Wednesday, 19 April 2017

phone's ringin'

Hey Peepers!  Phone's ringin'.

HEY PEEPERS!  Did you hear me?  The phone's ringin'.

HEY PEEPERS!  YOU THINK YOU COULD ANSWER THE PHONE?

For mousin' out loud.  A cat wants somethin' done in this house, a cat has gotta do it himself.  MOUSES!

WHAT.  What do ya want?

Sorry 'bout that.  Excuse me.  Hold on for a second, would you?

Breathe deeply, Seville.  Take deep breaths.  In.  Out.  In.  Out.  Remember your telephone answerin' skills.  Don't take your annoyance with the peep, out on the person on the other end of the line. Breathe in.  Breathe out.  In.  Out.  Slower.  Slower. Slooow-er.  BREATHE.  Better.

Good afternoon, kind Sir.  Seville the Cat, here.  And how may I help you this fine day?

Of all the good-for-nothin' moused-up peeps in the world.  Stupid guy hung up on me. MOUSES!

Now where was I?  Oh yeah.  I'll have today's blog post done in a jiffy.

NOT AGAIN.  MOUSES!

HEY PEEPERS!  I'M TRYIN' TO FINISH UP TODAY'S BLOG POST, AND THAT DARN PHONE KEEPS RINGIN'.  YOU WANNA GET THAT?

I'm tellin' ya, a cat starts hackin' up a hairball in the middle of the night, when everyone in the house is sound asleep, and the peep hears that.  But the phone ringing incessantly?  She doesn't hear that at all.  MOUSES!

WHAT.

Why yes, I am the cat of the house.

Yeah, yeah...  You didn't actually use the word cat, but you and I both know that that was a mistake on your part.  Now what is it that you want?

Why yes, I am the cat who uses the computer.  That would be me.

Again, I figured you made a mistake by omittin' the word cat.   Now what is the purpose of your call?

I am?  Really?  Who knew?

HEY PEEPERS!  Some dude on the phone says I'm usin' the computer all wrong.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Excuse me for a mo, please.  Can you hang on for a sec?  I'll be right back..

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ahhh...  You were sayin' somethin' about my incorrect usage of the computer?  You wanna explain to me exactly how I'm usin' it all wrong?

Uh-huh.   Uh-huh.  Yup.  Yuppadoodles.  O-kay....

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

I'm sorry, but the thing is...

The thing is...

The thing is...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Hey.  Watch it.  Don't you go tellin' me I'M the one bein' rude.  I'm not the one phoning cats up on the telephone, tellin' them they're usin' their computers all wrong.

WELL OF COURSE I'M A CAT!

And speakin' of cats, do you know how many cats there are on the Internet?  Huh?  HUH?  Well, DO you?  'Cause one would think that someone who spends their days makin' phone calls TO PERFECT STRANGERS, telling 'em about all the mistakes they're makin' with their computers... Well one would think that someone like that would have already called up his fair share of cats when makin' those calls.  You know, considerin' how many cats out there are usin' computers.  I mean, it's like a numbers thing, right?  With so many cats usin' the Internet, odds are you're gonna be callin' a lot of cats.  In fact, one would think someone like you, who spends your days CALLIN' PERFECT STRANGERS about their computers, would have already encountered a WHOLE LOT of cats, and be well aware that there's a darned good chance that whenever you called about a computer, you might very well be speakin' to a cat and...

And...

And uh...

Mouses!  Where was I?

Oh yeah, and SPEAKIN' OF STRANGERS, Peep #1 said I wasn't supposed to talk to strangers on the telephone.

Or did she say I wasn't to talk to strange people on the phone....

Hmmm...

No matter, I'm pretty sure you qualify as both.

Wait a minute!  I remember now.  She said I wasn't supposed to talk strangely on the phone.  That was it. Right.  Haha...

Hello?

HELLO?

HELLO?

Of all the good-for-nothin' moused-up peeps in the world.  Stupid guy hung up on me.   

AGAIN.

MOUSES!

52 comments:

  1. Thank you. I really needed this today. Too many phone calls, and none that mattered! Hugs!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They callin' to tell you you're usin' your computer wrong, too? MOUSES!

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  2. Replies
    1. Somehow, I don't think that peep on the other end of the line was laughtin'. Serves him right, for sure. MOUSES!

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  3. Our phone never rings, the Dad turned it off. Now, if he could do that with the doorbell. MOUSES!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sometimes doorbells get broken... Just sayin'... purrs

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  4. Replies
    1. He sure was! IMAGINE hangin' up on me like that. MOUSES!

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  5. Well done Seville! You sure told those silly beans...seriously do they not realize us kitties spend a lot of time on our 'puters?

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    Replies
    1. I know! Why, if someone told me there were MORE cats on the Internet than peeps, I'd believe 'em, for sure. MOUSES!

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  6. We had one of those 8 am on a Sunday. WTF I told them where to get off........ ;-)

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    Replies
    1. At eight in the mornin'? ON A SUNDAY? MOUSES!

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  7. MOL! I think your human is probably glad you were the one who picked up the phone and not her, Seville.

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    Replies
    1. But was the peep on the other end of the line glad, too? Hmmm... MOUSES!

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  8. How rude to hang up on you! I never get chance to answer the phone, but my mum sometimes gets calls telling her that the computer has a virus but they will fix it for her if she gives some details. She was quite polite (well, for her anyway) in the beginning, but the last time she said some very bad words to him. It even made me blush under my ginger fur. She hasn't had any calls since before Easter, but she has got a very loud whistle beside the phone for the next time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She used bad words? Did she use MOUSES? Inquirin' minds wanna know. purrs

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  9. I wish my cats would learn to answer the phone. Although sometimes just knocking it on the floor serves the same purpose.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, knockin' phones on the floor has a similar effect, for sure. purrs

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  10. I can't believe that 1st peep hung up on you, Seville!! And you answered the call with such politeness and in such an eloquent tongue! The nerve of that caller! And then peep 2 called to be critical?! How rude! Maybe you can get a secretary to answer phones when your human is too busy. Then you won't be subjected to interruptions, my furr-iend.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You know, IF PEEP#1 HAD ANSWERED THE PHONE like I asked her, none of this would have happened, for sure. MOUSES!

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  11. dood....grate way ta get thoze tell a marketeerz ta stop callin ya !! we haz had de feds..... de eye R ezz sum collectshunz doodz ....N sum peepulz tellin uz we haz won CROOZEZ call TT.... ☺☺♥♥

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yup, the Canada Revenue Agency has called us, too. Or at least some dastardly good-for-nothin' peep pretendin' to be...

      Wait a minute. Dastardly? I BET IT WAS A WEASEL!

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  12. How dare anyone hang up on you, that is not right.

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  13. I am glad we don't have THOSE kind of calls here yet... bad enough getting weekly calls from concerned ladies telling us that we've been involved in an accident that wasn't our fault. Several blocked numbers later we still get them, and I still tell them off saying "Well, both you and I know that this is a blatant lie", hang up and block yet another number :) I need a cat for my cell phone for sure, well done Seville!

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    Replies
    1. Those concerned 'ladies' don't sound very ladylike, at all. Real ladies and gentlemen never lie. MOUSES!

      However we do, on occasion, say MOUSES!

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  14. AMARULA: humans have the worst phone skills don't they!? That's why I love to just knock the phone off the table anytime I can!? Sadly it has not broken yet but I am close!

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    Replies
    1. Keep on tryin'! Sometimes you really have to work on somethin' to break it just right. PURRS.

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  15. Meeeow! Mum and me wud never hang up on u Seville! Humanz... Well sum humanz... Dey just hav no mannerz. Maybe Peep#1 tookz a nap and didz not hear da fone?
    But der iz timez wen we dontz pick up da fone. Iz when we seez iz a weird number. Then we lookz da number up online and we seez iz another of dem scammerz tryin to scam u in all kindz of wayz.
    Like:
    -Ur computer haz a viruz, giv me ur detailz & then accezz to ur computer, so we can "fix it"-.

    Datz a pretty common scam all ova da world.

    Happy Friday! Purrs, Murli!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah, I bet he was wantin' my details, for sure, but gave up 'cause I was laughin' at him. MOUSES!

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  16. Humans! Can't live without their thumbs ... can't figure them out for the lives of us! ~Bear Cat

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    Replies
    1. And they're ALWAYS braggin' about those darned opposable thumbs. MOUSES!

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    2. ps - I'm sorry I didn't see your question on the showcase earlier (BAD Momma Kat, BAD ... don't tell Bear Cat ... I'm already on probation ;) ). Yes, Sivvy - the next Showcase is May 6th. You can either link up when you publish your post on Sunday (15andMeowing and Purrseidon do this) OR you can link up an old post (Erin does this). The post I link up is usually a post that needs a little extra help. Some of the hosts use older posts as well - that's the best part in that it's so flexible ... the post you link up doesn't even need to mention the linky or have a theme. We'd LOVE to see you :)

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    3. We cats can put our peeps on probation? I NEVER KNEW! I have a huge grin on my face. PURRS.

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  17. I'd be so happy to talk to cats on the phone all day long, Pal. But those idiot robocalls? MOUSES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You'd think most people WOULD be happy to chat with a cat all day, huh? Some peeps just don't know what's good for 'em, I suppose. purrs

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  18. Of all the nerve of that dude pal. How dare he talk to you like that. He was probably that scam guy that calls from your puter company and wants to get inside and steal things. He's calling here all hte time. One night he called when M's son-in-law was heere (who happens to be4 a techie himself. He took the phone from M and strung the guy along with all kinds of technical questions. he he - he finally hung up and we've never heard back from him. It was great!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You got the scammer to hang up and never call back? EXCELLENT! purrs

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  19. Oh Seville, how rude of dat man to hang up on you. Ya' know we have dat happen here too. Ya' think maybe it's da same guy? Fank you fur comin' to Raena's pawrty. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Could be! I've heard these scammin' peeps really get around. purrs

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  20. Your peeps are lucky to have someone to screen their calls! Most of our calls are annoying too. ☺

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  21. MOUSES is right! Our mom has turned the ringer down so low she can't hear the phone ring as it drives her crazy, and it is always some idiot calling just like the one you encountered, Seville. We suggest your peep is probably using what they call selective hearing. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Angel Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth, Calista Jo and Cooper Murphy

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    Replies
    1. Oh yeah. I think Peep #1 uses 'selective hearing' a lot. MOUSES!

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  22. Sighs. Hoomins are just rude, aren't they? Imagine hanging up on a kitteh.

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    Replies
    1. They really are. You'd think no one ever taught 'em manners or somethin'. MOUSES!

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  23. Robo calls are the worst!
    Have a super call free Sunday...

    Noodle and crew

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You think these robo calls are bein' made by alien robots? Just wonderin'... purrs.

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  24. Ugh! Don't you just hate those strangers/strange people on the phone? Especially when they hang up on you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know! If they're gonna call me, hangin' up on me is plain' ol' rude. MOUSES!

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  25. MOUSES!! The human "fake calls" have invaded Mom L's "carry around" device and she is usin' her opposable thumbs to block them into somethin' she calls the "ohhzone"

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    Replies
    1. Block 'em in the ozone? Like toss 'em through that hole up in the atmosphere? Those fake callers ARE aliens after all!!! purrs

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I love hearin' from my pals. I absolutely LOVE it! Just saying...