the sweet spot

"Whatcha doin' there, Toby?  Waitin' for Christmas?"

My sister, Tobias, turned toward me.   She stared at me for a moment before rollin' her eyes.  "Don't be ridiculous," she said.  "Christmas is a whole month away."

"Then you've got a long wait ahead of you.  Ba-dum-bump.  MOUSES!"

Toby let out a loud sigh.  "You're such a marmie," she said.

"Hey!  Don't diss the marmies."  I thought for a moment.  "Hmmm...  Don't diss the short-haired marmalade cats like me, that is.  You wanna diss those long-haired marmie freak brothers of mine, you go right on ahead.  MOUSES!"

Toby and I sat there for a moment, not knowin' what to say.  I looked up at the ceilin'.  I saw her lookin' down at the floor.  Finally, I asked, "So anyway, what are you doin'?  You never did say."

"I'm waiting," she answered.  She sounded bored.

"I knew it.  You ARE waitin' for Christmas, just like I said."

"No Seville.  I'm waiting for treats."

"Treats?  Why didn't you say so?  In that case, I'll wait right here with you," and I settled down beside my little sister.  "So uh...  Where are the treats?"

"They haven't appeared yet," was her reply.

"Appeared?  As in uh...  Well uh..."  I hesitated.  "Like magic?"

Toby thought for a moment.  "I wouldn't call it magic, exactly.  Peep #1 isn't a magician, is she?" she asked.

"Well I've never seen her pull a rabbit out of a hat.  But then, she wears the wrong kinda hats.  Ba-dum-bump.  MOUSES!"

Toby and I both got a chuckle out of that.

"So uh...  Might I assume," I began again, "that you're waitin' for treats from the peep?"

Toby nodded affirmatively.

"I never just sit around, waiting for the peep," I explained.  "I go get her when I need treats.  And meow.  Loudly.  The louder, the better, for sure.  And if that doesn't work, I jump up on the counter and help myself."

"I know," said Toby, through pursed lips.

"Then why don't you do the same?" I asked.

"The kitchen counter is too high for me to jump onto," she answered.  "I'm just a little cat, unlike you."

"Hmmm...  That's true.  You want me to jump up onto the counter for you?" I offered.

"No, I'll wait."

So we sat there, my sister and I, for a good long time - at least five minutes or so - before I got to my paws.  "Toby," I said, "this waitin' is for the birds.  I'm gonna jump up onto the counter and get us some treats."

"Honestly Seville, there really is no need.  Peep #1 will appear shortly, and when she d..."

"Appear as in magic?" I interrupted.

"No," Toby shook her head.  "As I previously stated, there's no magic involved.  Peep #1 will come into the kitchen before we know it, and when she does, she will give me some treats."

"Are you sure?" I asked.  "Are you really, really sure?  'Cause first of all, we've already been sittin' here for at least seven minutes now, and there's still no sign of the peep.  And even if she does appear soon, there's no guarantee that when she does, she'll give us treats.  Especially if you're just sittin' there like you are.  I mean, you're just sittin'!  Sittin' doin' nothin'.  Nothin' but sittin'," and for emphasis, I sat right back down on my butt.

"I'm not just sitting here, Seville.  Well yes, I suppose I am.  But," and she smiled somewhat knowingly, "do you realize where it is that I'm sitting?"

I looked first to my right, and then to my left, before answering.  "Uhhh...  the kitchen?"

Shaking her head, Toby asked, "How do you get yourself dressed in the morning?  Oh, that's right, you don't."

"Neither do you," I scowled.  "Fess up, little sister of mine.  How do you get treats to magically appear for you, just by sittin' here in the kitchen?  MOUSES!"

"I'm not sitting just anywhere in the kitchen," she answered.  "This," and she pawed at the floor, "is the sweet spot."

I narrowed my eyes.  "Sweet spot?  What the mouses is a sweet spot?  A spot where there's candy and stuff?  You're a cat, Toby.  Cats don't eat candy.  We eat treats."

Tobias let out another loud sigh.  "The sweet spot, Seville, is the best place for..."

And at that very moment, Peep #1 walked into the room.  "Oh hello there, Toby," she said.  "Hi sweetie," she added, looking at me.  "Are you two wanting some treats?" and she reached over to the counter, and opened up a bag of our favourite tempting morsels, before placing a few on the floor before each of us.

"Well I'll be...  It IS like magic," I said.

"Not magic," Toby replied, swallowing her first treat.  "As I told you before, this is the sweet spot.  Whenever Peep #1 sees me sitting here, right in this very spot, she gives me treats.  It works every time."

"I. Never. Knew.  MOUSES!"

I was about to stomp my paws and loudly complain - complain about having wasted so much time and energy findin' the peep on so very many occasions - when I thought better of doin' so, and instead, quietly munched on a treat.  After all, if the sweet spot worked as well as Toby was claiming it did, it was far better to ixnay on the complaints, and simply rest in the knowledge that now I, Seville the Cat, also knew of its existence.  I know knew where to sit and wait for the magical appearance of treats.  Clearly,Toby had trained the peep well, and there was no need for the peep to know that she had been trained.

MOUSES!

the naming of cats

Once, way back when, there was a poem or somethin' written 'bout the naming of cats.

Well that was then.  This is now.

MOUSES!

Once, way back when, sometime last week, I think, there was a somethin' or other written 'bout the training of cats.

Yeah.  Right.  Like anyone could do that.

MOUSES!

Well actually...

Actually, it's not like cats can't be trained. It's more like most cats don't wanna be. Don't wanna be trained, that is.

MOUSES!

Once, way back when, sometime this mornin', I do believe, there was a little blog post written 'bout the training of peeps.

Now THAT'S more like it, for sure.

MOUSES!

In fact, that's just the kinda thing a cat like me would write.

And actually...

Actually, I did!  That's exactly what I was writin' this mornin'.

MOUSES!

The thing is, just like cats, most peeps don't wanna be trained, either.  But the bigger thing is, what peeps don't know, they can't complain about, and they most certainly can't resist.  So the trick is, when you wanna train a peep, just don't tell 'em what you're doin'.

MOUSES!

Fact is, peeps get trained every day.  They just don't know we cats are training 'em.

You know, I've noticed lately how my brother, Anderson, has been trainin' the peeps.

More specifically, I've noticed how he has been trainin' Peep #1.  So far, he has failed to train the second peep, and as for stranger peeps, he hasn't trained any of 'em at all.  But nevertheless, he has that first peep of mine wrapped around his little claw, for sure.  MOUSES!

Let me tell you what happened the other day.

The other day, I was sittin' up on the stool in the kitchen, havin' recently polished off some freeze-dried salmon treats fed to me on the kitchen counter, no less, and debatin' whether or not I had room in my tummy for some more, when in walked my brother, Anderson.  Now normally, that would be my cue to leave, on account of Andy kinda gettin' on my nerves as of late, but instead, this time, I decided to watch him interact with the peep.

Well up to the peep Andy marched, meowin' like there was no tomorrow, and beggin' for treats.  He was beggin' like he was starvin' or somethin', which believe-you-me, he most certainly wasn't.

Anyway...

So anyway, up to the peep he marched, beggin' for somethin' to eat.

Oh yeah, I already mentioned that.

Okay, where was I?  Oh yeah.

I uh...  I noticed that even though both peeps were in the kitchen at the time, the second peep, Andy totally ignored.  He was only askin' for treats from the first.

Now I should add, for the record, that it's not like Peep #2 never feeds Andy.  Peep #2 feeds him as much as the first peep does, but when it comes to treats, the first peep is the bigger sucker, for sure.

Need I remind you I had just polished off freeze-dried salmon treats served to me on the kitchen counter?

Of course, eatin' off the bare counter isn't as good as eatin' off crystal and china, but it's a darn sight better than makin' me eat treats off the floor, which in the absence of crystal and china servin' dishes, can sometimes happen.

And speakin' of there bein' an absence of crystal and china servin' dishes for us cats...

WELL IT JUST ISN'T RIGHT.  It isn't right at all!  But so far, my complaints regarding the lack of crystal and china servin' dishes for us cats, have fallen upon deaf ears.  But I digress.  MOUSES!

Back to Andy and those treats.

There was Andy, makin' it look like he hadn't eaten in days, rubbin' up against Peep #1's legs, and beggin' like a dog or somethin', when finally, the first peep gave in, and tossed a few treats onto the floor, in his direction.

And when I say tossed, I do mean tossed.  That's how Andy gets his treats, you see, as Peep #1 makes him work for 'em as much as possible, on account of Andy lookin' liked he has never, ever, in his whole, entire life, ever missed a meal.

Or even a treat.

MOUSES!

So across the kitchen floor went the treats, and Andy gobbled 'em up like he was in a treat-eatin' competition or somethin'.

But the thing is, the point I am tryin' to make, once again, Andy managed to get his treats.

Now thinkin' about what I had just witnessed made me realize that Andy is not nearly as dumb as I...

What's that, Peepers?  I shouldn't call my brother dumb?  FINE.  Whatever you say, Peepers.  I shall endeavour to change my wordin'.

So anyway, thinkin' about what I had just witnessed made me realize that Andy was smarter than I once thought, for Andy had clearly trained the peep, and the peep, bein' a peep, was totally unaware of her havin' been trained.

What's that, Peepers?  Of what were you unaware?

Uhhh...

Nothin'.  Nothin' at all.  I was talkin' about a totally different peep.

But back to Andy and those treats.  Clearly, Andy HAD managed to train the peep.  He meowed and treats appeared, and believe-you-me, the appearance of treats is exactly what that brother of mine had been wantin'.  What's more, he even knew which of the two peeps was easier to train.

I really have to paw it to him.  Trainin' a peep is no easy matter, and yet, Anderson had managed to do exactly that.

MOUSES!

Now, if he could just manage to train her to break out the good crystal and china when feedin' us those treats, but alas, when it comes to usin' the good dishes for treats, even the first peep appears to be untrainable.

So far.

MOUSES!