thirty-six weeks

 

Ugh.

YUK!

That's so totally and utterly DISGUSTIN'.

MOUSES!

PEEPERS, GO TAKE A SHOWER, WILL YA?  YOU'RE COVERED FROM HEAD TO PAW IN DIRT.

MOUSES!

And how many times have you asked me, "Did you have to roll around in the dirt, Seville?"  Huh?  HUH?  HOW MANY TIMES?

And how many times did I answer, "Of course," but that's besides the point 'cause we're talking 'bout you here, and not me.

MOUSES!

And did you, Peepers?  DID YOU?  Did you go outside and roll around in the dirt?  Did you roll this way, then that way, then smush your tush back and forth 'til all the sand and mud and dirt was imbedded in your furs?  Then once all that dirt was imbedded, did you smush your tush some more?  DID YOU?  'Cause let me tell you somethin', ol' peep of mine...

YOU SURE DO LOOK LIKE YOU DID.

MOUSES!

I know you've been stayin' home as much as possible durin' the last one hundred and ninety-five million, nine hundred and fifty-five thousand, two hundred cat seconds due to this pandemic thing, but...

BUT YOUR STAYIN' HOME ALL THE TIME IS A WHOLE LOT HARDER ON ME THAN YOU, and you don't see ME out there rollin' around in the dirt, DO you.

Okay, so maybe you do, but I'm a cat, and cats do that sorta thing but you, my dear Peepers, are merely a peep.

So next time...

NEXT TIME...

Next time you go out to rake leaves and garden and stuff, DON'T MAKE LIKE A CAT AND ROLL AROUND IN THE DIRT only to come back in the house as filthy as filthy can be.

And in the meantime...

KEEP YOUR GRUBBY OL' PAWS AWAY FROM ME.  Social distancin' IS a thing, you know.

Nothin' worse than gettin' covered in peep-used, second paw dirt, you see.

MOUSES!

 ***********************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

Remember to mask up, too.

bath time

Hmmm...  I'll just hop up here and see what the peep has on paw. Honeysuckle...  nah. Roses...  blah.  Jasmine and violets?  For mousin' out loud, what does the peep use this stuff for? MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  Where do you keep the good stuff?

What do you mean, what am I talking about?  I need to know where you keep the good stuff. Where do you keep the nip-scented bath products?  Are they all hidden away under lock and key?

What do you MEAN you don't have any nip-scented bath products?

MOUSES!

Well that being the case, I'll just have to have my dirt bath using dirt alone.  Probably for the best, anyway, as I think your stupid stuff requires water and I was planning on my bath being waterless.

What's that, Peepers?  Why no water?  It's like this, Peepers...

Peepers, do you really need me to explain this to you?  You do, huh?  Figures.

It's like this, Peepers.  When you mix water with dirt, you end up with mud.  MOUSES!

So just toss me a towel and I'll be on my way.

Why do I need a towel, you ask?  'Cause... 'Cause...  Oh.  Right.  I don't!  Never mind.  Outta my way, Peepers.  There's a patch of dirt calling my name.

MOUSES!

                                               ***********************************

Do any of you kitties, out there, enjoy a good dirt bath?  I know I do.  My fur-sibs do, too.  Nothing like a good roll in the dirt.  Nope, nothing like it at all.  MOUSES!

As some of you may remember, we had The Big Dig going on, over winter.  Peep #1 wasn't too pleased about the diggers of The Big Dig digging up all her daffodils.  I wasn't too happy 'bout that, either, until I realized...

...until I realized that they left behind the biggest, most beautiful, most wonderful dirt patch -filled with soft, reddish-coloured sand - IN THE WORLD.

Seriously, there are beaches that don't have as much sand as our backyard.  MOUSES!

Nothing as far as the eye can see but sand.  Bliss.

Okay, maybe that's a teeny-tiny bit of an exaggeration but the truth is, there's enough sandy dirt out there for all of us cats to take dirt baths every single day.  Sometimes twice.  On Friday, I had three.  MOUSES!

And yes, "MOUSES!" is exactly what Peep #1 said when I came inside after my third roll around in the dirt and shook all the excess sand out on the kitchen floor.  Yup, she said "MOUSES!" all right.  Only it was louder and...  well...

...well funny thing is, she didn't sound all that pleased.

Not nearly as pleased as I was while bathing in all that warm sand.

And it is warm, too.  Oh yeah, warm as warm can be. The sun beats down upon it and heats it up to the most perfect of temperatures.  The most perfect temperature for bathing, for sure.  MOUSES!

This morning, I was thinking I might enjoy a few nip-infused bathing products in my dirt bath but apparently, the peep doesn't have any of those.

If ever there was a time to yell, "MOUSES!," that would have been the time, for sure.  Imagine choosing honeysuckle and jasmine scents over nip.  Just goes to show you that peeps have really questionable tastes.  MOUSES!

And of course, there is that issue with the water.

But now that I think about it, I bet some dried nip mixed in with the sand would make a lovely aromatic dirt bath, for sure.

Bet you didn't know I knew the word aromatic, huh?  Well I do.  MOUSES!

Now the question at paw is, does the peep have a large enough supply of dried nip.  Hmmm...

Wait a minute.  There's Mason heading outside, dragging a towel with her, now.  Excuse me.

                                               ***********************************

Hey Mason, you heading out for a bath?  No, the peep doesn't have nip bath salts.  I already checked.  Nope, she doesn't have any nip-scented fragrance mist, either.  What?  Nah, she doesn't have anything good at all.  Best you can do is come inside after your dirt bath and nap with a nip mouse or something.  Yeah, that's what I did this morning.  And you don't wanna use the same nip mouse that I used 'cause I slobbered all over it, afterwards.  MOUSES!

Where's Rushton?  Rushy's outside, bathing.  Yeah, he's been out there for a good twenty minutes or so.  Probably fell asleep in the tub...  sand... whatever.  Oh don't worry 'bout that. There's plenty of sand out there. Plenty of room for both you and Rushy to have dirt baths at the same time.

Oh yeah, and when you come inside, be sure to give yourself a good shake in the kitchen.  Yeah, you wanna shake off all the excess sand so that Peep #1 can sweep it up and put it back outside. I think she enjoys doing it.  Yup, she'll say "MOUSES!" and everything.

MOUSES!