resolutions

Let's see, New Year resolution number one.

Hmmm...

Nah, that was a silly resolution for me to make.  I'll just scratch that one off my list.

New Year resolution number two.

Hmmm...

In all honesty, that's the kinda resolution a kitty might make when a kitty was nipped.

Which I probably was.

Yeah, I'm gonna scratch that one off my list, too.

MOUSES!

New Year resolution number three.

Hmmm...

Well that one's doable.

I suppose.

IF I wanted to do it, that is.

Which I don't.

Best I just scratch that resolution off my list, as well.

New Year resolution number four.

Hmmm...

Well that one doesn't even apply to me.  Be nicer to others?  Huh.  I must have been thinkin' of Peepers when I wrote that particular resolution.  I'll just scratch it off my list and add it to hers, and...

Hey Peepers!  PEEPERS!  Where did you put that list of New Year resolutions I wrote for you?  You know the one.  The one that listed all the improvements I thought you could make in 2024.

NO, not home improvements.  PERSONAL improvements.  Improvements to YOUR person.  I even listed 'em in order from most important to least.  You know, so you'd know where to start.

What a helpful kitty I am.

'Cause the thing is, Peepers, I've come up with another New Year resolution for you.  Another resolution to add to your list,  WHICH IS WHY I'm currently lookin' for that list.  I'm pretty sure I can squeeze this new one in between numbers thirty-three and thirty-four.

Meh, maybe I should make it number thirty-five.  Definitely somewhere in the thirties, for sure.

So anyway, Peepers, WHERE-OH-WHERE IS THAT LIST?

Peepers, why are you lookin' over there?

YOU WHAT?  You put my...  I mean, your...  I mean, you threw MY list of YOUR New Year resolutions out in the...  In the...  IN THE GARBAGE, you say?

Gosh darn it, that ol' peep has already broken three of her resolutions and it's only January 3rd.

Of all the no-good peepish things to do.

MOUSES!

Good thing I've got a good memory.  I can make her a copy.

But before I do that, I had better tackle my own.  Tackle my own list of resolutions, that is.

New Year resolution number five:  Don't make any more resolutions.

That's odd, I don't remember makin' that one.

And I don't think that's even my pawwritin'.  It looks more like...

HEY PEEPERS!  PEEPERS!!!  YOU BEEN MESSIN' WITH MY LIST?

Awww...

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

countin' down

I'm countin' down the minutes, my friends.  I'M COUNTIN' DOWN THE MINUTES!  Yup, I'm countin' down the minutes 'til the year 2023 comes to an end.

MOUSES!

It's not that 2023 was all that bad.

But it wasn't all that great, either.

It simply was.

Was 2023, I mean.

MOUSES!

So I'm sittin' here in my office, watchin' the clock.  Watchin' the little ol' second paw move around and around.  And around.  And waitin' for the clock's other paws to move about, too.

Yeah, it IS kinda borin', for sure.

MOUSES!

But by gosh and by golly, once that hour paw strikes twelve...

I'M GONNA BE PARTYIN' LIKE NO KITTY HAS EVER PARTIED BEFORE.

I'm gonna get nipped.

MOUSES!

But on the other paw...

On the other paw, WHY SHOULD I WAIT 'TIL IT'S TWELVE?

You know, when I actually think about it, waiting 'til midnight to get nipped seems so silly.  I happen to know FOR. A. FACT. that on the other side of the world, it's already tomorrow.  Already next year!  Already...

ALREADY TIME TO BE WELL AND TRULY NIPPED.

MOUSES!

And wouldn't I enjoy seein' in the new year oh-so-much-more with a biff bag in one paw and another on my head, and...

Okay, so maybe not one on my head.  Walkin' around with a biff bag on your head is a trick I CAN do.

If I try.

I think.

But doin' tricks with the sole purpose of entertainin' your peeps is so very demeanin'.  You know?

Of course you do.

At least you know, now.  Now that I've told you, I mean.

Plus, the darned biff bag keeps fallin' off my head.

MOUSES!

I think that instead of just sittin' here watchin' the clock, I should get myself a biff bag, and start gettin' myself nipped.  I won't put one on my head, but I'll definitely start gettin' nipped.

Oh, and I should also start workin' on my list.  You know the one.  The list I make every year.  The list of New Year Resolutions...

....I MAKE FOR THE PEEP.

Not that she ever keeps any of the resolutions I make for her, but maybe...

Just MAYBE...

Maybe 2024 will be her year.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

snack, play, nap

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Okay, so New Year's Day was actually yesterday, but still...

But still, I'm bettin' there are some peeps just gettin' up today.  You know, on account of too much celebratin' on New Year's Eve.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, you've all heard 'bout that eatin', prayin', and lovin' book, right?

No...  No.  No, I'm not talking 'bout the cookbook where you eat what your peep made you, SAY you loved it, and then pray it doesn't give you indigestion.

Or worse.

MOUSES!

No, I'm talking 'bout a different book.

ACTUALLY, I'm not talkin' about a book at all.  Not a movie, either.  I'm talkin' about the fact that I've come up with a way better sayin', for lack of a better word, than the above.  I've come up with one that is more pertinent to us cats.

Snack.  Play.  Nap.

Yeah, what I've come up with is about snackin' on treats, playin' with nip toys, and then takin' a nap.

Although not necessarily in that order.

MOUSES!

And once you've snacked and played and napped, you repeat it all over again.

MOUSES!

The above is my New Year resolution, by the way.  In 2019, I've resolved to do more snackin', more playin', and more nappin', for sure.

And more nippin', of course, but that goes without sayin'.

MOUSES!

And...

Hmmm...

And more mockin' of the peeps, for sure.

And again, it goes without sayin'.

MOUSES!

But what about my fur-sibs, you ask?  What might their New Year resolutions be for 2019?

Huh.  Truth be told, I haven't asked, but I'm thinkin' Mason wants to do more purrin' - as if she doesn't do enough of that already.  As for those two long-haired marmie freaks I call my brothers... Well they probably wanna...

Well...

HMMM...

Well they probably wanna snack and play and nap just like me!

'Cause as everyone knows, I am the trendsetter in this here household.

MOUSES!

And as for the peeps...

Well...

Well rumour has it, they've resolved to do a better job of waitin' on us cats, front and hind paw.  Or is that hand and foot?  Nah, the first one sounds way better, for sure.

MOUSES!

New Year's Eve, already

Well look at that.  Just LOOK at that.  It's New Year's Eve, already.

MOUSES!

Where did the time go?

Did it fly, fly away?

Well...  Well you know what they say.  They say, time flies when you're havin' fun, and fun is what we've been havin' all year, for sure.

MOUSES!

And FYI, time also flies when one is usin' an eggbeater teleportation device equipped with time-travellin' whisks, such as my flyin' fryin' pan.

MOUSES!

But anyway, like I was sayin', it's already New Year's Eve.

New Year's Eve today; New Year's Day, tomorrow, and we all know what that means.  Right?

It means...

Well it means, first thing tomorrow mornin', peeps all 'round the world will be makin' their New Year's Resolutions.

It also means that by sometime tomorrow afternoon, peeps all 'round the world will be BREAKIN' their New Year's Resolutions, for sure.

MOUSES!

I, bein' the smart kitty I am, planned ahead.  That's right!  Yup, I ordered in five dozen boxes of tissues.  I'm all prepared for the sobs and tears of my peeps when they realize they didn't manage to keep their New Year's Resolutions for even one full day, never mind a year.

MOUSES!

I also ordered in a couple boxes of disposable diapers.

NO...  The diapers aren't for the peeps.

Although...

Nah, they don't need those.

Yet.

MOUSES!

But seriously, folks...   Seriously, I ordered in the diapers for that Baby New Year we always hear about.  A cat can never know when a cryin' Baby New Year might arrive at a cat's front door.

MOUSES!

Hmmm....  I wonder if I should have ordered in some baby bottles and formula, too.  The peeps have a couple bottles of liquefied nip, stashed away for tonight, and I, bein' a cat, have a couple of untouched nip mice hangin' about, but babies...  Well babies need formula and milk and things like that, don't they?  I don't think the nip is what they need at all.  Plus, when it comes to my nip toys, I'm really not prepared to share.

MOUSES!

But sobbin' peeps...  I mean, babies.  No, I mean peeps.  But my two sobbin' peeps aside, did any of YOU make resolutions for the new year?

And are any of you plannin' on keeping 'em?

My two personal peeps made a couple.  A couple of resolutions, I mean.  But to be honest, I didn't pay too much attention to what they were resolvin'.  I'm sure I'll hear ALL ABOUT IT sometime tomorrow afternoon.  You know, when they realize they've already broken their New Year Resolutions for the year.

Cue the boxes of tissues, puh-lease.

MOUSES!

As for myself, I was gonna resolve to stop usin' the expression, "MOUSES!" quite so much.  Then I thought better of that.  No way am I gonna be able to keep that resolution, livin' with the peeps and fur-sibs with whom I live.

Then I considered resolvin' to not get nipped all the time, but I thought better of that resolution, too.  Let me tell you somethin': When livin' with the peeps and fur-sibs with whom I live, a kitty like me NEEDS to get nipped a lot.  And by a lot, I actually mean, all the time.

MOUSES!

So finally, I decided to resolve to just keep on bein' me, and that, my friends, is a resolution worth keepin', for sure.

MOUSES!

But for now, I think...  Well I think I have just one more thing to say.  Just one more thing, needin' to be said.

And that thing...  That thing I so desperately need to say, is....

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYBODY!

Happy New Year.

May 2018 be OUR BEST YEAR YET.

PURRS

it's a new year!

Hey everybody, it's a brand new year!  That's right, 2015 was booted out the door and 2016 has taken its place.  Here's hoping this is a better year for us all.

You know, we might already be three days into the new year but this here blog post is my first blog post for 2016 so I thought to myself, it should be something kind of special.  You know what I mean?   Something especially suited for a brand new year.

But finding a topic was a big decision to make so I thought and I thought.

What to do...  What to do...  What to do...

Then it came to me, just like that.  Resolutions.  MOUSES!

Like I said, we're already three days into the New Year but I figure it's still as good a time as any to do up a few New Year resolutions and stuff.  I mean, the year isn't old, yet.  I saw that little New Year Baby dude and oh my mouses, the kid is still wearing a diaper.  There's still plenty of time to be making and breaking the ol' resolutions, for sure.

Making and breaking...  Yup, that's how it goes.  Cats and peeps alike make New Year's resolutions all the time and as often as they make 'em, they break 'em, too.  MOUSES!

When you think about it, these resolution thingies are kind of like the glass balls the peep put up on the Christmas tree.  Those things are made to be broken, for sure.  They don't call 'em rollable breakables for nothing.  MOUSES!

But I pondered some more and realized that the making of resolutions that I darn well know I will break might give me a complex of some sort or something like that.  I mean, peeps set themselves up for failure with these unkeepable resolutions.  Did I really want to do that to myself?

What's that?  You didn't know 'bout how quickly some of these resolutions are broken?  Oh my mouses yes.  Peeps are even better at breaking their resolutions than they are at making them in the first place.  In fact, I bet some were even broken on the very first day.  MOUSES!

So I took a peek at Nissy's posts from last year and it looks like he avoided the whole breaking of resolutions bit by not making any for himself. Instead, he decided to make 'em for everybody else.

And since my brother Nerissa was one of the smartest cats I have ever known, I figured he was onto something there so I, too, will refrain from making resolutions for myself.  I'll just make some for others and if they should choose to break 'em, it's no skin off my nose and that, my friends, is for sure.

But for whom will I make these New Year resolutions, you ask?  Well that's a very good question, indeed.  Yup, it's right up there with whether one should be or not be, how the pyramids were built and who let all those darned dogs out.  MOUSES!

By the way, I now know that at least some of the those dogs were let out by...

Oops!  I almost forgot.  I have been sworn to secrecy regarding the dogs who are out and about. MOUSES!

But back to my resolutions.  I mean, other cats' and peeps' resolutions.  I mean, the resolutions I have made for other...  Well you know what I mean, I am sure.

I started with my fur-fam and first on the list was my sister, Mason.  I have resolved that in 2016 Mason will be nicer to me and not try to boss me about.  She thinks she's really smart with those thumbs of hers which allow her to do complex mathematical equations and stuff, you see, and sometimes she pushes me around.

Next was Tess.  I have resolved that in 2016 Tess will not growl at everything including the weather and by the way, that resolution has already been broken.  MOUSES!

Had a hard time coming up with a resolution for Tobias because the peeps are always talking about how cute and perfect she is but then I realized that that was a resolution in the making, to be sure.  I have resolved that in 2016 Tobias will try harder not to show me up, making any naughty behaviour I might exhibit all the more noticeable.  Not that I, Seville the Cat, could ever be described as being naughty.  Not really, at least.

Constance's resolution was an easy one, for sure.  I have resolved that in 2016 she will NOT break a leg like she did in August of last year.  Three months and one week of watching her hobbling around the house in that cast was almost more than I could take.

Anderson and Rushton, the two big fluffy orange boys, are gonna have to share a resolution this year. They are both to be way nicer and far more polite and stop ganging up on me like they have taken to doing. And if they continue to be mean, I resolve that in 2016, Andy and Rushy will be called Fuzzbuckets and accept it without complaint, even if I should happen to get a loudspeaker or something of the sort and announce their new name of Fuzzbucket for all the neighbourhood to hear.  MOUSES!

And then there are the peeps.

I was gonna resolve that the peeps grow me more nip but then I realized that neither one has kept a New Year Resolution past the first week of any given year so resolving for them to grow more nip would really be like giving them a free pass when their nip-growing endeavours didn't work out which would not at all be a good idea.

For one brief moment, I wondered if I could perform a little reverse psychology, resolving that the peeps do not grow me any more nip which, if then broken, which we all KNOW is gonna happen, might result in a bumper crop of the nip, to be sure.

Then I realized that reverse psychology doesn't appear to work on my peeps.  At least it hasn't, so far, in my attempts for more treats, fewer rules and putting a stop to Peep #1's annoying insistence upon spraying herself with those moused-up bottles of stink.  MOUSES!

So instead, I decided to make a New Year Resolution for our brand new government, elected only last year.  I resolve that in 2016 they keep the spirit of all campaign promises that were made along with the friendlier, kinder and more open atmosphere that has been created.  I also resolve that at least one cat be appointed to the Senate even if it is too late for that cat to be my dear brother Nissy.  And last, but certainly not least, I resolve that all cats in the land should be given free access to nip whenever they like and allowed to enjoy as much of the nip as they want.

I'm hoping and hoping and hoping beyond all hope that these government peeps will be better at keeping the resolutions I've made from them than those two peeps with whom I share my house are at keeping theirs.  I think I might stand a chance that they will.  I mean, I don't think they could be any worse...  MOUSES!