the ear

Who did it?

Who?

WHO?

All I can say is, it sure wasn't me.

MOUSES!

I bet you're all wonderin' who did whatever they did.  Oh yeah, I bet you're all wonderin' that, for sure.

Perhaps I should start at the beginnin'.

So Thursday mornin', Peep #1 was servin' everybody breakkies, when...

Scratch that.  Thursday mornin', Peep #1 was ATTEMPTIN" to serve everyone breakkies, but Andy didn't come when he was called.

Now Andy not comin' for breakkies when called is highly unusual, as Andy doesn't normally need to be called when there's any kinda food involved.  No sirree.  You open a packet of...  Of ANYTHIN'!  And Andy's right there, front and centre.  Even if what you're openin' isn't actually food.  All it has to do is sound like food to get Andy's attention.

Seriously, Andy will come runnin' when Peep #1 opens a bag of frozen broccoli.

What?  What's that?  What's that you're sayin' now?

FROZEN BROCCOLI IS MOST CERTAINLY NOT FOOD.  Have you ever eaten that stuff?  It's totally inedible, for sure.

Broccoli bein' food...

Bwahahahahahahaha....

MOUSES!

So anyway, like I was sayin', Peep #1 was servin' breakkies, and there was no Anderson anywhere to be found.

So as you might imagine, the peep went lookin' for Andy.  'Bout five minutes later, Peep #1 found him in the front hall closet.  He wasn't sleepin' in there or anythin'.  He was just lyin' about.

MOUSES!

Well the peep brought Andy out of the closet, and what did she find?

She found that one of Andy's ears was all swollen.  It was like TWICE its normal size!

Actually, from what I've heard, it was kinda disgustin'.

Less than an hour later, Peep #1 and Andy were off to see the Wizard...

I mean, DOCTOR.  Yeah, they were off to see the doctor at our local hospital.

Turned out, Andy's ear was all infected, and filled with uh...

Like I said, it was kinda disgustin'.

MOUSES!

So while the doctor was examinin' Andy's ear, Andy reached up with a paw, and...

Now I bet you're thinkin' he clawed the doctor, aren't ya?  Yup, I bet you're thinkin' that, for sure.  And it would be a safe bet to make with any other cat. but you see, we're talking 'bout Andy here.

So while the doctor was examinin' Andy's ear, Andy reached up with a paw and managed to lance his own abscess.

LIKE I SAID BEFORE, IT WAS KINDA DISGUSTIN'.

MOUSES!

Well after the peep and the doctor cleaned themselves up, the doctor went back to work on Andy's ear.

Long story short, antibiotics and pain meds were on board, and Andy and the peep were headin' back home, readying themselves for a couple of FUN-FILLED WEEKS of twice-daily warm compresses and such.

But our little story is not yet over for you see, there's still a mystery left to be solved.  There is still an unsolved mystery, for sure.

Fact is, Andy didn't bite his own ear.

No sirree.  He's a strange lad, that brother of mine, but as strange as Andy might be, his mouth cannot reach his ears.

No...  No, someone else bit Andy on the ear.

And NO ONE is takin' the blame.

The peeps are both adamantly denyin' any involvement, whatsoever.  Mason and Rushton are claimin' they didn't bite their brother, either.  And as for me?

Seriously, do you think that I, Seville the Cat, would ever do a thing like that?

No, seriously.  I mean...  SERIOUSLY.  Goodness knows where Andy's ear has been.  I'm not puttin' that ear in my mouth and that, my friends, is for sure.

MOUSES!

So the mystery, it appears, remains unsolved.

Hmmm....

MOUSES!

stupid is as stupid does

Stupid is as stupid does.

MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'. You're thinkin', my Peep #1 has done somethin' super stupid...   AGAIN.

And do you know what? You'd be right about that, for sure.  MOUSES!

Picture it.  My house. Yesterday mornin'.


"No.  NO!  Don't you chase him.  No, Dionysus.  NO!"

And then there was silence.

And then...

Wait for it...

"MOUSES!"

Okay, so the peep didn't actually use the word, "MOUSES!" but as this here is a family-friendly blog, I've done a little editin' on behalf of the peep.

Actually, if I'm bein' honest, what she yelled wasn't really a word at all.  It was kind of a...  Well... Well kind of a really loud, unintelligible, blood-curdling, wakin' of the dead, kinda scream.

But I'm pretty sure what she wanted to yell was "MOUSES!" or somethin' similar, but totally unsuitable to appear in print form, on my blog.

So anyway, that's what I heard comin' from the kitchen, yesterday mornin'.

From what I've been told, Dionysus - the timeshare cat - was in the kitchen waitin' for his breakkies, when Nosy-Neighbour-Cat appeared at the kitchen window.  Well Peep #1, bein' the stupid...  I mean, soft-hearted imbecile that she is...

What?  What's that, Peepers?  WHAT?  Callin' you a "soft-hearted imbecile" isn't any better than callin' you "stupid," you say?

Hmmm...   Stupid...  Soft-hearted imbecile...  WHATEVER.  MOUSES!

So anyway, Peep #1, bein' the super stupid peep that she is, felt sorry for Nosy-Neighbour-Cat, and opened the kitchen window to let him in.

Now at this point, I should just mention how Dionysus and Nosy-Neighbour Cat don't really get along.

Well I guess Dionysus - the timeshare cat - wasn't too pleased with the peep lettin' Nosy-Neighbour-Cat inside, which is why he started to stalk him.  And that stalkin' was why the peep was tellin' him not to chase the neighbours' cat.

Now the peep, bein' a peep, figured Dionysus would listen to whatever she was sayin', and obey her. She figured, he'd stop what he was doin', sit down like a good little boy, and not chase Nosy-Neighbour-Cat after all.  You know, just 'cause she told him not to.

Uh, yeah.

Right.

WRONG!!!

Moments later, Dionysus was flyin' through the air, and there was black and dark grey fur flyin' all over the place.

Now one might think that lettin' Nosy-Neighbour-Cat into the house in the first place, was the most moused-up stupid thing Peep #1 did yesterday mornin'.

Uh, yeah.

Right.

WRONG!!!

If ONLY Peep #1's level of stupidity were limited to that.

Let me tell you somethin', my friends.  When my peep does somethin' stupid, it's not a little somethin' stupid she does.  No sirree.  Not MY peep.  When my peep does somethin' stupid, she goes all-out, full-blown, gold-medal standard of stupid stupidity, for sure.

IT'S LIKE SHE THINKS SHE'S IN A CONTEST OR SOMETHIN'!

You know, a contest to see who is the stupidest of the stupids.

But actually, if there were a contest for that, she'd be winnin' it, for sure.  She'd be holdin' the world record.  She'd be THE ONE TO BEAT, for generations to come.  She'd...

Well...  I think I've made my point.  MOUSES!

But back to that moment after the moment of silence.

That would be 'bout the time when Peep #1 instinctively dove for Dionysus - the timeshare cat. With one fluid motion, she swept him up with her left arm, and then turned, so her back was to Nosy-Neighbour-Cat, preventin' the two cats from seein' one other.

You know, so that they would forget about fightin', and stuff like that.

Uh, yeah.

Right.

WRONG!!!

For a split second, it appeared to have worked.  Everyone seemed calm.

And then the next?

Well that was when Dionysus - the timeshare cat - was SINKIN' HIS TEETH into the peep's left hand.  MOUSES!

And if you're thinkin' that that was about the same time Ol' Peepers here let out that bone-chillin' scream that could awaken the dead...  Well you'd be right about that, for sure.  MOUSES!

Anyway...

So anyway, the two cats are perfectly fine.  Not a scratch on either one of 'em.  Bit of loose fur, but nothin' more.

The peep, on the other paw...

Well the peep spent most of the mornin' at the doctor's office and then later, at the pharmacy, gettin' antibiotics.

And then she spent last night listenin' to me.  That's right, listenin' to me.  Listenin' to me, remindin' her about how she has been bitten before.  You know, on account of her stupid stupidity. On account of her stupidly tryin' to break up cats who are fightin', which you would think she'd mousin' well know is a really stupid, stupid thing to do.

I mean, HOW MANY TIMES does she have to be bitten, to figure this stuff out?

And yet...

AND YET...

Well like I said, STUPID IS AS STUPID DOES.

And not only that, apparently, it's forever.  MOUSES!