It has come to my attention that the mainstream news outlets have been remiss in their coverage of a very important story.
Hmmm... Been remiss? That may be a bit of an understatement. A very big understatement, in fact. They haven't been coverin' this breaking story at all! Crazy, that is. Crazier than a squirrel makin' nut pies kinda crazy, for sure.
Yes, my friends, we are talking 'bout squirrels. MOUSES!
All I can say is, thank goodness for Twitter.
Havin' been in contact with several pals from around the world, it has come to my attention that this issue at paw is of international importance. An epidemic of global proportions and yet, like I said, the mainstream news has completely ignored the phenomenon. The phenomenon that is, the cheekiness of squirrels. MOUSES!
Pals from the United Kingdom and the United States of America are reportin' that squirrels in their nations are actin' cheekily. Only a matter of time before they start actin' all squirrelly, too.
I, Nerissa the Cat, reportin' from right here in Nova Scotia, Canada, can attest to the fact that Canadian squirrels are followin' global trends and bein' cheeky, as well.
And the cause of all this cheekiness? As of yet, scientists don't know. Further observation is needed and more data is required however one theory is that squirrels throughout the northern hemisphere are all suffering from a serious case of spring fever. The other workin' theory is that... Well... That they're squirrels. They're just squirrels bein' squirrels and actin' all cheeky. MOUSES!
You know, squirrels are kinda known for their cheekiness. They get away with a lot of it on account of their cuteness. Their cuteness factor per ounce outweighs most species. Hard to stay angry with a squirrel no matter how cheeky he gets.
A couple weeks ago, I had a squirrel come right up to my office window. RIGHT UP TO THE WINDOW! He was lookin' in and spyin' on me and whatnot. He even tapped on it. Morse Code, I do believe but it was all messed up so that I couldn't understand him. Squirrel Morse Code is different from normal Morse Code, you see. Squirrels just tap out gibberish thinkin' cats and peeps can read their minds. Bunch of dashes and dots makin' no sense at all. Whatever he was sayin', it all sounded Greek to me.
Then just yesterday, I was lookin' out that very same window and I thought, for a moment, that I was seein' an unfamiliar cat. That's right folks, I thought I saw a puddy cat.
Turned out to be a really big squirrel, instead. MOUSES!
Yes, those cheeky squirrels here in Nova Scotia are big. They're of the big grey variety. We used to have little red guys and some folks still do but at my house, the grey ones have invaded and taken over. Haven't seen a red squirrel in over a year. MOUSES!
A word of advice. Whatever you do, always approach a cheeky squirrel with caution. You don't wanna get 'em upset. You don't wanna make 'em angry. You don't wanna give 'em reason to fight.
Those big grey squirrels will sit up on the branches of an oak tree and start hurlin' acorns down at you. The acorns will rain down upon your head. You ever witness a scene like that? I have and let's just say, Peep #1 needed a couple Aspirin after the fact.
Unfortunately, the peeps 'round here have angered the squirrel population and they're demandin' their voices be heard.
Did I say peeps? Actually, I meant peep. It was Peep #1 to be exact.
Yesterday afternoon was a lovely sunny day here in the valley and the peep headed outside with a saw in her paw. It's just a little saw that she has. Can't trust her with anythin' much bigger but you'd be surprised at the amount of chaos she's capable of causin' with the little one she has.
So the peep headed out to the front of the yard and started whackin' away at the lower branches of some spruce trees. Makin' way for the plantin' of more primroses, I do believe. The primrose bed in question is still partially covered in snow which is a whole other story but back to the spruce trees, the peep and her saw.
She sawed and she sawed and she sawed, removing the lower four feet or so of branches. I checked it out afterwards and have to admit that it looks pretty good. Well it does to me but to the squirrels? They are of an entirely different opinion.
The squirrels arrived this morning in full force. "Where are our branches?" they loudly demanded.
I tried to come to Peep #1's defence, pointing out to the squirrels that those particular branches were not zoned for residential use as they were too close to the ground. It's a cat zone. Squirrels should never build in cat zones as the insurance premiums are far too costly.
But the squirrels weren't listenin'. They claim they never intended to build homes in that area but rather, that those branches were part of their transportation network. Access roads to their superhighways and whatnot. Who knew that squirrels had access roads? MOUSES!
Long story short, the peep has got the squirrel community all riled up. Only a matter of time before this thing escalates. Only a matter of time before the peep, once again, falls prey to a squirrelly acorn attack.
And will I, Nerissa the Cat, come to her defence?
Probably not. I saw the last one and although not pretty, it was definitely entertainin'. Remind me to order in a cheesy nip pizza and some nipbrewskis for the occasion. Gonna be prime time Squirrel TV, for sure. MOUSES!
Please remember that throughout the month of April, a portion of all sales of the book Rescued: The Stories of 12 Cats, Through Their Eyes will go to the wonderful Anjellicle Cats Rescue of New York, helpin' them to help save cats' lives. You can purchase your very own copy at your local book store or on Amazon by clicking right HERE. You'll wanna stock up for holiday gift-giving, for sure. PURRS.