beefsteak po-tah-toes

To-may-to, to-mah-to; Beefsteak po-tah-toes.

I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', beefsteaks are tomatoes, not po-tah-toes.

But do you know what?  I think you might be wrong 'bout that.

I mean, everyone knows that ol' saying 'bout meat and potatoes, right?  No one ever says meat and tomatoes.  Never once, in all my nine lives, have I ever heard anyone talk about bein' a meat and tomato lover.  And since beef and steaks have to do with meat...   CLEARLY, we're talkin' po-tah-toes.  MOUSES!

But then what do I know 'bout meat?  After all, I live with two veggie peeps.

My poor sister, Mason, grew up thinkin' turkeys were cylindrical-shaped metal birds.  She did!  It was on account of our turkey dinner always comin' out of tins.  MOUSES!

I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', if my peeps were decent peeps, they'd give us some real, tinless turkey meat, every now and then.

And do you know what?  I think that about that, you would be right.

It would be the decent thing for the peeps to do, for sure.  MOUSES!

But back to those beefsteak po-tah-toes.

Po-tay-toes and po-tah-toes, and to-may-toes and to-mah-toes, are...

Well they're uh...

Ummm...

Now where was I?

What was it, I was gonna tell you...

Just where was I goin' with this?

Oh yeah, NOW I remember.  Now I remember everythin'.

We have some dirt at the end of our driveway.

MOUSES!

Now the peeps call it dirt, but we cats know the truth. It's actually a bath.  Technically more of a bathing area, but really, it's kinda the same thing.

And on Monday afternoon, I looked out the front window, and what did I see?  Well I saw Tess and Mason rollin' around in the sand and the dirt - I mean, BATH stuff - on the driveway, and havin' a right good 'ol time, too.  You should have seen 'em.  They were rollin' this way and that way, and then that way and this way, and then just lyin' there, enjoying the general ambiance.

And speakin' of ambiance, someone really ought to tell Peep #1 that her yellin' at the top of her lungs for cats to stop rollin' around in sandy dirt on the driveway, TOTALLY DESTROYS the ambiance of the bathin' experience, for sure.  MOUSES!

I know what your thinkin'.  Or what you're wonderin', actually.  You're wonderin' if I, Seville the Cat, got a chance to enjoy a dirt bath, too.

Well I was gonna.  But then I heard the peep screechin', which kinda put me off so instead, I figured I'd just roll around in whatever sandy dirt - I mean, BATH stuff - Mason and Tess shook off once they came inside.  MOUSES!

You know, I don't think it would be too much to ask for the peep to mix some dried nip leaves in with that dirt - I mean, BATH stuff - on the driveway.  I don't think it would be too much to ask at all.

Now THAT'S the kind of thing that adds to the ambiance, for sure.

Way better than a peep screechin'.

And speakin' of screechin', you ever hear my Peep #1 screech?

You ever hear a banshee?

Same thing.

No diff.

MOUSES!

Anyway, like I was sayin'.  Some say to-may-toes, others say to-mah-toes. The peep says dirty ol' sand, but we cats?  We cats know it's BATH stuff, for sure. 

MOUSES!

bath time

Hmmm...  I'll just hop up here and see what the peep has on paw. Honeysuckle...  nah. Roses...  blah.  Jasmine and violets?  For mousin' out loud, what does the peep use this stuff for? MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  Where do you keep the good stuff?

What do you mean, what am I talking about?  I need to know where you keep the good stuff. Where do you keep the nip-scented bath products?  Are they all hidden away under lock and key?

What do you MEAN you don't have any nip-scented bath products?

MOUSES!

Well that being the case, I'll just have to have my dirt bath using dirt alone.  Probably for the best, anyway, as I think your stupid stuff requires water and I was planning on my bath being waterless.

What's that, Peepers?  Why no water?  It's like this, Peepers...

Peepers, do you really need me to explain this to you?  You do, huh?  Figures.

It's like this, Peepers.  When you mix water with dirt, you end up with mud.  MOUSES!

So just toss me a towel and I'll be on my way.

Why do I need a towel, you ask?  'Cause... 'Cause...  Oh.  Right.  I don't!  Never mind.  Outta my way, Peepers.  There's a patch of dirt calling my name.

MOUSES!

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Do any of you kitties, out there, enjoy a good dirt bath?  I know I do.  My fur-sibs do, too.  Nothing like a good roll in the dirt.  Nope, nothing like it at all.  MOUSES!

As some of you may remember, we had The Big Dig going on, over winter.  Peep #1 wasn't too pleased about the diggers of The Big Dig digging up all her daffodils.  I wasn't too happy 'bout that, either, until I realized...

...until I realized that they left behind the biggest, most beautiful, most wonderful dirt patch -filled with soft, reddish-coloured sand - IN THE WORLD.

Seriously, there are beaches that don't have as much sand as our backyard.  MOUSES!

Nothing as far as the eye can see but sand.  Bliss.

Okay, maybe that's a teeny-tiny bit of an exaggeration but the truth is, there's enough sandy dirt out there for all of us cats to take dirt baths every single day.  Sometimes twice.  On Friday, I had three.  MOUSES!

And yes, "MOUSES!" is exactly what Peep #1 said when I came inside after my third roll around in the dirt and shook all the excess sand out on the kitchen floor.  Yup, she said "MOUSES!" all right.  Only it was louder and...  well...

...well funny thing is, she didn't sound all that pleased.

Not nearly as pleased as I was while bathing in all that warm sand.

And it is warm, too.  Oh yeah, warm as warm can be. The sun beats down upon it and heats it up to the most perfect of temperatures.  The most perfect temperature for bathing, for sure.  MOUSES!

This morning, I was thinking I might enjoy a few nip-infused bathing products in my dirt bath but apparently, the peep doesn't have any of those.

If ever there was a time to yell, "MOUSES!," that would have been the time, for sure.  Imagine choosing honeysuckle and jasmine scents over nip.  Just goes to show you that peeps have really questionable tastes.  MOUSES!

And of course, there is that issue with the water.

But now that I think about it, I bet some dried nip mixed in with the sand would make a lovely aromatic dirt bath, for sure.

Bet you didn't know I knew the word aromatic, huh?  Well I do.  MOUSES!

Now the question at paw is, does the peep have a large enough supply of dried nip.  Hmmm...

Wait a minute.  There's Mason heading outside, dragging a towel with her, now.  Excuse me.

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Hey Mason, you heading out for a bath?  No, the peep doesn't have nip bath salts.  I already checked.  Nope, she doesn't have any nip-scented fragrance mist, either.  What?  Nah, she doesn't have anything good at all.  Best you can do is come inside after your dirt bath and nap with a nip mouse or something.  Yeah, that's what I did this morning.  And you don't wanna use the same nip mouse that I used 'cause I slobbered all over it, afterwards.  MOUSES!

Where's Rushton?  Rushy's outside, bathing.  Yeah, he's been out there for a good twenty minutes or so.  Probably fell asleep in the tub...  sand... whatever.  Oh don't worry 'bout that. There's plenty of sand out there. Plenty of room for both you and Rushy to have dirt baths at the same time.

Oh yeah, and when you come inside, be sure to give yourself a good shake in the kitchen.  Yeah, you wanna shake off all the excess sand so that Peep #1 can sweep it up and put it back outside. I think she enjoys doing it.  Yup, she'll say "MOUSES!" and everything.

MOUSES!