Sunday, 9 July 2017

hold the mayo

One veggie burger please.

Um, you'd better hold the mayo.

And hold the mustard, relish and ketchup, too.

AND THE VEGGIES. Hold those icky ol' veggies, please.

What the mouses is this? I'm not gonna eat a veggie burger with my paws.  I'm a cat.  Did you not notice my feline features?  I don't need that stupid ol' bun.  Please get rid of that.

Peepers, what did you do?  Now my plate is empty.  MOUSES!

Really?

REALLY?

YOU DON'T SAY.

MOUSES!

So you're tellin' me, a veggie burger with no veggies is nothin' but...

AIR?

For goodness sake.

                                                      **************************

No.  No!  It can't be...  Say it isn't so.  Please....

Oh my mouses that was a nightmare.  There I was, hangin' out at a BBQ picnic kinda thing, practically STARVIN' to death, thinkin' I'd check out what all the fuss about these veggie burgers the peeps eat was, when I ordered one up and got nothin' but air.

That's right, NOTHIN' BUT AIR!

Seriously, my plate was totally bare.

It was the worst kind of nightmare.

MOUSES!

Then the next thing I knew, someone was tryin' to hire me as a poet.

AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT.

MOUSES!

Hehehehehe...  But seriously folks, the next time I'm dreaming 'bout bein' at a BBQ, I'm gonna order me up a tin of the fanciest of the feasts, garnished with nip.

And speakin' of nip, I wonder if I overdid the nip last night.  Could that be why I was dreamin' such nightmarish dreams?

WHAT AM I TALKIN' ABOUT?  There's no such thing as havin' too much nip.

On the other paw...

Nope, the other paw agrees with the first.  There's no such thing as too much nip.

Now you're probably all wonderin' how I got my paws on that much nip in the first place, considerin' how incompetent Peep #1 is at growin' the stuff.

And when I say incompetent, I mean INCOMPETENT.  Look it up.

Seriously, look up incompetent in the dictionary, and you'll find a picture of my first peep tryin' to grow the nip.

MOUSES!

So anyway, the nip I got wasn't fresh nip, but it wasn't stale nip, either.

OR MAYBE IT WAS!  Maybe the nip I got into last night was stale and kinda...   You know...  Faulty. Maybe that nip IS what made me dream those nightmarish dreams.

Hmmm....

Nah, that can't be it.  No such thing as faulty weed.

I MEAN, NIP.

Anyway...

Anyway, I was diggin' through...

I mean, I was snoopin' through...

What I REALLY mean is, I was searchin' the peep's stuff last night.

No, that's not quite right, either.  I was actually investigating the armoire bookcase thingy with all those drawers.  The armoire bookcase thingy that is IN MY OFFICE, where I ALLOW the peep to store some stuff, and while INVESTIGATING, I found her stash.

Yeah, I found the peep's stash of nip. You know, the big half kilogram bag of nip she bought last year at Christmas, to make us cats nip hearts and nip mice and the like and...

We'll let's just say, the stash is decidedly smaller today than it was yesterday mornin'.

Hey Peepers!  You might wanna order in some more nip.

No reason.  Just lettin' you know, is all.

MOUSES!

11 comments:

  1. Oh yea, an unplanned NipFest stirs up those BBQ dreams fur sure!

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  2. You really have a way of putting things into perspective. Ours agree with you entirely. *wink* HUGS!

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  3. That was a nightmare. I hope your peep gets you some fresh nip soon. XO

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  4. I agree about needing some fresh nip. When it goes stale, who knows how it is going to affect you?

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  5. Now I once had a nip burger, 100% lean green nip. With a nip and cream relish in a nip seed bun... I did wake up in the end which rather put a dampener on the whole joy of it. Apparently I'd drooled on the duvet too! Utter nonsense I say, it was just some relish!
    Purrs
    ERin

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  6. Veggie burgers - yuck........more nip - YESSSS!

    Hugs, Teddy

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  7. Seville, dude, mew need to get the peep to grow mew some catnip, then mew'll neffur run out! We've got the P.A. growing our furry own stash - 15 plants so far... muwhahahahhaaaa!!!

    Here's to all days being nip days! MOL

    Big hugs

    Basil & Co xox

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  8. You found the stash?!? I hope the peep obliges and orders more FRESH nip for you. You don't want anymore of those veggie burger nightmares!

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  9. Gosh if you lived closer I could've sent you some off Spikes nip growing in the garden there is an abundance of the stuff far to much for one cat....although Spike doesn't agree and chases away the cats that come into his nip patches.xπŸΎπŸΎπŸΎπŸΎπŸΎπŸ˜»πŸ’•

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  10. Gosh if you lived closer I could've sent you some off Spikes nip growing in the garden there is an abundance of the stuff far to much for one cat....although Spike doesn't agree and chases away the cats that come into his nip patches.xπŸΎπŸΎπŸΎπŸΎπŸΎπŸ˜»πŸ’•

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  11. Uh oh. Please tell me the Nip isn't spilled all over the floor in your office ... knowing you, Seville ... I have a feeling it is.

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