Sunday, 5 July 2015

Mr. Stinkybums

Yesterday morning, the second peep was searching, high and low, all over the kitchen.  Searching for orange juice.

Now I'm not really into orange juice, myself.  Nor am I into oranges, what with their being citrus and my being a cat and cats not liking citrus and all BUT I was somewhat amused by the search for this long lost glass of juice.  Peep #2 claimed that orange juice had been poured but there was not a drop of the orange stuff in sight.

That was until...

Until Peep #2 came across a bowl of cereal sitting on the kitchen island, filled to the brim with...  you guessed it... ORANGE JUICE.  MOUSES!

Raisin bran with orange juice is, I am told, an unacceptable combination for peeps.

But boy-oh-boy is it funny.  I laughed so hard I nearly coughed up a fur ball.  Peep #1 was laughing, too.  She laughed so hard that for a moment, I thought she had turned into a lion or something.  Yup, she was roaring with laughter, for sure.

In case you were wondering, cereal is supposed to eaten with milk.  MOUSES!

Oh gosh, I love milk.  Not allowed the stuff, though, on account of my lactose intolerance.  I quite like the cat milk variety but we don't always have it on paw.  The peeps really should be better at keeping a good supply of it in the house.

It's really not fair.  My two marmie brothers and I are all lactose intolerant so none of us are allowed milk or cream although as you may know, I have been known to scarf down a piece of cheese every now and then.  Andy likes cheese, too.  Rushton isn't into the stuff.

You may remember that due to Anderson's lactose intolerance, he was knighted Sir Fartsalot. MOUSES!

Andy claims he was knighted by Queen Elizabeth, herself, but I'm not so sure about that.  I think it was Peep #1 who gave him the name...  Title...  Whatever.

The other day, the first peep gave Andy another name...  Mr. Stinkybums.  She said it right to his face and everything.  Kind of rude if you ask me although, truth be told, kind of true, too. MOUSES!

Then yesterday, I overheard the peeps talking.  I wasn't supposed to be listening in but being a curious cat, I did and I overheard a peepsified conversation.  Word on the street is that first thing tomorrow morning, Peep #1 is calling my doctor's office to make an appointment for Sir Fartsalot - A.K.A. Mr. Stinkybums - to visit the groomer.  He's going to be having a bath.  Andy isn't aware of this bathing plan so don't tell him, okay?  I'm thinking he's not going to like it.  Peep #1 told Peep #2 that Andy will feel way better after he's all nice and clean and sweet smelling and everything but even she is scared to let him in on the secret.

The peep shouldn't be scared but I can tell you who should.  The person who should be scared is the person who will be giving Andy that bath!  Have you seen the size of that boy's paws?  You'll notice that neither of my peeps volunteered for the job.

And if I overheard correctly, Andy is going to be loosing a little of the floof in his tail region, too.  He wears his fur, pantaloon style, if you know what I mean but all that excess floof appears to be part of his problem.  MOUSES!

Oh my gosh...  I just HAVE to tell you what happened.

When the peeps first moved into this house, before I was even born, there was a pool surrounded by a deck.  The peeps never used the pool and decided to get rid of it, a few years ago but peep stuff happened and it was only this year that they took action.  Yeah, I know, I've got a couple of procrastinating peeps.

Anyway, long tail short.  Sorry about that.  I mean, long tale short.  No, sorry.  Long story short, as of last week, the pool is now gone.  The deck is still there but the pool disappeared into nothingness.  It just disappeared into thin air like magic.  Yup, it's true.  One moment it was there and the next moment - about ten days later - it was gone.  MOUSES!

But the big news isn't the magical disappearing act.  The big news is that where that icky old pool once stood is now the most amazing, incredible, too-good-to-believe, mind-bogglingly huge, giant sandbox.

I took one look at that amazing sandbox and said to the peeps... WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG???

To think that the world's most incredible sandbox was lying there, hidden away underneath that pool for all those years.

Oh gosh, it really is fantastic.  Mason and I have both been frolicking about in the sand.  Mason likes to run and pounce on the sand, catching imaginary sand monsters or something.  Personally, I like to roll in it.  I roll this way and that until I'm covered with the stuff.  Then I come inside the house and give myself a good shake. It's nice to share the sand with the peeps.

And no, Mr. Stinkybums isn't allowed in our new sandbox until he has been all destinkafied by the groomer.  MOUSES!

Now from what I've heard, Peep #1 is planning on planting a garden in our new sandbox.  As you can imagine, I'm not too thrilled with this idea.  It's pretty much perfect just the way it is and clearly does not require any gardening interference on her part.

Of course, is she were to plant nip...

By the way, OUR NIP PLANTS ARE GROWING!  They're not very big yet but they most definitely are growing.  Didn't know the peep had it in her, to be honest.  She proved me wrong.  She actually can grow something worth growing.  MOUSES!

The valerian is growing, too.  Right now, the plants are blooming but the flowers are pretty stinky, if you ask me.  The peep seems to like how they smell.  Like baby powder, she says.  To each his own, I suppose.

Personally, I'm waiting until the peep harvests the valerian root.  Funny thing is, Peep #1 thinks the roots of the valerian are stinky whereas I think they smell great.  Peep wouldn't know a good stink if it rose up and slapped her in the face.  MOUSES!

You know, some peeps say that valerian root smells like stinky feet.  I wonder if that's why my sister Mason has such a fascination with the peeps' shoes.  Just saying...

Mr. Stinkybums has not yet encountered the root of the valerian. Wait 'til he tries it!  He's going to love it, for sure.  Currently however, he's having difficulty getting the stench of those baby powder-scented flowers past his nose just as the peeps are having difficulty getting the smell of Mr. Stinkybums past theirs and as I, Seville, am have difficulty getting the smell of orange juice infused raisin bran past mine.

Now the scent of nip flowers, on the other paw, is really quite delightful.  MOUSES!

15 comments:

  1. Whiskers, Matriarch of Mischief5 July 2015 at 18:34

    Wow! That is one stinkin' good blog, Sivvers, my friend. Isn't it the truth! Peep sniffers don't know a good stink from a bad one! We hope you'll update us after the upcoming Andy ablutions and bloomer trim.

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  2. Hi Seville. I hope your sandbox doesn't disappear. My peep's great at getting me new boxes, and then just when I've got them into shape he whisks them away. I hasten to add not in the same way Nerissa and you whisked! Purrs

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  3. Dang, those Klingons have invaded again!

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  4. It better be a nip garden.

    And a baff?? OMC, da horrors!

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  5. I get baths all the time and I just take them. You mean other cats fight back? I thought baths just kind of... were and that's all there was to it.

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  6. Oh, dear, I feel for Andy. I also have pantaloony fur at my back end. My peeps have never sent me to the groomers, though. They HAVE destinkified me by washing my back end themselves, but I tell you, it takes two of them at once, and they have to be very careful not to get bitten by me.

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  7. We had a most glorious nip plant this year. It was in the house and Mommy babied it and wes did judicious pruning. when it made the magic 18" mark, Mommy planted it in the front bed. and KOZMO KILLED IT!! He ate it, he ROLLLED on it and he digged up the roots and it is DEAD! wes has NO nip!!! He did this last year, and the year before, does yous thinks he is a nip head! Mes thinks he needs a intervention!!!
    BTW is yous running in the next Canadian Election? Inquiring minds wants to know....
    Kisses
    Nellie

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  8. My mom had a friend once who was milk-intolerant so she ate her cereal with orange juice! Mom says, not me!! BOL love LadyBird

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  9. I vote Peep #1 keeps her paws off your new sand box. All in favor, surround her, turn your backs on her and raise your tails in mock threat. Maybe she will pay attention-shun.

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  10. Many moons ago we had a female marm named Phyllis/Billybeans with the same floofy stinkmagnet pantaloons. A bath and a trim is the only solution my friend. We look forward to your new herb garden.

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  11. A bath at the groomer ? What a nightmare, poor Andy ! We're glad to hear that your nip is growing. Purrs

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  12. We'll keep the secret about Andy's visit to the ebil v e t for a shave and a bath.

    Mom bean laughed out loud about the orange juice...so far she has avoided putting juice on cereal but then she usually eats it with yoghurt. And if Saku is a good kitty he gets a taste.

    Sasha, Sami, & Saku

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  13. I think Mr. Stinkybums will be happier when he is tidied up- no kitty wants to have to deal with that alone. Maybe the peeps could make a compromise and do half garden and half sand box. How very nice of you to share the sand in the house, you are a sweetie.

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  14. I like that the groomer will be helping Mr Stinkybum. When Admiral need a bath, she shouted heck no she would NOT be dried with the drier. That stuff was for dogs she screamed. They took her word for it at last and I had to bring her home wet.

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  15. Have a super Wednesday!

    Noodle and crew

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