Sunday, 8 May 2016

who stole my nip?

Hey ho, hey ho, it's off to nip I go.  Do do do do do do do do do do...  do? DO?  WHA???
MOUSES!

PEEEPERRS!!! Where's my nip?

Really?  REALLY?  Are you sure about that? 'Cause I'm looking right where you're saying to look and I'm not seeing any nip.

Hold on.  Wait a minute. Wait a cotton-pickin', moused-up minute.

BUT THAT'S HARDLY ANY NIP AT ALL.  MOUSES!

Peepers, those two sickly, puny, teeny-tiny nip plants you need a magnifying glass to see aren't even big enough for a snack.  Why, they're not even big enough to garnish a snack.  Not even a small snack.  Not even a small garnish on an extremely small snack.  They're...  They're... They're...

WHO STOLE MY NIP?

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Of course, my immediate assumption was that the Evil and Dastardly Weasel Syndicate was responsible for my missing nip.  Or is that the Dastardly and Evil Weasel Syndicate?  Wait right there, I'll go check what it says on their business cards.  I'm sure I have one lying about here somewhere...  Now where did I put that card?

MOUSES!  Was anyone out there aware that the Weasel Syndicate's business cards do not include either the words evil nor dastardly?  Neither one.  Talk about false advertising.

Anyway, it doesn't really matter as my knee-jerk reaction on blaming the Weasel Syndicate turned out to be false.  My nip dilemma was not the work of weasels - which believe me, came as a great surprise - but rather, it was the work of peeps.  Peep #1 to be exact.  MOUSES!

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Now as today is Mother's Day, I did kinda promise Peep #1 I wouldn't make fun of her but...

But...

But let's face it, not all promises can be kept.  MOUSES!


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So here's the thing, Peep #1 is a totally useless failure when it comes to the growing of the nip which is a huge problem for me on account of my being kind of addicted to the stuff.  Yup, catnip and I are joined at the hip, so to speak.

Well technically, we're not really joined at the hip as the nip is currently in short supply.  Too short of a supply to be putting it on my hips.  I, my friends, am nipless.  MOUSES!

And yes, this nipless state of affairs is totally the fault of the peep.

I'm afraid that Peep #1 has had more than her fair share of disastrous nip-growing failures.  If it's not one thing, it's another.  Too little rain, too much.  Too little sun, too much.  Too little nip, for sure.

One year, way back when, she managed to get a couple of plants up and growing but then one of us cats came along and uh...  um...  pruned the plants, so to speak.

Do you know what you get when you let a cat prune the nip plants?  You get NO nip plants and one cat who is very nipped.  MOUSES!

After the Great Nip Plant Pruning Incident of uh...  Hmmm...  Now when was that?  I can't remember the year on account of my being...  Well...  Nipped.

No matter, after the Great Nip Plant Pruning Incident a few years back, the peep took to growing the nip in a cage.

Just to clarify, the nip plants were in the cage and not the peep.

Now the idea behind the Caged Nip Chronicles was that we cats wouldn't be able to get into the cage and attempt to prune the nip.  A good idea, for sure, IF you have a peep capable of growing the nip in the first place.  Turns out, I don't.  Yup, you said it all right, MOUSES!

For the nine lives of me, I cannot figure out what the peep is doing wrong.  By all accounts, nip is supposed to be easy to grow.  Nip is supposed to grow like a weed.  But the peep is simply incapable of growing the stuff whether she starts it from seed or buys starter plants, grows it out in the open or inside of a stupid cage or... or... or in a pot or in the ground or anywhere.  MOUSES!

Peep #1 could write a whole book on her nip-growing failures.  1001 Ways to Fail in the Growing of the Nip.  It's like when it comes to nip-growing, she has a mental block or something.  Or maybe she's just mental.  Or maybe she's just blocked.  That happened to me, twice.  Had the crystals and couldn't pee.  I wonder if that's the peep's problem.  Nah, probably isn't.  If I recall, my bouts with the crystals had nothing to do with the nip.

You know, I guess it's true what they say.  Here today, nipped tomorrow.  Or is that nipped today, gone tomorrow?  Well I'd like to say either one but I can't on account of my havin' no nip.  MOUSES!


38 comments:

  1. Our servant was not bad at growing our supply until we all moved down the mountain to the urban palace we currently live in and she set the pot out on the front verandah. GONE in 60 seconds, just about. *We suspect a longhaired creamsicle job often seen in the vicinity*

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    1. Long-haired creamsicle, huh? Yup, I see see that happening, for sure. MOUSES!

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  2. After several failures similar to your peep's, I grew quite a nice crop in a hanging basket outdoors last summer - hanging from branch just sturdy enough to hold the basket, but not sturdy enough for a kitty to walk on.

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    1. A hanging basket, you say? Hmmm... Must talk to the peep 'bout this right away. Thanks! purrs

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  3. MOUSES is right. We don't have any nip either. We keep checking the pot over and over again...no nip. Dad called the nursery today. They said they'd had it, but they are all out, and he should check back on Thursday. If they have it there on Thursday, he better get his butt out there lickity split and get some for us. Hope your mom finds some new plants that will grow for her and you. Happy Mother's Day to your mom. XOCK, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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    1. You have no nip yet either? It's an epidemic. MOUSES!

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  4. A nip failure or missing nip is never a good way to start the week!

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    1. Or to end the week, either. This is a travesty, for sure. MOUSES!

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  5. We...we feel faint. Your nip - stolen?? MOUSES!

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    1. It`s not there and I was COUNTING on that nip, for sure. MOUSES!

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  6. Maybe it was the wrong nip? I mean it can't be the wrong peep as I'm fairly certain you have the right peep, I mean you'd notice if peep #1 wasn't, right? purrs ERin

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    1. Um, I `think` I would. Hmmm... Let me go check. Be right back. MOUSES!

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  7. No nip!!! That is just not right. Ours usually comes back up every year in more places, I wonder what happened? Maybe the weasels are to blame. Happy Mother's Day to your Peep #1!

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    1. The peep just can`t seem to get her act together enough to grow it. MOUSES!

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  8. The mom bean grows something called catnip mint. But we don't think it's the right nip either 'cuz none of us really like it. For sure it is a weed - it is growing efurrywhere in our back yard.

    Sure hope you gets your nip soon!
    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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    1. But you say this catnip mint grows like a weed. So it grows. Unlike my nip. Hmmm... Might be worth a try since my peep can`t seem to grow the nip she has been TRYING to grow. MOUSES!

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  9. Seville: I was ROFLMAO at this one!!! Unfortunately, I do not have a yard, so I cannot grow nip for my *kids*, and they would never let an indoor plant grow!! They ate all of the house plants I had -- but I never got upset. I know you cats need your greens just like us hoomins. I do keep fresh nip in the fridge for them and give them *nip baths* about once a month for them to eat, roll in and enjoy. I spoil my *kids*!! ♥♥♥

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    1. You keep fresh nip in the fridge? Nip? And it's fresh? Exactly where might a cat like me find something like that? Inquiring minds NEED to know. MOUSES!

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  10. I probably shouldn't even show you the nip bush I have growing in my planter because you will be even more upset. It's HUGE! And my human's thumb is even blacker than your human's. The secret is automatic sprinklers, plus she doesn't touch it unless it is wilting - which usually means that she turned off the automatic sprinklers on account of one of our very occasional rain showers and forgot to turn them back on. Then she gives them a sprinkle. My nip plants are totally neglected... and they like it that way.

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  11. Well, this is truly a sad state of affairs - nipless when one has been looking forward to a dip in the nip is heart-breaking. What's even MORE heart-breaking though is hearing about everyone's love of nip and being unable to "get it" myself! Catnip doesn't phase me in the least! Now silvervine - yes - catnip no. So while I totally empathize with your plight, I don't totally understand as I've never known the joy purrrrsonally. I do hope that the situation I rectified satisfactorily for you though Seville - a guy needs to be able to count on some thing in life and for you - one of those things is NIP!

    Love, Sammy

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    1. Sammy, where do you stand on the Valerian? Smells like stinky feet. I LOVE it, for sure. purrs

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  12. Oh No, that is terrible. Someone stole your nip. Yikes. Maybe the Mom can grow some more. You all have a better day.

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    1. She's having a tough time with that. Appears that my peep can kill a nip plant quicker than I can type, kill a nip plant. MOUSES!

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  13. Hi Seville. Thanks for stopping by to see us! That nip issue sounds serious...

    Purrs,
    The Chans

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  14. No nip?!? My goodness, Seville, this could get ugly. I wish we could send some nip your way, because it's sure growing like a weed around our place. (I can't take credit, though. I tend to be like your mom, Seville, watching plants wither and die under my care. Luckily, though, my dad has a green thumb and gave me some nip from his garden. He even planted it for me, which seemed to do the trick.)

    Well, I sure hope you can get your nip fix soon, Seville!

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    1. Your nip grows with weed-like abandon? I'm so jealous. purrs

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  15. Our mom has a brown thumb when it comes to growing things. We wish we could get some fresh nip.

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    1. I wish I could get some too! So far no luck at Sobey's or Superstore in their produce sections. MOUSES!

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  16. Hmmmmn Seville me's so sorry. Nip is easy to grow and does grow like weeds. It needs a semi sunny spot and a little drink. It won't do well in a cage as it sends out runners and spreads. Try addin' a little cow maneur to your soil. And da seeds don't need to be "planted" just tossed on da soil with a little soil sprinkled over da top. Ya' have to watch out fur da seed eatin' birds. But ifin a kitty pruned it then why would peep be upsedt? Isn't dat why she was growin' it in da furst place? Anyways, Happy belated Mother's day to your peep.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi

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    1. Well when I say 'pruned' I kinda mean... moved to the ground and killed. MOUSES!

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  17. Oh Seville, It was last summer when mes had fresh nip....mes LOVES my new apartment in the sky, but mes kind of misses having a garden (especially the nip...)
    Mes sure yous will gets some soon!
    Kisses
    Nellie

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    1. I sure do hope so, Nellie. Getting kinda desperate 'bout now. purrs

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  18. Well Sevvy, our wild Nip grows, well wild. Our domestic Nip seems anemic this year. It might be on account of somekitty taking a nip out of it a little too often already if you know what I mean :)
    Marty

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    1. Oh yeah, I know EXACTLY what you mean, for sure. MOUSES!

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  19. No nip??? We know the feeling! Glogirly's garden grows only at the grocery store or nursery...if you know what we mean. ; )

    BIG congratulations on being named a finalist for Best Humor Blog in the BlogPaws Nose to Nose Awards! We're very honored to be sharing this category with you.
    Best of luck, Seville and Jennifer! 🏆🎉😺

    love,
    Glogirly, Katie & Waffles

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    1. And many congratulations to you, too! The picture? Made the peep's heart melt, for sure. purrs

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