Seville the Cat here

Hey ho!  Seville the Cat here, bringin' you the most up-to-date news, from rural Nova Scotia.

Hmmm...

Hey ho!  Seville the Cat here, bringin' you MY VERSION of the most up-to-date news, from rural Nova Scotia.

Hmmm....

Hey ho!  Seville the Cat here, bringin' you a whole bunch of stuff I'm makin' up off the top of my head on account of my not havin' anythin' interestin' to blog about today, from rural Nova Scotia.

BETTER.  MOUSES!

Sometimes a cat has just gotta do, what a cat has gotta do.  MOUSES!

So as you might have guessed, there has been NOTHIN' interestin' goin' on at my house for the last couple of days.

Well...  Nothin' noteworthy, I guess.  Nothin' worth bloggin' about, for sure.  MOUSES!

On the other paw...

Nope, sorry.  That information was marked private and personal, and the peep said I couldn't go 'round tellin' the whole wide world.  Not even if it was the ONLY real news I had to tell!

But on the OTHER paw, peeps go around tellin' the whole wide world all their private and personal stuff all the time!  Sometimes that stuff is so private and so personal, the world DOESN'T EVEN WANNA KNOW, but does that stop those peeps?  No sirree.  It doesn't stop 'em at all.  They just go around blabbin' like there's no tomorrow and...

What?  WHAT?  What's that you're sayin', Peepers?  You're sayin' that under no circumstances am I to tell my readers that my sister Mason was feelin' a little under the weather, and ended up with a bit of a dirty bum?  FINE.  MOUSES!

Oh-oh.

Hmmm...

Pretend you didn't hear 'bout that, okay?

And if you can't pretend you didn't hear it, pretend you didn't hear it from ME.  MOUSES!

So what should I blog about today?

I KNOW!  Hey Peepers!  I need to borrow your flashy box.  I need to take a picture of my din-dins.

What?  WHAT?  What's that you're sayin', Peepers?  You're sayin' that under no circumstances do I need to take a picture of my dinner?

Are you sure about that, Peepers?  'Cause peeps take pictures of their dinners, and post those pictures on the Internet, all the time.  And when I say all the time, I really mean ALL the time.  If it weren't for peeps postin' pictures of their dinners, social media would come to a complete standstill, for sure.

Well...  Pictures of their dinners and cute cat videos, that is.  MOUSES!

So that brings me back to square one on the search for a bloggin' topic for today.

Hmmm...

GOT IT.  Peep #1 planted another two azalea bushes yesterday.

And she RE-planted 'em again this mornin'. MOUSES!

Don't worry, Peepers.  I'll be sure to let my readers know that you didn't replant those two azalea bushes just for the fun of replanting 'em.  'Cause believe you me, I watched you replanting 'em this mornin', and it didn't look like you were havin' any fun, at all.  MOUSES!

Yeah, Yeah...  I'll mention the rockies.  Keep your pants on, woman.

And when I say keep your pants on, I mean KEEP YOUR PANTS ON.  World Naked Gardenin' Day was last weekend, not today.  MOUSES!

So anyway, as you might have guessed, the rocky raccoons were back again and last night, they dug up the two azaleas Peep #1 planted yesterday.  But this time, they just left 'em next to where they had been planted, instead of tryin' to haul 'em off into the jungle and...

What?  WHAT?  What's that you're sayin', Peepers?  You're sayin' that under no circumstances am I tell my readers we live in a jungle?

REALLY?  When was the last time you weeded?  MOUSES!

Hehehehehee...  Okay, perhaps that is a bit of an exaggeration.  Not even a whole bazillion gazillion weeds do a jungle make.  Close, but not quite.  Now a million bazillion gazillion weeds would be a TOTALLY different story, for sure.

HEY PEEPERS!  How come I'm findin' your hair all over my office?  You sheddin' or somethin'?

OR ARE YOU GOIN' BALD?

That's not good, Peepers.  Seriously, that's not good at all.  Take my word for it.  The bald look is not a good look for you 'cause Kojak, you are not, and...

GET A GRIP, WOMAN.  If you don't wanna go bald, just stop pullin' on your hair like that.  Stop yankin' it out!  Didn't anyone ever tell you, yanked out hair might not grow back and like I said, Kojak, you are not, and...

What?  WHAT?

FINE.

MOUSES!

Apparently, accordin' to the peep...

But then what does she know?  I mean, she's just a peep and...

What Peepers?

FINE.

MOUSES!

APPARENTLY, accordin' to the peep - while bearing in mind she is just a peep - she's pullin' her hair out on account of my blog post today, and SHE SAYS, since today is Mother's Day, I should go easy on her and give her break.

I guess I could do that.

It IS Mother's Day and all.

And she IS kinda my mother, even though we don't look at all alike.  You know, on account of my bein' way cuter.  Plus, I'm a redhead.  And then there's that whole business of the tail.

My tail.  I'M the one with the tail.  The peep doesn't have a tail.  Not one I've noticed, at least.

I guess I COULD give her a break...

But don't worry friends, I'll be back in FULL FORCE on Wednesday.  Ol' Peepers here can yank out the remainin' hair on her head, then.   MOUSES!

missing

"Hey!  HEY!!  HEY!!! What the mousie mousin' mouses do you think you're doin'?"

Seein' what I was seein', I jumped down from the bathroom window onto the sunroom roof, and from there, down onto the deck railing.  Minutes later I was MARCHING across the backyard, toward that ol' nosey neighbourin' cat, AKA Nosey-Neighbour-Cat.  MOUSES!

"Hey you.  Yeah, YOU. Yeah, I'm talkin' to YOU!" and I glared at Nosey-Neighbour-Cat.  "Just what the mouses do you think you're doin', followin' my peep around like a little lost doggy?  If ANYONE is gonna be followin' my first peep 'round like a little lost doggy, it's gonna be ME."

I stopped in my tracks and thought for a mo.  "Hmmm...  Not that I wanna be behavin' like a little lost doggy.  After all, a little lost doggy, I am not."  And so I turned back to NNC and said, "Nosey-Neighbour-Cat?  Continue as you were.  MOUSES!"

"What?  WHAT?  What's that you're sayin'?" and I waited for ol' NNC to explain further.

After hearin' that nosey neighbourin' cat's explanation I told him, "Yeah well, I might be concerned 'bout the peep's weird behaviour.  I MIGHT, 'cept for the fact that weird behaviour comes second nature to my peep."

"What?  WHAT?  What do I mean?  I mean, Peep #1 is kinda weird.  She's known worldwide for her weirdness, for sure.  Why just the other day..."

"What's that Peepers?  FINE.  MOUSES!"

"NNC, I'll tell you all 'bout the peep's weird behaviour some other time.  Some other time when the peep isn't listenin'.

"But for now, back to this business of you followin' my peep 'round my backyard, like a little doggy.  Nosey-Neighbour-Cat, why were you doin' that?"

"I see...  You say you were followin' Peep #1 around on account of her WANDERIN' around.  Her wanderin' about the backyard in a state of confusion."

"Like I said before, this kind of behaviour is really nothin' new.  Peep #1 is often confused.  Take my advice and just ignore her."

"What's that Peepers?  You say somethin' is missin'?  Somethin' like...  LIKE YOUR MIND?" and I fell to the ground and rolled onto my back in a fit of laughter.

Then under my breath, I hissed to Nosey-Neighbour-Cat, "So is that why you were followin' Peep #1 'round like a little lost doggy?  You were helpin' her to find her lost mind?  Personally, if I were you, I'd give up on that goal.  Her mind has been lost for quite some time now, and I doubt anyone will be findin' it anytime soon."

"What's that Peepers?  FINE.  MOUSES!"

"So anyway Peepers...  When exactly did you notice your mind was missin'?"

"FINE.  MOUSES!"

"So Peepers, when exactly did you notice whatever it was that you're missin', was missin'?"

"You don't say."

"MOUSES!"

"So Peepers, are you sure?  Are you sure 'bout this?  Are you sure like in...  FOR SURE?"

"Just checkin'."

BREAKIN' NEWS...  NEWLY PLANTED AZALEA BUSH HAS GONE MISSIN'.  MOUSES!

"Peepers, now can you describe said azalea bush?  Did it have any distinguishing features?  Did it have a scar, perhaps?  Or a mole?"

"No, not a brown furry runnin' about and diggin' holes kinda mole.  And not a secret spy mole, either.  I mean a mole!  You know, like in a distinguishing feature.  Don't you ever watch crime shows on TV? MOUSES!"

"So no scars and no moles.  No rodent or spy type moles, either.  Hmmm...."

"And you're absolutely positive you planted that there azalea bush in that there flower bed, yesterday? You're absolutely sure?  I'm only asking 'cause you didn't really answer my question the first time I asked.  Not really in an absolutely positively for sure kind of answerin' way."

"So let me get this straight.  Yesterday afternoon you planted one, two-foot high azalea bush, with no scars, moles, or any other distinguishing features, in that there flower bed in that there corner of the backyard.  And this mornin', there's no trace of any azalea bush to be found.  Interestin'.  Very, very interestin', for sure.  Hmmm..."

"And you've looked everywhere?  You say that's what you were doin' when Nosey-Neighbour-Cat was followin' you around?  Hmmm..."

"Did you look in the garage or out on the driveway?  I'm only asking 'cause...  Well...  Well truth be told, I'm lookin' at the spot where you said you planted the azalea bush and there isn't a trace of it to be found."

"Well I KNOW you said it was missin'.  I KNOW you said it couldn't be found.  But seriously Peepers, you're sure you planted it yesterday?  'Cause not only is there no trace of the azalea, but there's no trace of your havin' planted it, either.  There's no trace of a hole havin' been dug or anythin' like that.  It looks like the spot hasn't been touched at all.  It looks..."

"Okay, okay.  You don't have to yell.  MOUSES!"

"You think maybe someone is gaslighting you, Peepers?  You know, tryin' to make you think you're goin' crazy?  Tryin' to make you think you're losin' you mind?  'Cause if that's the case, they probably won't have to try all that hard."

"WAIT A MINUTE."

"Look Peepers.  Look over there!  Look over there by the brush pile.  You know, the brush pile 'bout fifteen feet away."

"Well I'll be...  IT'S YOUR AZALEA BUSH.  MOUSES!"

"So there WAS an azalea bush after all.  Will wonders never cease.  If I were a bettin' cat, I would have bet there had never been any azalea bush, and that you were nothin' more than a half-crazed peep, for sure."

"Now see!  That.  That there look you have on your face.   Yeah, that's the one.  That look you're doin' right now.  That's the kind of look that make cats believe you're half-crazed, for sure."

"But back to the once missin', but now found, azalea.  Clearly, after you planted it yesterday, someone came along and ripped it out of the ground, then filled in the hole, leavin' no trace of it ever havin' been there at all.  Then they either dragged it, or flung it, over by the brush pile.  Hmmm..."

"Sounds pretty unbelievable to me.  Far easier to believe you're goin' nuts, Peepers.  Sorry, but facts are facts and the evidence is clearly there."

"GET A GRIP, WOMAN.  MOUSES!"

"Well...  I suppose a rocky raccoon could have yanked the azalea out of the ground and dragged it over there.  They've been known to dig things up before.  But why would a raccoon fill the plantin' hole back in?  That makes no sense to me."

"Or I guess a neighbour could be playin' a mean ol' prank or somethin', and yanked out the azalea before flinging it over there, then filled the plantin' hole back in to...  Nah, that makes even less sense, for sure."

"On the other paw...  Peepers, have you been doin' stuff to annoy the neighbours?"

I sat back on my haunches and had a long think.

"Okay Peepers, I've thought and I've thought and I've thought, and I'm pretty sure, I've now thought it all out, and..."

"...AND I'm goin' with my original idea. CLEARLY, YOU'RE LOSIN' YOUR MIND.  MOUSES!"

"See?  SEE?  There's that half-crazed look again.  It's all over your face. What am I sayin'.  There's nothin' half-crazed about it.  That look is FULL-crazed, for sure.  It's as full as a full moon on a night with a fully full moon and..."

"What's that Peepers?  FINE.  MOUSES!"