Wednesday, 10 December 2014

two stars at best

Way to go, Peepers.

So the peeps decided they'd go out for lunch yesterday.  Go out to this restaurant about forty-five minutes away.  It's in an inn that's in a big old house and they figured if it was all decorated up for Christmas, it would be really, really pretty.

The second peep called 'em on the phone and asked if they had Christmas decorations up and if they were open for lunch.  They did and they were so yesterday, the peeps headed off to enjoy a lunch on the town.  Well...  in the inn 'cause quite frankly, I don't know how one has lunch on the town.  Sittin' on the steps of Town Hall?  Would that do the trick?  Kinda chilly in December to be lunchin' outside on the steps of Town Hall. Especially in Canada, if you know what I mean.  MOUSES!

Perhaps Peep #2 should also have asked 'bout makin' a reservation for when the peeps pulled into the parkin' lot of the inn, the parkin' lot was full.  And when I say full, I mean FULL.  Not a single parkin' spot was available.  Not a one.  Apparently, there was no room at the inn.

Although I bet had I been drivin' a cat-sized car, I could have squeezed in there between two of those already parked cars but since I don't have a cat-sized car, I couldn't do that.  Also, I don't know how to drive.  Teleport, yes.  Drive, no.  I should learn.  Maybe I could teach that ol' car of ours how to drive somewhere other than my doctor's office.  You may not be able to teach an ol' dog new tricks but I'm a cat - not a dog - and I'd be the one doin' the teachin'.  Plus, it would be a car learnin' the tricks.  No dogs would be involved.

Anywho...  The peeps didn't even bother goin' inside.  Didn't even get out of the car.  How could they?  There was nowhere left to park.  Best not to jump out of movin' cars, I should think.  Good to know my peeps understand that.

All that time wasted, goin' all that way, for nothin'.  MOUSES!

They had a real dilemma on their paws, those peeps o' mine.  Find some place else to eat or just come straight back home.

In all honesty, they should have returned home - immediately - for while they were mutterin' and mumblin' about not havin' had lunch, we cats were doin' the very same thing, here.  Oh sure, the peeps had put food out for us before leavin' but that's not the same thing as havin' your peeps right there, by your side, waitin' on you, paw and paw.  It's not the same thing at all!

What if I didn't want that particular kind of food?  What if I wanted somethin' else?  Who was gonna make the necessary changes?

What if one of my fur-sibs tried to hone in on my lunch?  Who was gonna stop them?

And where was my nip garnish on the plate?  WHERE?

Okay, so the peeps have never once garnished my luncheon plates with nip but really, I think they should start.  Nice to dress up the meal a little, you know?  Make the plate look pretty and everythin'.  Show that you care.

I bet Martha Stewart would add a nip garnish.  Bet she would, for sure.

And what if I needed a tummy rub or a kiss on the back of my head before startin' to eat?  Sometimes I need that. It's true.  Sometimes I do.  With the peeps bein' so far away, how were they gonna do that for me?  How would they even know I was needin' that tummy rub?  MOUSES!

Anywho...  The peeps decided to return home without havin' lunch but first they were gonna stop at this big discount kind of store thingy on the way.  I wonder if they knew they were delayin' my tummy rubs.  Bet they did.  Bet that was their plan.  Probably their plan right from the start.  Again I must say, MOUSES!

They say that what doesn't kill you will make you stronger.  Well I say, lunch without tummy rubs and kisses on the back of my head might just very well kill me.  I mean, a cat could STARVE waitin' for his tummy rubs.  The very thought of it makes me weak with hunger.  Too weak to even say...  you know...  MOUSES!

Hours and hours AND HOURS passed before the peeps finally arrived home.  That's right, they were gone for hours!  Must have been at least four, I think.  Don't know how we cats survived.

Those peeps of mine arrived home a little on the grumpy side.  Apparently, peeps who miss their lunches get grumpy.  Who knew?

The first thing Peep #1 did was scoop me up into her arms.  Then she showed me the book she found at the big discount store thingy.  It was a cookbook.

Now before you get all excited there, cookbooks themselves cannot be eaten for lunch.  They're not even good for snackin'.  Little on the dry side, if you know what I mean.  Nothin' but tasteless fibre.

I did perk up my ears a bit at the thought of the peep gettin' a cookbook, though.  Thought maybe she was finally gonna learn how to make my lunches a little more appetizin' by dressin' up the plates with sprigs of nip.  I thought to myself, there's hope for the peep yet!

But the cookbook in question turned out to be a dud.  It was book on cookin' vegetables. VEGETABLES!  Could you believe it?

It's true.  On the cover was a picture of some veggies and the book's title even included the word vegetables, itself.  VEGETABLES.  What good is that?

But being a rather optimistic kitty, it occurred to me that perhaps the author of the book considered catnip to be a veggie like lettuce and kale.  Perhaps he had included some nip recipes.  Perhaps there was a whole chapter on cookin' with the nip.  I scanned the table of contents.  Nothin'.  I carefully looked through the index.  NOTHIN'.  Nothin', nadda, nadingcompoop.  MOUSES!

In fact, poring through the index, I discovered that there wasn't a single good recipe in the lot.  Not only were there no recipes for nip but there were no recipes for anythin' good.  No fish, no poultry, no meat of any kind.  It was just vegetable after vegetable after vegetable.  NOTHIN' BUT VEGGIES.  I'm a cat.  Cats don't eat veggies.  Awww...  MOUSES!

The peep had brought home a totally useless book.  And she had even had the nerve to show it to me.  Why?  WHY?  It's like she was rubbin' salt in my wounds or somethin'.  There I was, practically starvin' from the lack of tummy rubs with my lunch and she's showin' me a book filled with recipes usin' nothin' but veggies.  Oh I have a very mean peep, for sure.

Well in retaliation for leavin' us cats alone to fend for ourselves for four whole hours while they had a good ol' time grumblin' and mumblin' about not bein' able to have lunch themselves, I'm grading 'em.  That's right, I'm giving the peeps stars showin' exactly what I think about their latest performance.  I'll give 'em a star for returnin' home...  eventually.  Gotta give 'em credit for that. And I'll give 'em a star for leavin' our lunches out before they left although there were no accompanying tummy rubs, kisses on the back of the head and not a nip garnish in sight.

Sorry Peepers but you're gettin' two stars out of five.  Yup, two stars at best.

But all is not lost.  Think of this way, Peepers.  Two stars out of five leaves you a lot of room for improvement. Lots and lots of room, for sure.  Let's hope that next time, you pick up at least one more star to give you a passin' grade.

And might I suggest that you start with those nip garnishes I mentioned.  That should get you at least half a star. Yup, at least half a star, for sure.

72 comments:

  1. Well, actually we do try to eat cookbooks around here!!!

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    1. I've tried a corner or two but found 'em tasteless. You like 'em? purrs

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  2. Hehehe mummy hides the books from me as I'm known to take a nibble,xx Speedy

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    1. But don't you find they taste all papery, Speedy? purrs

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  3. Silly Peeps, going shopping on empty stomachs and leaving you all for so long. Two stars sounds about right to me.

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    1. Yup. Two stars at best, for sure. Couldn't give 'em even a quarter star, more. purrs

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  4. Come to think of it - my staff doesn't put a nip garnish either - I really think they should. I not one for Martha, but I bet Jackson is attentive to the needs of his four pawed housemates.

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    1. We should start a petition or somethin', demandin' nip garnishes on our plates. What do you think? purrs

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    2. Geeesh, at least that cookbook could have a chapter on nip for pity's sake. Just one little chapter wouldn't kill the book. At least they did come home to have their meal at home - which means you got fed. Sorry they were disappointed. M read this and said she and D will have to go to lunch at a nice place soon. Thanks buddy - you gave my peeps ideas now. Sigh!

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    3. Hmmm... Sorry 'bout that. But you know, you might wanna remind your peeps to make reservations. Just sayin'... purrs

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  5. A cookbook about vegetables... What a strange idea ! Are you sure there is no catnip recipe in it ? Purrs

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    1. Not a one. I looked through the whole book and it doesn't even 'mention' the nip. MOUSES! purrs

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  6. We think you were generous with the stars since those peeps left you for so long and didn't even have lunch. Some nip receipes would have been good. You have a great day.

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    1. Hmmm... Wonder if I should knock 'em down to one and a half stars. What do you think? purrs

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  7. You are a very tough grader, Nissy. When the peeps miss lunch and get hungry they buy books about food, even if it is food we cats could care less about. Hope your peeps decide to get reservations and try that inn 'cause we bet you'll get some leftovers if they do. You do, after all, deserve them. Ho, ho, ho, Lily Olivia, Mauricio, Misty May, Giulietta, Fiona, Astrid, Lisbeth and Calista Jo

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    1. Unfortunately, my peeps are a couple of veggies, themselves. Any leftovers they might bring home would be... VEGETABLES. MOUSES! purrs

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  8. dood...ewe iz mor generous with yur starz then we wooda been... tho we CAN understand with it bein Christmas & all ....ya gotta sorta kinda watch what ya say...but frank lee....bee inn gone for 4000 hourz...any kinda any thing could happened...spring coulda came & went...ya noe !! ♥♥

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    1. Yeah, that's the problem at paw. If Santa wasn't still workin' on his naughty and nice lists, I wouldn't have had to be so generous with those stars. purrs

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  9. Dear Nissy.The peeps actually left you for 4 HOURS!!!!I don't think they deserve 1 star leaving you to eat your food all on your own and bringing back a veggie cookbook!!!My cat would have NEVER forgiven me!Some extra tummy rubs are needed Ithink.Love and purrs SheenaXXX

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    1. I know! Four whole hours. It's beyond unreasonable, for sure. purrs

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  10. Two stars? You are toooooooo generous!
    The REAL Maple Syrup Mob xxxxx

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    1. I'm beginnin' to think the same. I think I may have given the peeps a star or two, too many. MOUSES! purrs

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  11. Oh man, the only thing veggies are good for is to be batted around the kitchen like the trash they are! DOWN WITH VEGGIES! - Crepes.

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    1. Yup, round veggies are EXCELLENT for battin'. I know. I've tried. purrs

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  12. Nissy, before I leave without saying it again, your face is so sweet and so (*sorries*) pretty (I know you're a mancat) that you always make my mommy smile. I also want t say that I too might like a couple of pets before eating or a nice kiss. That treatment you all had to endure was horrid. Back of disrespect for certain! Coming right up to your Peeps.

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    1. Awww... shucks. *blushes* And I totally agree with the back of disrespect thing. Gonna have to tell the peeps to talk to the tail, for sure. purrs

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  13. A cookbook about vegetables? Unless you're Ashton, that's no good at all. (She eats broccoli, but she's kinda weird.)

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  14. It sounds like they got their just desserts when they couldn't get their lunch. That'll teach them for leaving you when you needed tummy rubs.

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    1. Sure do hope they learned their lesson and that we're not in for a repeat performance. I think my peeps might be slow on the uptake, I'm afraid. purrs

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  15. A book on vegetables?? OMC! What a waste.

    A nip garnish sounds good to me too.

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    1. Yeah, nip garnishes would be pretty AND tasty. Double duty, you know? purrs

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  16. Corners of end tables and dressers are fun to gnaw on. That is just rude leaving you for so long

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    1. I've never tried furniture chewin'! Hmmm... Interestin'... purrs

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  17. Well! The least they could have done was stop at somewhere on the way back and bring home a roast chicken to make up for their absence. But a vegetable cookbook? Yeah, that is totally useless.

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    1. Yup, totally useless for sure. Love that chicken idea! Should mention it to the peeps. purrs

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  18. Cookbooks HA! I think my human family tried purposely to keep me away from those! BOL!
    ღ husky hugz ღ frum our pack at Love is being owned by a husky!

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    1. You chew on 'em or somethin'? purrs

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  19. Moosey might like that cookbook. He's a huge fan of lettuce!

    We sure hope your peepers start doing some star-worthy things, Nissy!

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    1. Lettuce, huh? Never tried the stuff. Does it taste anythin' like the nip? purrs

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  20. I think you are very generous with those stars being they should only get a half of a star for leaving you for so long. The longest we leave our kitties is a half hour and when we go longer their Grammie stays with them. And what is wrong with them buying a cookbook about veggies?

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    1. There's nothin' in the veggie cookbook that I wanna eat? Not even nip! Could you believe it? purrs

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  21. We just count ourselves lucky to get our Mommy off her bum to feed us.
    Maybe that cookbook would be useful for other things - such as a scratching post??
    Bwahaha!

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    1. Hmmm... Now THAT'S a thought, for sure! purrs

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  22. Gosh! We don't know how it is you all didn't starve to death! And, yes, you should learn to drive. Don't see you standing, waiting at the DMV for practically days, though... Purrs...

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    1. I'll have to send the peeps over to do the DMV thing. Perhaps they'll go in for me to make amends for leavin' us home alone for so long. purrs

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  23. your generous.. I usually only give my peeps one star!
    XOXO Lucy

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    1. Actually, I've been thinkin' about it and perhaps I WAS a little too generous with those stars, after all. Hmmm... purrs

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  24. You know, seven if that cookbook SEEMS to have nothing nommy in it, I bet there are some things in there that just might be delish. You'll have to wait and see - and of course make sure there are catnip garnishes on EVERYTHING........ I'm glad the peeps came home in time through from their "lunch out" to feed all of you before you starved to death. Humans are so inconsiderate sometimes thinking only of themselves!

    Hugs, Sammy

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    1. Hmmm... If the peeps started garnishin all THEIR meals with the nip, I could help 'em out by eatin' those garnishes for them! It's a thought. Don't you think? purrs

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  25. Ya know Nissy it seems as soon as our peeps, well peep in my case, get out the door all thoughts of the propurr care and nourishment of we cats goes out of their heads. I think it is the cool winter air blowing through the ears. I bet sometimes it even starts a small dust devil in their heads. Well maybe with yours it is a little snow devil
    Purrs
    Timmy

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    1. Hehehee... Guess it helps if there isn't else in there, huh? In there, between the ears. purrs

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  26. OH WOW Nissy they didn't even get to hav lunch? Betcha ifin they had gone back cy afur leavin' to go back home they might hav gotten a gweat lunch. And weez sure hope yous get sum of dat nip garnish soon. :)

    Luv ya'

    Dezi and Lexi

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    1. Not sure. Think they might have given up on the lunch thing but I have NOT given up on the nip! purrs

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  27. Nissy I TOTALLY agree with you about the garnish - PRESENTATION is everything as you and I both know!

    Purrz!
    Selina

    PS - No parsley on my Fancy Feast!

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    1. Yup, presentation matters, for sure. Just with the peeps understood as well as you and I. purrs

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  28. We hope our Mum doesn't get her hands on one of those cook books - Hannah has had to sit down as it upset her so much - what if there was no chicken?
    Luv Hannah and Lucy xx xx

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    1. These all vegetable, no nip/chicken/good stuff books are very upsettin', for sure. purrs

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  29. But I LIKE veggies. Especially sweet potatoes mashed up with some butter and milk, and spinach in a nice souffle.
    Nissy, you do NOT know what you are missing!
    QUINN

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    1. Souffle, huh? Hmmm.. How 'bout a NIP souffle? Ever try one of those? purrs

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  30. Geez... it sounds like a pandemic... our peeps did the same thing yesterday... Gone for hours and then home with bags and bags of useless stuff. It's a wonder us kitties survive at all...

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    1. Hmmm... I wonder if peeps can get a shot for that. You know, a vaccine to prevent this sort of thing from happenin', again. purrs

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  31. Ok, let me get this straight. Your Peeps starved you, starved herself, went crazy from hunger and bought a book on how to cook vegetables???? Oh Nissy I feel for you my friend! I guess you cannot let them leave the house together! Yep, that's it! they can only leave one at a time so that if one starves and goes crazy you still have a sane Peep at home to keep everyone fed and they can feed the crazy one so they are fixed again!

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    1. Yup, that's EXACTLY what happened. Terrible, huh? Absolutely terrible. MOUSES! purrs

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  32. At least my momma did it better yesterday...... We were counting her stars down..... 4.... 3...... 2..... 1...... But then she walked back with bags and bags of meat! 5! Forgiven - whew! She did starve us too long - so we take one back - she could have planned it better....... But all those hours and a vegetarian cook book? 0 Stars on my book - no pun intended.

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    1. But she brought you back somethin' that you could eat? That YOU could eat? Your mum should teach my peep how to shop. She obviously does it way better than mine. purrs

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  33. Ewwwwww! VEGETABLES???? What are they thinking? Seems to me someone's peeps could do with some serious retraining!

    Oh and BTW it is official that here in the UK nip constitutes one of your five a day (whatever that means?) Just saying ;) x0x

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    1. Well that does it. I'm movin' to the UK, for sure. You think I can get dual citizenship? purrs

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  34. You best be gettin' Martha Stewart nip garnishes with each meal from here on in...

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    1. Seriously. A nip garnish would dress up the plate so nicely, you know? purrs

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  35. I always wonder what peeps are thinkin' when they seem compelled to add bitty carrot pieces to my canned stink goodness. I, of course, do not touch it. As for chowing on cook book...I would simply never do such a thing, but The Kid Sage...totally on her bucket list

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    1. Hmmm... The book the peep bought tasted a little woody. MOUSES! purrs

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