Sunday, 21 June 2015

in the news

MOUSES!  MOUSES!!  MOUSES!!!

Sometimes the day is just rotten, you know?  MOUSES!

So I was listening to the news on TV and there were these reporters complaining that the Prime Minister wasn't allowing National reporters to ask him any questions at some...  some...  some thing he was doing.  An appearance of some sort.  He was only letting local reporters ask questions and even they weren't getting to ask very many.  Hearing this, I thought to myself, this could be a problem for me.

After all, I'm not just national.  I'm far bigger than that.  I'm INTER-national! Nerissa's Life has a global audience, you see.

And then there's the bit about my being a cat.  Something tells me the Prime Minister has never answered any questions from a feline reporter, before.  He never once answered any of Nissy's tweets and Nissy was the best darned tootin' reporter the world has ever seen.  Bet the PM didn't answer his tweets on account of his being a cat.  That's specism, that is.  MOUSES!

Thing is, I'm a cat, too.

Not that I'd want to be anything else.  Being a cat is the best.  I should know because...  Because I am one.

But I'm thinking that I might have to disguise myself as a peep if I'm going to be allowed to ask the Prime Minister questions.  A local peep.  A local peep who is willing to ask the right kind of questions.  You know, the kind of questions the PM likes to answer.  That sort of thing.  MOUSES!

But if I ask only the questions I'm allowed to ask, will I still be a good reporting kitty like Nissy? I think not.  Reporters have to ask the hard stuff and be willing to dig in the dirt.  You know what I mean?

Good thing the letter I'm in the midst of writing is to the Premier and not the Prime Minister.  I'm betting he'll answer my questions.  Bet he'll answer them all.  MOUSES!

So that was the start of my day.  A shock to my system about the question asking thing, for sure. And that was on top of the fact that it was a publishing day for my blog and I didn't have a thing about which to write.  MOUSES!

Then came my conversation with Rushton.  He came into my office while I was pouring through newspapers and stuff, looking for things in the news.  Looking for inspiration.  Something I could write about for today's blog post.  I explained this to Rushy and he immediately told me that he knew of some news I could use.

Rushton:  Peep #1 made a sandwich.
Me:  That's not news.
Rushton:  She made one for the second peep, too.
Me:  Again, not news.
Rushton:  She made one for Andy.
Me:  Nope, that's stupid but not newsworthy.  She's just kooky enough to do something like that.
Rushton:  Andy ate it.
Me:  Now that IS news!
Rushton:  I knew it!!!  Too bad it isn't true.

MOUSES!!!

So I went back to pouring through the local paper, all the while thinking to myself, I bet the reporters writing for this paper would be allowed to ask the Prime Minister questions on account of their being local, not to mention the fact that they're peeps.

I read in the police blotter report kind of thingy in one local paper that some armoured guards had to call the police on account of their accidentally locking themselves inside the bank* or something like that.  It occurred to me that that's just the kind of thing that could happen to my Peep #1 if she were an armoured guard but since she isn't, it probably wasn't her.  MOUSES!

Actually, I'm pretty glad it wasn't my peep on account of such an incident being really embarrassing.  I don't know how a kitty can face the neighbourhood kitties after their peep does something silly like that.  It's enough to make a kitty the laughing stock of the neighbourhood, for sure.

At some point later on, Anderson came into the room looking for his copy of the book he, Rushton and I are reading for our Kitty Lit. 101 course.  The book we're supposed to be reading.  Andy hasn't started reading his yet.  I, on the other paw, am almost finished mine.  Unfortunately, Andy's slacking wasn't news, either.

I tossed Andy's book at him and he caught it, mid-air.  He then trotted out of my office like a puppy carrying a prize.

I gazed out my office window, hoping inspiration would hit me.

That's when Rushton came running in, skidded to a stop and slapped me on the back of my head.  I momentarily wondered if Rushton was, in fact, inspiration herself.  Momentarily, mind you.   I came to my senses quickly enough.  Rushy is a boy and I'm pretty sure Inspiration is a lady.

"I know what you can blog about!" Rushton cried.  "You can blog about our doctor's appointment last week."

I peered at my brother and narrowed my eyes.  "You sure you want me to tell the world what you weigh?  The nurse weighed you, remember?  And remember the look on the doctor's face when she saw it written down?  Before she realised that was including the carrier, that is.

Rushton and I decided that blogging about our doctor's appointment would not be news after all even though we were both very good and no peeps were harmed during the visit.  And I'd just like to point out that Rushy weighs a whole pound more than I.  He's claiming it's all floof but I have other suspicions.

Needless to say, I overheard the peeps talking about encouraging Rushy to go for more walks with them around and about in the yard.  MOUSES!

I closed my eyes and scrunched up my nose.  About what could I blog?  What?  WHAT?  I had nothing on paw.

Peep #1's sweet peas are blooming.  Nothing newsworthy about that.  It's raining again.  Pouring, in fact.  Most definitely nothing newsy about that.  Constance ate a mosquito.  Hmm...  Could I write a blog post about a mosquito eating cat?

Nah, I had nothing.  NOTHING.  Nadda.  Not a thing.  My mind was as blank as the computer screen before me.  MOUSES!  What was I going to do?  Was I going to write about nothing at all?

Could one write a blog post about absolutely nothing?  Hmmm...

And that's when it hit me.  Inspiration, that is.  Not Rushton re-entering the room.

Yup, Inspiration whacked me on the side of my head on her way out.  She whacked me in the head as she walked out of my office, muttering something about checking out Vegas with Old Lady Luck.  MOUSES!

It occurred to me then that I could offer my teleportation services for a small, modest fee.  "You need transportation to Vegas, ladies?  I'll teleport you over for a mere fifteen percent cut!  Twelve? Ten?  Nine?  Awww...   MOUSES!"

So that's my blog post for today, my friends.  A post about nothing.  Nothing at all.  I'm hoping to do better on Wednesday.  MOUSES!



* Crime Report by Heather Killam, The Annapolis County Spectator, Nova Scotia.

13 comments:

  1. That was a brilliant blog about nothing Seville 😸

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  2. Rondo, chattyboy at Mischief & Mayhem Central21 June 2015 at 20:05

    Well Seville, We have to say that it was nothing short of hilarious. We didn't realize you could write so much about so little. and the dialogue with Rushton broke us up! Not that we don't live together anymore but we were giggling so much!

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  3. Any post wif sammiches are not bout nuffin. Yummm.

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  4. Well, if that's the case, I just read the best blog post abouth nothing and I had fun Doing it!

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  5. Seinfeld was about nothing and look how well that did- I think you are on to something.How come you didn't get a sandwich?

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  6. I'd eat a sandwich if it were offered to me!

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  7. guys....we hafta bee quik coz de food serviss gurl sneekz round blogland at werk, then tele portz whatz goin on bak ta uz, then we rite R commints....we will come bak ta reed yur storee for two day... when de b.o.s.s. leevez....but HAD ta say: guys...total lee total lee.... total lee... way awesum...yur badge & award rock de houz...{ blog paws special certificate } conga ratz two everee one timez 984 !! ♥♥♥
    YAY ~~~~~~~~~

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  8. Pretty good post about nothing Seville,you do it well,xx Speedy

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  9. Now some newspapers on NO news days would have run horoscopes or fluffy bunny stories (nothing against fluffy bunnies I hasten to add, quite like them I do) but this is way better! Great work Seville!

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  10. Your nothing beats my something Sivvers!!

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  11. Ouch! Well how is your head after getting wacked like that anyway??
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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  12. Hey Seville, sorry we haven't stopped by earlier since mew took over the blog.... mew're doing a damn fine job too *Furry Impressed* love todays post, mew made us smile and chuckle!!! MOL

    Purrs

    Basil & Co xox

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  13. This is the first blog I've ever really wanted to follow. You cats crack me up!

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