what if...

What if my name were Alexa?

Well for starters, I guess I'd be a ladycat, and not the HANDSOME mancat I am.

MOUSES!

But that's not really the point, is it?  That's not the point I'm makin' at all.

So let's start over again, shall we?

What if my name were Alexa?

Alexa, what time is it?

Check for yourself, Peepers.  The clock is up there on the wall.  You do know how to tell time, right?  You learned 'bout that at school, did ya?

Alexa, play some soft jazz.

I don't know that game, Peepers.  Does it involve a nip mouse at the end of a string?  A wand toy?  Feathers, perhaps?  Why don't you teach me this Soft Jazz game?  We can play it right here in the family room.

Alexa, turn off the lights.

Okay...  But remember what happened the last time I climbed the wall, tryin' to reach for somethin' high up?  Scratched right through to the gyprock and everythin'.  You REALLY want me to do that again?

Alexa, how do you spell stupid.

P. E. E. P. E. R. S.

MOUSES!

Alexa, where are my glasses?

Wherever you left 'em, I suppose.  And FYI, DON'T BE LEAVING 'EM ON THE CHESTERFIELD AGAIN, PEEPERS.  Okay?  They're extremely uncomfortable to lie upon.

Alexa...

But back to my original question.

What if my name were Alexa?

The thing is, there must be peeps out there with that name, so...

So what happens if they have one of those Alexa thingies in their house?  Does it turn on every time someone says their name?

Alexa, why don't you call the pet store and ask if they have fresh catnip in stock?

*ring, ring!*

Pet store here.  How may I help you?

Where are my socks?  MOM, DID YOU WASH MY NEW JEANS?  Did someone eat the last piece of cake?  DAD, MOM WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU ATE THE LAST PIECE OF CAKE.  Where's my white shirt?  All I can find are light blue ones.  IF YOU DIDN'T EAT THE LAST PIECE OF CAKE, WHERE IS IT?  Who put these dark blue jeans in the washer with my white shirts?  MOM....

Uhhh...  This is the pet store.  I'm still here.  How may I help you?  Is anyone there?

MOM...

DAD...

Alexa, did you call the pet store?

Nope, but I think the other Alexa did.

MOUSES!

So like I was sayin', WHAT IF MY NAME WERE ALEXA?

It seems to me, this here on-demand, voice-activated, on-line computer business is RISKY BUSINESS, for sure.  And when I say risky, I mean RISKY, as in...

Well let's just say, I, Seville the Cat, don't need my private business bein' broadcast all over the world.

Alexa, did you poop on the wrong side of the litter box?  AGAIN?

***  Off in the sub, sub-basement of a high-rise office building somewhere, three computer geeks named Tom, Dick, and Harry are intently listening in on on-line Alexa conversations.  ***

BREAKING NEWS...  This just in...  Alexa the Cat has pooped on the wrong side of the litter box.  AGAIN.

Boy-oh-boy am I ever glad my name isn't Alexa.

And what's even better is, Alexa's name isn't Seville!

MOUSES!

did you hear?

Oh my mouses!

OH MY MOUSES!

Did you hear?

Accordin' to the CBC, the Canada Revenue Agency is now creepin' around Facebook, lookin' to see if peeps are payin' their income tax.

On everyone's mind is... HOW IS THIS GONNA AFFECT ME?

Scratch that.

On everyone's mind is...  HOW IS THIS GONNA AFFECT SEVILLE THE CAT?

I mean, am I, Seville the Cat, gonna have to stop postin' about my investment fund?  You know the one.  My froggy bank.  The froggy bank where I keep my money.  You know, the money I'm savin' up to invest in nip futures and the like.

There could be CRA peeps searchin' Facebook right now.  Searchin' and searchin' and SEARCHIN', lookin' to see if I'm payin' my taxes.  If I'm makin' a little money on the side.  If I'm spendin' more on nip than I've declared that I've even earned.

And if these CRA peeps are goin' around, readin' my page...

Well I sure do hope they take the time to paw me a like.  MOUSES!

Hmmm...

Just to be on the safe side, I had best make up some alternative facts.

I mean, dig up some dirt...

No, I mean, spread a few...

I mean...

Oh what the mouses.  I'm not sure WHAT I mean!  MOUSES!

Hmmm....

Of course, everyone is up in arms 'bout all this stuff. Oh yeah.  They're sayin' that what they post on Facebook is private, and meant only for family and friends, and how the CRA shouldn't be allowed to read it and...

Well I've got news for them.  NOTHIN' you post on Facebook is ever private.  NOTHIN' AT ALL!  Once you post it on-line, it's on-line FOREVER.

This is why I don't post pictures of myself diggin' through the trash, peein' on bushes, or washin' my bum in public.  MOUSES!

Not that I ever do do any of those things.

Do do...  Doo-doo...  Hehehehee...

Anyway, the bottom line is, if you don't want the whole world to know, don't post it on Facebook. MOUSES!

But back to the issue at paw.

Tell me, do you think I should put a big ol' post up on my page, lettin' the Canada Revenue Agency know that even though I've been savin' up for those nip futures, for a VERY LONG TIME, I have yet to save enough to buy any?

And, do you think I should put a big ol' post up on my page, lettin' the Canada Revenue Agency know that the reason I haven't saved up enough money in my froggy bank to buy any nip futures isn't 'cause nip futures are really expensive, but rather, 'cause I haven't saved up very much?   After all, my only source of income is an occasional quarter or two I find under a chesterfield cushion, and the money the peeps give me when they return bottles.

Oh, and then there was that time when I went on-line and sold Peep #1's...

Ummm...  Never mind.

But do you think I should put a big ol' post up on my page, lettin' the Canada Revenue Agency know that even when I do eventually save up enough money for some nip futures, I'm not quite sure what nip futures even are?

Should I point out to those CRA peeps that even though I am a highly intellectual cat, with sole ownership of the world rights to eggbeater-whisk time travelling teleportation technology, I..

WAIT A MINUTE....

Wait a mousie mousin' mouses minute.

I'm a cat.

AND CATS DON'T PAY INCOME TAX.

MOUSES!

Well, well, well...  Turns out, this stuff isn't gonna affect me at all, and do you know what?  I'm okay with that.