Sunday, 20 August 2017

outta my way

"Oomph!  Er!  Argh!  Ugh!"

"OUTTA MY WAY!"

"MOUSES!"

"Hey, that's my line," I told my sister.  "You go get your own."

"Line?" she questioned. "What line?  There wasn't any line.  MOUSES!"

I rolled my eyes and gave my head a good shake. "Not that kind of line, Mason.  I meant the mouses bit.  That's what I say.  You know, MOUSES!"

Mason looked right through me like I had turned invisible or somethin'.

MOUSES!

"So anyway..." I began, again.

"Are you still here?" Mason asked me.  "I thought I told you to get out of my way.  Or was that Andy I told?"

I narrowed my eyes this time, instead of rolling 'em, on account of the rollin' thing not havin' had any effect.  "So like I was sayin', Mason, about that line..."

"You're STILL here?" she asked.  "And by the way, there wasn't any line."

I opened my mouth, thought better of it, and closed it again.

"There was so a line," stated Andy, paws firmly on his hips.

Okay, so in actuality, Andy's paws were firmly planted on the ground, and not his hips, but you get the picture, I am sure.

"There was SO a line," Andy restated.  "There was a line right there, and I happened to be in it."

"What kinda line are we talkin' about here?" I asked.  "Ummm...  Never mind," I added, after seein' the looks on my fur-sibs' faces.

"Was not," cried Mason.

"Was too," answered Andy.

"Was not!" repeated Mason.

"Was..."

"ENOUGH ALREADY!"  Seein' I had gotten their attention, I lowered my voice to ask, "So what is it exactly that happened here?

"Well, I..."  both Mason and Anderson began, speaking in unison.

I let out a low growl in warning.

"Ladies first," acquiesced Andy, offerin' a paw to Mason.  "Oh yeah, I forgot!  You're no lady.  Bwahahahahahaha!  I'll go first."

Well that did it.  If you could have seen the look on my sister Mason's face...

MOUSES!

"Of all the..." began Mason.  "I am too a lady.  TAKE THAT!" and she thumped Andy across the face with a paw.

"Hey Mason," I hissed, "you're sorta provin' the long-haired marmie freak's point there."

Mason glared at me.  If looks could kill.

I backed away, addin', "Just sayin'...  MOUSES!"

"Peep #1 was putting the fanciest of the feasts on a plate, and I..." Mason started.

"She was puttin' the fanciest of the feasts on MY plate, Mason," Andy interjected.  "Your plate was there," and he pointed to the plate on the right.  "My plate was here," he said, pointing to the plate on the left.  "Right here.  Right here, in front of me.  Right where my plate should be."

I sat back on my haunches.  Lifting a paw in Andy's direction, I motioned for him to continue.

"I was standing right there.  I was watching the peep put the fanciest of the feasts, on MY plate, when all of a sudden, seemingly out of nowhere, Mason appeared.  She yowled, and she howled, and she..."

"I DID NOT," Mason cried.

"You did too," Andy sneered.  "You came out of nowhere, meowing like no cat has ever meowed before, crying, "OUTTA MY WAY!"

Mason considered Andy's claim for a bit.  Scratching behind one ear, she said, "Okay, so maybe I did.  But it's not like my behaviour wasn't warranted."

"You're under warranty?" Andy asked, incredulously.

I put a paw over Mason's mouth.  "Just let it go," I whispered under my breath.

Silence.

"Okay, so Mason," I began, "what happened next?"

Mason considered my question.  "Well...  Well I suppose that was when I pushed Andy aside, and... But it was a very ladylike push, I should add."

"Ladylike my tail!" and Andy stomped a paw on the floor.  "You swung those hips of yours in my direction, knocking me right off my paws, and..."

"It was a VERY LADYLIKE push," Mason repeated.  "Andy was in my way.  He needed to move."

"Andy," Andy said, pointing to himself, "was right where Andy was supposed to be.  Right there in front of Andy's plate."

"Quit talkin' about yourself in the third person," I told my brother.  "It's weird.  MOUSES!"

"Sorry," and Anderson lowered his head, sheepishly.

"No probs.  Now, where were we?" I looked from Mason to Andy, and back to Mason again.  "Mason, WHY did you feel the need to push Andy out of your way?"

"Because I was hungry," Mason answered, with a questioning lilt to her voice.

From experience, I knew that although it sounded like a question, it was not meant as such, but rather, as more of a statement of the obvious.  And to answer said statement of the obvious could very well be detrimental to my health.

So I didn't.  Answer it, I mean.

MOUSES!

"So anyway..."

"Oh for goodness sake," and Mason interrupted me.  "Look, it's as simple as this.  I was hungry. Peep #1, for some unfathomable reason, put the plates down first, before filling them.  Then, if you can believe it, she had the nerve to put food in Anderson's plate before mine."  Mason turned toward me, and seeing a look of shock on my face, she cried, "I know!  Can you believe it?  So OF COURSE I had to push Andy out of my way, to get to the food first.  Like I said, simple," and she sat back on her haunches, staring back and forth at Andy and myself.

"It was rude," Andy hissed.

"It was NECESSARY," Mason hissed in return.

"IT WAS STUPID!" I cried, louder than either of my fur-sibs' hisses.  "It was stupid as stupid as stupid can be.  It was..."

"Oh there you are, Seville," Peep #1 said as she re-entered the kitchen, in that oh-so-sweet - almost to the point of bein' sickly, but not quite - voice she reserves just for me.

The voice she uses, just with me, on account of my bein' able to trash-talk her on my blog and stuff. She's doin' her best to keep in my good favour, and...

ANYWAY...

"Seville darling, would you like some of the fanciest of the feasts, too?" asked the peep.

"OUTTA MY WAY!" I cried, pushing Mason and Andy aside.

Scampering over to Peep #1, I wrapped myself around her ankles, and gave her a head-butt or two.

And off in the background...

"Of all the nerve," Mason growled.

"He pushed me, too!" Andy squawked.

And in unison, I heard them both cry, "MOUSES!"

10 comments:

  1. Sounds pretty much like a normal day, let's eat!

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  2. Dinner sounds like a complicated affair at your house, Seville.

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  3. LOL, I think I can see what the problem may be.... and to think it's all your peeps fault? Why didn't she put yours down first, Seville, after all you are the head guy around there?
    Purrrs
    ERin

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  4. Oh My! And I thought living with Kozmo and Jo Jo was bad...I feel sorry for you Mr Seville. And is it a girl cat thing to push around the boys? My sister Jo Jo is most adept at muscling Kozmo away from the fancy feast here...I am so very glad I get fed in my sanctuary.
    Purrs
    Marvelous

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  5. Don't mess with Mason! Just DON'T DO IT! Gotta give her credit for taking on Sir-Farts-A-Lot!

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  6. Oh no, you can't put down an empty plate and THEN fill it. What was the peep thinking? Everything must be perfectly timed and presented all at once so no cats feel left out, or so I've learned. Apparently it's the same at your house, too!

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  7. Empty plates are an affront to kitties! am I right?

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  8. I hope you all ended up getting some :)

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  9. Say what??? Seriously Seville, given that your peep #1 has such a long history of experience caring for so many cats, one would think she outta know the basics of deliverin' food. Never ever never let a cat see you put an empty dish down without first fillin' it with said cat's fave food. Done.

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