dear diary

Dear Diary...

Hmmm...

DEAR Diary...

Hmmm...

My Dearest Diary...

Hmmm...

Nope, still nothin'.  Still nothin' at all.

MOUSES!

HEY PEEPERS!  What kinda things do you write in your diary?

Nothin'?  You don't write in your diary, you say?

Yeah, I feel your pain, ol' peep of mine.  I'm havin' the same problem here.  I can't seem to find anythin' to write.

Dear Diary...

Nope, nothin' has changed.

MOUSES!

So Peepers, how come you don't use your diary?  You have writer's diary block, too?

Or should that be diary writer's block?

Hmmm...

Really?  You don't have a diary to use?  Interestin'.

Hmmm...

Okay Peepers, let's say you did have a diary.  Now if you had a diary, what would you write?  What kinda stuff?  Anythin' I could happen to use?

You'd probably use it to write lists?

What kinda lists, Peepers?  Interestin' lists?  Lists cats and other peeps might wanna read?

The grocery list?  A "to do" list, you say?  A list of what you planted where and when, so that when stuff starts growin' in the garden, you know what said stuff is?

WHAT KINDA STUPID LISTS ARE THOSE?

Oh yeah.  Peep lists.

MOUSES!

Peepers, you are of absolutely NO help, at all.

MOUSES!

Dear Diary...

Oh, who am I kiddin'?  I'm not into this diary writin' business.  I've nothin' interestin' to write about, you see.  Nothin' at all! 

And I'm really not convinced it's supposed to be used to write stupid lists.

I'll be lucky if I can...

WAIT A MINUTE....

HEY PEEPERS!  YOU THINK IT'S OKAY TO WRITE A PURELY FICTIONAL DIARY?  DOES A FICTIONAL DIARY, STILL A DIARY MAKE?

You don't think so, huh?

Hmmm...

But what do you know, Peepers?  You don't even HAVE a diary.  You have not one whit of diary writin' experience.  You don't even know what a diary is.

No, you surely don't.  'Cause let me tell you somethin', ol' peep of mine: I am one hundred thousand kajillion percent sure, diaries are NOT supposed to be used for writin' lists.

MOUSES!

Dear Diary.  Today I, Seville the Cat, woke up to a call from the Prime Minister's Office concernin' a phone call the PM had from King Charles, requestin' my assistance with...

Oh my mouses, now THIS is the kinda diary entry, cats like me should make.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

dear diary

Dear Diary, today I, Seville the Cat...

No, I probably shouldn't write 'bout that.

Dear Diary, today I, Seville the Cat...

No, I really can't write 'bout that.

Dear Diary, today I, Seville, the Cat...

No, I definitely can't write 'bout that.

Hmmm...

Hey Peepers!  What are the rules 'bout writin' entries in your diary?  You happen to know?

NO, I'm not talkin' about your diary.  Don't worry, ol' peep of mine, I haven't been readin' your diary.

What an absolutely borin' thing that would be to read.

MOUSES!

So anyway, like I was askin': exactly what ARE the rules 'bout writin' in one's diary?  Do the entries have to be uh....

Well...

Well ummm...  Do they have to be true?

They are supposed to be true, huh?

Hmmm...

Well can they be based on the truth but with a little embellishment here and there?

That so, huh?

Hmmm...

But are you SURE?  Absolutely positively sure?  Like really, really, REALLY SURE?

Hmmm...

But what if...  Well like...  Well like if I were to...  Well what if I were to have solved one of the words in a crossword puzzle or somethin' like that.  Would I be able to turn that 'round and say I had actually found a solution - you know, on account of the fact that I had, in fact, solved somethin' - to mankind's dependency on fossil fuels and a way to solve Global Warmin'?  I know it might be a bit of an exaggeration on my part but like I said, it's not like I didn't solve somethin'.  Know what I mean?

But my writin' in my diary that the most interestin' thing I did today was to solve a crossword puzzle is too borin' for a cat like me to write.  ESPECIALLY in my diary which might someday be read by millions and millions of people.  Maybe even billions!  I have a reputation to keep.

Besides, truth be told, I didn't even do that.  Solve the crossword puzzle, I mean.  What I actually did was knock the paper with the crossword puzzle on the floor before havin' a bit of an accident on said paper, and...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

I'M NOT WRITING 'BOUT MY HAVIN' AN ACCIDENT ON THE NEWSPAPER IN MY DIARY!  WHAT KINDA CAT DO YOU THINK I AM?

Hmmm...

Dear Diary, today I, Seville the Cat, knocked the newspaper off the coffee table then stood by while I watched my brother Saffy Saffron Sassifras pee on said newspaper, and...

BUT YOU TOLD ME NOT TO EXAGGERATE, PEEPERS!  And like I said: I am NOT writing 'bout my havin' an acci...

Wait a minute.  I've got it!

Dear Diary, today I, Seville the Cat, accidentally knocked the newspaper off the coffee table after solvin' the daily crossword.  I then watched as Peepers relieved herself on said paper.

Yeah, I can DEFINITELY write about that.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.