Hey Peepers! Phone's ringin'.
HEY PEEPERS! Did you hear me? The phone's ringin'.
HEY PEEPERS! YOU THINK YOU COULD ANSWER THE PHONE?
For mousin' out loud. A cat wants somethin' done in this house, a cat has gotta do it himself. MOUSES!
WHAT. What do ya want?
Sorry 'bout that. Excuse me. Hold on for a second, would you?
Breathe deeply, Seville. Take deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. Remember your telephone answerin' skills. Don't take your annoyance with the peep, out on the person on the other end of the line. Breathe in. Breathe out. In. Out. Slower. Slower. Slooow-er. BREATHE. Better.
Good afternoon, kind Sir. Seville the Cat, here. And how may I help you this fine day?
Of all the good-for-nothin' moused-up peeps in the world. Stupid guy hung up on me. MOUSES!
Now where was I? Oh yeah. I'll have today's blog post done in a jiffy.
NOT AGAIN. MOUSES!
HEY PEEPERS! I'M TRYIN' TO FINISH UP TODAY'S BLOG POST, AND THAT DARN PHONE KEEPS RINGIN'. YOU WANNA GET THAT?
I'm tellin' ya, a cat starts hackin' up a hairball in the middle of the night, when everyone in the house is sound asleep, and the peep hears that. But the phone ringing incessantly? She doesn't hear that at all. MOUSES!
Why yes, I am the cat of the house.
Yeah, yeah... You didn't actually use the word cat, but you and I both know that that was a mistake on your part. Now what is it that you want?
Why yes, I am the cat who uses the computer. That would be me.
Again, I figured you made a mistake by omittin' the word cat. Now what is the purpose of your call?
I am? Really? Who knew?
HEY PEEPERS! Some dude on the phone says I'm usin' the computer all wrong.
Excuse me for a mo, please. Can you hang on for a sec? I'll be right back..
Ahhh... You were sayin' somethin' about my incorrect usage of the computer? You wanna explain to me exactly how I'm usin' it all wrong?
Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Yup. Yuppadoodles. O-kay....
I'm sorry, but the thing is...
The thing is...
The thing is...
Hey. Watch it. Don't you go tellin' me I'M the one bein' rude. I'm not the one phoning cats up on the telephone, tellin' them they're usin' their computers all wrong.
WELL OF COURSE I'M A CAT!
And speakin' of cats, do you know how many cats there are on the Internet? Huh? HUH? Well, DO you? 'Cause one would think that someone who spends their days makin' phone calls TO PERFECT STRANGERS, telling 'em about all the mistakes they're makin' with their computers... Well one would think that someone like that would have already called up his fair share of cats when makin' those calls. You know, considerin' how many cats out there are usin' computers. I mean, it's like a numbers thing, right? With so many cats usin' the Internet, odds are you're gonna be callin' a lot of cats. In fact, one would think someone like you, who spends your days CALLIN' PERFECT STRANGERS about their computers, would have already encountered a WHOLE LOT of cats, and be well aware that there's a darned good chance that whenever you called about a computer, you might very well be speakin' to a cat and...
Mouses! Where was I?
Oh yeah, and SPEAKIN' OF STRANGERS, Peep #1 said I wasn't supposed to talk to strangers on the telephone.
Or did she say I wasn't to talk to strange people on the phone....
No matter, I'm pretty sure you qualify as both.
Wait a minute! I remember now. She said I wasn't supposed to talk strangely on the phone. That was it. Right. Haha...
Of all the good-for-nothin' moused-up peeps in the world. Stupid guy hung up on me.