Wednesday, 9 September 2015

kiss it goodbye

"Seville, wake up.  Wake up, Sivvers!"

I awoke with a start and found two long-haired marmies pawing at me, shaking me by my shoulders.  "WHAT THE MOUSES?" I cried. "What is it with you two? I just got to sleep and here you are, waking me up."

Anderson was the first to speak.  "You can kiss that Senate appointment goodbye, dude.  Not gonna happen."

And as if that wasn't enough, Rushton added, "No way you'll ever lead any kind of political life now, Seville."

"WHAT THE MOUSES?" I cried again, louder and more furiously, this time but then I realized, I was never after a Senate appointment in the first place.  "Nissy was the one wanting a Senate appointment, boys, so no fur off my nose.  Now let me get back to sleep.  MOUSES!"

But long-haired marmies being long-haired marmies, they just wouldn't let up.

"Hey Seville," Andy began, "Reporters are at the front door, wanting to ask you some questions."

With the mention of reporters, I was fully awake.  No going back to sleep now.  After all, it's not every day a marmalade cat such as myself has reporters banging down his door.

"They tell you what they want?" I asked my brothers.  I gave myself a good shake, licked a paw and used it to wipe my whiskers in place.  "There, how do I look?  I assume there'll be some picture taking."  Hopping down from the family room chesterfield, I padded towards the kitchen, making my way to the front door.

"Hang on there, Seville!" Rushton cried.  "Don't you want to know why they want to talk to you?"

"I already asked you two that and neither of you answered," was my reply.  "I'm guessing they have questions about...  Hmmm...  About...  Why do they want to talk to me?  Either of you know?"

Anderson coughed into a paw.  "They want to know about the video."

"Video?"  I sat back on my haunches.  "What video is that?"  I make it a point not to allow the peep to take pictures of me of any kind.  Sometimes, she succeeds, but never ever in a million years have I ever allowed her to take video.  Just not in my nature.  "You sure it's me they want to talk to after all?  I haven't made any movies, lately.  Haven't made any at all."

"They say they have you on tape," Rushton explained.  "They've got a tape of you...   Uh... Ummm...  How can I put this nicely...?"

"They've got a tape of you peeing in the water bowl, dude," Anderson interjected.  He turned to Rushton to add, "Sorry for interrupting but let's face it, there is no nice way to describe that. MOUSES!"

"They have a tape of me doing what?  MOUSES!"  I cried.  "When?  How?  When?  I NEVER DID THAT!"

"We don't know exactly when it happened, Seville, but I saw the evidence for myself.  There you are, lifting your tail, squatting and the rest is history.  Right there in your own kitchen, too.  In our own kitchen."  Rushton continued, "And by the way, Seville, let me just add...  I drink out of that water bowl.  What you did was very uncool."

"But I didn't..." I sputtered.

"The evidence doesn't lie," Anderson said.  "Your peeing in the water bowl?  It's a fact."

"Well...  WELL...  WELL I DON'T ACCEPT THAT PARTICULAR RENDITION OF THE FACTS!" I spat.

"Tsk, tsk..." and Rushton looked down at one paw, inspecting his claws.  "Beg to differ."

"Facts are facts, dude," Anderson added.  "Can't dispute them when they're right there, staring you in the face."

"MOUSES!"  I sat in the middle of the kitchen floor, debating my next move.  What to do...  What to do...  "And you've both seen this tape?" I asked my brothers.  They nodded in affirmation.  "And it looks legit?  You sure it's legit?  Could it have been faked or something 'cause seriously, I don't remember doing that."

"Yeah, like peeps go around making fake videos of cats peeing in water bowls," Andy scoffed.

"Peeps.  PEEPS!"  That was my answer.  Peep #1 must have had something to do with this.  "Oh my mouses, what has Peep #1 done to me now?"

Anderson replied, "Word on the street is that Peep #1 set up hidden cameras in the kitchen.  She wanted to catch us on film, doing cute things."

"I think she wanted to post the videos on the Internet or something," Rushton murmured.

"Looks like she got more than she bargained for though," Anderson stated rather matter-of-factly. "What she wanted to post as a cute home-made video turned out to be material for an episode of Cat Shaming Season Three."

I was flabbergasted and not in a good way.  My first big movie and it was of me peeing in a coffee mug.  I mean, water bowl.  MOUSES!

"But how did the reporters get hold of it?" I asked my brothers.  "Peep put it on social media or something?"

"Ummm..." and Rushton pawed at the ground.

"Uhhh..." and Anderson looked up at the ceiling.

"Spit it out, boys." I demanded.  "What exactly did Peep #1 do?"

"Well..." Andy began.

"Peep #1 didn't do anything," Rushton cried, seemingly bursting at the seams.  "It was Andy.  Andy found the video and uploaded it or downloaded it or unloaded it upside down into or onto the computer or something and the next thing we knew, IT WAS ALL OVER THE NEWS!"

Anderson smirked the smirkiest smirk I have ever seen a cat smirk.  "Oh yeah...  every major network in the western world is running it non-stop.  You're a star, bro.  A STAR!  This is going to be the best reality TV show ever and I, Anderson, own all the rights.  You're going to be famous, dude. And I'm going to be rich."

"BUT I ALREADY WAS FAMOUS!  I'M A WORLD FAMOUS BLOGGER, YOU... YOU...  YOU MARMITE!"

"Hey, no need to start calling cats names," Anderson complained, indignantly.  "Don't you see? Today, it's peeing in a water bowl.  Tomorrow, you'll be appearing on late-night TV.  And the next night....  Well, I haven't figured that part out, yet."

"But you probably won't be being appointed to the Senate," Rushton said quietly.  "You'll have to give up on any political aspirations you might have had."

"Yeah, Andy agreed.  "Stuff like this?  All over social media?  Never goes over well with the public."

I stared hard at my two long-haired marmalade brothers, glaring first at one and then the other. Then I closed my eyes and wailed, "I DON'T EVEN REMEMBER PEEING IN THE WATER BOWL!"

"Seville, are you okay?" I heard Peep #1 ask, concern evident in her voice, and felt the soft touch of her hand on the back of my neck.  "Are you having a bad dream, Sivvers?"

I sat up on the family room couch.  On the other side of the room, I saw Rushton and Anderson lying on the floor, sound asleep.  Andy was purring loudly and Rushton, of course, snoring as he so often does.

The peep tickled me under the chin before scooping me up into her arms.  "Come on, sweetie. Want some treats?"  She carried me into the kitchen and I looked all around.  Not a hidden camera in sight.  Of course, hidden cameras wouldn't actually be in sight as they'd be hidden but I was positive that if I knew to be looking for them, I'd be able to see some evidence of their existence.

It had all been a dream.  A very, very bad dream complete with reporters, unexplained bad behaviour on tape and two marmalade brothers.  No wonder I didn't remember peeing in the water bowl.  One can't remember what one has never done.

Still up in Peep #1's arms, I glanced down at the floor.  There, our water bowls lay, innocently.  Leaping from the peep's arms and onto the kitchen island, I nosed the bag of treats that was my favourite.  As she tore it open for me I suggested, "You might want to run our water bowls over there through the dishwasher, Peepers.  Just a suggestion...   One never knows what might get in them. MOUSES!"

18 comments:

  1. I'm glad it was only a dream - that was rather disconcerting!

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    1. Me too. I heard of a peep doing something like that, once. Didn't want to be like him, at all. MOUSES!

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    2. That was a disturbing dream. Glad it really WAS only a dream. Once I peed in my toy box for some reason. Lost a whole batch of nice toys after that. And the toy box!

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    3. Oh yeah, that has happened here a couple of times. Not sure who did it. Only know that some really good stuff had to be thrown out. MOUSES!

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  2. Dang, I best go check my water bowl now! Hey, we love hiw Nellie did you up!

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    1. Might wanna get have your peeps wash those dishes out. Just saying... purrs

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  3. Makes me grateful Mommy remembers to wash mine. Some of the time at least. The apartment guys accused me of peeing behind the fridge.. as if I could even fit back there!

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  4. Thank COD that was just a dream, Sivvers! You've got us a little nervous about drinking from our water bowls now!

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  5. We is glad it was just a dream! We wouldn't want to see you splashed all over the news like some silly bean.

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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  6. You know, having a candid camera of your own could be interesting, get to see what your marmalade brothers or peep get up to?

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  7. dood...frank lee we think it wood bee way kewl ta pee in de water bowl, like yea sure & knot DRINK it later, but still ta pee in it wood be way fun...hay, thanx for de tip !!!! { & if rushton & anderson DID set up camera'z ....start bye lookin at de whisks.....~~~~~ MOUSES ♥♥♥

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  8. Phew! You had me worried! I like to drink from the tap so I should be safe from pee in the water.

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  9. Hmmm, at least it was not a coffee cup and yous did not wash it and put it back.....like Jerry Bance's Peegate....
    Kisses
    Nellie

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  10. Oh, how embarrissing...thank Cat it only was a dream, Seville, but I wouldn't kiss it goodbye anyway.. :D Pawkisses for a great, water clear weekend :) <3

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  11. Thank goodness we only drink fresh water and we hope Mum will make sure no one would dare pee in our water bowls!
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

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  12. That was some dream!
    Have a super weekend...

    Noodle and crew

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  13. MOL! Shocking! Thank goodness it was a dream... but yeah, we agree that the water bowl should get a thorough cleaning... just in case... Purrs from Deb and the Zee/Zoey kitties

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