Sunday, 5 March 2017

let me help you with that

Hey Peepers!  You missed a spot.  Let me help you with that.

There.  All done.  You're good to go.

What's that, Peepers?  What?  What did I do?

NO, I did not brush any loose cat hair off your black jacket.  Don't be silly, Peepers. Why the mouses would I do that?

Truth be told, I added some more.

Yeah, that's right.  That's what I said.  I added a little more loose cat hair to the back of your jacket.  You can thank me later.

What's that, Peepers?  Why?  Why did I do that?

Are you hard of hearin' or somethin', woman?

I SAID, ARE YOU HARD OF HEARIN' OR SOMETHIN'?

Did you not hear what I said before?

I SAID, DID YOU NOT HEAR WHAT I SAID BEFORE?

Oh my mouses.  Sometimes I really wonder 'bout you, Peepers.

Like I said, you had missed a spot.

Do I have to spell it out for you or somethin'?  I  said, you had missed a spot.  YOU HAD MISSED A SPOT.  YOU.  HAD.  MISSED.  A.  SPOT.  MOUSES!

For goodness sake, not only are you hard of hearin' these days, but apparently, you're not too good with the thinkin' stuff, either.  Let me explain it to you.

I'm tellin' ya, it's like teachin' an infant how to walk before they can crawl. MOUSES!

Okay Peepers, when I saw you puttin' on your black jacket earlier, I happened to notice a rather large patch of black on your back, just below your right shoulder.  A rather large, empty patch of black fabric, with no cat hair on it which, as you can imagine, looked kinda weird on account of there bein' cat hair all over the rest of the jacket.

SO BEIN' THE EVER-SO-HELPFUL KITTY THAT I AM, I took a few loose cat hairs from my gorgeous marmalade fur, and stuck 'em onto your jacket.  You know, in order to make that bare patch look a little less bare, and a little more like the rest.

Don't stare at me with your mouth wide open, Peepers.  It's not a good look.

Anyway...  Clearly, when you were usin' that sticky roller thingy on your jacket before, you forgot to glue some cat hair onto that bare patch.

What's that, Peepers?  What?  What's that you're babblin' about now?

YOU WHAT?

WHAT THE MOUSES ARE YOU TALKIN' ABOUT, WOMAN?

Peepers, are you sayin' that the sticky roller thingy is meant to REMOVE cat hair from your jacket? Remove it?  Remove it as in, take it away? MOUSES!

Are you sure about that, Peepers?  ARE YOU SURE?

'Cause in all honestly, I think the jacket looks way better with a few cat hairs on it, strategically placed here and there.  You know, to decorate it and stuff.

WELL IF YOU DIDN'T WANT CAT HAIR ON YOUR JACKET, WHY THE MOUSES DID YOU LEAVE IT LYIN' ON THAT CHAIR SO WE CATS COULD SLEEP ON IT LIKE WE DID?

I mean, really.  REALLY.  I mean...

Oh my mouses, I don't know what I mean.

Peepers, you have me all confused now, too.  One minute you're leavin' your jacket on a chair to be decorated with our loose hair, and the next minute, you're tryin' to get our beautiful cat hair, WHICH WE SO GRACIOUSLY DONATED TO THE CAUSE, off said jacket.

And may I add, if gettin' the cat hair off the jacket really was what you intended to do, you didn't do a very good job of it.  There was only one bare patch.  Only one.  One as in only one more than none.

QUIT YOUR BABBLIN', WOMAN.  You're makin' no sense at all.

Not to say you were makin' any sense before, but now you're makin' even less.  Now you're just kinda crazed.  Crazed like a crazy squirrel who has run out of nuts in the midst of makin' nut pies.

Not that YOU'VE run out of nuts.  Oh no, and no sirree.  Peepers, you're about as nutty as nutty can be.

Why Peepers, you're as nutty as the nuttiest mad hatter that ever there was, durin' a COMPETITION of mad hatters, all tryin' to outdo the other hatters, in a race to the finish line of maddening hattering madness.

And what the mouses is a hatter, anyway?  Someone who wears hats?  Nah, that can't be it. Someone who makes hats?  Could be...

And would those hats made by those hatters, happen to be decorated with gorgeous loose cat hairs in dulcet shades of marmalade?

Really Peepers, the flailing of arms thing is quite unbecoming.

Oh my mouses!  PEEPERS!  I see another spot.  Yup, right there. Another bare spot, right under your left arm.  I couldn't see it before.  Not until your arms started flailing.

Here Peepers, let me help you with that second missed spot.  MOUSES!


22 comments:

  1. Poor Seville, you were kind enough to donate some of your beautiful furs only to have the peep remove them. Humans can be so ungrateful. Everything looks better with cat fur on it.

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  2. Furring is lots of work and takes a lot of talent too. Such art is meant to be appreciated!

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    1. It sure does! The art of furrin' is never as appreciated as it should be. MOUSES!

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  3. MOUSES! And all you were trying to do is HELP, Sivvers. Peepers are so, so weird sometimes. And ungrateful!

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    1. I know! I KNOW! Can you believe it? MOUSES!

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  4. Ooh Seville and you are being SOoo helpful * giggle *

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  5. Geez, you were just trying to be helpful, Seville.

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    1. I know! Can you believe the ungratefulness of the peep? MOUSES!

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  6. Yup, peeps just can't see the bigger picture, and a bald spot on the jacket was a dead giveaway. And you can't have folks saying that you don't care about your peep as you let them go out half furred, now can you? Think of the scandal! Purrs, ERin

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    1. What would the neighbourhood dogs say? MOUSES!

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  7. We have lots of those roller things around here but somehow they always disappear. I think our cats are attempting to make sure no hair ever gets wasted or removed from our clothes. Like any good cat would tell you.

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    1. Well... They do roll. Sort of. Sometimes their sticky parts get stuck on the floor mid-roll. MOUSES!

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  8. Seville, I think you are most attendant to your human's needs and how she presents herself out there in public. After all, it all reflects back on you. xx

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    1. It sure does! Peeps don't know how easily they can be an embarrassment to us cats. MOUSES!

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  9. SHEESH! She should be THANKING YOU for helping out instead of giving you a hard time! Those Peeps just don't appreciate us in our own homes! They don't understand that another cat - which less desirable fur - might think the item of clothing is un-owned ... and then what would the Peep do? ~Bear Cat

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    1. What, indeed? More than once the kitty who lives at my hospital has crawled up on Peep #1's shoulders. Perhaps all Joey was doin' was furrin' her clothes. MOUSES!

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  10. You are so thoughtful in making sure she goes out evenly furred up. You would think she would be more appreciative.

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    1. You really would. You REALLY would. But oh no, not my ungrateful peep. MOUSES!

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  11. Just think how warm your peep will be with that extra fur! Humans are so unappreciative!

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    1. Seriously. You try to help 'em out and get NOTHIN' but grief. MOUSES!

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I love hearin' from my pals. I absolutely LOVE it! Just saying...