Sunday, 10 January 2016

she's gone pro

So the other day, Peep #1 walked into the family room to investigate a noise.  It was a loud, rumbling noise and when I say loud, I mean loud.  The peep was hearing the rumbling from way over in the other room!

She stood there.  The peep, that is.  Yup, stood there and looked around.  Was the television on?  No.  Was the furnace making weird noises?  No on that account, too.  Was there an earthquake?  Oh my mouses, no.  "What is that noise?" she asked. "What IS that noise?"

"That loud, rumbling noise?" I asked the peep right back.  "That so-loud-it's-almost-deafening noise?"

The peep nodded.

"That's Mason," I answered.  "You know, Mason.  My sister.  She's gone pro."

Next came that look that only peeps can do.  That look of questioning and bewilderment and total confusion that you just know is gonna take an hour or two to explain even if the answer is as simple as simple can be.  Even if it's simpler than simple and should be oh-so-easy to see.

"Mason," I reiterated.  "Mason, my sister.  The cat has gone pro."

Peep #1 just stared at me like I was talking in a foreign language or something.

That's when Mason lifted her head and the loud, rumbling noise ceased momentarily.  "That's right," she began, "like Seville said, I've gone pro.  Sent my professional dues in the other day."

"Professional dues?" questioned the peep.

"Yeah, about that," continued Mason, "if you happen to notice a charge for something called the PPA on your credit card statement, just ignore it.  It's a legitimate charge.  Those are my dues."

"Dues?  PPA?  Charges?" the peep sputtered.  "What the mouses is going on?"

Okay, the peep didn't use the word mouses.  I edited that on account of this here being a family-friendly blog.  MOUSES!

Mason and I both sighed in unison before exclaiming together, "MOUSES!"  And yes, we cats did use the term, mouses.

Peep #1 sat down on the couch, looking a little pale in the face, I might add.  Clearly, her state of confusion was getting to her.  I sauntered over and lay down on her lap.

At that point, Mason got up from where she had been lying on the floor and she, too, walked over to the couch, before jumping up and rubbing the top of her head on the peep's chin.  She then lifted her head, put her two front paws on the peep's shoulders and looked straight into Peep #1's eyes.  "I've.  Gone. Pro." she explained in a slow and deliberate voice. "Pro, as in professional.  You know, pro - fe - sha - nal," she said as if speaking to a small child who happened to be hard of hearing as well as speaking an entirely different language.  "Mouses, do I need to spell it out?"

Peep #1 looked at Mason, and then at me, and then back at my sister.

"Yup, you had best spell it out for her Mason," I told my sister.  "She hasn't grasped the concept yet."

"I don't have time for this nonsense!" and Mason flung her paws up into the air before jumping down onto the floor and heading for her favourite spot in front of the television.  "I have to practice," she said.  "I'm in training.  You explain, Sivvers. Maybe she'll understand if you explain the concept of professionalism to her," and with that, my sister Mason lay down on the floor and started up her purring engine once more.

I glanced up at the peep.  "You've got to admit it, Peepers.  The girl is good.  She purrs like a pro, for sure.  It's no wonder they accepted her into the PPA the first time she applied."

"The PPA?" Peep #1 whispered in a whisper so quiet, it was barely audible.

"You're gonna have to speak up!" I hollered at the peep.  "I CAN BARELY HEAR YOU OVER MASON'S PURRING!"

And with that, Peep #1 rose to her feet and slowly walked out of the family room and has not broached the subject, since.  MOUSES!

So here's the deal.  My sister Mason is a purrer extraordinaire.  She purrs and she purrs and she purrs.  She can even purr while eating!  Good thing, too, 'cause the only thing she likes to do more than purr is eat, I'm afraid.

Oh, she does enjoy a good session with a wand toy or nip mouse, or a nip mouse attached to the end of a wand toy, as well.  And you guessed it, my friends...  The girl can purr while PLAYIN', too!

And not only does Mason purr with the best of 'em, she purrs with such volume, it can actually be quite unbelievable.  If I had a purr-o-meter on paw, I'm quite positive her purrs would cause the little needle to flip right over to the red maximum volume section of said meter, for sure.

Once, I heard a jet fly overhead, and was just about to call the air force base to complain 'bout the noise, before I realized, it wasn't a jet I was hearing at all, but rather, Mason, purring.  Sure am glad I didn't make that call.  Would have been super embarrassing for me.  Plus, I've been told not to bother the air force peeps any more.  Something about my teleportation device flying over restricted airspace.  It wasn't my fault.  Honest.  MOUSES!

So anyway, due to my sister's extraordinary purring abilities, I suggested she join the PPA - the Professional Purring Association - and she agreed.  Questionnaires were filled out, references were sought, and once her dues were paid, she was in.  I can now say, I have a sister who can not only purr like a professional, but is an professional, too.

But don't think she's resting on her laurels and stuff.  First of all, she has no laurels upon which to rest.  I'm thinking that's a plant of some sort and to be perfectly honest, the peep isn't growing any of that, yet.

But back to the resting.  My sister is not resting at all.  Rather, she's practicing every chance she can get.  She purrs while watching television, while eating, and bathing, too.  I do believe, she can even purr while sleeping.  Or maybe that's really snoring.  Not exactly sure of that one yet.

So far, no one has hired Mason to purr for them, but I'm thinking it's only a matter of time.  As a member of the PPA, her name will be added to their registrar so now that the word is out, peeps will be wanting to hire the girl with the level 10 purr on the Richter - I mean, Purr - Scale, to be sure.  After all, a cat's purr can help heal bones and reduce high blood pressure.  It can even add years to your life!  Yup, known fact.  Living with a cat who purrs is good for your health.  I read it on the Internet so surely it MUST be true.

So if you're reading this here blog post, and you'd like to hire Mason for purring, just give me a call.  She charges regular hourly rates and accepts credit, cash and nip.  And as her agent, I'll be taking a fifteen percent cut.  MOUSES!

                         **********************************************

Update on 'The Big Dig.'  If all goes as planned, it should begin, tomorrow.  MOUSES!


40 comments:

  1. Concats to Mason on joining PPA. My mum says I have a very loud purr, but it sounds like I am a novice compared to Mason.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mason has been purring about it non-stop since being accepted. purrs

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  2. Only 15%? I'd be tryin to get at least 20.

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    Replies
    1. Hmmm... You might have something there. Oh Mason... Give me back that contract you signed. MOUSES!

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  3. Wow! We never thought of purring as a career!
    What a great idea...

    Noodle and crew

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  4. Purrz healz. Even doctors are realizing this. Mason should be among the top-tier earners.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She really should! I'm thinking she could make millions. purrs

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  5. Congrats Mason, that's wonderful! Now you need to get you the PPA logo sweater!

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    Replies
    1. Oohhh.. Sweaters! I LIKE IT! I could sell 'em on-line and everything. purrs

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  6. PPA? That is purrfect!
    Way to go Mason.Everyone loves purrs!
    Purrs Georgia and Julie,
    Treasure and JJ

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never known a peep who didn't like a purr. purrs

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  7. Now why didn't I think of that as a way to make $$. If we run into someone who needs purrs, we'll refer Mason to them. Does she has business cards?

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    Replies
    1. Thanks so much! We give paw-backs for referrals and everything.

      Business cards... WHAT A GREAT IDEA! purrs

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  8. My human says I'll never get a membership in this organization - I purr too quietly and not that often! Sheesh, everyone's a critic.

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    Replies
    1. You said it! Peeps think they're BORN critics, for sure. MOUSES!

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  9. ConCATS to Mason on making the jump to the PPA!

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    Replies
    1. I shall pass along your congratulations, for sure. purrs

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  10. I have my moments of loud purring but most of the time I'm QUIET about it. The only time I'm NOT purring is when I'm asleep and even then I start out purring until I'm "unconscious" !! HAHA Purring is a nice stress reliever AND gets a lot of human attention. I'm all for BOTH of those things!

    Hugs, Sammy

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mason doesn't have an 'inside voice' when it comes to purring. Peeps can hear her purr from the next room. MOUSES!

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  11. Sounds like Mason will need a plaque on the house and letters after her name. You'll need to get some letters too if she does. purrs

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    Replies
    1. Ah yes... Like doctors and lawyers, no? purrs

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  12. P.S. Im happy to pay for Mason to do me an answerphone message, say $5 and ounce of Nip? I will get my agent to contact your agent to hammer out the deal. purrs

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    Replies
    1. Sounds like a plan! And a VERY GOOD plan, at that. purrs

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  13. Congrats to Mason for joining the PPA. I am a purrer but not loudly so brofur Rumpy Bump is the family Purrer who shakes the foundation. I will give a talk to the boy about joining up. Maybe Mason could give him a refurence

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    Replies
    1. Shakes the foundation? With his purrs? Sounds like he needs to join the PPA, for sure. MOUSES!

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  14. Concats, Mason! When Mommy took me home the first thing I did when she picked me up was purr. Probably not as loud as you, but I did not purr for her at the rescue place (even though she pet me lots). I am not a lap kitty, but I do like my pets and my Furminator! And I know mommy likes my purrs. But I think you probably out-purr me. That's an awesome talent!

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    Replies
    1. I bet your mommy LOVES your purrs, for sure. PURRS

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  15. Well, we think our Jack may need to apply for membership. He drove Dad insane when he first slept on the bed and purred and purred AND PURRED!!

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    Replies
    1. Did he purr right up by your dad's ears? That'll get the peeps' attention every time. purrs

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  16. Concats Mason, we bets you'll be at the top of the PPA in no time with all that practice. Mom bean says we three give her lots of purrs, especially Saku (usually in the middle of the night), so she totally understands the health benefits.

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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    Replies
    1. Perhaps Saku would like to join the PPA, too? purrs

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  17. Hello,
    Like Mason, I would like to join the PPA.
    My human thinks that I cannot, as my purr is not a loud one. But I'm a small cat who is purring a lot ! Une ronronneuse !
    Congratulations to Mason !
    Ronrons
    Hisia

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    Replies
    1. And I bet they're quality purrs, for sure. Quality is just as important as quantity and volume, I do believe. purrs

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  18. Congratulations on becoming a pro Mason. Do you give lessons? Snowball doesn't seem to know how to purr. I have lots of nip to pay you in. Thank you for the kind words you left on my blog about the passing of Stinky. XO

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    Replies
    1. Lessons, huh? Hmmm... Oh Mason, you free for giving afternoon lessons? Cats and peeps are asking, for sure. purrs

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  19. hmmmm...must look into the Purr Professional Association...and get to purring

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    Replies
    1. Mason says practice makes PURRfect, for sure. purrs

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