it wasn't me

It wasn't me, Peepers.  It wasn't me!

No, seriously, it wasn't me.  I didn't even think of doin' anythi....

Okay, so maybe I did.  MAYBE I did THINK 'bout doin' what you're accusin' me of doin'.  But thinking 'bout doin' somethin' and actually doin' that same somethin' are TWO TOTALLY DIFFERENT things.  TOTALLY!

Different, I mean.

It wasn't me!

STOP LOOKIN' AT ME LIKE THAT, PEEPERS.  Stop lookin' at me with that accusatory kinda look.  I swear on all my nine lives, it really and truly wasn't me.

And to tell you the truth, I don't think it was Saffy, either.

Why?

Well...

Well firstly, I'm pretty sure had Saffron done somethin' that bad, he would have told me all about it.

Darn cat likes to brag, you see.

MOUSES!

But the real reason I don't think Saffy did it is that he, like me, lacks the opposable kinda thumbs.

MOUSES!

What?

Well...

Well you see, Peepers, in order to pick up plants in their plant pots and move 'em about on the deck without knocking 'em over and messing 'em up, I'm pretty sure one needs the manipulative dexterity of opposable thumbs.  Saffy and I don't have those, you see.  And although we COULD, possibly, put our front paws together and wrap 'em 'round the pots to lift 'em and move 'em and stuff, that would be pretty darned hard.

Not that we're incapable of doin' hard stuff, mind you, but doin' hard stuff requires a lot of effort and if you're gonna put that much effort into somethin', it's best to do somethin' that's gonna get you treats or nip or whatever, as a reward.

MOUSES!

So Peepers, I'm pretty sure what you're lookin' for is a peep.

MOUSES!

That's what I said, Peepers.  That's what I said.  I'm bettin' some peep is the culprit at paw...  I mean, HAND.  Yup, I'm bettin' some peep has been sneakin' into our backyard and pickin' potted pepper plants up out of their trays and moving 'em about.  Moving 'em over a few inches here and a foot or two there.  Moving 'em just about everywhere!

Of course, it's very good off this peep - whomever he or she is - to keep the plants upright and stuff and not damage 'em at all.  Goodness knows what kinda screamin' Saffy and I would have to put up with if they had damaged your plants.  We're havin' to put up with a lotta foul language as it is.

Never heard a peep yell MOUSES! so much in all my nine lives.

MOUSES!

But bein' good not to damage the plants aside, it IS rather disturbin' to think some stranger peep is lurkin' about, uninvited, in my backyard.  Remember last summer when we had that issue of that neighbourhood peep snoopin' and wanderin' about in our driveway all the time?  Think it could be him?

Yeah, you're right.  I haven't seen him here in a while; and thank goodness for that.

Personally, I think Peepers scared him off that day she went out with her hair especially messed up.

MOUSES!

Peepers, we appear to have a real mystery on our paws, to be sure.

But on the other paw...

On the other paw, go take a gander out the back door, would ya?  Peepers, do you see what I'm seein' out there?

Yup, yup...

Uh-huh, uh-huh...

Well I was right 'bout the need of opposable thumbs.

But then I, Seville the Cat, am ALWAYS right, to be sure.

Apparently, it's not just peeps who have those kinda thumbs.   Turns out, raccoons have 'em, too!  And I would never have believed it had I not seen it with my own eyes, but an opposable thumb weildin' raccoon is able to lift a potted pepper plant right outta its tray, set it aside, and drink the water left behind.

Who knew?

MOUSES!

You better watch out there, Peepers.  Main reason Saffy and I keep you around is those opposable thumbs of yours, and your ability to use 'em to open tins.  Turns out, we could always replace you with a raccoon.

MOUSES!

*******************************

And remember:

IF IN DOUBT,

DON'T. GO. OUT.

Continue to practice SOCIAL DISTANCIN' measures

AND KEEP WASHIN' YOUR PAWS.

MOUSES!

pass me a nip mouse

Hey Peepers, pass me a nip mouse, would ya?

Hey, if you had my life, you'd be nippin' at nine in the mornin', too.

MOUSES!

Peepers, you don't understand...

No seriously, you don't understand.  You don't understand at all.  My problems are with my nip plants, you see, and when it comes to the growin' of the nip, it's a well-known fact that YOU understand pretty much nothin'.  Your nip-growin' skills are...  Well...  Well they're pretty much non-existent, for sure.

MOUSES!

Nip-killin' skills, on the other paw...

BUT THAT'S NOT WHAT I'M TRYIN' TO DO.

MOUSES!

Okay, so here's the thing.  My baby nip plants are growin', but they're gettin' crowded in those wee little pots I started 'em in.  Too crowded to grow any bigger, for sure.  And I'm thinkin' I need to transplant 'em or somethin'.

But THAT is my problem, you see.  The transplantin' part, I mean.

Two words:  Opposable thumbs.

WELL I KNOW I DON'T HAVE 'EM.  THAT'S MY PROBLEM.  SEE?

Yeah, I tried transplantin' them myself, but...

But transplantin' is really hard to do without opposable thumbs.

MOUSES!

Peeps: Good for Pretty much NOTHIN', until you need a Pair of oPPosable Thumbs.

MOUSES!

So uh, Peepers...

Peepers, do you have any plans for this afternoon?

You do, huh?

Hmmm....

Well do your opposable thumbs have any plans for this afternoon?

They do, huh?

HMMM...

Come on, Peepers, please don't make this any harder for me than it already is.  PLEASE don't make me beg.  PLEASE...

Okay, so the I'm-not-gonna-beg ship just set sail.

MOUSES!

Here's the thing, Peepers:  If I can't get my baby nip plants into bigger pots or somethin', they're gonna die in those little wee ones.  And if my baby nip plants die in those wee little pots, it's gonna be all your fault.

'CAUSE YOU WON'T LEND ME YOUR THUMBS IS WHY.

Do you not understand anythin'?

MOUSES!

*sighs*

*SIGHS MORE LOUDLY*

*SIGHS LOUDLY ENOUGH FOR THE ENTIRE NEIGHBOURHOOD TO HEAR*

Peepers, maybe I could make you a deal.  Maybe...

I know!  What if I were to promise not to mock you anymore on my blog in return for your usin' those opposable thumbs of yours to transplant my nip plants?

Scratch that.  I shouldn't make promises I can't keep.

Peepers, how 'bout if I were to promise not to mock you on my blog, for a whole week, in return for your usin' those opposable thumbs of yours to transplant my nip plants?

Scratch that.  Same issue with the keepin' of promises thing.

How 'bout if I were to promise not to mock you, at all, FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR, in return for your usin' those opposable thumbs of yours to transplant my nip plants?

I can do that.  I know I can.  I know I can go a whole hour without peep mockin', for sure.

Just have to take an hour long nap, is all.

I can probably do that in my sleep.

MOUSES!

home improvements with Seville

Hello there.  I'm Seville and WELCOME to my new home improvement show, Home Improvements with Seville.

Today I'm gonna show you how to panel a wall.

Now you might be wondering why I, Seville the Cat, am interested in panelling walls and truth be told, I was kinda wondering 'bout that myself, especially when I discovered just how hard wall panelling is to do.

Did you know that if you're a cat without opposable thumbs, you need to use both front paws to hold the hammer while hammering?

Did you know that when you use both front paws to hold a hammer while hammering, you have to balance on your two back paws?

Did you know that balancing on your two back paws while hammering with a hammer with your two front paws is super hard to do?  Did you?  DID YOU?  I do.  NOW.  MOUSES!

One moment I was doing the ol' balancing act on my two rear paws while hammering away with the hammer and the next moment?  Why I was down on my tail, and there was a hammer flying - no, soaring - through the air like it had grown wings or something.

And let me tell you, my friends, what goes up must always come down.  MOUSES!

Luckily for me, the peep didn't really need that ol' china mug anyway.  She still has the other ones in the set.  Those others were meant to be back-ups, I do believe.  Good thinking on the peep's part when she ordered four of 'em, way back when.

And it's not like it was one of my water or food dishes or anything actually important.  MOUSES!

But speaking of tails, I have a word of advice.  Well technically, I have more than one word but nevertheless...  Never let your tail drift between the hammer and what you are hammering.  MOUSES!

Now back to the panelling of the walls.

Why, you might ask.  Why would a cat like me wanna panel the walls of his office?  Well I'll tell you why, for sure.


Nerissa's Life, the blog, has had the good fortune to be named as a FINALIST for BEST HUMOR BLOG in the 2016 BlogPaws Nose-to-Nose Pet Blogging & Social Media Awards.  This is a great honour, for sure.  One of the greatest honours, in fact, that can be bestowed upon a cat.  Or a dog.  Or even a rat!

To be one of the four finalists this year...  WOW. Let's just say, I've been pretty nipped up since I heard on Tuesday and truth be told, there's still more nipping to do.  MOUSES!

And I'm in such good company.  Amazing company. My good pal Erin from Erin the Cat (Princess) - she's a princess, you know, Katie & Waffles from GLOGIRLY and MK & BC from Momma Kat and Bear Cat are all finalists, too!!!  All such funny blogs.  Stiff competition, for sure.  Just about the stiffest I could ever have imagined.

But I know, you're asking yourselves, Why the mouses is Seville not getting to his point and more importantly, WHAT the mouses does all this has to do with panelling walls and a home improvement show?

Very good questions, indeed.

So here's the thing.  It turns out that the four finalists were chosen, and the winner will be chosen, by a panel of judges.  A panel of judges.  A PANEL, my friends, of judges.  You see where I'm going here, right?

Clearly, the judging of this here award involves panels and panelling so you can imagine how distraught I was to discover that I have no panelling at all.  I, Seville the Cat, am panel-less!

Well I was panel-less until I started my new home improvement show and prepared for this episode on panelling.

Well actually...  Technically...  If you really wanna to get down to the nitty-gritty of things...  I still kinda am panel-less on account of this panelling thing being way harder than I thought it would be. MOUSES!

Excuse me for a mo.

PEEPERS...  I need another bag of ice for my tail!  The stuff you gave me before has all gone and melted on me.

Like literally on me.  Literally.  My fur is all wet from the melted ice and everything.  MOUSES!

Anyway, the plan is that once I get these panels up, I'll need to find me some judges and then figure out a way to incorporate 'em into the panelling.   We'll do that in episode two.

Episode three of Home Improvements with Seville will discuss the need of a good supply of ice when doing home improvements with hammers.  Especially when using those hammers while nipped.  MOUSES!

                               *****************************************

You can check out all forty-eight finalists, in this year's twelve categories, by visiting the BlogPaws announcement, on their site.  Simply click on the Nose-to-Nose Awards' name, highlighted in red, up above.