Wednesday, 22 June 2016

I'm callin' the police

That's done it.  I've had it.  ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!  Of all the mousin' moused-up nonsense.  I'm callin' the police, for sure. MOUSES!

Hey Peepers!  You wanna find me the number for the local police detachment or should I just call 911?

What's that, Peepers? What am I goin' on about, now?  Why am I wantin' the number for the police?

Well why do you think I want it?  I need the number in order to call 'em.

Never mind, Peepers.  I'll find it myself.  MOUSES!

What the mouses?  Why did you do that?  Why did you just hang the phone up on me?  I hadn't even finished dialin' the number.  MOUSES!

Uh-huh.  Yeah.  Yeah, I was.  And your point is?

MOUSES!

Look Peepers, let me show you this.  Now where's yesterday's paper?  Found it!  Let me find that article.  Hmmm...

See?  See that?  See that, Peepers?  Right there.  LOOK.

Apparently, some lady's cheese pizza didn't have enough cheese on it, so she called 911.  Says so right there.  Yup, some lady in Newfoundland called 911 to report that her cheese pizza didn't have enough cheese.

Actually...  MOUSES!

Now that I'm readin' this article more carefully, I'm noticin' that it doesn't specifically say the pizza in question was a cheese pizza.  Just says pizza.  Not every pizza is supposed to have cheese so that could have been the whole problem right there and...

What's that, Peepers?  You say the real problem was that she was callin' 911 about a pizza and that you're not supposed to call 911 about a lack of cheese on pizzas?

WELL I KNOW THAT!  Mouses, woman, what did you think I thought?  I know you're not supposed to call 911 'bout cheese and pizzas and stuff. You're supposed to call 911 only about important, life-threatening things. Things like emergencies.  So what's your point?

Peepers, do you see a pizza without enough cheese lyin' before me?  Do you?  DO YOU?

No, of course you don't!  What you see lyin' before me is a nip mouse.  MOUSES!

That's right, Peepers.  This here is a nip mouse however, it is a nip mouse that is nipless, for sure.

Oh my mouses, woman.  Of course I'm not callin' 911 on account of your not havin' put enough nip in my nip mouse.  That would be just like that lady from Newfoundland callin' about there not bein' enough cheese on her pizza except, of course, for the fact that we don't actually know there was even supposed to be cheese on that there pizza on account of it possibly not bein' a cheese pizza in the first place.  Now that's TOTALLY different from a nipless nip mouse because let's face it, nip mice are supposed to be stuffed with nip.  Says so right in the name.  Nip mouse.  Nip.  Mouse. Not mouse.  NIP mouse.  MOUSES!

NO I AM NOT NIPPED RIGHT NOW.  MOUSES!

Now what was my point?

Oh yeah.  My point is that my nip mouse no longer has any nip.  It had nip, once.  It had nip, yesterday.  It was once stuffed to the brim with the stuff but today, my nip mouse is nipless.  Not 'cause there wasn't enough nip in it in the first place but rather, because someone stole its nip. MOUSES!

Peepers, even you must know that when a kitty is the victim of a crime, that is exactly a reason to call 911.  And havin' one's nip stolen from one's nip mouse is definitely a crime.

Lookie here, Peepers.  See this mouse?  See this knitted mouse with it's belly torn apart like that?  See this mouse that I'm now callin' just a mouse on account of it no longer bein' a nip mouse on account of it no longer containin' any nip because somebody ripped into it and stole all of its nip?  Now if that's not a crime, I don't know what is.

But why do I need the police?  WHY DO I NEED THE POLICE?  What's wrong with you, woman?  I need the police to follow the trail of the missin' nip that was formerly inside of my nip mouse, that will lead to the culprit who tore into said nip mouse that is now just a mouse, as somebody stole all its nip. MOUSES!

I'm thinkin' the trail will lead 'em to Rushton or Anderson but you never know, it might lead 'em to Mason, too.

What's that, Peepers?  What does my nipless nip mouse have to do with pizzas and cheese? Pizzas that may or may not be cheese pizzas but definitely don't have enough of the cheese?

Well...  Hmmm...  Well...  Well now that I think about it, I have no idea.  MOUSES!

28 comments:

  1. OMC Do you mean to tell me dat me coulda been callin' da pawlice when mommy didn't give me enuff pepperoni's? Welllllll Hope you find dat nip Seville.

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Raena

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    1. You sure could! Peeps do it in Newfoundland so I think that means cats can do it EVERYWHERE! purrs

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  2. I dunno, a lack of cheeze sounds like an emergensee to me.

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  3. Maybe you should just call and order a Nip Pizza Seville!

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    1. Tried that once. Peeps on the other line thought I was jokin'. MOUSES!

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  4. Uh ... you would call the police on your brothers? No, you wouldn't, not really. Would you? Okay, okay, so you're a bit upset at the moment. But they're your FAMILY. You'd hide the nip but not call the police. Right?

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    1. Hmmm... Well... Well missin' nip is pretty important. Can't have cats stealin' your nip. Not even if they're family! purrs

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  5. Oh dear Seville, that does sound a crime has been committed! We sure hope you find some more nip soon cuz it doesn't sound like the Peep is going to let you involve the police.

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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    1. But this is AN EMERGENCY, for sure! Isn't that what the police are for? purrs

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  6. Yeah, who else are you gonna call in an emergency?

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  7. HA! We read about the lady calling 911 about her pizza.....and if SHE can do that, then you can call about stolen nip from your mousie! Yep - it's only fair...."JUSTICE FOR ALL" right? Right!

    Hugs, Sammy

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    1. You heard 'bout it, too? Well then that does it. I'm callin' the police, FOR SURE. MOUSES!

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  8. Not enough cheese or nip is a crime for sure, but I usually know the perp in this palace! It's never me though, just want to say that, but I just can't get peep to confess. Mouses!

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    1. Of COURSE it's never you! Why would a Princess ever need to commit a crime? When in doubt, blame the peep. purrs

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  9. dood....for seer ee iz lee & reel a purrson called de pole lease bout a pizza ?? we will have ta look that up ....

    N yea...if sum theevez steeled yur nip; call de copz...but if de nip theevez waz familee memburrz; just rememburr Christmas iz rite round de korner & noe...we dunno why that materz

    we iz offline til monday; sew heerz two a moorish idol …chek him out ! kinda week oh end ♥♥♥

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    1. Yup, seriously and for real! It was in the paper and everything!!! Happened in Newfoundland which is not all that far away. purrs

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  10. I am not allowed to have cheese on my pizza. I'm lactose intolerant. I frow up milk and my mom sez cheese is hard milk. If I had to call 911 to order a pizza, it would have to be a puppyroni pizza. Extra anchovies. Hold the green peppers cuz they give me gas. Just saying.

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    1. I've never had anchovies! Heard they're yummy though. Of course, I didn't hear that from the peeps. THAT'S why I've never had 'em, I suppose. MOUSES!

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  11. I think your peep needs to refill that mouse right away for you and then you need security camera on it at all times.

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  12. Well of course this is why you'd call the police! They would be happy to assist an innocent kitteh with such a heinous crime against nip.

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    1. I should THINK so! Imagine havin' the privilege and honour of assisting Seville the Cat. MOUSES!

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  13. Your indignation and concerns are perfectly understandable and you did what needed to be done!! Bravo. ❤️😻

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    1. That's what I think, too. Glad you're in agreement, Katie. PURRS

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  14. Okay, that's definitely an emergency!
    Have a super Sunday...

    Noodle and crew

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