Sunday, 6 August 2017

I'll be sure to let her know

Ummm...  Okay-doke.  I'll be sure to let her know.

MOUSES!

OH PEEEEE-PERRRRS....

So anyway, Peepers, that was the police on the telephone.  They wanted me to...

What?  Yeah, that's what I said.  Yeah, it was the police.  The police were on the telephone.

Not the band, woman.  MOUSES!

And no, they weren't phonin' for you.  But they were callin' ABOUT you, for sure.

MOUSES!

You could say that.  Yup, you could say that if you wanted to.  The call did have to do with your missin' lettuce plants and stuff, and that missin' lettuce report you filed.

Oh my mouses no.  No, they weren't calling 'cause they found the culprit or anythin' like that.  To be perfectly honest, I don't think they're even lookin'.

Like the police go 'round lookin' for missin' lettuce plants.

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

So anyway, they were calling 'cause...

WELL I'M GETTIN' TO THAT!

Patience, woman.  Patience!  You would be wise to be more patient, for sure.

And speakin' of patients...

The police said that if you don't stop filing erroneous missin' lettuce reports and waltzin' around the garden at night in your nightie, they're gonna lock you up as a patient in the hospital, and...

Hey!  Don't complain to me.  I'm just the messenger here.

So anyway, it's either the hospital or a jail cell, they said.

Again, DON'T BLAME THE MESSENGER.  MOUSES!

For mousin' out loud, woman, it's not my fault you've been out there in the garden, flashin' the neighbourhood every night, and...

Oh yeah?   Well you were TOTIN' A FLASHLIGHT, for sure.

And what's with that, anyway?  It's bad enough I'm havin' to take phone calls from the police about your waltzin' around the garden in your nightie, flashin'...  I mean, carryin' a flashlight, every night, but I don't even know what it is you're doin' out there!  Other than the flashin' the neighbours with the flashlight, I mean.

And that your odd behaviour supposedly has somethin' to do with some missin' plants of lettuce.

Although seriously, what missin' baby lettuce plants have to do with nightdresses, and flashlights, and flashin' the neighbours, is beyond me.

And Peepers, it's beyond the police department, too. That's why they were callin', you see.

Hehehehehe...  You should write a book, Peepers.  A book called...  The Case of the Missin' Lettuces.

MOUSES!

What?  What's that, Peepers?  It would be a murder mystery, you say?

Why, did somebody murder the baby lettuces?

They ate 'em, you say?

But they murdered 'em first, right?

No?

THEY ATE 'EM ALIVE?

MOUSES!

So who would the murderer, in this murder mystery, be?

You?  Nah, it can't be you.  You'd be the flasher, right?  You'd be...

Yeah, yeah...  You're not flashin' anybody.

Or so you say.

So you're what, then...  The detective?  You're playin' the detective in this here murder mystery of yours?  This murder mystery 'bout baby lettuces that are bein' eaten alive?

Well detectives and flashlights do go hand in hand.  I mean, paw in paws.  I mean...   Whatever.

Of course, detectives in murder mysteries don't usually go 'round flashin' the neighbours and...

Yeah, yeah...  Flashin' the neighbours...  Totin' a flashlight...  Same diff, really.  MOUSES!

Ohhh...

OHHH...

So you're both the detective and the murderer in this here murder mystery of yours.

Hmmm...  That sounds kinda suspect to me.

Of course, it would be a rather unusual plot twist, for sure.

I think...  I think I had best call that policeman back.  Tell him you're not out there flashin' the neighbours in your nightie, every night, but rather, you're out there killin' the neighbours and...

So you're not killin' the neighbours, either, you say?

For mousin' out loud, woman, MAKE UP YOUR MIND!  One minute you're a flasher, the next you're a detective, and now a murderer, but you won't admit to bein' any of 'em, and...

Oh my mouses, it's enough to make a kitty's head spin, for sure.

Okay, so I think I've got this straight now.  You've been out there every night in your nightie, lookin' for thugs.  I mean, slugs.  Slugs that have been eatin' the baby lettuces alive.

Well that kinda makes sense, I suppose.  In a weird kinda way.

Except for...

Except for two things.

Firstly, what does flashin' the neighbours have to do with lookin' for slugs?  And secondly, why are you worried 'bout growin' stupid lettuce plants, when any decent peep would be way more worried 'BOUT GROWIN' ME SOME NIP.

MOUSES!

16 comments:

  1. Well, Pal, I know it's tragic, but these hooman types have called 911 for even more ridiculous and ludicrous reasons that that. I kid you not.

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  2. I flash the neighbours in my nighties all the time but without a flashlight, I have motion sensor lights and the blasted dog sets them off!!

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  3. I keep hearing Jumping Jack Flash for some reason. MOUSES!

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  4. Mouses, the mom is out there flashing herself. Yikes. She is just have those lettuce theves, those bad slugs. You all have a good week.

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  5. Slugs, I was going to blame rabbits. Good point though Seville, who cares about lettuce when nip is more important.:)

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  6. We're with you, Sivvers. Had your Peep just grown some nip, all of this could have been avoided. MOUSES!

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  7. Wait, someone ATE them all?? and the police won't start a missing lettuc hunt? This is terrible Seville!!!

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  8. Yup, you got it Seville Peepers needs to get her priorities straight

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  9. Isn't there a slug police these critters can be reported to?

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  10. Just shows slugs have no sense - who wants lettuce?

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  11. This NEW Adventure Has It All... Murder Suspense Flashing, Ace Detective! OK so one of those may be wrong but thats artistic licence for you. Now will there be a BIG Reveal (none flashing) of who done it?
    Purrrs
    ERin
    PS My monies on them weasels trying to frame your peep, and it was all photo-shopped!

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  12. Who in their right minds would steal lettuces?!?! I mean, catnip, we get. Unless it's a conspiracy ... to distract from the theft of nip! The slugs could work for the weasels! Heck. My head hurts just thinking of the possibilities!

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  13. We think your peep needs a new hobby. Growing nip sounds good to us. Oh, wait the woofies want to know if she could grow them a patch of bones. They can't ask Jan. She has a black thumb!

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  14. I think its those masked bandit coon zoms eating that lettuce and the sluggies are testing it first to make sure it hasn't been poisoned! My human picks slugs out of her garden & sometimes in the dark, too. Our humans should be harvesting nip for us instead!

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  15. I bet if there was nip, though, it would be nipnapped right away!

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