public service announcement

The following is a public service announcement.

DON'T LET YOUR PEEPS SEE YOUR BLOODY PEE.

MOUSES!

Okay, so this is what happened:  The other day - Monday to be exact - the peep noticed I kept goin' to the little boys' box over and over AND OVER again.  I wasn't doin' much of anythin' at any one visit.  I wasn't straining, but I wasn't peeing, either.

Of course I tried to pass it off as the latest kitty cat craze.  You know the one.  The one where a kitty does multiple laps 'round the house, stopping each time to pee.

Well the peep, being a peep, didn't believe me one bit, which surprised me to no end on account of Peep #1 usually bein' pretty easy to fool.

MOUSES!

So the next thing the peep did was put out a pee pad for me to use.

Now I thought to myself, How very sweet of the peep to do this for me.  How considerate of her to think of a way to make it easier for me to pee.  I mean, I was gettin' a little tired of makin' all those trips to the litter box, ALL THE WAY FROM THE FAMILY ROOM.  Settin' up pee pads right there IN the family room, itself, was savin' me a multitude of trips.

Little did I know...

IT WAS A TRICK.

MOUSES!

That's right, the peep, bein' a peep, TRICKED me into usin' that ol' pee pad so that she could see what was goin' on with me.

And exactly what did she see?

She saw my bloody pee.

MOUSES!

Now when I say bloody, I'm not goin' all Moggy on ya and usin' English slang.  No sirree, for I, Seville the Cat, am a Canadian kitty through and through, although I must admit I do enjoy a good British mystery on the tele.

MOUSES!

But back to that pee.

There it was, plain as day.  There for the whole world to see.  There was blood in my pee.

So the peep, bein' a peep, went and called the doctor.

MOUSES!

Then yesterday afternoon, I WAS PEEP-HANDLED BEYOND BELIEF.  I was SHOVED into an ol' crate, and before I knew it, I was headin' to the hospital where they did all sorts of unthinkable things.

I'm not even gonna tell you were the nurse put that ol' thermometer, as this here blog is a family friendly blog.  And did I happen to mention that what she did was an UNTHINKABLE thing?

Good news is, my temperature was PURRfect, for sure.

Like there was any doubt anything of mine wouldn't be.

MOUSES!

Then came the doctor.  Well Doctor T - not to be confused with Mr T on account of Doctor T bein' a lady, and way prettier and probably nicer, too - spent some time petting me and singing my praises, and then...

Then just like the peep...

IT WAS A TRICK.

MOUSES!

Next thing I knew, I was havin' my bladder squeezed like the dickens for a sample of my pee.

But I was one step ahead of that ol' doctor of mine.  I had already peed out all my pee.

Remember the pee pads?  Plus, I may or may not have peed in the stupid ol' crate.  Peep says I did, but I'm admitting to NOTHIN'.

MOUSES!

Turns out, unlike my personal peeps, it's way harder to trick a doctor peep.  And on account of my not bein' able to provide Dr. T with a sample, I ended up havin' to have fluids injected under gorgeous, glistening orange furs, and then I had to stay in the hospital ALL AFTERNOON LONG until I was able to...  You know...  Pee.

MOUSES!

So long story short...

Yeah, yeah....  Quit your griping.  I'm gettin' to the end of this here full-length documentary now.

SO LONG STORY SHORT, I have a UTI - not to be confused with a UFO on account of UFOs bein' unidentified and my UTI has now been identified, for sure - and I'm on antibiotics to treat it.  The UTI, not the UFOs.  Doctor T says my problem was probably caused by my not drinkin' enough water during the super hot weather we had last week.

So you hear that, all you kitties out there?

WHEN IT'S HOT OUT, BE SURE TO DRINK EXTRA FLUIDS or you could end up spending an afternoon in hospital like me.  And whatever you do, DON'T LET YOUR PEEPS SEE YOUR BLOODY PEE.

MOUSES!

whew!

Whew!

Boy-oh-boy...

Oh, I've gotta take a load off my paws, for sure.

MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You wanna get me a bowl of your finest spring water, please?  Chilled, but no ice.  Oh, and a sprig of the nip would be nice.

What do you MEAN all you have is the house white?

And it's ON TAP?

MOUSES!

I'm tellin' ya, the service at my house is goin' downhill, fast.

Of course, that's assuming it had any further to drop.

Which it didn't.

Not even one bit.

It was already at the bottom of that hill, for sure.

MOUSES!

FINE.  *sighs*  I'll settle for a bowl of tap water, but could you at least add the catnip?  PLEASE?  I'm a kitty in dire need of a little nip.

I'll leave you a tip and everything, Peepers.

Uh-huh.  Yup, I most certainly will.

YES, I'm capable of tipping the staff.

I'll tip you off as to exactly where I coughed up that hairball this morning, which is as good a tip as you deserve.

MOUSES!

I'm over here, Peepers.  You'll wanna bring that bowl of water over here.

You expect me to get up from the chesterfield to get my drink?

You expect me to walk over there?

ALL THE WAY over there?

MOUSES!

But Peepers, I'm exhausted as it is, and the MERE THOUGHT of my havin' to walk ALL THE WAY over there is making me EVEN MORE TIRED by the minute.

What did I do to make myself so tired?

Well...

Well I went on an outdoor hiking expedition this morning, that's what.

DID TOO.

I did so, Peepers.  I went out the front door, and hiked ALL THE WAY to the back door.  Remember?  Yeah, you came looking for me.  You had to pick me up and carry me back to the front door and bring me inside.  You know, on account of my bein' too lazy...

I MEAN TIRED!

On account of my bein' TOO EXHAUSTED and WORN OUT to climb the stairs up to the back door and come in on my own, and...

What the mouses?

Well I'll be.  Now the peep is sittin' here next to me on the chesterfield, expecting ME to bring HER a glass of the house white.

Okey dokey Peepers.  You want that from the tap or the toilet?  We've got both.

MOUSES!

puddle water!

Whatcha doin', Peepers?  It's like...  two-thirty in the morning.  Little early to be getting up, don't you think?

Oh yeah, I forgot about that.  I forgot that Mason didn't come in earlier when you called her.  You goin' out to check on her again?

Nah, I'll just watch from a window.

Little did the peep know, Mason was busy outside, countin' her thumbs.

Just kidding!  Not about the having thumbs part.  My sister Mason does have thumbs. She just doesn't waste her time counting 'em.  Why would she?  She already knows she has two.  MOUSES!

"I'm coming!  I'm coming!  Oh no! MOUSES!"  And that was exactly what Mason cried as she watched the mouse she had been carrying in her mouth, scamper across the driveway, before hiding in a flower bed.

"OH NO!  MOUSES!" And THAT was what Mason cried as Peep #1 swooped down from above, grabbed my sister around her middle, and hauled her up into her arms.

"Let me go!  Let me go!" Mason cried as she did the squirmy-wormy dance, trying to get out of the peep's grasp.  "He's getting away!  He's getting away!  Let me at him!  LET ME AT HIM!"

Needless to say, my sister Mason was brought inside for the night and the mouse escaped further capture.  MOUSES!

"Of all the ungrateful...  MOUSES!" and Mason stomped off into the family room, grumbling the entire way.

"She's not listening to you." I told my sister.  "Be thankful it's two-thirty in the morning and she's too tired to lecture you on the catchin' of critters."

"But I was bringing that critter home for her!" and Mason stomped a paw once more for effect.  "As I said, of all the ungrateful..."

"She's already back in bed, Mason.  Give it up."  I snickered as I added, "Just like you had to give up the critter.  Hehehehehee..."

"It took me a really long time to catch that mouse in the first place," Mason grumbled and lifting a hind leg, she began to give herself a bath.  "Mice are hard to come by in our yard," she muttered between licks.  "We've pretty much moused the whole place out.  And there I was, so exciting to bring the one little guy I managed to catch, home to Peep #1 and..."

"Yeah, yeah...  That's me back to bed.  Night Mason!" and I walked away, leaving my sister still grumbling as she washed her other hind leg.

But to tell you the truth, Mason was right.  It is hard to find mice around our house.  We really have kinda moused the whole place out.

Birds, though, are a totally different story.

You should SEE the birdies out there.

Why just this morning, a small flock of black birds of some kind were playing on my driveway, 'cause Peep #1 had put the sprinkler on for the pansies, and some of the water was hitting the pavement.  Those birdies were splashing about in the water, taking a sip now and then, and then splashing some more.  Fluffing their feathers and preening.  They were having such fun!

Frolicking.  Yup, that's what those birdies were doin', for sure.  Frolicking.

In fact, the birdies were havin' such fun that the peep didn't have the heart to turn off the sprinkler until they all flew away.

Of course...

Of course, the reason they flew off was none other than my sister Mason.

Yup, she sure does get around.

After sleeping in, on account of her late night the night before, Mason enjoyed a bite of brunch.

You know, brunch.  That meal eaten between - not necessarily in place of - breakfast and lunch, although in this case, Mason did miss her breakkies 'cause like I said, she had slept in.

Anyway...  Mason had some brunch before heading outside.  I think she was planning on checking out those flower beds, to see if she could find her mousie from the night before.

No sooner was Mason outside, but she spotted...

Bet you're thinking she spotted those birdies, huh?  Yeah.  Bet you're thinkin' that, for sure.  But if you are thinking that, you'd be totally wrong.

Well not totally.  I'm sure Mason did see the birdies but the birdies were not what caught my sister's attention, and I know this to be true because all of a sudden I heard a cry of...

PUDDLE WATER!

Oh yeah, my sister Mason is a connoisseur of the puddles.  Just as some peeps enjoy a fine wine, my sister enjoys a fine puddle, for sure.  MOUSES!

Doesn't matter how many bowls of clean, cool, fresh water the peeps put out for us in the kitchen and stuff, Mason ALWAYS prefers a puddle.  She says puddle water is tastier and to tell you the truth, I have to agree with her 'bout that.  MOUSES!

Anyway...  The next thing I knew, Mason had raced toward the sprinkler and skidded to a stop next to the largest of the puddles.

And that, my friends, would be 'bout the same time when all those birdies flew away.

Now some cats might be offended by such rudeness but not my sister Mason.  No sirree.  Mason just looked around and grinned happily, "All the more puddle for me!"

After downing 'bout half a puddle, she headed back toward the house, looking for that mousie from the night before.

And if I'm not mistaken, I think I might have heard Mason saying under her breath, "I'll save the rest of that puddle for later, to wash down that mousie. Now where is he..."

MOUSES!