Wednesday, 8 March 2017

growin' up

Growin' up, I always thought I was a peep.

I was talked to like a peep by all the other peeps.  I was always spoken to in full sentences, with lots and lots of words, for there was no baby kitty talk for me.

Believin' I was a peep, I did peep things.  Peep things like sittin' on peep chairs, and sleepin' on peep beds.  I watched television with peeps.  I read books with them, too.  And like all the other peeps, I enjoyed hobbies such as knittin' and gardenin' and the chasin' of balls.

GROWIN' UP, I WAS A PEEP.

Then one day I looked in the mirror, and I said to myself...

"What the mouses?  I don't look like a peep at all.  I'm WAY BETTER LOOKIN' than your typical peep."

So I said to the first peep, "Peepers, you know somethin'?  I think that maybe, instead of a peep, I'm actually a cat."

But would anyone believe me?

Well I got myself one of those DNA testin' thingies advertised on TV, and when the results came back, sure enough...

I, Seville the Cat, was in fact A CAT, and not a peep.  MOUSES!

SO NOW I DO CAT THINGS.  Cat things like...

Okay, so I still do all the same ol' things I did before.

Yeah, I do, 'cause it turns out, a lot of those peep things I used to do, are cat things, too.  Peep things like...

Peep things like growin' up, not knowin' who or what you are.  MOUSES!

I mean, how many peeps out there actually grow up thinkin' they're one thing, only to find out they're somethin' else entirely?

I MEAN, DOES THAT ACTUALLY HAPPEN?

Well they say so on TV so it must be true.  Right?

WRONG!  They say lots of stuff on TV, and lots of it turns out to be totally untrue.  Case in point: ALTERNATIVE FACTS.

Oh my gosh.  What if peeps growin' up, thought they were cats?  What if when growin' up, peeps were walkin' around on all fours...

Wait a minute.  That's called crawlin' and that's exactly what baby peeps do.

Hmmm...

Okay, so what if peeps ALREADY grown up thought they were cats, and were walkin' around on all fours?  What if they were walkin' around on all fours, mewin' at other peeps and sniffin' each others' tails?

Oh my mouses!  WHAT IF PEEPS HAD TAILS?

How on earth would they wear their pants?

MOUSES!

And speakin' of pants...

Growin' up, I was always told I was a pair of pants.

Now you see how ridiculous that sounds?

Yeah.

MOUSES!

But back to the topic of pants.

If while preparin' my din-dins, Peep #1 tells me to keep my pants on, but as a cat I don't wear any pants, how do I do that?

And if while attemptin' to clip my claws, Peep #1 says I have ants in my pants, but as a cat I don't wear any pants, how can that be?

But if I did wear pants, and I happened to have ants in said pants, would I not wanna remove 'em for sure?

And if those nonexistent ants in my nonexistent pants happened to be FIRE ants, would that make me a liar-liar wearin' pants that happened to be on fire?  And would I be spewin' alternative facts?

Hmmm...

Good thing I'm a cat and that cats wear pants.  MOUSES!

26 comments:

  1. Gosh, Seville, you've opened up a can of worms for me. See, my mom talks to me like your peeps talk to you. Full sentences with big words. They ask my opinion and when I give it, they listen. So when you mention how your DNA came back as feline...It was a jolt for me. I look in my mirror and there is a strong resemblance between you and I. Not so much me and my mom. I always kinda wondered about that, but now you've opened up that can of worms... I might not mention this development to my mom. She will take the news pretty hard. Purrs! Herms

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    1. It's true, Herman! You and I have the same shaped ears and nose. We have whiskers and ARE SUPPOSED TO HAVE whiskers. We have tails! Yup, we resemble one another way more than we look like our peeps. It's a scary can of worms, for sure. MOUSES!

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  2. We...we... our minds are blown, fur sure. This one is gonna take a lot of thinking about. MOUSES!

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    1. Seriously, huh? Those ancestry and DNA kits they advertise on TV never take into consideration how mind blowing it is. purrs

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  3. MOL, sometimes I get called StinkyPants, but I don't go no pants either. Maybe dey are alternative pants.

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    1. Alternative pants... BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

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  4. Well, I've always known I was not a human because humans always treat me like I'm something special, whereas they pretty much ignore my human except to ask questions about me. So that was a good indicator.

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    1. It sure is! You're lucky to have other peeps around who can give you such unbiased opinions. purrs

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  5. I still believe humans are defective cats ... so defective in fact, that they can't even be called cats at all. They're lucky to even make it out of the factory ;) ~Bear Cat

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    1. I know! Probably the factory wanted rid of 'em or somethin'. MOUSES!

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  6. Oh my, I never realized this could happen. I think I need to check peep out, just in case the DNA shows up something other than peep.... I have a sneaking suspicion there may be donkey in there. MOUSES!

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  7. I was always glad I wasn't a peep....I just felt so superior in many ways - I wasn't whiney, I didn't complain (much), I didn't need to spend thousands on clothes - I felt I was low maintenance compared to how peeps seem to be. Now that I look back I'm ever so glad I made my life journey as a cat and not a peep - now next time around who knows - I may come back as a peep......that's a scary thought!

    Hugs, Angel Sammy

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    1. Nah, you're too PURRfect for that. You'd come back again as a cat. purrs

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  8. Being that peeps are mostly wrong about most everything it is a blessing to be a cat!

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  9. MOUSES!! who would ever wanna be a peep Seville. And no cat would ever be called "liar, liar" cuz we don't wear pants on fire...only politicians do that

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    1. Tess has those bloomers but they're just extra fur. purrs

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  10. You are definitely a cat which means you are superior.

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  11. Wes BETTER than peeps... They wishes they could bes us!
    Kisses
    Nellie

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    1. They sure do! But peeps will NEVER be as good as us. Fact. Not alternative. MOUSES!

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  12. Way Way WAY Better looking!!! Can't wait to see you in pants!

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  13. I think it's good you're a cat (and know it). Being a peep is overrated.

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