Wednesday, 13 July 2016

Dear John...

Dear John, you say my box is stranded at the Atlanta airport?  My Consignment Box? MOUSES!

Hello my friends, Seville the Cat here, reportin' from my house, in Nova Scotia.

You know, I received a very disturbing e-mail today.  Apparently, my Consignment Box is stuck - no, stranded - at the Atlanta airport, along with the diplomat who was sent to deliver it.

Now in all honestly, I really don't give a mouse's tail 'bout the diplomat.  He can fend for himself.  BUT WHAT ABOUT MY BOX?

Although if I'm being really honest, I must admit, I didn't actually order a box.  At least I don't think I did.  I sure as mouses don't remember doin' so.  Hmmm...

And if I had ordered a box, would I have ordered a box containing 5.5 million US dollars, like this John Dan weasel - I mean, guy - who sent the e-mail, said?

Just how much does a box like that cost?  MOUSES!

And do I have to pay extra for shipping?  MOUSES!

And handling, too?  MOUSES!

Now if I did order a box containing 5.5 million US dollars, which I don't think I did, how the mouses did I pay for it in the first place?  Hmmm...

Questions, questions...  So very many questions...

But the questions must be asked, my friends, for I am truly concerned about my box!

You know, boxes are wonderful things.  You can sleep in 'em.  You can play in 'em.  You can even get nipped in 'em, too.  Believe me, I've been nipped in more than my fair share of boxes, for sure.

You can even pee in 'em!  That's right, you can even pee in boxes although I highly recommend against doin' that, 'cause once a box has been peed in, you're never gonna wanna play in that box again.

My Auntie Primrose used to do that, you know.  Yeah, she'd pee in a box to prevent the rest of us cats from usin' it. Thing is, it prevented her from usin' it, too.  Once a peep gets wind of a peed upon box, said peep tosses said peed upon box into the green bin, for sure. MOUSES!

Of course, litter boxes are a totally different issue but I'm not talking 'bout litter boxes here.  I'm talking 'bout good ol' cardboard boxes, which are the very best kind of boxes around.

But back to my box.  My Consignment Box.  Apparently, my Consignment Box containing 5.5 million US dollars, that I do not remember ordering and don't know how I afforded, is stuck at the Atlanta airport.  Now this is rather disconcerting 'cause for the nine lives of me, I can't figure out how my box ended up in Atlanta, at all.  Atlanta is nowhere near where I live.  It must be hundreds and hundreds of miles away. MOUSES!

I think I need to do a little investigative work regarding this matter.  Be right back.

Okay...  I see...

John Dan needs some information from me in order to deliver me my box.  Information like my address and name and city and...  and country and...  and nearest airport?

MOUSES!

Now correct me if you will, but how the mouses did I order a Consignment Box containing 5.5 million US dollars, without my givin' the weasels - I mean, guys - from whom I was orderin' the box, my name and address in the first place?  I mean...

THEY DON'T EVEN HAVE THE COUNTRY RIGHT!

Well it's no wonder my box ended up in Atlanta then.  MOUSES!

When you think about it, it's amazin' it got stuck somewhere on the same continent.   With a lack of information like that, it could have ended up in Timbuktu.

Anyone know where Timbuktu is? MOUSES!

You know, I'm beginning to wonder if this John Dan is an associate of that Canada Revenue Agency agent who told me that if I didn't pay up IMMEDIATELY, someone was gonna come and arrest me and...

Don't worry, I didn't get fooled by the CRA guy.  Nope, no siree.  Stupid scammer guy didn't even know I'm a cat.  CATS DON'T PAY TAXES. MOUSES!

But if we did, that 5.5 million US dollars contained in my Consignment Box would come in handy, for sure.  MOUSES!


46 comments:

  1. Maybe a Nigerian prince sent it to ya as a present.

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    1. Hmmm... How 'bout a Nigerian Princess? After all, I am a MANcat, you know. purrs

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  2. At least they weren't trying to buy your asphalt plant in France.

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    1. You have an asphalt plant in France? I never knew! MOUSES!

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  3. MOL looks like you have John Dan's #. Too bad about the box though, good boxes are hard to find.

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    1. They sure are. And just when you find a good one, a fur-sib comes along and pees in it. MOUSES!

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  4. You should have googled the address of the Atlanta FBI Office and sent it to them MOL!

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    1. Atlanta offices of the Feline Bureau of Investigation? Don't need to Google that. Already have it on speed dial. purrs

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  5. My Momma says to ignore all those e-mails in the "spam" folder. But I won the African lottery! And a nigerian prince proposed to ME! I was less thrilled about the blonde cougar who said she'd meet me tonight (I assumed she meant 'eat') ... but those e-mails from fans are all kinds of tricky my Momma says. I may have responded to a few and gotten myself banned from the internet permanently. Boo.

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    1. You have cougars wantin' to eat you, sendin' you e-mails? MOUSES!

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  6. Crikey Seville! I think i saw that box when we landed at Atlanta airport..looked good..real legit and everything..was pretty big and clearly marked..should i have picked it up..MOUSES! Loves Fozziemum xxx

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    1. You did? Really? Did you happen to notice a diplomat hangin' around there by any chance? purrs

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  7. Maybe you put that 5.5 million on your credit card to order the box. And then your credit card bounced so they're holding that box for you in Atlanta until you can get it straightened out. I think that happens a lot. When that box does arrive though, you should probably pee in it and then return it to sender.

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    1. Yeah, 'cause I really don't think the peep's limit is that high. purrs

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  8. You do get some interesting emails, Seville! I hope you get your box - maybe they'll send it your way if you tell them to let the diplomat keep the 5.5. million US dollars. Those papers are nowhere near as good as a box anyhow.

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    1. You've got THAT right! A good box is primo real estate, for sure. MOUSES!

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  9. Seville, yep, definitely a scammer. The biggest tip off was thqat he didn't even know you were a cat!! MOUSES!! But I bet you put him in his place -- preferable the garbage bin!

    Also, have you ever had Bonito Flakes Seville?? My *kids* think they're gold!! It is a very nutritious treat. My *kids* love them -- almost as much as their nip baths!! If you haven't tried them, have your peep get some. The best brand is *Cat Man Do Bonito Flakes*.

    kitty kisses, {{{hugs}}} and head bonkies from Vegeta and the Ricciardi Clan and Mommy ♥♥♥

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    1. I've never even heard of Bonita Flakes. Hmmm... I wonder if they have 'em here in Canada. Must get the peep to check that out. Thanks! purrs

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    2. Seville, I will try to post a pic of them on your facebook page -- okay?? I'm sure you can get them at a pet food store -- Cat Man Doo Bonito Flakes -- I'm sure you will love them too!! ♥♥♥

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  10. Hmm if that there box has The Smelly Fish Company of Weaselville, on the side, me thinks it probably is a con. I mean everyone knows Atlantis is lost under the ocean! purrs ERin

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    1. Atlantis IS lost under the ocean. MOUSES! Is Altanta there, too?

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  11. That's a lot of money in a box, Seville. Just think how much nip you could buy with it!
    Some time ago I had an email telling me that a long lost relative had died and I had been traced as the sole heir to millions of dollars. I had to send money to get it released but my spoilsport mum wouldn't let me.

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    1. She wouldn't let you? Awww.... MOUSES! Don't these peeps of ours realize that we cats need money to buy our nip?

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  12. Unaccountably a grievous, disssssssssssspicable act of terrorismmmmmmmmz. Write your PM immediately, he's sure to send the RCMP and POUNCE those miscreants to smithereens. Chin whiskers up tut tut.

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    1. Yeah, I bet Justin Trudeau would box their ears, for sure. MOUSES!

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  13. Maybe you and this weasel can make a deal, Seville. If he's up for some drug smuggling, tell him that you might throw him a line if he can drudge up some nip to add to the loot. I'm not really sure where else you can go with that, to be honest, but it sounded like a solid idea at first...

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    1. The Dastardly Weasel Syndicate IS well-known for it's nip-smuggling and that, my friends, is a fact. purrs

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  14. Seville, that is too bad that you didn't get all that money but we are not surprised. So many bad people writing things like that. Good luck next time.

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    1. *sighs* The LEAST he could have done was send me the empty box. MOUSES!

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  15. dood.....itz a grate week for all things cash coz de food servizz gurl getted a call monday frum de eye R ess sayin they waz gonna sue her { for like de 85th time } coz her dinna pay her taxez.....way we figure it; if yur guy sendz R guy sum cash monee, splitz de rest bee tween all uz catz, we shuld still bee sittin prettee.... { ore handsum for all de doodz !! } ☺☺☺♥♥♥

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    1. What a plan! We cats can get nipped while the peeps deal with the IRS and CRA. MOUSES!

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  16. bwahahaha—gotta luv those scam peeps, they do come up with some mighty funny stuff. We must have like a ton of relative in Nigeria we never heard of but they sure do keep tryin' to send us inheritances.

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    1. Maybe some of 'em are lions. Ever think about that? purrs

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  17. Amazing ! We received a similar mail about a similar box a few days ago ! Too bad we couldn't get it... Purrs

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    1. YOUR Consignment Box has gone missin', too? IT'S AN EPIDEMIC! MOUSES!

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  18. Sounds suspicious, Sev. Sounds ... fishy. Although fishy doesn't have a sound, I don't think. Fishy smells though. Stinks! But I can't help wondering what I would do if someone tried to send me that much money. I mean, it has to come in a really big box! Just the thought of the size of that box makes me purr. Anyway, ask your Peep to provide an adequate sized box to help ease your disappointment. Purrrs! Herman!!!

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    1. I know! I was thinkin' it would be coming in THE MOST AMAZING of boxes, EVER. purrs

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  19. We know all about peeing in boxes. Penny loves boxes and then she decides to pee in them. She pees on boot mats too- strange kitty. We are glad you didn't get scammed.

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  20. I had to smile at the scam attempt. You and your Aunt Primrose and Mason too are far and away too intellectual to fall for that silliness. Mouses!

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    1. Yeah, those scammers think we cats are stupid but the truth is, it's the SCAMMERS who are stupidy-dupity, for sure. purrs

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  21. Oh no. A stranded box is a tragic thing.

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    1. It sure is! That box NEEDS me to lie in it, for sure. MOUSES!

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  22. Silly scammers...like they could ever get anything past you Seville. Hope your peep found you another box to make up for the stranded one.

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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    1. Not yet. A good box is super hard to come by, it seems. MOUSES!

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