Sunday, 3 July 2016

BREAKING NEWS...

BREAKING NEWS...  Complaints have been POURING in about Peep #1.  That's right, the complaints are about PEEP #1, sidekick to Seville the Cat, from the award-winning blog, Nerissa's Life. Complaints started...

Wait a minute.  This is news?  This is breaking news?  HARDLY.  This is old news, for sure, and quite frankly, old news isn't newsworthy at all.  I mean, old can't be the new new, right?  MOUSES!

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Well I might as well tell you now.  I'm thinkin' about trading in the ol' peep.  Yup, I'm thinkin' about trading her in, for sure. Gettin' a newer model.  I'm pretty sure the 2017s will be coming out soon and...

Yeah I know.  The peep isn't a car.  Can't trade her in like one might trade in a car. MOUSES!

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So you're probably wonderin' what has got my fur all ruffled, not to mention getting Rushton's pantaloons in a twisted mess of a dither.  Well wonder no more 'cause I'm spillin' the beans, right here and right now.

No, Anderson - AKA Sir Fartsalot - did not get into any beans.  Besides, it's not beans that gives Andy his...  you know...  issues.  It's the lactose that does that, for sure.  MOUSES!

Anyway, I was diggin' through the complaint box...

Yeah we have one of those now.  Peep #1 installed it.  Said she was hearing too many complaints, so from now on, if one of us cats has a complaint, we should write it down and pop it into the new box with the word 'COMPLAINTS' written across its front.

Well when I first heard 'bout that there complaint box I cried, "What a waste of a good box. MOUSES!"

But even I have to admit, once I started using it - A LOT - I changed my tune.  That there complaint box was the best thing since tinned tuna, for sure.  MOUSES!

But then the other day I realized somethin'.  I realized....

THE PEEP WASN'T READIN' ANY OF OUR COMPLAINTS!

It's true.  They were just piling up in that box.  Just sitting there, never being read.  And I know this to be a fact on account of when I went to add another complaint, I couldn't, 'cause the complaint box was stuffed full.  Yup, stuffed chock-full of complaints!  Not a single one had ever been read. I'm thinkin', she thought we'd be placated with the illusion that our complaints were being addressed.  Typical.  Typical peep thinking, for sure.  MOUSES!

So I decided to take matters into my own paws and read those complaints, myself.  Of course, a lot of 'em had been written by me so I tucked all those under Peep #1's pillow to give her a little late-night reading and got on with going through the rest.

One of Anderson's complaints was quite distressing.  Apparently, the peep has started...

Oh my mouses, it's almost too horrid to relate.

Apparently, the peep has started scattering Andy's treats all over the kitchen floor.  MOUSES!

It's true.  You heard it here first, folks.  Peep #1 has been requiring Anderson to forage for his treats. MOUSES!

Now I should probably tell you that Andy does like his treats.  Yup, he has a real treat tooth, for sure.  No peep can step into the kitchen without Anderson bein' right there, beggin' for treats.

And when I say beggin', I mean BEGGIN'.  He goes on and on and on...

...and on and on and on...

...and on and...

Well you get the picture, I am sure.  The peeps always give in eventually.  They have to.  When it comes to the treats, Andy is what one calls, relentless.  MOUSES!

But now, Peep #1 takes a few treats and scatters them all over the kitchen floor.  Anderson can't vacuum...

Yeah you heard that right.  My brother Anderson is a feline vacuum, for sure.  MOUSES!

Anyway, by spreading the treats all around the kitchen, Andy can't vacuum 'em up, all in one fell swoop.  He's forced to wander about, foraging for his food.  Well for his treats.  But foraging for treats and foraging for food is really kind of the same thing when you're a kitty who is desperate for a treat.  MOUSES!

Now this is quite disconcerting for me as I feel no cat should ever be forced to forage for anything at all.  MOUSES!

And speaking of foraging, let me tell you 'bout a complaint from my sister Tess.

You all know 'bout Peep #1's lack of nip-growing skills, right?  Well you'll be very surprised to hear that some of the nip seeds the peep planted this past spring, did not die.  Now I say some but in truth, VERY SMALL PERCENTAGE would likely be more accurate.  Anyway, there were a few seeds that sprouted that Peep #1 didn't kill...  YET.  MOUSES!

Now although numbering only a few, I had high hopes for those seedlings.  I mean, if she could manage to not kill even two, it would DOUBLE our nip harvest...

Yeah that's right.  TWO would double the nip harvest.  We had three plants, from last year, growing in that there cage.  Now there are two.  MOUSES!

But back to the seedlings.  Those little baby plants, the peep started, this past spring.  Well all was going well for a while but then the other day...

Let's just say, my sister Tess was caught foraging for food.  Well nip, to be exact.  MOUSES!

Yup, Peep #1 found Tess yankin' on the baby nip plants and chewing 'em up, one by one.  MOUSES!

Now you're probably wondering why Tess wrote a complaint up about the peep leaving nip plants out where she could find 'em.  Well she didn't.  That's not what Tess' complaint was about at all.  Tess' complaint was about the fact that Peep #1 stopped her from foraging those nip plants before she had managed to forage ALL her way through.

Of course, now that I know 'bout this transgression, I must now write up a complaint 'bout Peep #1 leaving those nip plants out where Tess could find 'em in the first place.

Hmmm...  As it appears that complaints put in the complaint box are being ignored by the peep and read only by me, I think I'd best skip the box and tuck this complaint under the peep's pillow along with all those other complaints I wrote.  Yeah, I think I had best do that, for sure.  MOUSES!


40 comments:

  1. Sounds to me like you need to put some peep treats in the complaint box to entice her a bit!

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    1. Oohhh... Like some candy or somethin', you mean? Sounds like a plan! purrs

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  2. We hope your complaints are soon taken seriously.

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    1. Me too 'cause if not, I'll soon have to write a complaint about that! purrs

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  3. Sighs. Truly, hoomins must think we are very lacking in sense not to realize they are trying to put one over on us!

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    1. It's true. I've heard that they think that ALL THE TIME. Can you believe it? MOUSES!

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  4. I don't have to forage for my treats - I have to do TRICKS for them!

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  5. Do you suppose the Peep #1 just forgot to read the complaints Seville? We mean, she couldn't have just told you to put your complaints in a box, and then just ignored them, right?

    We sure hope she gets the message!
    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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    1. Well... She CAN be rather forgetful. Hmmm... purrs.

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  6. MOUSES! That's just like a peep to set something up and not follow through. Maybe you can spread your complaints all over the dining room table, so that they have to forage for them?

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    1. Now THAT sounds like a pretty good idea! I'll have to try it, for sure. purrs

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  7. Hmm do need to get peep #1 on board with the whole complaint answering thing, maybe you could have a cheese and Niptini evening and go through them together? Failing that maybe you could all go on strike for better complaints handling... purrs ERin

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    1. Oh Erin, I could REALLY GO for a cheese and niptini evening. That sounds super wonderful, for sure. purrs

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  8. Seville, I think your peep's pillow must be feeling VERY LUMPY by now with all those complaints tucked under it!

    Hugs, Sammy

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    1. Oh it is. IT IS!!! Just hope she doesn't try to wash it. MOUSES!

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  9. Wow, if you can't trade that peep in, maybe you could send her out for some training? Send the complaints along for the first class too, so they know what they're dealing with!

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    1. Been there. Done that. Peep came back after her training, just as untrained as she had been, before. MOUSES!

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  10. Sir Fartsalot had my Momma falling off the chair laughing. How embarrassing! She's what, like four? Tess is a real beauty - and so innocent looking too! ~Bear Cat

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    1. Tess might LOOK innocent but let me tell you, she's as sneaky as sneaky can be. MOUSES!

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  11. ::sigh:: I don't get treats.
    But then, I don't care for them, either. Brandi loved them, not me.

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    1. You don't liked the treats? I love 'em, myself. purrs

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  12. O.M.C! We're trying to figure out who you should report your peeps to. And somewhere along the line, we might have gotten sidetracked over the mention of treats... *sigh*

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    1. The mention of treats will do it EVERY time. MOUSES!

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  13. Yeah Seville we think complaint boxes are only good fur one thing, bein ignored. We saw a box once dat hadn't been checked in so long da complaints in it was turnin' yellow. Peeps just put those out so you think you're gettin' somewhere, but actually they keep da ones in charge from havin' to lissen to ya'. MOL Good luck.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. The complaints were turnin' yellow? YELLOW? You sure some doggy hadn't come along and peed on 'em or somethin'? That could turn 'em yellow, too. purrs

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  14. Hey Seville, we are really liking the complaints box idea and have plans to implement one at our house... so sorry to hear about the nip plants dude, that's truly shocking news fur sure, but don't wurry we can always send mew some - our peep planted an extra 6 plants a few weeks ago and we're hoping to harvest them upon her return to the UK :D

    Purrs

    Basil & CO xox

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    1. Your peep planted six whole plants? Wow. We had three three my peep bought but she killed one of those and after seein' Tess bein' Tess, I'm holdin' out very little hope for the little baby ones' survival. MOUSES!

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  15. Those are valid complaints that should be addressed right away. Good idea to leave yours under her pillow - maybe you should put them all there and keep the box for sitting in.
    I am glad we don't have a complaint box or I would be in trouble.

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    1. Hmmm... Boxes ARE good for sittin'. What a great idea! purrs

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  16. Sev, I so liked the idea of having a complaint box that I suggested it to my mom and she... She laughed. And then she said if I wanted a complaint box, I would have to manage it and solve the complaints. Around here the Wonderpurr Gang complains a lot. Someone -- mostly Opie -- always has a beef about something. And not a nice juicy side of beef like a hamburger either. I'm not getting any younger, pal. I can't handle all that complaining. So I dropped the idea. Good luck with your peep. She's a handful.

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    1. She... She... LAUGHED AT YOU? Awww.. MOUSES! purrs

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  17. Uh oh, I better check to see if I have a complaint box that I'm not aware of. I bet it's overflowing! But no, please don't trade in your peep.

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    1. You're worried you might get landed with her, aren't you? That's why you don't want me to trade in my peep. purrs

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  18. We love your idea of a complaint box ! We should give it a try... Purrs

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    1. Definitely! Now if only I could figure out how to get the peep to actually read the complaints. MOUSES!

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  19. I think you're on to something here, Seville, with your complaint box. Now, if only those silly peeps would read them.

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    1. Exactly! You have any ideas 'bout solvin' that dilemma? purrs

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  20. that complaint box is a bother, don't ya think? Your Peep ought to just be listening to you all whenever one of you has a meow for her, right? Making Ashton work for his treats is sort of sneaky too

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    1. You got THAT right! Peep #1 is as sneaky as sneaky can be. MOUSES!

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