who did it?

"No Peepers, NO!  Don't do it.  Please... PLEASE...  NOOOO!!!"

I stood by the livin' room door, watchin' the peep.  My eyes burned with salty tears. With one paw, I wiped them dry.  Bowin' my head, I said a silent prayer.  The least I could do was give it a proper sendoff.

No, the least I could do was find the guilty culprit.  MOUSES!

I looked around the room, peerin' at each of my fur-sibs.  One by one, I stared intently into their eyes.  Not eliciting a response, I stared at them all again.  Narrowin' my eyes and settin' my jaw, I demanded, "Okay then, who did it?"  I crossed my paws over my chest.  "Who did the dirty deed?"

My question was met with silence.

Andy looked at me blankly.  His usual look, I'm afraid.  Rushton gushed all innocence, but I knew better than to be fooled by those looks of his.  Nevertheless, he wasn't volunteering any information.  Mason rolled her eyes, indicating she was sure no one would confess, least of all Rushy.  Under her breath, Tess growled.  Typical.  Tess has been known to growl at the wind. Seriously, my friends, she has.  And prompted by Tess' growling, Tobias began to wash behind an ear.  Suspicious behaviour had it been any other cat, but the likelihood of Toby being guilty in this particular case, was almost nil.  Almost, but not enough for me to eliminate her from my list of suspects.

And speakin' of suspects, I had five.  Unfortunately, not one of 'em was willin' to confess. MOUSES!

"Do I have to ask again?" I said in a louder voice.  "Who did it?  WHO PEED ON THAT NIP HEART?  MOUSES!"

At that very moment, Dionysus - the timeshare cat - entered the livin' room.  Lookin' about, he wandered toward the pile of nip hearts lying in the corner by the big green chair.

I gazed off into the distance, allowing my mind to wander.  I raised one eyebrow.  "A sixth suspect," I muttered to myself.  "Hmmm...."

Dionysus - the timeshare cat - was now stretched out, lyin' among the nip hearts.

Tess growled again, but no one paid any attention.

Standin' on all fours, I walked over to Dionysus.  I looked down at him, his eyes glazed over from bein' high on the nip.  "Did you do it?" I questioned.  "Are you the guilty culprit?  Did YOU pee on that nip heart?  DID YOU?"

I heard Mason harrumph from behind.  "He's not going to admit anything Seville.  Just look at him lying there, drunk on the nip."

"Lookie here Dionysus, you timeshare cat, you," I said, proddin' him with a paw.  "You may live here part time and yes, I admit, some of those nip hearts are yours, but that doesn't mean you can waltz into this here livin' room, and go around peein' on..."

Before I could even finish tellin' Dionysus off, he rolled over and fell asleep.  MOUSES!

"We're just lucky it was Peep #1 who found the peed-upon nip heart, and not one of us cats," Mason began.  "I can't imagine anything worse than lying down next to your favourite nip toy and placing your cheek up against it, only to find it sodden with pee. Yuk!"

"Especially when it was someone else who, you know... peed." I added.

Dionysus was still sleepin', and Tess was still growlin', when Peep #1 returned, a foul look upon her face.  Standin' there, she looked down at us cats, scowlin'.

"Did you bury the nip heart?" I asked, a tremor in my voice.

"It's in the garbage," the peep answered, "where it will stay.  And if I find any more peed-upon nip hearts, they'll be tossed out, too."

Then, one by one, we cats were removed from the livin' room.  After the last cat was unceremoniously dumped in the front hallway - for the third time - Peep #1 closed both doors behind us.

I stared longingly into the livin' room through the glass doors.  "No Peepers, NO!  Please... PLEASE...  NOOOO!!!"

But the peep, bein' a peep, laughed a truly heartless, cruel, and evil laugh.

Seriously, my friends.  Cruella Deville would look like an umbrella-toting nanny, singing songs of her favourite raindrops and roses, in comparison.

Okay, so she didn't exactly laugh.  It was more of a cry of frustration, really.  A cry of frustration on account of her noticin' that Dionysus - the timeshare cat - was still sleepin' soundly among the remainin' nip hearts, and the knowledge that when she opened up those glass doors to go get him, one of us other cats was probably gonna dart past her feet and back into the livin' room, AGAIN.  MOUSES!

it's a good thing

It's a good thing, Peepers.  Really, it is. Really.  IT IS!

For mousin' out loud, Peepers.  Most people would be happy to find out that...

MOUSES!

Anyone know what to do with a broken-hearted peep?

Peepers, would you like to share some of my nip?

I don't have very much nip to share but I'm willin' to share some of what I do have, with you.  If you think it will help, Peepers.

Let's see...

I can spare this much.  Will this much help?  Will this much make you feel better, Peepers?

I know it's not a lot but I don't really have a lot to spare.  And truth be told, the reason I don't have a lot of nip in the first place, is on account of your poor nip-growin' skills.  But since I'm tryin' to raise your spirits here, we won't get into that today.

Of course, tomorrow will be a totally different story.

But today, I'm willin' to share this half paw's worth of nip with you, Peepers.

Well...  Maybe just half of that.  Don't want to leave myself short on the nip front, you see.

Well...  Maybe just half of half of that.

Peepers...  PEEPERS...  PEEPERS!

Oh come on, Peepers.  Cheer up!

MOUSES!

Can someone please help me cheer up this broken-hearted peep?

In case you were wonderin'...

You all know 'bout how Peep #1 has been tryin' to gain the trust of Dionysia, right?  You know Dionysia.  The kitty who showed up at our house on New Years Day?

I know, it's confusin', 'cause at first, Peep #1 called her Here Kitty Kitty but later decided to call her Dionysia or Dionysus, dependin' upon whether Here Kitty Kitty was a boy or a girl.  Of course, Peep #1 never did figure that bit out but that didn't stop her. No sirree.  After a while, Peep #1 named Here Kitty Kitty, Dionysia, which pretty much ensured that she was actually a he, 'cause you all know 'bout my peep and her reputation for givin' girl cats, boys' names, and boy cats, names for girls.  MOUSES!

Anyway, for over eight months now, Peep #1 has been gradually gainin' Dionysia's trust.  At first, Dionysia would run away as soon as she saw the peep comin'.  But in the last few months, the peep has made great progress.  Dionysia comes almost every night for din-dins, waitin' for the peep out on the veranda!  In fact, the peep can even pick her up! And she purrs!  MOUSES!

I was bracin' myself.  I was bracin' myself for the news, for sure.  I figured that any day now, Peep #1 was gonna announce that we were gettin' a new sister.  Or a brother, 'cause - OF COURSE - the little matter of whether Dionysia was a girl or a boy was still unsettled.  Dionysia is not one to walk about with her tail held high.  She's not a confident kitty like me, you see.

But on Friday night...

On Friday night, Dionysia arrived at the front door...

Wait for it...

WEARIN' A COLLAR!

Apparently, Dionysia has a home and a family and we never even knew.  MOUSES!

I need to say that again.  MOUSES!

So now, after more than eight months of workin' on gainin' Dionysia's trust, Peep #1 is heart-broken. Heart-broken 'cause Dionysia already has a home.

You'd think her havin' a home would be a good thing but...

But the peep says that had she known Dionysia was somebody else's kitty way back when, she would never have allowed herself to become so attached.

I SAY, had the peep known Dionysia was somebody else's kitty way back when, instead of spendin' all those evenings trying to gain Dionysia's trust, she could have been spending 'em learnin' how to grow nip.  MOUSES!

And now, after wastin' all that time with matters unrelated to the growin' of the nip, I have but this eighth of a paw's worth of nip to share...

I mean, I have but this sixteenth of a paw's worth of nip to share with the peep, to help make her feel better. MOUSES!

And if that's not bad enough, now the peep is on a quest to find out who Dionysia's real peeps are. Goodness knows how long that's gonna take.  Goodness knows how much more time the peep will be spendin', not growin' nip.

MOUSES!

the experiment

Psst...  Wanna see a peep jump? Hehehehehee...

So Peep #1 was sitting on the chesterfield in the family room, calmly drinking her tea, when all of a sudden, she jumped!

So my brother Anderson was lying on the chesterfield in the family room, next to the peep drinking her tea, when all of a sudden, he ran.

So I, Seville the Cat, was perched on the armoire in the family room, watching the peep drink her tea with Andy lying there next to her, when I laughed and laughed and laughed.  I laughed so hard I nearly fell off that ol' armoire of a perch but luckily for me, I regained my pawing in the nick of time and laughed my paws off some more.  MOUSES!

Apparently, the peep does not enjoy finding bits of kibble in her tea.

It's true.  Not even one.  Not even one measly little piece of kibble for truth be told, there was only one teeny-tiny bit of crunchy kibble in that ol' mug of tea.  And if we're really talking truth here, it wasn't even crunchy.  Not after having been at the bottom of her mug of tea.

And speaking of mugs...

Oh my gosh, you should have seen the peep's face when she spotted that soggy, formerly crunchy, piece of kibble in her tea.  MOUSES!

No one knows HOW the kibble ended up in the peep's tea.

At least that's the official story and I'm sticking to it, for sure.  MOUSES!

Now I have to say, that ol' peep of mine is a vegetarian and I know that our kibble and treats aren't veggie at all so I'm assuming that was the problem the peep had with the kibble ending up in her tea.  That's my working assumption at least.  Andy says there was a grossness factor involved but for the nine lives of me I can't figure out why.  MOUSES!

And speaking of Andy...

Did you hear?  A couple of weeks ago, Andy went to the groomer to be uh... groomed.

Well technically speaking, he didn't go to the groomer, for the groomer at our hospital is allergic to cats.  MOUSES!

So anyway, Andy went to the hospital to be groomed but instead of being groomed by the groomer, he got himself all gussied up by one of the nurses. She did a really good job.  Andy has been strutting his new do all over the place, saying he's a lion now on account of his having a lion cut.  Lion...  Lyin'?  No, lion is what he said, for sure.

Thing is, Anderson has really, really long fur and as the nurse said, it mats just 'cause you looked at it, and once it mats even the tiniest of bits, he won't let the peep touch it at all.  So even though the peep was planning on asking for just a bum wash and shave - 'cause if there's anywhere you don't want your fur matting, it's around your bum area - an appointment for a lion cut was made. MOUSES!

And speaking of shaving...

Actually, I've got nothing for that.

But speaking of Dionysia, aka Dionysus and Here Kitty Kitty, she is continuing to come around although the peep still doesn't know if he is a he or she, a she.  Yup, comes every night for her din-dins and the peep is making real progress.  Last night, she (maybe he) stayed on the veranda while the peep did up her plate.  It's true!  Didn't run away or anything.

And lastly but certainly not least, I've got some exciting news I shall be blogging about on Sunday so you'll wanna check out Sunday's post, for sure.  And next Wednesday I'll be turning in my next book report for Kitty Lit. 101, so you'll wanna read that post, as well.

All in all, I've got a pretty busy week planned which will include more work on my experiment, checking the peep's reflexes and stuff.  If the peep will jump one foot off the ground when finding one piece of kibble in her tea, how high will she jump if she finds two?  Two uhhh...  ummm...  pieces of kibble mysteriously and anonymously placed in her mug by someone other than me.  MOUSES!

hello

Hello.  Hello there.  Hello kitty.

Uh, excuse me but um... who are you?

Better yet, why are here in my house?

Cat got your tongue?

Not answering me, huh?  Hmmm....

Be right back.

                           ************

Hey Mason, do you know who that black kitty is, in the kitchen?

Which one!  How many black kitties ARE there in our kitchen?  MOUSES!

Yeah, that one.  Who is she?  She?  He? Hmmm...  Not sure if she's a girl or a boy, actually.  Truth be told, I didn't ask. MOUSES!

No, I'm not gonna ask the peep.  Peep #1 is useless when it comes to stuff like that.  Might I remind you that you're a girl kitty who goes by the name of Mason?  Mason that happens to be a boys' name?  Same thing with our sister, Tobias.  Peep #1 is responsible for that, you know. Besides, I'm not sure the peep even knows there's a black kitty in our kitchen, anyway.

But you knew there was a strange kitty in our house.  Mason, how did you know that?

You heard her crying during the night?  That was her?  Gosh, I heard her, too.

What's that, Mason?  Why didn't I do something when I heard the little kitty crying?  Actually, I did do something.  I rolled over and told Rushton to shut up.  Guess it wasn't Rushy crying after all, huh?  MOUSES!

Yeah, I probably do owe Rushton an apology over that.  Awww....  MOUSES!

But back to my original question.  Who the mouses is that black kitty in our kitchen and why is she or he there?  Someone invite her over or something?  Did she come for tea?

Too true.  Nosey-Neighbour-Cat never needs an invite to come over to our house.  MOUSES!

Hold on, Mason.  I wanna check on something.

                                                *******************************

Okay, I'm back.  Yeah, she's still there.  Or he.  Still not sure about that.

NO, I'm not gonna ask her if she's a girl or a boy.  You ask a girl kitty if she's a boy and the next thing you know, you're being slappy pawed from here to eternity.  You girl kitties don't like being called boys, for sure.  Believe me, I know.  MOUSES!

Mason, why don't you ask her?

No go, huh?  FINE.  But we can ask her or him what she or he is doing in our house, right?  Come on, Mason.  Come on and ask her with me.

Well look at that!  She just disappeared downstairs. Or he...  Either way, a black floofy tail just disappeared down into the basement.  MOUSES!

Hey Andy!  You know anything 'bout that long-haired black kitty, we don't know, who spent last night in our house?

Really?  REALLY?  You don't say.  So that's the kitty Peep #1 has been feeding outside every night since she saw him way back when on New Year's Day, huh?  That's the kitty she calls Here Kitty Kitty? What a stupid name.  She might as well have called him Hello Kitty like I think I did 'bout fifteen minutes ago.

You're kidding.  Mason, are you telling me that Peep #1 has been calling Here Kitty Kitty, Dionysus, too?  I never knew.  MOUSES!

How's he ever gonna learn his name if she keeps changing it?

And is Dionysus a girls' name or a boys' name?  You think the peep knows?  Probably not.  As I mentioned earlier, Peep #1 never gets stuff like that right.  Forgot about that for a mo.

And she sometimes calls him Dionysia, too?  Is that even a name?  I'm feeling the need to reiterate, as I so often do.  When it comes to the naming of cats, Peep #1 hasn't got a clue as to what she's doing.  MOUSES!

Okay, enough of that.  Back to the question at paw.  What is Here Kitty Kitty or Dionysus or whatever his or her name is, doing in my - I mean, our - house?

NO WAY.

MOUSES!

So what you're both telling me is that this kitty whom we don't really know, who might be a girl or might be a boy, goes by the name of Here Kitty Kitty and Dionysus and sometimes Dionysia, and was calling out during the night (even though I thought it was Rushton, at the time), just walked into our house on his or her own, yesterday, without any kind of invitation, and spent the night and... and...  and...

DOES THE PEEP KNOW?

She doesn't?  How do you know that?

That's right!  Peep #1 put food out for Here Kitty Kitty last night.  I heard her calling his name and everything.  She put the food out on the veranda and then she was calling Here Kitty Kitty and then she came back inside so that Here Kitty Kitty would come and eat on account of Here Kitty Kitty being too scared of the peeps to let the peeps near her.  Or him.  Whatever.  But the bottom line is, the Peep couldn't have known that Here Kitty Kitty was inside the house or she wouldn't have put the food outside on the veranda.  MOUSES!

Hmmm...

Okay, two things.

First of all, this Here Kitty Kitty fellow or gal must have come in through the kitchen window yesterday afternoon when the peeps left it open for us and then gone straight down to the basement, not appearing up here in the kitchen 'til this morning.

And secondly, if Here Kitty Kitty was inside all night, that food the peep put out on the veranda is probably still out there.  Interesting...

You know, the peep has been putting extra special food out there for Here Kitty Kitty, hoping to gain his or her trust on account of his being so scared of the peep.  So that extra special and probably super yummy food is still sitting out there on the veranda, all by itself.  Hmmm...

Excuse me, if you will.  I do believe I hear a snack calling my name.  MOUSES!