopted one.  The thought of the peep havin' adopted a horse concerned me greatly, 'cause truth be told, sharin' a litter box with a horse is NOT somethin' a kitty like me is willin' to do.

MOUSES!

Bad enough I have to sometimes share with my brothers.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, there I was walkin' about my garden, when I found that there big 'ol mess.

Pardon me?  What?  What's that you're askin'?  What is it you're needin' to know?

OH NO...  No, no, no, no no...  There were no horse poopies on the driveway, although I can totally see why you might have come to that conclusion.  But no, the mess I found, was a totally different kinda mess.  It was a less mucky, less stinky, and much more untidy kinda mess.

Okay, I won't keep you in suspense any longer.

What I found was...

What I found, was hay.  Yup, hay.  There were bits and pieces of hay all over the place.  Bits of hay here, and bits of hay there.   There were bits of hay, pretty much everywhere.

Then, if you can believe it, I took a quick peek inside the car, and what did I see?

I saw, MORE HAY.

MOUSES!

That's right, my friends, the car was full of hay.  Can you believe it?  HAY!

Okay, so it was more like the remnants of hay, and not actually filled up to the roof.  But seriously, there was hay all over.  All over the back seat and the floor, THERE WAS HAY.

And THAT, my friends, is why I was askin' the peep if she had gone out and adopted a horse, 'cause you know...  Horses have been known to like hay.

But anyway...

But anyway, when I asked the peep 'bout the hay bein' all over the place, she just flung her hands up in the air and said, "Who knew four little bales of hay could make such a mess?"

MOUSES!

Now unfortunately, Peep #1's so-called answer has left me with even MORE unanswered questions, like...

Like, Why the mouses do you NEED hay?

And, Why the mouses are you bringin' HOME hay?

Not to mention, What the mouses were you thinkin', puttin' hay in the car, in the FIRST place?

And we absolutely mustn't forget the question of ALL questions:  PEEPERS, HAVE YOU GONE UTTERLY BONKERS IN YOUR OLD AGE?

Now that last question, I believe I can answer for myself.

Yes.  Yes, Peep #1 clearly has gone utterly bonkers in her old age, although truth be told, she has probably BEEN bonkers, all along.

MOUSES!

As for my other questions, to this day, they remain unanswered.

So...

So I don't know about you, but I'M keepin' an eye out for horses.

You know, just in case.

MOUSES!