good mornin'!

Hey ho!  Mornin', everybody.  GOOD MORNIN'!

Okay, so it's actually afternoon.

MOUSES!

But I'm tellin' ya, it's sometimes really hard to keep track.  You know, to tell the difference between the two.

MOUSES!

So it's like this:  How does a kitty know if he's wakin' up in the mornin' after a good night's rest, OR if he's wakin' up in the afternoon after a much-needed nap?

Inquirin' minds wanna know.

MOUSES!

Now one MIGHT think the difference would be in how hungry said kitty might be.  I mean, after not havin' eaten all night, one would think a kitty would be super hungry when he got up in the mornin'.

Right?

Right.

Turns out though, some kitties are hungry when they wake up after afternoon naps, too.

Thus, the need for afternoon snacks.

MOUSES!

So again I must ask:  How does a kitty know if he's wakin' up in the mornin' after a good night's rest, OR if he's wakin' up in the afternoon after a much-needed nap?

Inquirin' minds need to know.

MOUSES!

Of course, one could always look out the window, right?

But actually...

WRONG!

The thing is, when I wake up in the mornin', or after an aftenoon nap, I get all squinty-eyed and stuff.

What is squinty-eyed, you ask?

Well...

Well it's like when the bright light from outdoors is too bright for your eyes on account of your eyes bein' unaccustomed to the light, on account of their havin' been closed while you were sleepin'.

Or nappin'.

Or both!

Surely you know about how bright light can hurt your eyes after sleepin'.  It happens to me ALL the time.  Mornin', noon, and ni...

Actually, NO.  It does not happen at night.  When I wake up in the middle of the night and look out the window, the moonlight does not make my eyes squinty, at all.  Moonlight is not strong enough to do that, you see.

On the other paw, the light in the family room is.

You ever wake up in the middle of the night, only to find some stupid ol' peep has gone and turned on a stupid ol' bright light, makin' your eyes go all squinty and stuff?  Happens to me ALL the time.

MOUSES!

But back to the mornin' after sleepin', and the afternoon after nappin' stuff.

So like I was askin':  How does a kitty know if he's wakin' up in the mornin' after a good night's rest, OR if he's wakin' up in the afternoon after a much-needed nap?

Does anyone know?


'Cause you see...

'Cause you see, I'M THINKIN', when I wake up in the afternoon after a really good nap, I should be offered a full-sized breakfast kinda meal...

AND NOT SOME STUPID OL', PIDDLY LITTLE SNACK.

Hear that Peepers?

MOUSES!

whappity-whap

HEY PEEPERS!  Keep it down over there, would ya?  I'm tryin' to take a nap.

Yeah, I know I had a nap earlier.  What's your point?

Peepers, that was my mid-mornin' nap.  Before that, I had my early-mornin' nap.  Now it's time for my late-mornin' nap.  In case you hadn't noticed, it's eleven in the mornin'.  Eleven in the mornin' is prime nappin' time, if you ask me.

Well you SHOULD have asked me.  Had you asked, you wouldn't be wonderin' why I'm tryin' to take a nap right now and, MORE IMPORTANTLY, you wouldn't be interruptin' my attempt at takin' it.

For mousin' out loud woman, EVERYONE knows cats need lots of naps.  Naps are how we cats maintain our beauty.

Don't look at me like that.  Have you never heard of beauty sleep?  Lots of naps is how we cats stay lookin' as good as we do.

Speakin' of which...

Speakin' of which, YOU COULD DO WITH A FEW NAPS THERE, YOURSELF, PEEPERS. MOUSES!

Just makin' an observation, is all.

So anyway...

So anyway, you think you could keep it down?  Like I said before, I'm tryin' to take a nap.

What?  What?  What's that you're babblin' on about now?

Of course I do.  I know perfectly well that I was up at three o'clock in the mornin'.  I was up playin' with that plastic ball toy you bought us the other day.  Peepers, have you noticed how it makes lots of noise as it hits the walls when bein' whappity-whapped down the upstairs hallway?  It's a great toy, Peepers.  Thanks so much for gettin' it for us.  That was a super thoughtful thing for you to do, and...

Peepers, it's really not nice to interrupt a kitty when said kitty is payin' you a compliment.  Your constantly interruptin' me is one of the reasons I hardly ever compliment you in the first place, and...

WHAT.  What now?  What are you babblin' on about this time?

I thought I already answered that question.  YES, Peepers, I am aware I was awake at three o'clock this mornin'.  Like I said, I was whappity-whappin' that plastic ball down the upstairs hallway.

Yes, the hallway right outside your bedroom door.  That's the one.  You know of any other hallways up there?

Actually, when I think about it, I bet my whappity-whappin' of that ol' plastic ball is probably why I'm so desperately in need of my late-mornin' nap.  I bet I wore myself right out with all that whappin'.  I seriously need to start my nap RIGHT NOW, or else I'll be a sourpuss all afternoon.

You know...

You know, Peepers, if you got more naps in, you might not be so uh...  Um...  Cranky.  Know what I mean?

Why do you keep askin' me if I'm aware I was up at three o'clock in the mornin'?  I ALREADY TOLD you I was.  I already told you I was up, playin' with that new plastic ball toy you got us, whappity-whappin' it down the upstairs hallway, seein' how many times I could get it to hit the walls in one go.

FYI, in case you were wonderin' there, Peepers, the answer to that question is six.  I can get the ball to hit the walls six times in one go down the hallway.  As you might have heard, I tried to beat that record numerous times, but six is kinda the limit.  Of course, there is no limit to the number of times a kitty can try.

What's that, Peepers?  Do I think my bein' up in the middle of the night is the reason I'm tryin' to have a nap right now?

I thought we already covered that point.  I thought I already told you it was.  You're startin' to repeat yourself there, Peepers.  You goin' a little senile or somethin'?

What?  WHAT?  You're babblin' again, Peepers.

Do I think my keepin' YOU awake in the middle of the night is the reason you're babblin'?

Hmmm...

No.  You babble on 'bout all sorts of nonsense, ALL of the time.  I'm not takin' the blame for that.  What does your constant need to babble have to do with me?

Actually, I have a better question, Peepers.  Why is your constant need to babble PREVENTIN' ME FROM TAKIN' MY LATE-MORNIN' NAP?  Huh?  HUH?  WHY?

Peepers, you'll have to excuse me.  I REALLY NEED my late-mornin' nap and for the nine lives of me, I cannot figure out WHAT you are babblin' on about.  Or WHY you're babblin' on about whatever it is you're babblin' on about, either.  You just keep on repeatin' some nonsense 'bout three o'clock in the mornin'.  But the one thing I do know is, your constant babblin' is preventin' me from gettin' to my nap, so...

So seriously Peepers, I'm gonna go into the other room and I'm gonna have my nap in there.  You feel free to babble on in here, in THIS room, about whatever you want to babble on about.

Just keep it to yourself, okay?

AND DO IT QUIETLY, TOO.

My gosh, I am in SERIOUS need of a nap.

Boy-oh-boy, if I don't get this nap in right now, my whole afternoon nappin' schedule is gonna be all out of whack, and if that happens, my evening naps will end up bein' pushed back.  I might even be forced to skip a nap or two.  Can't have that.  If I miss out on a nap, I'll be too tired to whappity-whap that plastic ball down the upstairs hallway again tonight.

MOUSES!

quiet, you two

Be quiet, you two. MOUSES!

You know, a kitty makes a little noise at two o'clock in the mornin', and a kitty never hears the end of it.  But a peep makes a LOT of noise at eleven o'clock in the mornin', which is PRIME nappin' time, thank you very much, and thinks the kitties are bein' demandin' when they're asked to hush up.

Hush up...  Hush Puppies...  Hmmm...

Never mind, I've got nothin' for that.  At least not right now.  Perhaps I'll come back to it later. MOUSES!

But I would have somethin' to say 'bout that, if peeps had allowed me to enjoy my late morning - not to be confused with my early morning - nap in peace.

A kitty can't think straight when not allowed to get in both their morning naps.  MOUSES!

You know, we kitties need our sleep.  It's how we maintain our beauty, you see.

Well technically, that's not entirely true.  I mean, we kitties do need our sleep, but not to maintain our beauty.  We're NATURALLY beautiful, whether we get all twenty hours shut-eye in or not. Peeps, on the other paw, require copious amounts of beauty sleep, and even then, more often than not, they don't get enough.  Not nearly enough to be as beautiful as cats.  MOUSES!

But like I was sayin', I was tryin' to get in my late mornin' nap, when Peep #1 decided to make a whole whack of noise.  And Peep #2 joined Peep #1 and together, they made even more.

Apparently, they were havin' a conversation.

But did they have to have their conversation in the very same room where I was tryin' to have my nap?

No way, no how, could any stupid conversation between peeps possibly be as important as my late mornin' nap.  MOUSES!

Has no one ever told 'em to let sleepin' cats lie?  MOUSES!

Actually, that might have a different meanin' than what I mean for it to mean.

But anyway, I would have covered my ears with my paws, to keep out their incessant chatter, had my paws not already been busy coverin' my eyes, as SOMEONE had turned on the light.  Plus, you know, it was already daytime.

And although any conversation durin' my late-mornin' nap would have been bad, this one was particularly loud, and therefore badder than most.

Is badder even a word?  Hmmm....

Well word or not, it sounds like it means what I mean it to mean, so I'm usin' it right here and right now, for sure.  MOUSES!

So with my paws coverin' my eyes, I let out a loud meow.  "QUIET, YOU TWO!" I said.  Yelled. Whatever.

Well that did it.  Next thing I know, Peep #1 is bringin' up the two o'clock in the mornin' hijinks one of my fursibs and I had.

Like it's MY fault a peep can't sleep through a two in the mornin' hallway relay race, followed by a good ol' session of smacky paws.  MOUSES!

And speakin' of sleepin' through stuff, why just the other day, I heard the peeps complaining 'bout how they couldn't find a decent alarm clock.

Uh, HELLO?  Excuse me, but...  How many times have we cats awakened you peeps, BETTER than any alarm clock ever could, and got NOTHIN' for our troubles but complaints.  MOUSES!

Why just this mornin', around two o'clock or so...

Of course, cats don't necessarily awaken anyone at the time they want to be awakened, but that's neither here nor there, as it's far too trivial a matter to occupy the mind of a cat.  MOUSES!

But let me tell you somethin'.  When it comes to nappin', Anderson can nap with the best of 'em, for sure.

Whether it's early mornin'; late mornin'; early, mid or late afternoon; when Andy decides it's time for one of his naps, Andy takes it.  Peeps can be standin' right there beside him and Andy snoozes right on through.  Even when they say his name.  When they say it loudly, too!

Of course, open a bag of treats and Andy wakes with a start, dashes through the house, and arrives in the kitchen with his mouth wide open.

Nope, a peep can't open a bag of treats within a fifty-foot radius of Andy, without Andy hearin' said act, for sure.

A bag of treats is like Anderson's personal beeper, you see.  MOUSES!

Good thing, too, on account of Andy not wearin' clothes, and therefore not havin' any pockets in which to carry any other kind of beeper.  MOUSES!

But back to those hush puppies I mentioned earlier.

Now if you tell a puppy to hush, will it?  Or is it like with peeps.  Like with peeps havin' conversations durin' your late-mornin' nap, where you have to yell, "QUIET, YOU TWO!"

What's that, Peepers?  Hushpuppies are some kind of deep-fried food?  And a brand of shoes?

Say that again, Peepers.  YOU SAY PEOPLE ARE DEEP-FRYIN' AND EATIN' THEIR SHOES?

Bet those are tougher than the toughest of beef jerkies, for sure.  MOUSES!

Peepers, that's the craziest thing I have ever, EVER heard.  Crazier than squirrels makin' nut pies kind of crazy, for sure.  Peeps eatin' shoes and wearin' deep-fried food on their feet. Haha!  MOUSES!

Hmmm...  I wonder if Peep #1's lack of beauty sleep, due to my two o'clock in the mornin' relay race down the hallway and later smacky paw session, is causin' her to hallucinate.  Could be.  I know it's 'causin' her to be less than beautiful this mornin', for sure.  MOUSES!