not a good idea

That's not a good idea, Saffy.  Not. A Good. Idea.

MOUSES!

I said, it's not a good idea.  It's not a good idea as in it bein' a bad idea; as in it actually bein' a really and truly, super-duper bad idea, for sure.

MOUSES!

'Cause Peepers doesn't like it when we...

Way to go, Saffy.  You've really gone and done it this time.

MOUSES!

What's that, Saffron?

Hmmm...

You know somethin', Saffy, my man?  I do believe you're right.  It IS the peeps' own fault.  Yup, it really and truly is.  She should've known better, you know?  Oh yeah, she definitely should've known better.  And in fact, I bet she did know better but went and did what she did anyway, so it was like she was encouraging you to...

Hold on a sec, Saffron.  My readers out there wanna know what's goin' on.  Best I stop and tell 'em, don't you think?

So anyway...

So anyway, it's like this: Peepers went and bought a new pair of earrings as a Christmas treat for herself.  Personally, I prefer treats you eat, but peeps are peeps and apparently they don't know what makes for a good treat.

But anyway, this non-edible treat is a Christmas treat 'cause the earrings are Christmas earrings, or so I'm told.  Little enamelled penguins, each wearin' a Santa hat with a sparklin' diamond instead of a pompom at its tip.

Okay, so the sparklin' diamonds aren't really diamonds.  I'm pretty sure they're just a couple of chunks of glass.  But the earrings were cheap, so what do you expect?

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, the cheap earrings are actually kinda cute.  Not tacky or anythin' like that.  They're cute as in...  Well...  Cute.

Oh sure, they'd be a whole lot cuter if they were little enamelled marmalade cats that looked like me; but since they're Christmas earrings, penguins are probably more appropriate, I suppose.  What with penguins likin' snow and snowy surroundings and stuff.

Unlike me.

MOUSES!

SO ANYWAY....

So anyway, the cute and cheap earrings dangle.  Yup, they dangle from her ears.  From Peepers' ears, you see.

Yeah, that's just what I said.  Peepers has two cute, cheap - but not in any way tacky - enamelled penguins wearin' Santa hats with chunks of glass instead of pompoms at their tips, danglin' from her ears.  That's right, the woman is walkin' around the house where two cats live, with penguins danglin' from her ears.  Dangling.  Did you hear me?  DANGLING.

And as you might guess...

SAFFY!  I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU THAT WAS BAD IDEA.  STOP THAT.  STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!  STOP THAT THIS MINUTE!!!

Excuse me, my friends.  I need to go console the peep.  Saffy has been whackin' those earrings tryin' to play with 'em 'cause they're danglin' from Peepers' ears like they're toys - on account of their kinda lookin' like toys, what with their danglin' like that - and he's been whacking 'em with his claws out, and...

Gosh darn it, Saffron.  I TOLD you that wasn't a good idea.

MOUSES!

**********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

you're it!

YOU'RE IT!

Shhhh...  Don't tell her where I am.  Mason, I said, don't tell her where I am.  Don't tell Peep #1 where I'm hiding!

AND DON'T POINT IT OUT, EITHER.

MOUSES!

Mason, you and I are gonna need to sit down and have a little chat about the concept of hide and seek, for sure.

Need I say it again?  Of course I do.  MOUSES!

So anyway, the first peep got a new pair of earrings.  Yup, she splurged.  Splurged on all of three dollars and ninety-nine cents worth of earrings.

And that was for the pair, by the way.  MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, she got this pair of cheap and trashy...

What's that, Peepers?  They were inexpensive and sparkly, you say?

Hmmm...  You can call 'em what you like, Peepers, but I'm calling 'em as I see 'em, and the way I see 'em is that they're CHEAP and TRASHY, for sure. MOUSES!

So anyway, Peep #1 splurged on a pair of cheap and trashy earrings, and the first thing I said to her when I saw 'em was...

"YOU KNOW HOW MUCH NIP THOSE WOULD BUY?"

Then I found out she paid under four dollars for the complete set and I said...

"Never mind.  Not all that much, I suppose.  MOUSES!"

But that's when I realized something.  That's when I realized that those earrings that looked like Christmas prezzies all wrapped up, and were danglin' from the peep's ears like no other pair of earrings had ever dangled before, were OBVIOUSLY meant...

AS TOYS, FOR ME.  MOUSES!

So I got up all close and personal with the peep.  Yup, that's right, I sidled up to her, right there on the couch.  I started to purr, so as to get her to let her guard down.  I allowed her to tickle my chin and give me scritches behind the ears.  Then I walked onto her lap.  And then, I stretched way up so that we were practically nose to nose, and I just knew...  I just knew she thought I was gonna give her nose kisses which, by the way, is somethin' peeps absolutely LOVE when cats do.

And then...

And then...

And then I lifted a paw...

And with one mighty swipe, I swatted one of those earrings with the mightiest of swats, cried "YOU'RE IT!" at the top of my lungs, and ran like no kitty has ever been seen runnin', before.

And that would be about the time when Mason told the peep where I was hidin' and ruined all of my fun.

MOUSES!