wasn't me

It wasn't me.  I swear!  I swear, it most definitely was not me.

MOUSES!

The orange cat doth protest too much.

WHAT?

Oh.

Awww....  MOUSES!

Well, you can just keep your peep-like peep comments to yourself there, ol' peep of mine, 'cause it really and truly wasn't me.

MOUSES!

So anyway...

So anyway, Saffron had a sore ear.

AND IT WASN'T BECAUSE OF ME.

MOUSES!

Seriously, it really wasn't.  It was some cat who did it, I am sure, but really and truly, it wasn't me.  It must have been some neighbourhood cat, methinks, 'cause if it wasn't me, who else could it be?

Actually, for all I know, Saffy might have done it to himself.  And how do we know that he didn't?  How?

MAYBE he gave himself a sore ear in order to FRAME me.  'Cause no one would ever think he would scratch his own ear, now, would they.

No one but me.

No one but me would ever THINK he would hurt his own ear, I mean.  Not that no one but me would actually hurt his ear in the first place.  But it would take a clever cat like me to realise he might do that to himself for sympathy or pity or...

OR TO FRAME ME.

Although truth be told, I don't think Saffy would actually do that.  I don't think he'd try to frame me, I mean.  And I don't think he'd scratch his own ear, either, although...

Although I did see him scratchin' at it the other day.

Hmmm...

Nah, I'm pretty sure that was AFTER he hurt his ear.

MOUSES!

And actually, it was on account of his scratchin' that Peepers realised he had a sore ear in the first place.  She knew he had been feelin' a little off, mind you.  But it had been super hot, and as cats get cranky when it's hot and muggy and icky and sticky and stuff, she figured he was a little out of sorts on account of all that.

Oh, and the fact that she tends to be a real touchy feely grabby kinda peep who likes to pick kitties up and kiss 'em and cuddle 'em and give 'em all sorts of hugs.

And there's only so much of that nonsense a kitty can take.

Before gettin' all cranky and stuff.

MOUSES!

So sometimes, when Peepers gets that look in her eye, we kitties like to make ourselves scarce and hang out in places where she can't reach us.

Which could very easily make a kitty appear to be a tad out of sorts.

MOUSES!

But back to the issue at paw.  Saffy wasn't feelin' his best and Peepers saw him scratchin' his ear.  And then all of a sudden, he was feelin' better and gettin' all lovey dovey and cuddly with her.  All of his own volition and everythin'!

But then...

But then Peepers gave him kisses on the top of his head and noticed a bit of a smell.

Yuk.

So yeah, he clearly had an ear that was sore.

But Peepers has now cleaned that ear all up and there's not even a trace of a smell and, like I said, Saffy is feelin' way better, for sure.

But the most important thing of all to remember...

Is that whomever it was who scratched Saffy's ear...

WAS MOST DEFINITELY NOT ME.

Don't say it, Peepers.  Don't even think it!  I am not protestin' too much so you can quit misquotin' your Shakespearean quotes, to be sure.

Not once did Shakespeare go 'round blamin' innocent marmalade cats.

And like I've already said...

IT WASN'T ME.

Wait 'til Saffy finds out there's an appointment marked on the calendar for him to see Dr T.

MOUSES!

the ear

Who did it?

Who?

WHO?

All I can say is, it sure wasn't me.

MOUSES!

I bet you're all wonderin' who did whatever they did.  Oh yeah, I bet you're all wonderin' that, for sure.

Perhaps I should start at the beginnin'.

So Thursday mornin', Peep #1 was servin' everybody breakkies, when...

Scratch that.  Thursday mornin', Peep #1 was ATTEMPTIN" to serve everyone breakkies, but Andy didn't come when he was called.

Now Andy not comin' for breakkies when called is highly unusual, as Andy doesn't normally need to be called when there's any kinda food involved.  No sirree.  You open a packet of...  Of ANYTHIN'!  And Andy's right there, front and centre.  Even if what you're openin' isn't actually food.  All it has to do is sound like food to get Andy's attention.

Seriously, Andy will come runnin' when Peep #1 opens a bag of frozen broccoli.

What?  What's that?  What's that you're sayin' now?

FROZEN BROCCOLI IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT FOOD.  Have you ever eaten that stuff?  It's totally inedible, for sure.

Broccoli bein' food...

Bwahahahahahahaha....

MOUSES!

So anyway, like I was sayin', Peep #1 was servin' breakkies, and there was no Anderson anywhere to be found.

So as you might imagine, the peep went lookin' for Andy.  'Bout five minutes later, Peep #1 found him in the front hall closet.  He wasn't sleepin' in there or anythin'.  He was just lyin' about.

MOUSES!

Well the peep brought Andy out of the closet, and what did she find?

She found that one of Andy's ears was all swollen.  It was like TWICE its normal size!

Actually, from what I've heard, it was kinda disgustin'.

Less than an hour later, Peep #1 and Andy were off to see the Wizard...

I mean, DOCTOR.  Yeah, they were off to see the doctor at our local hospital.

Turned out, Andy's ear was all infected, and filled with uh...

Like I said, it was kinda disgustin'.

MOUSES!

So while the doctor was examinin' Andy's ear, Andy reached up with a paw, and...

Now I bet you're thinkin' he clawed the doctor, aren't ya?  Yup, I bet you're thinkin' that, for sure.  And it would be a safe bet to make with any other cat. but you see, we're talking 'bout Andy here.

So while the doctor was examinin' Andy's ear, Andy reached up with a paw and managed to lance his own abscess.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE, IT WAS KINDA DISGUSTIN'.

MOUSES!

Well after the peep and the doctor cleaned themselves up, the doctor went back to work on Andy's ear.

Long story short, antibiotics and pain meds were on board, and Andy and the peep were headin' back home, readying themselves for a couple of FUN-FILLED WEEKS of twice-daily warm compresses and such.

But our little story is not yet over for you see, there's still a mystery left to be solved.  There is still an unsolved mystery, for sure.

Fact is, Andy didn't bite his own ear.

No sirree.  He's a strange lad, that brother of mine, but as strange as Andy might be, his mouth cannot reach his ears.

No...  No, someone else bit Andy on the ear.

And NO ONE is takin' the blame.

The peeps are both adamantly denyin' any involvement, whatsoever.  Mason and Rushton are claimin' they didn't bite their brother, either.  And as for me?

Seriously, do you think that I, Seville the Cat, would ever do a thing like that?

No, seriously.  I mean...  SERIOUSLY.  Goodness knows where Andy's ear has been.  I'm not puttin' that ear in my mouth and that, my friends, is for sure.

MOUSES!

So the mystery, it appears, remains unsolved.

Hmmm....

MOUSES!