Wednesday, 22 February 2017

call the cops!

Somebody, quick! Somebody call the cops!  MOUSES!

Oh.  My.  Mouses.

MOUSES!

There's a major crime wave goin' on and that, my friends, is for sure. MOUSES!

With spring on the horizon, and temperatures risin', criminals are out and about in full force.

All the evidence is there. Criminal activity is on the rise.  My once peaceful neighbourhood has become a hotbed for miscreants and felons.  MOUSES!

Why just yesterday mornin', Peep #1 let me out the door for my mornin' patrol, and what did I find?

I found...

I found...

Oh my mouses, it's too awful to describe.

I found, a garbage bag, torn open wide.

It's true, my friends.  During the night, masked bandits were lurking about in my yard, rippin' apart garbage, lookin' for food.

Peep #1 says it was raccoons.

I say, RACCOONS WEAR MASKS.  MOUSES!

There had been no sightings of the marauding gang of masked bandit raccoons since last fall. Clearly, they have returned.  MOUSES!

I know, I know...  I know what you're thinkin'.  You're thinkin', one marauding gang of masked bandits does not a crime wave make, and you know somethin'?  You'd be right about that if...

If...

If there weren't other criminal activity goin' on in the area, too.

Both yesterday and today, I spotted several robins in the my yard.

What is criminal about robins, you ask?

'CAUSE THEY'RE NOT ROBINS AT ALL!

That's right, my friends.  Those red-breasted robins, hoppin' hither and thither, are NOT robins but rather, North American thrushes impersonating robins, for sure.

You've heard of IDENTITY THEFT?  MOUSES!

And then there's the vandalism.

Oh my mouses, it's bad.

Yesterday, I spotted two woodpeckers, peckin' away at the ol' oak tree in the front of my yard.  My friends, they left holes behind!  HOLES!  That's vandalism, for sure.

Which reminds me 'bout the squirrels.

Those squirrels have been racin' back and forth, chasin' each other across the driveway and street, never once checkin' for oncoming cars.  And they never cross at the corner or look for a crossin' guard.  No sirree.  And their constant jaywalking is DRIVIN' ME CRAZY!

And speakin' of jays...

The blue jays have been brawling so much, I half thought the finger-snappin', toe-tappin' Jets and Sharks had invaded my yard.

Thankfully, we have no actual sharks.  MOUSES!

But what we do have is noise.

Oh my mouses those crows can be loud.   MOUSES!

In the last few days, the Crow Show has amped up the noise level by several decibels.  I tried turnin' down the volume on the television but apparently our remote is faulty, 'cause it doesn't work on those crows.

MOUSES!

And then there are the sweet little chickadees...

NOT!!!

It was previously owned by a sweet little lady who only drove it to church on Sundays and back.

Ever heard that line?

Yeah, when really the church must have been an empty parkin' lot and the little old lady was the drag racing queen.

SWEET MY TAIL.

Those chickadees are constantly flitting this way and that, running obstacle courses through the ladybug hedge.  I tried puttin' up signs for no loitering, no skateboarding and no stunt bikin' but alas, it was to no avail.

And they're constantly singing, chickadee-dee-dee here and chickadee-dee-dee there and they're even chickadee-dee-deeing in mid air!

I'm tellin' you, those chickadees are disturbing the peace.

MOUSES!

So as you can see, my garden has become a gatherin' place for unsavoury villains and delinquent offenders, committing illicit, felonious, fraudulent acts.

If I didn't know better, I'd think I was bein' filmed for Reality TV.

MOUSES!

38 comments:

  1. LOL sounds like spring has sprung. No rockies here yet but we are expecting them any time. Not sure which bears will return either. The Blue Jays and Gray Jays are sorting out their territory and the smaller birds are hanging around that crazy Japanese Knot wood. Sounds like you are in for lots of activity Seville and crew. Have fun!!!!!

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    1. No bears here, either, but then, there never are. PURRS.

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  2. Whoa! Criminals are everywhere. Perhaps you can have them deported.

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  3. WOW! Theft, vandalism, noise polution-yikes! You better call the police. At least you are not bored. :)

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    1. This is a job for the Royal Mounted Canadian Police, for sure. MOUSES!

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  4. We has it all down here too - skwerrils, bunnies, all kindsa burds - even DUCKS!

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    1. You have bunnies? NICE. What kind of criminals are they? purrs

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  5. What a mess! Are the bandits in cahoots with the weasels? If so, we've got a MAJOR problem on our paws!

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    1. I wouldn't be surprised if they're the front men for that dastardly Weasel Syndicate, for sure. MOUSES!

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  6. Oh my word!Sound slike you been invaded..... Sounds like you need to call in the Mounties, sure they'd be able to round them up. Purrs Erin

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    1. Yup, I think they're the men for the job, for sure. purrs

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  7. I didn't know your neighborhood was such a hotbed of crime, Seville!

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  8. deer cod dood....it waz bad enuff when ya menshuned masked banditz N vizshuz squirrel but frank lee when we saw de B werd heer....ree peet ed lee....we had ta leeve buddy...we HAD two ~~~~~~ ☺☺☺♥♥♥

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    1. Awww... I'm sorry but you know how it is. Criminals can be downright nasty, for sure. MOUSES!

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  9. Yes, you need a full blown major investigation!

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    1. We do! Where's the Major Case Squad when you need 'em? MOUSES!

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  10. You mean no actual sharks ...YET! With the way your garden has become the stomping grounds for miscreants and nere-do-wells you better increase your patrols and expect the worst! I would not be surprised if a gang of skunks takes up residence soon!! Be brave, poor thing!

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  11. You do have lots of criminals around your house. Yikes. I think calling the cops is just the right thing to do.

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    1. Me too. I had best get 'em on speed-dial. MOUSES!

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  12. OMC, that's a whole lot of wild life wandering about your yard. You might have to call in the National Guard (dog) to get them to move on. Good luck!

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    1. We might need the entire Canadian Air Force. MOUSES!

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  13. Oh, my goodness. And it's not even spring. What are you and your family going to do for protection? It sounds like a crime wave for sure. Let's hope it doesn't get violent!

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    Replies
    1. It's a scary thought. I think we should get in some extra band-aids, for sure. MOUSES!

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  14. Oh dear!
    Better stay safe...

    Noodle and crew

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  15. Oh Seville, what an ordeal! Mouses?! I not let outside to see them, but I know they exist 'cause I hear their squeaks at night! Robins, Jays, Crows... and squirrels... I see them through glass on the wall, but you can go after them my fur-iend! Go get those zoms in disguise! You can be protector of the outdoor realm! I root for you! -Valentine the black Persian cat

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    1. Somebody has got to protect my realm and why not me? You think I should get a sword? Or maybe a badge, at least? purrs

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  16. OMC Seville, call the Kitty Cop Patrol, it sounds like mew've got a few issues in your neighborhood, burds impurrsonating other burds, masked raccoons, dude mew need security like asap - in fact I have the purrfect solution I can send mew Smooch & Sauce aka Heathens #1 & #2 as your own private security team fur a few weeks??? XOX

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  17. Dood...you need to up your nip consumption. Chill, dood! Chill! All that vandalism and chaos is the sound of SPRING! It's coming, even if we call the cops. Spring makes everyone tail-chasing-crazy! *dips into secret nip stash and passes it to Seville.* Here, pal. Enjoy!

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    1. Oohhhh... That's good nip. Groovy man. GROOVY....

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  18. Oh dat sounds like spring iz arrivin, and with it, all da animals makin a ruckus day and nite MOL! Dont get too upset, nothin u can do bout dat. Lay ur pawsome self in a sun puddle nd hav sum catnip!😺 Iz not worth gettin ur tail bushy fur dat pal. Mum nd I hopez u nd ur peeps hav a good start into da new week💕 Purrs, Murli🐾

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  19. Oh my! Sounds like you need to step up your patrolling. It's only bound to get worse if not!

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