Sunday, 19 March 2017

the thing

*sniff*

I sniffed the....  THING lyin' before me. What could it possibly be?

I sniffed it again.  *sniff sniff*

It wasn't a nip mouse, and that was for sure.  For starters, it contained no trace of sniffable nip.  What's more, it did not look like a mouse.

Could it be a nip thing?

Nah, even a nip thing would have to contain nip.  MOUSES!

I sniffed it again.  *sniff sniff sniff*

Could it be...  a mitten?

Nope, the thing was not mitten-like.  Not mitten-like at all.  It didn't look like any mitten I had ever before seen.

On the other paw, it did kind of look like the claw of a lobster.  "Do lobsters wear mittens?" I thought to myself.  Nah, lobsters don't wear mittens.  They live in the ocean and everyone knows wet mittens get all soggy and cold.  And even if they didn't, no self-respectin' lobster would ever wear a mitten lookin' like that.  MOUSES!

And why...  Why had the thing sprouted a wart?

It was true.  On one side of the thing, there was a lumpy ol' lump.  A lump that looked wart-like, for sure.

But in all honesty, the whole thing in question looked like it had been partially chewed up by a deep-sea monster, before bein' spat out like the seeds of a melon.

Do deep-sea monsters even eat melons?  MOUSES!

Sittin' back on my haunches, I had a good think.  What did I know?  What evidence did I actually have?  If I thought it through carefully, surely I could identify the identity of the thing.

Hmmm...

Okay, so it was made out of yarn.  That much I knew.

And as I had found it in the peep's knittin' bag, I was certain she was responsible for knittin' the atrocity, for sure.

A nip mouse, it was not.  A nip thing, neither.  A knitted cover for a lobster's claw was still a consideration, although highly unlikely.

Hmmm...

Although I had already excluded the possibility of it bein' a mitten, I remembered Peep #1 workin' with some black yarn and a pattern for mittens.

Could it be...

Certainly it couldn't.

But...

MOUSES!

"Hey Peepers!" I cried.  "Is this here knitted atrocity of a thing, your audition piece for the Great Canadian Knittin' Show?  Is it actually supposed to be...  A MITTEN?  MOUSES!"

I looked at the thing lyin' before me, again.  I rubbed my eyes with a paw.  I gave my head a good shake. I spun 'round three times, before curling up into a ball, tucking my head next to my tummy, and squeezing my eyes tight for, my friends, there are some things a kitty can never unsee.  MOUSES!

I unfurled myself and rose to my paws.  Circling the thing lyin' there on the floor, I reached out with a paw, and gave it tap.

Clearly, whatever it was, it was dead.  Further evidence of the thing bein' a knitted thing of the peep's.

But it looked like no mitten I had ever before seen.  I mean, what was that other thing on the knitted thing's side?

No, not the wart.  The thing on the thing's OTHER side.

The thumb, you ask?  Ask well you might, but no peep - ever - has had a thumb that size.  Why, it had to be half the width of the wrist, for sure.  MOUSES!

"Hey Peepers!" I cried.  "Is this here knitted atrocity of a thing, a mitten for mutant peeps?"

"Or perhaps for aliens?"

Hmmm...

"HEY PEEPERS!  IS THE GREAT CANADIAN KNITTIN' SHOW ASKIN' PEOPLE TO KNIT MITTENS FOR ALIENS NOW?"

Now that sounded unrealistic even to me.

Everyone knows aliens don't wear mittens.  MOUSES!

I scratched behind my ear with a paw.

And how was this Great Canadian Knittin' Show gonna work, anyway?  A knock-off from a knock-off, for sure.  But what I was questionin' was the logistics of it all.

Whippin' up some cakes and pastries in a weekend was fine for bakin' shows, and sewin' up a little outfit in a day was fine for a sewin' bee, but knittin'?  I mean, knittin' takes time.


Saturday mornin', the contestants all start knittin' a sweater.  By that evenin', they've finished a sleeve.  Eleven million years later, the projects are ready for judging. MOUSES!

Maybe that was why the project at paw was simply a mitten.

A mitten with a super-sized thumb.

Wearable by fashion-backward lobsters and aliens, alike.

MOUSES!


47 comments:

  1. Hey Seville... I was looking at the big thumb of a mitten and it got me to thinking about them polydactyl cats. You know, the ones with the six toes? Maybe your peep was knitting for one of them cats. We've had a few live with us and Moose in pawticular had a humongous thumb, big enough for that mitten your peep knitted. Concatulations on your Blogpaws nomination. I'm so very happy for you! Purrrs! Herms

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    Replies
    1. Mason has thumbs but her thumbs just aren't that big. You think there might be polydactyl lions and stuff? MOUSES!

      And Herman, CONGRATULATIONS! Congratulations on your bein' a finalist for Best Humor Blog, too. Two handsome mancats, standin' side by side, together. PURRS.

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  2. I gotta ask, are you absolutely sure aliens don't wear mittens? MOUSES!

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    Replies
    1. I'm pretty sure, Brian. I've seen my fair share and so far, none of 'em had mittens. purrs

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  3. MOL! That mitten does have quite a big thumb! Lots of room to get roomy in there.

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  4. Holy Carp...we're askeered of that mitten...and whatever wears it!

    The Florida Furkids

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    Replies
    1. And that, my friends, is super wise. MOUSES!

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  5. Nephi here Seville it could be alien my humon sister is part alien 😹 Her name is Allyee Anne we watch for her UFO's πŸ˜ΉπŸ‘½ πŸ‘½πŸ‘½πŸ‘½πŸ‘½

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  6. That is a nice mitten and I am impressed she did it in black. I know when I crochet, it is hard to see that black for stitches.

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    Replies
    1. She wanted black to go with her red cape with the black trim but I'm tellin' ya, she's never gone wear that... thing. MOUSES!

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  7. My human says it almost looks like an oven mitt!

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm... Not thick enough, I think. But you're right! Oven mitts do have big thumbs. MOUSES!

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  8. Guess dat must be for one of those clumsy peeps dat says dey are ALL THUMBS.

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    Replies
    1. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! purrs

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  9. Ah-ha! It is clear to me now, now I've seen the image, its a swim suit for cold water fish! With the bit at the side for a fin! OK so this is as fishy as the lobster theory but both would hold water. MOL

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    Replies
    1. Oh my mouses! Erin, THAT COULD BE IT!!! purrs

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  10. I think you are right to be suspicious of that knitted creature. Perhaps, you are right a mitten for a lobster. Or maybe it is a sock for an alien. LOL

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    Replies
    1. Oohhh... That thing on the side of the thing could be for the alien's big toe. MOUSES!

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  11. That makes me think that I don't have a mitten here but a real mouse in the living room, with 4 cats who don't bother !I think it's now under the sofa !

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    Replies
    1. You have a mouse visitin' you? You sure one of the kitties didn't invite him over for dinner? purrs

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  12. Hahahaha!! Mittens!
    Such a tiny little mitten, at least you don't have to wear it. Our mama makes us wear shoes sometimes and that's bad enough. Can't imagine the horror of a mini mitten!

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    Replies
    1. Once heard tell of a puss who wore boots. MOUSES!

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  13. Replies
    1. That 'thing' IS pretty funny lookin', for sure. purrs

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  14. Seville that last line you put there re: lobsters had mom snortin' and that is NOT pretty!

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    Replies
    1. If I see some aliens and lobsters walkin' up the garden path, I'll give you a call! Your mum will wanna SEE 'EM in person (person?), for sure. purrs

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  15. Congratulations on being named a finalist again, Seville! We love your sense of humor and you always crack up up with your feisty sarcasm. I quit even asking what the fig my Momma is doing ... I'm usually better off not knowing!

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    Replies
    1. Awww... Thanks so much! You don't ask what your peep does anymore? Or why? These are the questions the universe provides as fodder for my blog. And big, huge CONGRATULATIONS to you, too, on bein' a finalist in the Nose-to-Nose Awards. purrs

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  16. Maybe the peep saw someone doing woodwork and they missed the nail and hit their thumb. That might have given her the idea to knit mittens for peeps with swollen thumbs. You never know, there could be a market for such a thing.

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm... Perhaps she was watchin' one of those home improvement shows. You could be onto somethin' there, Flynn, for sure! purrs

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  17. Replies
    1. All Thumbs... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! purrs

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  18. That is an interesting knitted object. We has to think it is for someone who squashed their thumb...or maybe the Peep#1 was just practicing so she could frog it. :)

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    Replies
    1. 'Interesting' is one word for it, for sure! purrs

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  19. Replies
    1. Oohhh... I like that word. Flummoxed. Yup, I like that word, for sure. purrs

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  20. Gosh those mittens would have been great for Angel Sammy since he had big thumbs - otherwise, perhaps a crab or lobster might be interested????

    Hugs, Teddy

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    Replies
    1. Mason has the thumbs, too, but I'm tellin' ya Teddy, she can put HER WHOLE PAWS into the thumbs on that there mitten. MOUSES!

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  21. Hmmmmm Dat's actually a purretty good mitten Seville. Ya' wouldn't wanna see what our mommy might come up with. MOL Keep da knittin' needles far away from here. Big hugs

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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  22. Uh oh, I think it is a zom mitten! Be careful 'cause the zom might come to claim it or could be hiding' in your mom's knittn' bag! I'll call some backup for you, Seville!

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    Replies
    1. Zoms have thumbs that big? I never knew. MOUSES!

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  23. Whispers. You know what is funny? That mitten looks absolutely perfect to us and also to our Mama ! Maybe we need to hide the nip for a while . . . ;p

    the critters in the cottage xp

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