Showing posts with label 'twas he night before. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 'twas he night before. Show all posts

Sunday, 23 December 2018

'twas the night before Christmas

'Twas the Night Before Christmas...

And all through the house...

*CRASH*

*BOOM*

*SMASH*

There were creatures a-stirrin'.

Perhaps a really, REALLY BIG mouse.

"Hey, that was no mouse, Mason.  That was me, your brother.  You know, me:  Seville the Cat.  MOUSES!"

"Why are you still up at this hour, Seville?  You KNOW Santa won't bring us our presents until we're all tucked in bed, asleep, dreamin' of..."

"Yeah, yeah...  I know the drill.  Santa won't come 'til we're all dreamin' of sugarplum, nipped up fairies and stuff.  MOUSES!"

"Then WHY are you still up?"

"Because I...  Uh...  Um...  Well..."

"Spit it out," demanded my sister.  So I did.  I spat the nip leaf I had been chewin' upon, right into her paw.  MOUSES!"

"Ewww..." and Mason wiped her paw on the sleeve of my nightshirt.

Wait a minute.  Nightshirt?  Sleeve?  I'm not wearin' any stupid ol' nightshirt with any stupid ol' sleeves.  MOUSES!

"Wake up, Sivvers.  Wake up!"

I could hear my brothers' voices, and I could feel someone tuggin' on my tail.  Givin' my head a good shake, I slowly sat up in the cat bed.  "What's goin' on?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer, on account of my fearin' ANY answer from those two long-haired brotherly freaks of mine would be..  Well...  Weird.

To say the least.

MOUSES!

"There's someone in the living room," Andy whispered.

"And I think they're stealing things," added Rushton.

"WEASEL ALERT!" Mason yelled as she entered the room, brandishing what looked to be a weapon of some sort.  "We have weasels in the living room," she stated, "messing about with our tree.  WE'RE GOING TO DEFCON THREE."

Rolling my eyes, I groaned, "You really have to stop watchin' weird shows on TV, Mason.  MOUSES!"

"You'll change your tune about my studies of military manoeuvres when we're in full battle mode with the Weasel Syndicate," my sister said through gritted teeth.  "They're in there right now, stealing the presents Santa brought, no doubt.  We can't just sit back and do nothing, Seville.  We must protect what is ours!"

Not accustomed to bein' the voice of reason in my family, I spoke up anyway.  "And how do you know there are weasels in the livin' room, pray tell?"


"Did you not hear the crash?  AND THE BOOM?  AND THE SMASH?" Mason asked.

I scratched behind an ear with a hind leg.  "Come to think of it, I did.  Weasels made those noises, huh?  Are you SURE?"

"Of course I'm sure," Mason snapped.

"You SAW the weasels, and everythin'?"

"Well..."  Mason pawed at the ground.  "I didn't exactly SEE them.  But I heard them.  And when one hears the activity of weasels, one KNOWS they're up to no good.  You must know that, Seville.  You've dealt with the Weasel Syndicate before."

I nodded.  "True.  But..."

"But nothing.  COME ON," and she tossed me a...  To tell the truth, I have no idea what it was my sister tossed me.  It looked kinda like a spatula, but on the other paw, it could have been just a wooden spoon.

"And you two, too!" Mason cried, throwing Andy and Rushy kitchen implements as well.  Putting a small-sized stainless steel mixing bowl over her head, she peered out from under its rim.  "ONCE MORE UNTO THE BREACH, DEAR FRIENDS.  ONCE MORE!"

I shook my head in dismay at my thinkin'-she-was-a-king-named-Henry, sister.  Or was that Harry...  Whatever.

As quietly as we could while dragging various weaponized kitchen implements behind us, we four cats crept up to the living room door.  Mason had been right.  There WAS someone in there messing about with our stuff.  I could still hear the crashes and the booms, although they weren't nearly as loud as Mason had made 'em out to be.

"You look first," I hissed at my sister.  "You have the protective head gear."

Mason nodded, and peered around the entrance way.  Moments later, she turned back to us with a rather odd expression on her face.  Embarrassment, I wondered?

"It appears to be," coughed Mason.  "It seems..."

"What's up?" asked Rushy.  "How come your peachy cream furs are lookin' bright orange and red like us Marmies'?"

"Well..."  Mason looked about, furtively.

"Oh for mousin' out loud," I cried, headin' into the livin' room myself, brandishing my...  Yeah, I still wasn't sure if it was a wooden spatula or a funny lookin' spoon, but I figured whatever it was, it would do in a pinch.

                                 ******************************

"SEVILLE!" Peep #1 cried.

"WHY ARE YOU STILL AWAKE?" asked Peep #2.

"We're uh...  We were just...  UHHH..."

"We?  I only see you," and the first peep narrowed her eyes.

I looked over my shoulder.  MOUSES, there was no trace of my fur-sibs to be seen.  Those three cowardly siblings of mine had high-tailed it out of the area, the moment they sensed trouble.

"I uh...  I thought you were weasels," I confessed to the peeps.  "But in all fairness, I didn't come to that conclusion all by myself."

"And what are you doing with my cake decorating comb?" Peep #1 asked.

So THAT'S what it was.  Humph.  Who woulda guessed?  MOUSES!  I looked up at the peep.  "You want it back?"

"Probably not," she answered, shaking her head.

"So anyway...  Never mind 'bout what I'm doin' still up on Christmas Eve, Peepers.  What's more to the point is, WHAT ARE YOU TWO DOIN' STILL UP?  Huh?  HUH?  Tryin' to catch a glimpse of Santa or somethin'?  'Cause if you are, it's not gonna work.  The big guy in red won't come down the chimney 'til all of us are tucked into our beds.  DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHIN', PEEPERS?  HUH?"

The peep looked down at her paws - I mean, feet -  and mumbled somethin' about my bein' correct.

"What was that, Peepers?  Didn't quite catch what you said.  YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP."

"You're RIGHT, Seville," she said.

"Of course I am," I smiled back.  "Now off to bed with you, you peeps," I told them.  "Off to bed and to sleep.  And uh...  Uh...  Um...   And a Very Merry Christmas to the both of you.  Let's plan on gettin' up at dawn to open prezzies, shall we?  Dawn sounds about right."  I turned and skedaddled it out of the room before either peep could complain 'bout gettin' up so early.  "Nighty night!" I cried from the hallway.  "You two had best get some sleep."

Moments later, once more tucked back in my cat bed, I softly whispered to all my friends from all around the world...


Wednesday, 30 December 2015

last dance

'Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a...

WRONG!!!  That's not what happened at all.  Let me explain.

It was exactly a week before Christmas. Peep #1 put a load of laundry in the washing machine and then came into the family room to spend some time with us cats.  Everything was fine, for a while, but then she started hearing strange noises emanating from the basement.  Bangs and booms and bangity-boom-boom kinds of noises.  MOUSES!

Never one to shy away from strange noises, even if they might be being made by a horde of elephant-sized weasels from that dastardly weaselly enterprise known as the Weasel Syndicate, the peep headed downstairs at a trot.

And what before her wondering eyes did appear?  Let's just say, it wasn't a weasel.  MOUSES!

There before her, the washing machine was doing the dance of the sugarplum fairies.

WRONG!!!  There were no sugarplums, nor fairies, nor anything of the like but the washing machine was dancing up a storm, to be sure.

That's right, the washing machine was dancing across the basement floor, swaying to the left as far as its electrical cord would allow and then back to the right, doing the tango of all tangos and then jigging like a drunken leprechaun let loose at a fiddle fest in the heart of leprechaun country. MOUSES!

Also, there was water all over the place.

Apparently, our washing machine can't handle its liquor.  I mean, water.  I mean...  Actually, I'm not quite sure where I'm going with this.  MOUSES!

So the peep wrangled that washing machine like she was wrangling some poor, helpless beast at a stampede and managed to turn the moused-up dancing thing off.  Yup, she took that washing machine's dance card away and tore it right up, right there on the spot.  MOUSES!

Anyway...

The next morning the plumber arrived and said something 'bout there possibly being tree roots in the pipes and whatnot, not allowing the water from the washing machine to escape.  Said he'd be back with a pal, the very next week.  They were gonna do some digging and investigating and whatnot.

                 ****************************

'Twas two days before Christmas and all through the yard, not a creature was stirring, not even a...

WRONG!!!  There was stuff a-stirring all right.  There was the truck pumping out the septic tank and a backhoe and goodness knows what else back there in my yard, digging and pumping and making a whole lot of noise, to be sure.

Bottom line is, the field into which peeps empty their litter boxes failed its final exam.  MOUSES!

So now there's this gigantic-sized hole, not even a horde of elephant-sized weasels could dig, out in my backyard.  Backhoe is gone but it's coming back here very soon.  And with it will be tonnes - literally! - of rock and whatnot, too.  And pipes.  Lots and lots of pipes, I am told.  Gonna be a mess, I am sure.

Peeps are waiting on permits and paperwork from the Department of Environment before the digging peeps can come back to start working on digging more holes.

Hopefully this permit will be issued quite soon because let me tell you, there is no room for peeps in our litter boxes, to be sure.  We share a lot but when it comes to our litter boxes, share we will not. MOUSES!

Oh, and then there's the snow.

That's right, when all this stuff was going on before Christmas, the ground was soft and bare but now...

Now we've had two major snowstorms in a matter of days.  Gonna have to do something 'bout all that snow before the digging begins, I should think.  So I have a call in to the Weasel Syndicate, hoping they can send over some elephant-sized weasels who might be willing to take some away.  If they think they are stealing it, I think they just might.  Weasels are like that, especially in the dead of the night.

But before I forget, there's one more thing I must say.  Something I sincerely want to wish for you all, if I may.


HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!  Happy New Year, all.