Wednesday, 30 August 2017

shove over

A cat is heard sighing.

A cat is heard sighing, again.  This time, LOUDER.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  Why am I sighing so loudly, you ask?

Well...

Well the thing is, I'm lookin' up there at the chesterfield, and I'm really not likin' what I'm seein'. I'm not likin' what I'm seein', at all.  It's bad enough I have to share the couch with you two - peeps - in the first place.  It's even worse when I see how the sharin' is gonna be done.

Hey Peepers, you think you could give yourself a shove?

What?  What's that, Peepers?  There's plenty of room up there, you say?

Yeah, maybe for a family of elves.  MOUSES!

Now lookie here, Peepers.  I am a cat of somewhat...  Uh...  Generous proportions, and...

Hmmm...  Scratch that.  I don't want peeps out there thinkin' I'm chubby or anythin'.  I'm not nearly as big as those two long-haired marmie freak brothers of mine, but still...

Let's just say, I'm not a kitten-sized cat.  MOUSES!

Now where was I?

Oh yeah.

Now lookie here, Peepers.  I'm a non-kitten-sized kitty, and when I jump up onto the chesterfield, I am in need of my space.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  The chesterfield seats three peeps, you say?

So?  So what?  What does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Or even the cost of livin' on Mars.

Peepers, in case you hadn't noticed, I, Seville the Cat, am not a peep.  Like it says in my name, I'm a cat.  MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  What is my point, you wonder?

My point is, just 'cause it's a three peep chesterfield, it doesn't mean it'll fit two peeps and a cat.  Doesn't mean that, at all..

Sometimes I really wonder 'bout my peeps.

Imagine Peep #1 not knowin' the difference between a peep and a cat.  Imagine!

Although this DOES explain a whole lot of things...

MOUSES!

Now where was I again?

Oh yeah.

Now Peepers, like I was sayin', just 'cause that ol' chesterfield can seat three peeps, it does not mean it can seat two peeps and a cat.

Although on the other paw, I suppose it could, in a desperate kinda pinch, seat two peeps and one cat if - and I do mean IF - if the two peeps are willin' to scrunch way over to one end of said chesterfield.

And when I say scrunch, I mean SCRUNCH.  Scrunch like you've never scrunched before.

One of you might even have to sit on the other one's lap.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  You're not gonna sit on each other's laps, you say?

THEN HOW THE MOUSES IS THERE GONNA BE ENOUGH ROOM FOR ME?

Peepers, I, Seville the Cat, need to stretch out.  I need to stretch my front paws way, way out in one direction, and my back paws way, way out in the other.  And in between, I need to make my middle parts as long as they can POSSIBLY be.

And then there's my tail.

What?  What's that, Peepers?  It sounds like I'm sayin' I need half the couch all to myself, you say?

Well that IS what I'm sayin', Peepers.  That's what I've been sayin' all along.


Boy-oh-boy, you really are pretty slow on the uptake, aren't ya.  The whole point of the conversation is that I need at least half of the chesterfield in order to make myself comfortable, and...

Scratch that.  Half isn't gonna be nearly enough.

What I really wanna say, Peepers, is that I need about two thirds of the chesterfield to make myself comfy. Now what you and the other peep do with that leftover third is up to the two of you. I'm sure you can figure it out.

WELL IF SHARIN' ONE THIRD OF A THREE-PEEP CHESTERFIELD IS TOO MUCH TROUBLE FOR YOU TWO, MIGHT I SUGGEST, ONE OF YOU CAN SIT ON THE FLOOR.

MOUSES!

9 comments:

  1. Wait, what? Two humans and one cat on a three-person chesterfield? That math is totally wrong - a three-person chesterfield fits exactly ONE cat!

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  2. Be it sofas or beds, a cat needs his or her room and the peeps just don't seem to make the furniture the right size these days. Maybe whats you need is your own sofa, Seville!
    Toodle pip and purrrs
    ERin

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  3. Ha ha quite rightly so Seville got to have your space on the chesterfield.Maybe you could have all off it if the peeps love you that much they won't mind sitting on the floor...im sure.x🐾🐾🐾🐾😻💕

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  4. You should always have first dibs on any comfy spot!

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  5. dood....tell de peepz ta go getz her own chesterfeeld N leeve yurz a lone....ore yea for sure... cozee up on de floor ~~~~ ☺☺♥♥

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  6. Why can't the peeps just sit on the floor, they are young enough that they can still get up off the floor. :)

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  7. Wait wait wait. They expect you to share with not just ONE person, but TWO!?!? I've finally trained my Momma to leave my desk chair alone when I'm in it. FINALLY. No more of this "sharing" nonsense. I can't believe the Peeps are that dense. ~Bear Cat

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  8. Don't they know cats have first dibs?
    Try to have a wonderful Sunday anyway...

    Noodle and crew

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  9. Well, Seville, I say go for the whole Chesterfield! Why be cramped by peeps on that upholstery at all? Of course you could invite them to sit on it from time to time when you want a warm lap nest, but otherwise I'm sure they can find another place in the house to sit. Right?! Tee hee hee!

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