an open bag of treats

I could have told you that would happen, Peepers.  I COULD HAVE TOLD YOU it would.

As a matter of fact...

As a matter of fact, I think I DID.

MOUSES!

So the first peep had to go out and buy more Hallowe'en candy the other day.

And do you know WHY Peepers had to go out and buy more Hallowe'en candy?  WELL I'LL TELL YOU WHY she had to go out and buy more Hallowe'en candy.  Peepers had to go out and buy more Hallowe'en candy on account of Peep #2 openin' up the first box, early, and once it had been opened up, the candy disappeared like magic.

MOUSES!

But that's what it's like at my house.  Peeps leave a box of chocolates unopened, and that box of chocolates could stay unopened like that for years.  But you open it up, and...

WHAMMO!

It's gone.

MOUSES!

Of course, this is not what happens with my cat treats.

Okay, so maybe it is, but seriously, we're talkin' about Hallowe'en candy here, and not my tempting treats.

MOUSES!

But back to that Hallowe'en candy.

Box number one is now toast.  Not literally toast, of course, but toast nonetheless.  Box number two is still somewhere 'round here.  As for box number three...  Well box number three is still at the store, on account of box number two - SO FAR - bein' unopened.  But hey, give the peeps time:  Hallowe'en's not here for a week.

MOUSES!

Now back to the topic of treats.


Treats for me.  And Rushy, too, I suppose.

BUT NOT FOR THE PEEPS!

I don't eat the peeps' Hallowe'en candy, and I expect them not to eat my treats.

It's not that I'm bein' selfish, or anythin' like that.  The peeps are veggies, you see, so my not allowing 'em to eat any of my tempting treats is actually...

Well...

Well it's actually like I'm doing 'em a favour.

MOUSES!

And speakin' of treats...

Speakin' of treats, I happen to know - FOR A FACT - that there's an open package of freeze-dried salmon sittin' up on the kitchen island right now.  Open.  Open like it's sittin' there WAITIN' to be eaten.

I also happen to know there's a wee little empty spot in my tummy, on account of my tummy tellin' me it has a wee little empty spot.  You know, because I've not eaten a thing for days and days and days and...

Okay, for hours and hours and...

Okay, I've not eaten a thing in the last forty-five minutes.

But still...

But still, the fact remains, I've got an empty spot in my tummy, and there's an open bag of treats in the kitchen.  Now, a cat puts two and two together, and a cat gets...

Five?

Nah, that's not right.

Four.


Nah, that's not right, either.

I know!  A cat puts two and two together, and a cat gets...

HEY PEEPERS!  I'm in dire need of a snack over here.  Wanna paw me over a few freeze-dried salmon treats?  Once the bag is open, Peepers, I need to eat 'em right up.  They're not gettin' any fresher, you know.

MOUSES!

can you believe it?

So the other day, I was mindin' my own business, hangin' out in the garden when...

Scratch that.

Hmmm...

So the other day, I was thinkin' of ways to assist the peep when...

Yup, that sounds WAY better, for sure.

Okay, so the other day, I was thinkin' of ways to assist the peep with her gardenin', on account of my bein' an extremely helpful kind of cat who does things like that, when...

When the peep informed me, she did not require my help.

MOUSES!

I couldn't. Believe. My ears.  Seriously!  I knew the peep was sayin' what she was sayin', but I simply could not believe she would say such a thing.  I figured she must have been sayin' it by mistake.  I mean, why else would she say such things?  So I, bein' the extremely helpful kitty that I am, totally ignored the peep.

The peep, however, continued to talk.  She was babblin'.  Babblin' on and on.

And on and on and on...

AND ON AND ON AND ON, well after she said she didn't require my assistance.  MOUSES!

But for the life of me, I couldn't tell you about what the peep was babblin', on account of my ignorin' all that babbln' she was doin'.

So anyway, the peep was goin' on and on about somethin', but all I heard was, "Blah, blah, blah. Blah blah, blah blah, blah blah."  That's right, she said, "Seville, I don't need your kind of help," and then it was all blahs from there.  MOUSES!

But back to my helpin' the peep.  And when you think about it, my helpin' her was extremely kind of me, considerin' the fact she was doin' all that babblin'.

Now I knew Peep #1 said she didn't need my help, but I also knew that about that, she was totally wrong.  After all, when was the last time Peep #1 didn't need my help?  I'll tell you when.  NEVER. MOUSES!

Yeah, Peep #1 needs a lot of help, for sure.  Luckily for her, I'm a very helpful sort of cat so...

So I got right in there and helped the peep.

So anyway, after diggin' the first hole in the flower bed, Ol' Peepers here started babblin' on even more about somethin', which I, of course, ignored.

After diggin' the second hole in the flower bed, Ol' Peepers here continued to babble on about somethin' which again, I ignored, although truth be told, the second set of babbles were a whole little harder to ignore than the first, on account of their bein' decidedly louder.  MOUSES!

All I knew was, the peep was plantin' stuff and she was doin' it all wrong.

That's right, my friends, she was DOIN' IT ALL WRONG!

I'm sorry to be redundant but I figured it was worth repeatin'.

So anyway, the peep was plantin' things and she was doin' it all wrong, puttin' the wrong things in the wrong places, and diggin' holes where they didn't belong.  CLEARLY she was needin' my help to figure out what stuff should go where, and that sort of thing.

So after diggin' the third hole in the flower bed, the peep's babblin' reached a volume that my delicate ears could no longer tolerate.  There also appeared to be a direct correlation to the number of holes I was diggin', and the volume of the peep's babblin'.  Upon realizing this, I stopped my diggin'.

I then sat myself down and met eyes with the peep.  I'm pretty sure she thought I was listenin' to her every word but really, I was contemplating far more important things.  Things such as which I should do first, have a snack or a nap.  Snack then nap or nap then snack?  And THAT'S when it hit me.  That's when I realized I should, in fact, have a snack, followed by a nap, followed by a second snack.

After deciding upon the most optimum order of snacks and naps, I started thinkin' about what my first snack should be.

For one brief moment, I placed my focus back on the peep.  You know, to see if she was continuing to babble.  She was.  MOUSES!

At that point, I noticed a cloud in the sky.  The cloud in question looked a lot like a fish, as we all know clouds often do, and it occurred to me that a freeze-dried salmon treat would make an excellent snack, for sure.  I must have meowed aloud about the fish cloud or somethin' because at that point, everythin' became quiet.  The peep had finally stopped babblin'.  MOUSES!

My mind was on that snack but I knew it would be wrong of me to head indoors without first, finishing helpin' the peep.  So I did what any helpful kitty would do and started workin' on diggin' a fourth hole in the flower bed when...

When the peep picked me up, carried me indoors, and deposited me on the kitchen floor.

MOUSES!

And then...

And then....

AND THEN...

Then she turned around and marched back outside, without even gettin' me my snack.

CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?

MOUSES!